Destiny’s Children

[QueenC]

Ok, I have to say (because I'm a brutally honest person with little tact) while your writing style bugs me as it feels like you are speaking this story to me (and not letting it unfold before my eyes), that I am totally getting hooked on the this premise.

Unexpected fatherhood has never been a big draw for me before in romance writing, but your setup of this and her automatic pining for him and his connection with the kids already has me very interested.

So basically that's my bass ackwards way of saying I like it, keep it up.

[nzs]

What do you mean he'll give her space? He needs to explain things to her, show her he isn't the enemy. He needs to protect his children (and her)! Okay, I'm done. Excellent update! Can't wait for the next one!

[freak24]

No! You can trust Clark! Let him help!!! Great update.

[nzs]

Originally posted by Firebunny
It's interesting what you're saying about being told the story instead of seeing it. I picked the present tense because I felt it made the story more immediate. And I've been trying really hard not to telegraph what's going on, but let the reader draw his/her own conclusions. So, yeah, I can see how some of the description has been sacrificed to the style of the story. (And description has never been one of my strong points. I much perfer writing dialogue, it's my playwrighting background.)

I wanted to chime in on your writing style. I love the way you're telling the story. I can picture what's happening without a lot of descriptive paragraphs and, I think, it makes the story focus on what's really important.

[Firebunny]

Part Four


Chloe pulls into the parking lot of an abandoned diner and kills the engine. She hasn’t seen another car in hours and she thinks this might be a safe spot to spend the night.

The kids are asleep in the back seat and she doesn’t want to wake them, but she has to get out and stretch. She’s been driving for two days straight. Her legs feel like jelly.

The air outside the car is cool and quiet. The stars are so bright overhead, she feels like she could almost touch them.

A wave of nausea hits her and she stumbles over to a bush and retches.

She hasn’t been able to keep anything down. She knows it’s not good. She needs to spend a couple days in bed, but she can’t do that right now. She doesn’t know if she’ll be able to do that ever again.

“Mommy,” Teddy’s groggy voice calls out to her. “I have to use the bathroom.”

Chloe walks back to the car and opens the door.

“Okay,” she says while she unfastens his car seat, “but there’s no toilet so you’ll have to go in the field.”

“Neat!” Teddy says as he climbs out of the car.

She’s been a wreck, but the kids have really enjoyed the adventure.

Lizzie’s awake now so Chloe walks over to the other side of the car and lets her out to run around. She follows her brother into the field.

“Lizzie, leave me alone,” Teddy whines.

“Stay where I can see you,” Chloe calls after them.

She has to find a safe place, somewhere where they can settle down and the kids can grow up. She doesn’t care what she does for a living, as long as it’s low key and no one notices them.

There’s the sound of screeching breaks. Chloe spins around. A car has pulled over to the side of the road not 40 feet away from her.

How did they find her? How did they get so close?

“Lizzie! Teddy!” she cries out.

The passenger side window on the car rolls down. The barrel of a riffle pokes out. It’s aimed at her.

Chloe turns and bolts towards the field, towards her children.

She doesn’t get more than a few feet when she feels a pain in her leg. She looks down. There’s a dart sticking out of her thigh. She yanks it out, but she knows it’s already too late.

“Run!” she screams. She can’t get away, but maybe her children can. Maybe they’ll escape and someone will find them and take care of them and love them. It’s the best she can hope for now.

Two men get out of the car. One of the men sprints out into the field. The other one is coming towards her.

She turns to run, but her leg has already gone numb. As soon as she takes a step she falls hard onto the gravel. The ground spins beneath her. This can’t be happening.

“Take it easy, Ms. Sullivan,” the man says as he draws nearer. “Don’t try to fight us and everything will be all right.”

She claws at the gravel, willing herself to move, but her limbs won’t obey.

Something’s happening in the field. Her mind’s too foggy to understand what’s going on. She hears a cry of alarm and then there’s a thud.

The man leaning over her stands up. He pulls a gun out from inside his coat and aims it at her. Then he places his foot on her neck.

“Come out and hand over the kids now,” he calls to the darkness, “or I’ll put a bullet in her head.”

She’s not sure if it’s the pressure from his foot or the effects of the tranquilizer, but Chloe can’t breathe. She gasps for air. Her lungs won’t fill.

There’s a look of panic on the man’s face. He raises his gun and fires. And then all of a sudden he’s flat on his back. The gun is gone.

Before she can understand what’s going on, there’s a strong arm around her, picking her up like she weighs nothing.

She looks at the man who has saved them and is surprised to see Clark Kent’s profile. Tucked under his other arm he has Teddy and Lizzie. How can he carry all three of them like this and run at the same time?

And he’s running fast, really fast. He’s running so fast that it doesn’t feel like he’s even touching the ground.

Chloe looks down and sees that they, in fact, aren’t on the ground. The distance between them and the earth grows wider and wider.

She clutches Clark’s side, afraid for her life. Her children aren’t afraid. They laugh and stretch out their arms in front of them like they did at the playground when they were pretending to fly.

Clark doesn’t say anything. He stares in front of him. His jaw is set with determination.

Chloe wants to ask him how this is possible, but she can’t fight the tranquilizer anymore and she passes out.

(tbc)


For Part 4.5 click here.

[pipersmum]

OMG!!! Great update Clark rescued them and then he took off with them all flying!! Fantastic I loved it. I can't wait for Chloe to wake and have a nice lengthy conversation with Clark about what exactly is going on. Plus I can't wait for Chloe's reaction to Clark being her kids father Or Clarks reaction to her being pregnant again I know you have only just posted but PPMS

[Rachel B]

Yay! An update! It's Clark to the rescue and just in the nick of time. This just keeps getting better and better. Counting the days 'til the next update!

[Baily007]

Excellent update! I hope Chloe will wake up soon they'll finally have the talk they so need. But please don't let Clark keep his distance again... :-)

[Rhoda123]

AWESOME update.. can't wait for more.

[meggy]

Yes! awesome! i knew he would come! please please have some more for us!..it's going really well

[NikkiKent]

I think the conclusion posted tonight and the structure intact is okay.
I can't wait much longer for more.

[pipersmum]

I love this fic and I think, sorry I know I could wait and I would love to read Clarks view before getting the conclusion so I opt for the second option.

Chronology preserved, but the conclusion delayed.

[nzs]

I vote: Chronology preserved, but the conclusion delayed. I'm dying to know what Clark is thinking!!

Excellent update! Eagerly anticipating the next update!

[freak24]

I'm voting chronology preserved, but the conclusion delayed.

Great update.

[lizbif]

Firebunny - this story gets better every time I read it. The description of Clark flying with determination on his face, just makes me think of Superman. I love your version of Chloe and I love the mystery of this story. Keep up the excellent work