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Let me preface this by saying I thought the first two episodes were fantastic. I enjoyed this one too because -- well, it’s Smallville, but mostly because I had so much fun poking fun at the bad lines, scenes that fell flat, and loose ends everywhere. It’s hard to know where to start to describe how poorly written/directed this episode was -- let me start from the beginning...
1. Kara complains about the farm and living with Beauty and the Geek... What is she, Lois #2?! Also, she’s Ms. culturally literate after her first few days on the planet?
2. Kara’s love at first sight with Jimmy... First of all, are we supposed to believe this? Especially right after the geek comment? Second, is this “turn Chloe into a wreck” season? Are they trying to make her so miserable she becomes jaded and joins forces with Lex?
3. “Maybe fitting in won’t be so bad after all” -- cut to opening credits... If this isn’t winner of this season’s (maybe the series) dullest opening sequence award...
4. Clark barely surprised when a dead Lana shows up, who is just back to her sweet, innocent persona again... Did they think the sappy background music would make the scene emotionally compelling and dramatic? I suppose it was emotional -- if you count shaking your head and rolling your eyes and feelings of dread at the thought of another serving of Clana on the menu.
5. Clark’s buying into the idea that he needed Lana’s protection from Lionel, so that he shouldn’t have to put himself in “danger” to save her... Isn’t that what superheros are supposed to like doing? Isn’t that sort of their trademark characteristic? Why not just have Clark say, “Thank you Lana for faking your own death and leaving everyone shocked and grief-stricken. I’m sure glad I didn’t have to put myself in harm’s way!” Or how about, “Lana, what I really need is your protection from this terrible scripting.”
6. Lana’s being totally unphased and making jokes when Kara superspeeds... Great, now that we’ve reached total closure with the fact that Lana knows Clark’s powers (not!), Lana can just be Ms. nonchalant over any superhuman displays.
7. Kara’s line: “I was wasting the best years of my life”... First of all, she didn’t age -- she was in suspended animation! Second, all the sudden she’s longing for all these teenage Earth rituals like cheerleading and drive-in movies that she missed out on?
8. The watermelon scene... Just totally fell flat. Where's the charm/humor of the episode where Jonathan helped Clark control his heat vision? Then Clark goes off on an immature yelling fit. I wanted to slap the guy -- Get a hold of yourself, Clark!
9. Kara wipes off a tiny area of ice on the window... which happens to be the exact place where the blonde’s frozen head is staring out! What luck! And thanks for making us look at that frozen dead face over and over again...
10. Clark just talking casually to a recently-non-dead Lana in the kitchen over some fresh lemonade like everything’s normal... (BTW, did Martha come back to slice those lemon circles into the pitcher?) And Lana acting like Clark’s wise and sensitive family therapist no less... Oh, then top it off with a couple of throw-away lines and sweet smiles about Lana being ok with Clark’s powers. Great, now that that's resolved... after 6 years.
11. Jimmy taking the “weathergirls” picture... What was he hoping to accomplish other than get in trouble? Try a hidden audio recorder next time!
12. Lex’s line to Lana that all the horrible things he did to her were because she truly loves her... This was such a pathetic line (especially for Lex) I was wondering if the show was spoofing itself!
13. Lex’s line to Lana about taking his money to escape: “I’m not sure Clark would see it that way”... What, Clark would’ve told Lana “It’s not right to steal -- you really should have stayed with Lex”??? Am I missing something here?
14. The fight scene... The rock tornado knocking Clark over looked like watching a bowling pin fall over. Then the terrible lines that were supposed to be dramatic/climactic: “You’re not as tough as you talk...” “But *I* am.” Do they know that this writing sounds like a parody of a B-movie?
15. Loose ends: The fact that Kara broke out of jail... whatever. Explaining the bent bars... oh, just an Uri Geller trick. What happened to the weathergirls... oh, just lying there in the parking lot. No evidence on them other than testimony of the jail-breaker and her cousin. Ok -- let’s cut to the barn scene!
16. Jimmy’s line to Chloe: “When we first got together I thought that you were pretty prejudiced”... Weren’t you wondering where he was going with this? Is Chloe a closet racist??
And they saved the best for last...
17. Clark and Lana walking casually through the Harvest festival... What about all the shouts of, “Look, there’s that dead chick whose funeral we just went to!” And how about Chloe finding out that Lana’s still alive?! I know, maybe next episode will open with Clark and Lana turning the corner at the festival and running into... Chloe and Whitney. And everyone can just give a quick smile of surprise that everyone’s really alive, hug each other and go play some ring toss...
“Somebody save me!”
1. Kara complains about the farm and living with Beauty and the Geek... What is she, Lois #2?! Also, she’s Ms. culturally literate after her first few days on the planet?
2. Kara’s love at first sight with Jimmy... First of all, are we supposed to believe this? Especially right after the geek comment? Second, is this “turn Chloe into a wreck” season? Are they trying to make her so miserable she becomes jaded and joins forces with Lex?
3. “Maybe fitting in won’t be so bad after all” -- cut to opening credits... If this isn’t winner of this season’s (maybe the series) dullest opening sequence award...
4. Clark barely surprised when a dead Lana shows up, who is just back to her sweet, innocent persona again... Did they think the sappy background music would make the scene emotionally compelling and dramatic? I suppose it was emotional -- if you count shaking your head and rolling your eyes and feelings of dread at the thought of another serving of Clana on the menu.
5. Clark’s buying into the idea that he needed Lana’s protection from Lionel, so that he shouldn’t have to put himself in “danger” to save her... Isn’t that what superheros are supposed to like doing? Isn’t that sort of their trademark characteristic? Why not just have Clark say, “Thank you Lana for faking your own death and leaving everyone shocked and grief-stricken. I’m sure glad I didn’t have to put myself in harm’s way!” Or how about, “Lana, what I really need is your protection from this terrible scripting.”
6. Lana’s being totally unphased and making jokes when Kara superspeeds... Great, now that we’ve reached total closure with the fact that Lana knows Clark’s powers (not!), Lana can just be Ms. nonchalant over any superhuman displays.
7. Kara’s line: “I was wasting the best years of my life”... First of all, she didn’t age -- she was in suspended animation! Second, all the sudden she’s longing for all these teenage Earth rituals like cheerleading and drive-in movies that she missed out on?
8. The watermelon scene... Just totally fell flat. Where's the charm/humor of the episode where Jonathan helped Clark control his heat vision? Then Clark goes off on an immature yelling fit. I wanted to slap the guy -- Get a hold of yourself, Clark!
9. Kara wipes off a tiny area of ice on the window... which happens to be the exact place where the blonde’s frozen head is staring out! What luck! And thanks for making us look at that frozen dead face over and over again...
10. Clark just talking casually to a recently-non-dead Lana in the kitchen over some fresh lemonade like everything’s normal... (BTW, did Martha come back to slice those lemon circles into the pitcher?) And Lana acting like Clark’s wise and sensitive family therapist no less... Oh, then top it off with a couple of throw-away lines and sweet smiles about Lana being ok with Clark’s powers. Great, now that that's resolved... after 6 years.
11. Jimmy taking the “weathergirls” picture... What was he hoping to accomplish other than get in trouble? Try a hidden audio recorder next time!
12. Lex’s line to Lana that all the horrible things he did to her were because she truly loves her... This was such a pathetic line (especially for Lex) I was wondering if the show was spoofing itself!
13. Lex’s line to Lana about taking his money to escape: “I’m not sure Clark would see it that way”... What, Clark would’ve told Lana “It’s not right to steal -- you really should have stayed with Lex”??? Am I missing something here?
14. The fight scene... The rock tornado knocking Clark over looked like watching a bowling pin fall over. Then the terrible lines that were supposed to be dramatic/climactic: “You’re not as tough as you talk...” “But *I* am.” Do they know that this writing sounds like a parody of a B-movie?
15. Loose ends: The fact that Kara broke out of jail... whatever. Explaining the bent bars... oh, just an Uri Geller trick. What happened to the weathergirls... oh, just lying there in the parking lot. No evidence on them other than testimony of the jail-breaker and her cousin. Ok -- let’s cut to the barn scene!
16. Jimmy’s line to Chloe: “When we first got together I thought that you were pretty prejudiced”... Weren’t you wondering where he was going with this? Is Chloe a closet racist??
And they saved the best for last...
17. Clark and Lana walking casually through the Harvest festival... What about all the shouts of, “Look, there’s that dead chick whose funeral we just went to!” And how about Chloe finding out that Lana’s still alive?! I know, maybe next episode will open with Clark and Lana turning the corner at the festival and running into... Chloe and Whitney. And everyone can just give a quick smile of surprise that everyone’s really alive, hug each other and go play some ring toss...
“Somebody save me!”
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