Funniest Way For Lionel To Die!!!!

[blackcelebration]

OK here's a fun thread!!!

Think of as many funny ways you can imagine for Lionel to die.

I have thought of some to get us started!!!

* Lex sees Lionel making out with Martha, Lex gets a gun & then BANG!!!!

* Lionel is crossing the road

LEX
Dad mind the car!!!

LIONEL
What car???

Lionel is ran over!!!

* Clark is travelling at Superspeed & accidentally knocks over Lionel.

* Lana keeps going on & on about secrets & lies & then Lionel has a heart attack!!!

OK now you!!!

[Angellegna]

What? I can't believe you would make this thread!! What kind of morbid person are you?

He gets bitten by Mr. Starbucks *the zebra I pasted onto my sketchbook*

[cksidekick]

martha FINALY decides to give him a little luvin' and THEN he has the heart attack!!

[happyending21]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OMG THIS IS FUNNY UM THE LANA ONE

[theWatcher]

Clark is drinking a soda while talking to Lionel and belches, making Lionel fly out his office window of Luthor Corp..

[thedean123]

He'll be sitting in his office and blasting some intense opera in the background then you'll hear the cd skip and 'Wanna Be' by Spice girls will come on he'll stand up holding his ears in a panic and trip and fall out his office window.

Then lex will walk in and put his feet up on his dad's desk and bob his head to the spice girls.

[freefall]

Any morsel of Lois' cooking could do it.

[MB in training]

Clark see's him and Martha doing the giggy giggy goo, get's a shotgun super speeds them all to a church,

Clark
Your going to make a honest women of my mom.

Lionel
What?

Clark loads shotgun

Lionel
look son i'm sorry i don't understand"

Cocks and aims gun at Lionels, head

"Please Clark i just don't understand, what is this honest, i've never heard that word before.

Clark rolls his eyes and shoots anyway out of frustration,

Clark
Trust me mom, it just better this way, she agrees and they walk off, out of the church,

Martha
what exactly did you mean about making and honest woman out of me.

[brokenxxchild]

hahaha that was funny MB in training. but wouldn't she have to be a dishonest woman first?
ahh..the unknown secrets of Martha Kent!

ok. i'm gonna try.
Lex and Lionel get into a big argument on the roof of the mansion.
Lex pushes his dad off and Clark rushes to catch him...
but its raining!!
and Clark has trouble seeing so instead of Lionel falling into his arms, he hits the balcony. CURSE YOU RAIN!

[mobiusklein]

Lionel dies while having sex with Clark.

Lionel dies after hearing Lana claim she's pregnant with his child.

[Queenrocks77]

Lionel is drinking his favorite brand of scotch infront a nice fire in his den. He notices that an object on the mantel is out of place. He walkes to the mantel to inspect the object when all of a sudden a cat runs through with Shelby in hot pursuit!! Shelby crashes into Lionel knocking him into the fire and Lionel goes up like the Hindenberg!!....................... Did I mention that Lionel was wearing gasoline soaked pajamas??....... Well he was

[Odysseus]

Lionel is looking for Martha one day, hoping to talk about going to some political gala. In his search, he has his limo drive by the Smallville Cemetery, where he sees Martha standing over a grave. Lionel orders his driver to let him out.

Lionel: Martha what are you doing here?

Martha: Visiting Jonathan's grave.

Lionel: Ah. Well anyway, about that gala tonight, I was wondering if you needed an escort....

Suddenly, the ground cracks open and out pops zombie!Jonathan, who drags Lionel kicking and screaming into the grave.

[BULLITT]

It's gotta be on the toilet reading House and Garden.

[President_Luthor]

-Lex brandishes a sword in the LuthorCorp. library. LuthorCorp. is facing a hostile takeover, Lana has left Smallville forever and Clark recently showed him her goodbye letter professing her undying love for Clark.

Lex: *flails sword with a flourish* So, it's come to this, then, Dad? My empire is about to crumble -- and I have you to blame for that.

Lionel: *brandishes sword* Your empire? Correction, my son. MY empire. I built it from scratch. You destroyed it.

Lex: Your days of blaming me are over. You destroyed my legacy. It's only fair ... that I destroy you! *both Luthors clash with swords, blood is drawn on both sides, and Lex is about to deliver the killing blow*

Lionel: (wounded) Go on, Lex. Finish it! We'll catch up -- in hell!

Clark: (bursts in) Noooooooooo!

Lex: Clark, you're ruining a pivotal moment in my destiny here! We just had that 'Highlander'-caliber swordfight, and can't you see I'm about to deliver the coup de grace?

Lionel: Clark, let me be. Your destiny .....

Clark: My ... destiny? Aww, pffffst (waves hand dismissively) I put that on hold, like, three or four years ago! It all happened when blah, blah, blah Lana liked me, but Chloe also liked me .... blah, blah, blah Belle Reve freaks ... blah, blah, sorority vampire coeds, blah, blah

(Hours later ...)

Clark: Blah, blah, blah I had to mentor Kara, but then Lana ... blah, blah, Chloe, blah, blah ... but don't mind me. Go on with your epic swordfight to the death.

Lex: Oh crap.

Clark: What now?

Lex: *checks Lionel's pulse, feeling nothing* It wasn't a fatal wound, but your longwinded story about all the reasons why you didn't get with your whole destiny program left my dad to bleed to death. Well, thanks Clark for throwing a wrench in my destiny. I was supposed to finish the old man off!

Clark: Sorry, I wasn't myself. *scratches head dumbfoundedly* Umm, could I have a glass of milk by any chance?

Lex: Actually, Clark, you're 'precisely' yourself.

[aXem]

Jonathan Kent is resurrected when it turns out the hole that his coffin was put in had fragments of meteor rock in it.

I jus realized that was already said. Oops.