Tweet
Rating: PG-13
For the LJ Comm "30_kisses" (Prompt: #4; our distance and that person)
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: Based off the idea that Clark didn't come back at the end of Hidden. This was originally going to be femslashy porn for another LJ Comm ("highwaymiles"), but since that challenge was put on hold it evolved into this. This was my 1st first-person Lana POV so be kind. Inspired by the song of the same name by Melissa Etheridge.
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 5, Hidden AU
Summary: Chloe's running and Lana's along for the ride.
------------------------------------------
Come on baby lets get out of this town, I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down, there’s a chill in my bones, I don’t want to be left alone, so baby you can sleep while I drive ?
Two days after the funeral I opened the door of my apartment to find Chloe standing there with couple of cups of coffee and a road map under her arm.
"Get dressed. I have an idea."
* * *
A road trip. That was her big idea.
"Chloe. I know you're worried about me but..."
"But nothing." I watched her throw various parts of my wardrobe into the suitcase she found under the bed.
"What about school? Met U starts in a few days."
"I've been in school for the past 12 years of my life." She picked up two pairs of shoes from a pile by the door, I pointed to the pair I wore and she put them in the bag. "I think we're entitled to a little R & R."
"Chloe?"
"Lana." She stopped and grabbed my hands. "We're doing this."
I left her to go through my underwear drawer while I went in search of my toothbrush.
* * *
We stopped by the Kent farm on our way out of town.
It seemed different now without him there. The yellow of the house wasn't as cheerful. The air didn't hold the same sweet fragrance of honeysuckle and hay. Even the dog was different, just laying there by the front door, as if he was waiting for someone to return.
"Take care and be safe."
Martha Kent, hugged me tight and when she let go I could see the bags under her eyes from not sleeping. I hadn't been sleeping much lately either.
"We need to hit the road." Chloe was possessed in getting us as far away from Smallville as quickly as possible. I waved goodbye to Mr. Kent who didn't come into the house, but watched us go from the window of the barn loft.
* * *
We passed Chandler's Field on our way to the highway. For being as much in a hurry as she was to leave town behind us, I was surprised when Chloe pulled off to the side of the road and killed the engine.
We sat there and looked out at the flat empty land. There had been an old windmill here once. The tallest in the county. It was said that on a clear day you could see the skyline of Metropolis from up there.
Clark had taken me up there, once upon a time.
"I never went up it."
I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until Chloe chimed in.
"He saved me here, once."
"Me too."
There were a lot of places in and around Smallville where Clark Kent had save my life. Almost too many to count.
"Let's go." I told her, memories chilling my bones. "Anywhere but here."
* * *
The first night we stopped in a small border town in Oklahoma. The beds were soft and sagging from years of truckers and travelers, but the location was near the highway and the price was right. We hadn't said much in the 5 hours it us took to get there and laying in the darkness, I wished for a sleep that just would never come.
It had been a week, just a week ago that I had been at his house. Snuggled in his bed. Each of us trying to be a quiet as church mice so as not to get caught by his parents. It was only our second time and things were still coming together. When I closed my eyes, I could still see him laying there next to me, a big happy grin on his face.
I heard a sniffle come from the other bed. Focusing my eyes in the darkness I could make out Chloe sleeping, tears running down her face. I thought about waking her up, but she rolled over towards the wall and I didn't hear her make another sound for the rest of the night.
Running. She was always running, either here or there. Now it seemed she was running away, but from what I hadn't a clue.
* * *
"Which way oh mistress of the map?"
It was a bright, sunny morning. We put the top down on the Bug and had scarves wrapped around our heads like we were stars in an old Grace Kelly movie.
We were at a crossroads. I looked at the map. If we went left we could head down towards the gulf coast. Clark had once mentioned wanting to go to Florida for Spring Break.
"Right." I said. "I want to see the desert."
* * *
Other than a summer spent in Paris a lifetime ago, I have never been out of Kansas.
Texas was hot during the day and cold at night. There were hills and cowboys and oil wells along the roadside. We took turns driving. Sometimes we listened to the smattering of radio stations we could pick up. Other times we chatted about this and that or we just drove on in silence.
We never spoke about Clark.
At a gas station outside Amarillo I left Chloe sleeping in the car while I ran in to buy her a pair of replacement sunglasses for the ones that had flown off down the highway. I came back to the car to find her sobbing softly in her sleep.
I brushed a hand over her face and said her name, still not sure if I should wake her or not.
"Chloe?"
"Clark." She said his name hopefully, like he might actually be there when she opened her eyes.
I turned away from her and started the car, not wanting to be the one that killed the dream for her.
* * *
Joshua trees were weird looking.
Chloe agreed with me.
When we hit the desert their seemed to be millions of them. Odd twisty little things littering the landscape.
"Almost like living in a Dali painting." I heard Chloe mutter somewhere in Arizona.
We got food to go and sat at a roadside park eating spicy tamales and chili relinos.
"Did I ever tell you about the time I made Pete cry?"
I shook my head 'no'.
"I bet him a week's allowance that he couldn't eat a whole jar of habanero peppers. He got about three bites in before his brow started sweating."
"Oh no." I giggled, able to see sweet proud Pete Ross doing such a thing.
"Oh yeah, by the time he was half way through the jar he was soaked and had gone through about gallon of milk." She smiled, picking at her tamale "That was the fun-est 10 bucks I ever made."
"And Clark. How did he fair?"
Chloe straightened, her smile faltering. "Clark? He ate the whole jar and didn't break a sweat once. Guess he had an iron stomach or something."
She got off the picnic table and threw away her food. "Ready to go?"
"Chloe, you know it's okay to talk about him. I'm not going to break."
She didn't say anything and neither did I. It was then I realized I wasn't the one she was afraid of breaking.
* * *
That night when Chloe cried out in her sleep I couldn't just lay there and pretend not to hear it anymore.
"Chloe?"
I crawled out of my bed and into hers. She shivered beside me and her face felt cold to my touch even thought she was wet with tears. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her.
"Clark?"
She was still asleep. I knew it wasn't right to lead her on, to give her hope, but she was making herself sick being like this.
I had already lost one person I loved.
I couldn't bear the thought of losing the other.
"Yes."
"Oh Clark." She cried out, wrapping her arms around me, sobbing.
"Shh. It's okay." I rubbed her back, small circles against the spine, like Nell used to do for me on nights when I had bad dreams.
"No, it's not...It's my fault...All my fault."
My hand froze against her back. I had known that Chloe had been there when Clark had been shot, but other than that. the details I had been given were still fuzzy.
"I knew... I knew you weren't... Not anymore....And I dragged you along anyways."
I took Chloe's words to heart.
She knew.
Whatever it was that Clark had kept from me for so long, the secret that he had been afraid to share with me, the thing that had kept us apart for all those years, Chloe knew what it was. He had told her, but he hadn't told me.
Clark might have loved me, he might have chosen me, made love to me, but I wasn't the person he trusted at the end of the day. It was her.
"You were shot...You died because of me."
I knew now exactly what Chloe had been running from.
I couldn't close my eyes at night because all I saw was him, all I felt was him.
Him lying there, beside me, on the hospital bed looking up at me.
Him closing his eyes, him smiling at me.
But when Chloe closed her eyes, she dreamed of him. Every night when she cried she didn't get to hear his last breath or see his last smile.
She only saw him getting shot. Over and over again, night after night.
It wasn't the memories of Clark she was running from.
It was Clark himself.
"I didn't protect you."
"I forgive you." I pushed back the sweat drenched hair off her face. I knew it wasn't my place to give her Clark's forgiveness, but he had loved her enough, trusted her enough, that I felt he would have wanted me to do anything in my power to stop her from hurting anymore.
"Stop running. I forgive you, Chlo."
And then I kissed her. It was different. I had never kissed another girl before. The lips were softer than the last lips I'd kissed, smaller. They left a different taste on my tongue. Not bad. Just not his.
I kissed her because I was tired of both of us hurting, both of us running, both of us missing him in our own unique but similar ways.
I kissed her because I loved her, like he had loved her. A friend, a confidant, someone you counted on.
I kissed her because Clark wasn't there to kiss her goodbye himself.
• • •
For the LJ Comm "30_kisses" (Prompt: #4; our distance and that person)
Disclaimer: I own nothing, please don’t sue.
A/N: Based off the idea that Clark didn't come back at the end of Hidden. This was originally going to be femslashy porn for another LJ Comm ("highwaymiles"), but since that challenge was put on hold it evolved into this. This was my 1st first-person Lana POV so be kind. Inspired by the song of the same name by Melissa Etheridge.
Spoilers/Timeline: Season 5, Hidden AU
Summary: Chloe's running and Lana's along for the ride.
------------------------------------------
Come on baby lets get out of this town, I got a full tank of gas with the top rolled down, there’s a chill in my bones, I don’t want to be left alone, so baby you can sleep while I drive ?
Two days after the funeral I opened the door of my apartment to find Chloe standing there with couple of cups of coffee and a road map under her arm.
"Get dressed. I have an idea."
A road trip. That was her big idea.
"Chloe. I know you're worried about me but..."
"But nothing." I watched her throw various parts of my wardrobe into the suitcase she found under the bed.
"What about school? Met U starts in a few days."
"I've been in school for the past 12 years of my life." She picked up two pairs of shoes from a pile by the door, I pointed to the pair I wore and she put them in the bag. "I think we're entitled to a little R & R."
"Chloe?"
"Lana." She stopped and grabbed my hands. "We're doing this."
I left her to go through my underwear drawer while I went in search of my toothbrush.
We stopped by the Kent farm on our way out of town.
It seemed different now without him there. The yellow of the house wasn't as cheerful. The air didn't hold the same sweet fragrance of honeysuckle and hay. Even the dog was different, just laying there by the front door, as if he was waiting for someone to return.
"Take care and be safe."
Martha Kent, hugged me tight and when she let go I could see the bags under her eyes from not sleeping. I hadn't been sleeping much lately either.
"We need to hit the road." Chloe was possessed in getting us as far away from Smallville as quickly as possible. I waved goodbye to Mr. Kent who didn't come into the house, but watched us go from the window of the barn loft.
We passed Chandler's Field on our way to the highway. For being as much in a hurry as she was to leave town behind us, I was surprised when Chloe pulled off to the side of the road and killed the engine.
We sat there and looked out at the flat empty land. There had been an old windmill here once. The tallest in the county. It was said that on a clear day you could see the skyline of Metropolis from up there.
Clark had taken me up there, once upon a time.
"I never went up it."
I didn't realize I had spoken aloud until Chloe chimed in.
"He saved me here, once."
"Me too."
There were a lot of places in and around Smallville where Clark Kent had save my life. Almost too many to count.
"Let's go." I told her, memories chilling my bones. "Anywhere but here."
The first night we stopped in a small border town in Oklahoma. The beds were soft and sagging from years of truckers and travelers, but the location was near the highway and the price was right. We hadn't said much in the 5 hours it us took to get there and laying in the darkness, I wished for a sleep that just would never come.
It had been a week, just a week ago that I had been at his house. Snuggled in his bed. Each of us trying to be a quiet as church mice so as not to get caught by his parents. It was only our second time and things were still coming together. When I closed my eyes, I could still see him laying there next to me, a big happy grin on his face.
I heard a sniffle come from the other bed. Focusing my eyes in the darkness I could make out Chloe sleeping, tears running down her face. I thought about waking her up, but she rolled over towards the wall and I didn't hear her make another sound for the rest of the night.
Running. She was always running, either here or there. Now it seemed she was running away, but from what I hadn't a clue.
"Which way oh mistress of the map?"
It was a bright, sunny morning. We put the top down on the Bug and had scarves wrapped around our heads like we were stars in an old Grace Kelly movie.
We were at a crossroads. I looked at the map. If we went left we could head down towards the gulf coast. Clark had once mentioned wanting to go to Florida for Spring Break.
"Right." I said. "I want to see the desert."
Other than a summer spent in Paris a lifetime ago, I have never been out of Kansas.
Texas was hot during the day and cold at night. There were hills and cowboys and oil wells along the roadside. We took turns driving. Sometimes we listened to the smattering of radio stations we could pick up. Other times we chatted about this and that or we just drove on in silence.
We never spoke about Clark.
At a gas station outside Amarillo I left Chloe sleeping in the car while I ran in to buy her a pair of replacement sunglasses for the ones that had flown off down the highway. I came back to the car to find her sobbing softly in her sleep.
I brushed a hand over her face and said her name, still not sure if I should wake her or not.
"Chloe?"
"Clark." She said his name hopefully, like he might actually be there when she opened her eyes.
I turned away from her and started the car, not wanting to be the one that killed the dream for her.
Joshua trees were weird looking.
Chloe agreed with me.
When we hit the desert their seemed to be millions of them. Odd twisty little things littering the landscape.
"Almost like living in a Dali painting." I heard Chloe mutter somewhere in Arizona.
We got food to go and sat at a roadside park eating spicy tamales and chili relinos.
"Did I ever tell you about the time I made Pete cry?"
I shook my head 'no'.
"I bet him a week's allowance that he couldn't eat a whole jar of habanero peppers. He got about three bites in before his brow started sweating."
"Oh no." I giggled, able to see sweet proud Pete Ross doing such a thing.
"Oh yeah, by the time he was half way through the jar he was soaked and had gone through about gallon of milk." She smiled, picking at her tamale "That was the fun-est 10 bucks I ever made."
"And Clark. How did he fair?"
Chloe straightened, her smile faltering. "Clark? He ate the whole jar and didn't break a sweat once. Guess he had an iron stomach or something."
She got off the picnic table and threw away her food. "Ready to go?"
"Chloe, you know it's okay to talk about him. I'm not going to break."
She didn't say anything and neither did I. It was then I realized I wasn't the one she was afraid of breaking.
That night when Chloe cried out in her sleep I couldn't just lay there and pretend not to hear it anymore.
"Chloe?"
I crawled out of my bed and into hers. She shivered beside me and her face felt cold to my touch even thought she was wet with tears. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her.
"Clark?"
She was still asleep. I knew it wasn't right to lead her on, to give her hope, but she was making herself sick being like this.
I had already lost one person I loved.
I couldn't bear the thought of losing the other.
"Yes."
"Oh Clark." She cried out, wrapping her arms around me, sobbing.
"Shh. It's okay." I rubbed her back, small circles against the spine, like Nell used to do for me on nights when I had bad dreams.
"No, it's not...It's my fault...All my fault."
My hand froze against her back. I had known that Chloe had been there when Clark had been shot, but other than that. the details I had been given were still fuzzy.
"I knew... I knew you weren't... Not anymore....And I dragged you along anyways."
I took Chloe's words to heart.
She knew.
Whatever it was that Clark had kept from me for so long, the secret that he had been afraid to share with me, the thing that had kept us apart for all those years, Chloe knew what it was. He had told her, but he hadn't told me.
Clark might have loved me, he might have chosen me, made love to me, but I wasn't the person he trusted at the end of the day. It was her.
"You were shot...You died because of me."
I knew now exactly what Chloe had been running from.
I couldn't close my eyes at night because all I saw was him, all I felt was him.
Him lying there, beside me, on the hospital bed looking up at me.
Him closing his eyes, him smiling at me.
But when Chloe closed her eyes, she dreamed of him. Every night when she cried she didn't get to hear his last breath or see his last smile.
She only saw him getting shot. Over and over again, night after night.
It wasn't the memories of Clark she was running from.
It was Clark himself.
"I didn't protect you."
"I forgive you." I pushed back the sweat drenched hair off her face. I knew it wasn't my place to give her Clark's forgiveness, but he had loved her enough, trusted her enough, that I felt he would have wanted me to do anything in my power to stop her from hurting anymore.
"Stop running. I forgive you, Chlo."
And then I kissed her. It was different. I had never kissed another girl before. The lips were softer than the last lips I'd kissed, smaller. They left a different taste on my tongue. Not bad. Just not his.
I kissed her because I was tired of both of us hurting, both of us running, both of us missing him in our own unique but similar ways.
I kissed her because I loved her, like he had loved her. A friend, a confidant, someone you counted on.
I kissed her because Clark wasn't there to kiss her goodbye himself.
Comment