What will Clark write in his new journal?

[annette welling]

Dear Journal:
I saw my mom and Lionel kissing in the barn actually they were in the hay (ahhhhh my eyes it burns) anywho i hope i end up in the hay with Lois. ahhhhhhaaaaahhh

[clarknloisfan]

Originally posted by overman504
Dear Diary

You suck. Thank you Louis for a glorified notebook that I will probably never use.

PS I need more friends. You'd think with all the people I've saved there'd be more people at my surprise birthday party. Ungrateful bastards!!! Ughh I hate my life.. shut up Clark... They probably couldnt make it to my party cause they were busy or something yea thats it... whew for a second there I thought I was a loser writing in a diary... wait a minute... NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! -CK out

Freaking hilarious!!!

[xrayvision]

Thursday:

I think I'm getting too bored with this journal. I just want to sleep in my loft all day and have Lois give me massages. I think from now on, I will have Chloe write in this journal for me since she does everything else. That way I can have more time to stalk Lana. Gaaarrshh, Lana. Lana!!!! I should go to Discount Eddie's and get all that cool stuff that my mean dad never let me have. I think I'll go buy another $2000 coat also and run in the corn fields like in that movie Children of the Corn. I should also go drink a lot of water and then put out some forest fires if you get my drift.

Hmm, maybe this summer I can get a job in a women's shoestore. Clark Kent, shoe salesman, has a nice ring to it. But it will only be for the summer. Maybe Lana will come in. Yeah, I can sell her the cheaply made garbage. Anyway, this is CK's final entry, so stay tuned for Miss Sullivan's writings from now on.

[j-kent]

Entry 3; voices in my head call this day... 'hypnotic'

Met this chick with fine ass body and looks that could give Kryptonite a run for my blood pressure....Simone...**sigh**

Okay so I told Chloe I NEVER slept with Simone right? After the epsiode, Chloe and Lana were laughing at my kryptonian ass! Chloe said something to Lana like, "Clark can't even get laid under hypnosis!" ooooh maannn that's f***ed up! (laughing at my sad self)

Entry 4

you know everytime Lana wants to tap this super body, I cut and run with an excuse. Really, I'm afraid these superpowers are going to go into overdrive....you know...when I'm driving it home, but...and you can't say anything diary...uhhhh...

....


I can't get super junior up...


you'd think with all these powers and this dense molecular structure of mine that I would at least have a dense molecular....um okay I'm done....

[xrayvision]

9/19/06:

Lois, you silly girl. You always call me Smallville. Little do you know that Smallville is the name of my pants since they're like a town. There's a lot going on down there.

Anyway, I'm frozen in the Phantom of the Opera Zone. Zod is a cruel bastard. These showtunes are driving me nuts. Gee, I hope I don't end up like Lex or Lana.

Chloe kissed me before I got here. I wonder if that meant anything. Dum dee dum dum dum. Man, when is Lana going to come here and deliver me some coffee? Why isn't Chloe finding a way to get me out of here? It's been over 4 months. Little Clark is so lonely.

I miss pie. Hmm....I wonder if there's a lesson to be learned from any of this?

[Spirit Detective]

9/ 20 / 06

I went on Oprah the other day to discuss these Shelby voices I've been hearing. There are times when I swear he's been talking. I got so berserk that I nearly killed Oprah trying to convince her of this.

Anyways, for some reason Prof Fine keeps laughing at me every time I tell him about Shelby.

I think I may have drank to many Cokes "straight up on the rocks"!

I wonder if there is pie in the Phantom Zone... mmmm...pie ...

[Zach]

1-25-06

Yeah...I learned today that everything that's been happening for the last 5 and a half years has been been hallucinations, and I have something called skitsifrenia, how awkward. So, yeah, just basically ignore everything I've been writing in it before this. Oh, it's time for my therapy. Gotta go.
-CK

[xrayvision]

5-17-07

My life is in the sh!tter. My Lana is dead...what will I do now? All I can think of is ending it all by eating this kryptonite laced pie. Life's not worth living without my Lana. Jor-El said if I die, he will bring me back and someone else will die. But I think he's just bullsh!tting me. Note to self: bottom's up!!

[Fearless Freep]

~Dear Diary,

Made cape for Shelby today from old blanket from the ship to help Shelby play SuperPowersDog. Then I helped Shelby superjump from old windmill that I saved some real old kid from -- the cape had an 'S' on it -- that's for 'Shelby' (the 1st letter) (Chloe helped me with that part).

Shelby sure must have gotten tired from playing SuperPowersDog, he's been resting ever since he landed.

You can lie on the ground and stare up at Krypton especially at night. That's fun but not as fun as staring in Lana's bedroom. Diary Don't Tell Mom I peeked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... (infinite !s out to Krypton!)

:

~Dear Diary,

Found a daisy and played "She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not," but lost and ran (fast run) and told Chloe and cried a little bit XXXXXXXXXX lot cause the daisy said Lana loves me NOT and Chloe got all funny or mad or something but it's not MY fault. Stupid daisy, stupid Chloe.

:

~Dear Diary,

Lois-Blowis said where's Shelby today. I dunno, you're the big investigative journalist Lois.

TO DO TODAY:

- Some Savings if necessary

- Visit Lana

- Loosen tight nut on tractor - user super-strength on nut, not to break wrench (Chloe helped me with that)

- sneak into Lex's mansion and storm into his office. Act indignant. (Oh, right, I do that every day anyway)

Jobs for Clark to be someday:

- dog trainer

- master hypnotist

- diamond squeezer

- spaceship superstar with solar powered lazer beam guitar

- football superstar

- corn shucker at the creamed corn factory (can wear plaid and rubber boots)

- farm boy/astronomer

- Life Coach

:

~Dear Diary,

It's all my fault

:

~Dear Diary,

Things 2 do 2day:

- run real fast to Metropolis & steal & do damages XXXXXXX lots of damages

- lose lots of battles

- gonna kill Jonathan Kent who said I'm just a THING he found in the field (use neck squeeze (super))

- whiz at super-speed (superwhiz) in Lex's fancy import scotch. Hasn't that guy ever heard of water or pop?

- super glue Lex's piano keys at super speed while he's playing his stupid "Chopin" (at least that'll keep him off the booze for a while - ha, ha)

- have lotsa sex with Lana & Alicia & maaaabeee Lois & even Martha XXXXXXXXXXX too old and Simone and those vampire girls too

- CORRECTION: don't run to Metropolis, take Lana Lang on Jonathan Kent's worn out old hog (the Harley, not Martha - ha, ha)



Or maybe that's just the red K talking.

:

~Dear Diary,

Today I looked at my rock collection again and when I suddenly woke up Chloe was standing over me and she'd thrown my special green rock way in the corner. I got mad cause that's my special remembrance of Krypton. Chloe knows my secret and I know you've heard this before, Diary, but my secret is that I'm really an alien from an exploded planet called Krypton and brought doom and destruction in my wake. I have special abilities called super strength, super speed (fast run), hot vision, football throw (super), hear real good, see-thru vision, breathe hard, long-way vision, hard body, neck squeeze (also "super"), super lying (very smooth), guy throw (super).

I'm killed and affected by things like:
- magic like where Lana (witch only and vampire only) almost killed me but I still love her,
- meteor rock ("Green Kryptonite" or "Green K" - find in box on mantle),
- light from a red sun,
- Jor El,
- phantom zone,
- Kryptonian virus,
- Dad on Jor El power,
- probably a guy I've gotten wind of: Black Pete - sounds like a super-villain to me,
- most other bad guys,
- other colors of "K" (that's short for Kryptonite),
... <continued for next five pages>

:

~Dear Diary,

I accidentally left you open on a table in Lex's office today, but I hope he didn't notice you. I'm SICK of him trying to find my secret.

Oh: Later news: Chloe almost died stopping Lex from reading you, Diary. Crazy ol' Chloe and her bungling. I wish Lana was my helper not Chloe!

:

~Dear Diary,

Things to do today:

- hatch new plan to win Lana back by staring vacantly yet longingly at her while not saying anything. Or some lies will work.

- work on longing stare in mirror. Lana's HOTT!!!!!!! (with a capital 'H' and infinite !s out to Krypton!)

Smart and Stupid:

Stupid:

- Jor El
- Lex
- Professor Fine (moved from Smart)
- Lionel
- Lois
- Phantom Zone goons
- Zod
- Whitney (dead now)
- Mixspittelicks - Myxspyet - Miixlipstix - Oh to hell with it!


Smart:

- Lana (and pretty)
- Mom
- AC (snazzy trunks, hot bod)
- Pa Kent
- Chloe
- that real old kid I saved, because Pa always said that with age comes wisdom

:

~Dear Diary,

To do today:

- Savings

- tell someone to break off their relationship (does this count as a Saving?)

- moon over Lana

- watch cartoon network. Have you seen The Banana Splits? Tra-la-la, la-la-la-la. Tra-la-la, la-la. One banana, two banana, three banana, four. Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more! Mom said why aren't you at school. What's Mom talking about? I graduated high school months ago!

:

~Dear Diary,

Lana said Chloe still in hospital? I guess that's why I haven't seen her.

To Do:

- Go see Lana

- Buy for Lana: Flowers, Chocolates, Bikini, maybe a card, write song

I wonder what Lana is up to, Diary. Gosh, I really PWNED that Zod and Lex at the same time. Lex WAS in there, inside Zod all along so they both got punked. There's your two-fer! Why couldn't Lana see that? It's just like when she didn't see me catch that bullet with her name on it. Life sure isn't fair. There were LOTS of times I saved Lana she doesn't even know about even though I usually hung around staring through the window at her afterwards. Why Does Everything Bad Happen To ME!

Wait a minute, Diary. If I had a webcam attached to me all the time, Lana could go on the web all the time and watch me saving her (like Oliver's idea). Even if she missed it she could download the archive later. I'll talk to Chloe about setting it up!!!

:

~Dear Diary,

I know why she's called LANa. Because I'm LONging for her.

:

~Dear Diary,

Disaster struck today. Lana married Lex. Sometimes I wonder, Diary, if she's really committed to our relationship.

:

[Smallville6]

hahaha Fearless: "sometimes I wonder, Diary, if she's really committed to our relationship"
too funny!

[Jaderoyale]

Hahah, this is hilarious.

[FlashInSV]

Dear Diary,

After a few minutes of using [Chloe's] hi-tech computer, she discovered that Lex had been spotted walking in the park. I instinctively knew he was up to no good so I ran to him, grabbed him by the throat and threw him into a conveniently placed glass table in the middle of the park. I cleverly explained my strength on eating too much candy, which I think he believed.

I can't believe you wrote that!! So freaking funny, stuff like that ALWAYS happens to the Luthors...I can't help thinking; if they're always breaking the glass tables, why not go buy another one, a special order made of rubber or something safer, anyway?

While running back to the Planet, I got phone call from Lana. She had burnt herself drinking coffee and thought it was my fault. I'm not sure how I was to blame, but I knew she was right somehow and so I apologized. That wasn't good enough so she's broken up with me (which is funny, because I didn't think we were in a relationship this week).

No comment. The text says it all.

[xrayvision]

9/5/08,

I have been stuck in the Arctic ice for just about 3 months. I wonder if my life sentence will conveniently end again after 90 days. I don't know what happened to Lex though. He's just gone. I thought for a second that I absorbed him into my body, but that's ludicrous. Strange though that Clarky Jr. turned into a cueball about 78 days ago & is restless & dying to do some very bad things.

-Clark

Meanwhile on the same day without Clark's knowledge


I can't stand it anymore being with such a moron. I'm cold in this ice and less than my normal, magnificent self. But I promise one thing---this time I really will get Lana pregnant.

-Lex Clarky Jr.

[Sunny8]

Dear Journal,

Lana can be a b****. She always says that she does not need me to protect her but remember the last episode, Fade, when she and Lex were at the hospital and that invisible guy was shooting at her and Lex? Who caught that bullet? Huh. See I was being stupid. I should have let her get shot. Then she would not have been in this episode, screaming at me for looking through her stuff in her dorm room just because I was trying to find info to save her cueball boyfriend. She thought I was jealous. Has she forgotten I dumped her behind in that episode with Hypno-ho Simone? And Lex keeps saying stupid stuff like I lost her on my own. First of all, I didn't lose her. I dumped her Lex, and second of all, you hired Hypno-ho to help break us up. Watch the episode, Lex!

Anyway, Journal, I'm tired of saving their lousy, ungrateful behinds. It's time for Clarkie boy to find his Harley! See those losers at their funerals.

[pizzahead2490]

dear journal,

i havent written here in a while, yay!!! that must mean that i am finally getting a life.
i am working at the DP now with sexy lois, what the deuce did i just say that.... well she is sexy, her lips, her eyes, her hot body.... journal i could go on forever... oh wait what is that sound,

ok i'm back, that was just my stupid dog begging for food!!!! i guess ought to feed the little mut, ok bye journal.
your my best freind =)

- ck