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Things Martha would never say

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  • #61
    Martha: It is all going according to my evil plan. Jonathan is dead and I am now senator. Soon I shall be president and then after that I will finally take over the world with Lionel and Lex as my concubines. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

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    • #62


      CL:uh, did i tell you what wonderfull pies you make, Mrs. Kent?

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      • #63
        daddylion, lol.
        chlarkerlover,

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        • #64
          OMG! Everyone...Kudos!

          Supergirl (Brooke): *Is on a dream vacation where she gets to see Smallville behind the scenes in person, she walks into the Kent household where she sees alone slice of pie on the kitchen counter, when she sees it is Martha's specialty: Apple, her eyes widen and her hand shakes as she reaches for the fork* Oh my gosh, come to momma lovely *She whispers, the fork with the scrumptious apple pie on it is just entering her mouth when she hears the silent and unmistakable sound...Of a gun cockin*

          Annette O Tool: *Had been talking over her scenes with Al an Miles when her pie senses start tingling, she knows that someone is eating her super duber scrumptious apple pie. She goes into Super-mum mode and speeds into her 10-mile away household and catches Brooke red-handed, Brooke doesn't notice her so she thinks quickly and grabs gun*

          Brooke: No...*She whispers as a gunshot goes off, meaning it is the end of the world for poor ol' Brookie*

          Annette O Tool: That'll teach you not to mess with mah pie *She says as with impeccable skill, the bronze bullet meets it's target: the fork, as the poor dented fork flies out of Brooke's hands and away from her drooling mouth, the pie flies off the fork, Annette, going into super spped, speeds around to where the pie is landing, she opens her mouth wide, and the square piece of pie goes directly down the center of her throat as th chef lets out a satasfied: "Ah"

          Brooke: *Hand trembles* I thought-I thought-

          Annette O Tool: *Walks over to Brooke and pats her on the shoulder* Sorry, honey, but you and that pie weren't made to be, *She says, walking away, to get back to the director, leaving me, Brooke, collasped on the floor, in a mess of tears and sobs, knowing next time, not to mess with Martha Kent's pie.

          ~The End~

          Hope you all liked my pathetic ficlet But you all know that if you would of been me, you would've done it too, that pie is worth cryin' over
          Last edited by supergirl_1095; 07-26-2006, 04:02 PM.

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          • #65
            lmao

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            • #66
              cute

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              • #67
                Martha: *Eating the rest of the pie while I watch, still crying* Mmmm mmm

                Me: Can I have some?

                Martha: Yummy in my tummy!

                Clark: *Walks in* Can I have a slice?

                Martha: Sure

                Clark: *Takes a slice and puts it on a plate than gives it to me as Clark and I speed off somewhere*

                Me: Thank you!

                Martha: TRAITOR!!!

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                • #68
                  lol.

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                  • #69
                    hehe aww clark gave you the pie. Lucky you. I hope that wasn't Kow-El pie.

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                    • #70
                      Oh yes Martha loves her pies dearly

                      This is a continuation of my previous 2

                      Clark: *sees Lionel dashing out of the house* Mom?
                      Martha: *emerges in her bathrobe* Yes dear?
                      Clark: I just saw Lionel running out of the house, he looked pretty freaked out
                      Martha: That's damn right
                      Clark: Oh Mom, don't tell me he ...
                      Martha: Yes he sure did, i let the good ol' painless do the talking
                      Clark: Well it's good to know Lionel left with all limbs in-tact
                      Martha: *ponders that thought* He might not be so lucky next time
                      Clark: Mom your talking crazy
                      Martha: *eyes Clark deeply* Sit down Clark
                      Clark: OK sure
                      Martha: Clark in life we all admire things and care deeply about them
                      Clark: I see
                      Martha: Let me finish son, see in your life you admire Lana and don't deny it because your father and i caught you two walking around the house at 6.30 in the morning oh and honey Lana wearing just your shirt and panties was a dead giveaway
                      Clark: *blantently suprised and embarassed*
                      Martha: And i'd always catch you looking at her with your telescope...heck once i had to wipe off a bit of drool that was evidently dripping from your chin
                      Clark: *clearly embarrassed* OK Mom stop...what are you trying to say
                      Martha: *cocks her head back and takes a deep breath* What im trying to say dear is that in your life you admire Lana but in MY life i admire two things, your father and my PIE!
                      Clark: I figured Mom
                      Martha: Now Lex and Lionel have both touched my pie and you know what that means don't you son?
                      Clark: Oh i sure do
                      Martha: Excellent, now Lex both touched and ate my pie without my permission and of course had to use old painless to prove a point *points to the patched up roof*
                      Clark: *nods head*
                      Martha: Now i said Lionel could get my pie but not stuff his face in it, who does he think he is huh?
                      Clark: A Luthor?
                      Martha: Your right, damn Luthors think they can barge in hear and indulge in my pie...oh they will learn don't you worry about that.

                      ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                      (Meanwhile back at Luthor Mansion)
                      Lex: Hey dad what happened to you?
                      Lionel: That doesnt concern you son?
                      Lex: *stares at Lionel's face* Hey dad have you by any chance been feasting on Martha Kent's famous Raspberry pie?
                      Lionel: That's absurd son
                      Lex: *laughs* Well that them raspberry's leave quite a mark *points to Lionel's cheek*
                      Lionel: How did that get there!?
                      Lex: Dad spare me, what happened? Did she pull out that shotgun?
                      Lionel: *blankly looks at Lex* She did
                      Lex: Knew it
                      Lionel: She is really quite a catchy
                      Lex: Yeh dad she sure is
                      Lionel: You know son women like Martha put me into a trance like state, do you know what it is called son?
                      Lex: Paranoia? Enlighten me father
                      Lionel: Love
                      Lex: You can't be serious
                      Lionel: Oh i sure am and soon im going to go back and proclaim my undying love for her
                      Lex: Well *pats Lionel on the back* dad i hope you know what your getting yourself into becuase judging by her actions she could blow our heads off at will
                      Lionel: Well im going to get to her heart the best way i can
                      Lex: And that would be how?
                      Lionel: *happily stares at Lex* By making Martha a Pie of my own!

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                      • #71
                        In a very strange way that made me go "awwwww how sweeet"

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                        • #72
                          Aww, how sweet! That...was...HILARIOUS! Hope ya don't mind if I make my own continuation...

                          Lex: Well, good for you father, hope you don't mess up the kitchen too much, I have dinner soon

                          Lion-El: Not to worry, son

                          IN THE KITCHEN...

                          There are clouds of flour everywhere, bowls of different berries on the counter, dough on the tables, sugar dripping onto the floor, and peanut butter smudges everywhere, but most of all, there is gray goo being thrown around from the ceiling fan, clearly, Lionel didn't know the proper 'mixing' of the berries

                          Lionel: Agh! This is hopeless! *Puts head into his hands, which are propped up on the counter, smudging peanut butter and dough onto his forehead* Gmmm...*He says when he hears a sweet voice from behind him say, Need a hand?* Martha...

                          Martha: I just had one to many pills, i'm sorry Lionel.

                          Lionel: I was making you pie

                          Martha: *Smiles sweetly* I can help you with that, okay, but first, *Looks up at the ceiling fan* You need a whick

                          Lion-El: Ah so I-

                          Martha shows Lion-El the proper steps into making the perfect mixed berry pie, when it is finished they take it out of the oven together, and set it on the counter, while Lionel cuts two slices and puts them on plates, releasing the gooey berry goodness to drool out on the pan. Lionel takes a bite, realizing that it is delicious.

                          Lionel: This is so good Martha, thank you for helping me to make the perfect pie

                          Martha: Lionel...*They are about to kiss, and when Lionel closes his eyes, Martha takes out the Rifle from behind her coat, screaming* YOU ATE MY PIE!!! AGAIN!!! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!!! *Shoots the roof repeadetly, causing chunks of it to fall down, the berry goop that had been flying around on the ceiling fan droops onto his head, getting stains in his mane-hair.

                          Lionel: Ugh.
                          Last edited by supergirl_1095; 07-28-2006, 06:59 AM.

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                          • #73
                            Awww poor lionel, maybe he should stop trying to get laid with Martha and try it with Chloe instead.

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                            • #74
                              Egh May-be

                              Martha: I told you Lionel, all these schemes to get my pie, they're nutz, *Eyes roll to the back of her head and a ghostly pink mist surrounds her*

                              Lana: OMG! Mrs. Kent you look so hot in that pink mist!

                              Martha: It's not pink, *Smirks* It's red

                              Lana: *Faints*

                              Lion-El: Martha Clark Kent who do you think you are? Making a teen faint with colours!

                              Martha: *Smirks* You're wearing you $1,000,000 suit, not the one you stole from Lex

                              Lion-El: How didyou know that I stole a suit from Lex???

                              Lex: WHAT???

                              Lion-El: You mean- *Notices the peanut butter, and berry goo on his suit* AGH! MY SUIT! *Faints*

                              Lex: Father!* Rushes to his side but is stopped by Martha*

                              Martha: Don't move Lex, or i'll make you faint also

                              Lex: I dare you! *Rushes to Lion-El's side* My father...*In a lower voice so that Martha can't hear* My sex machine...

                              Martha: I accept your dare- Clark an alien

                              Lex: You have to do better than that! Wait, Clark an-

                              Martha: - Oh, I can do MUCH better, you're turtle Sheldon- Wait! *With fake enthusiasm* THERE'S A GRAY HAIR ON YOUR HEAD!!

                              Lex: Pfft....I'm not even old enough for gray hair...WAIT! I HAVE HAIR???!!! *Faints*

                              Martha: Heh, told ya I could make ya faint

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                              • #75
                                oh mi, yes poor poor lionel just can't get a break. ok im going to try one again..
                                Lionel: *walks in the Kent kitchen where a pie is setting on the counter* Ok, I'm going to get you this time. Martha Kent can't protect you now. *starts to eat pie when he hears Martha comeing*

                                Martha: LIONEL, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY PIE! *comes around the corner and into the kitchen only to find Lionel eating her pie with a shot gun in hand*

                                Lionel: Mmmmm, yum. This is great pie Martha.

                                Martha:Not my pie!!!!!..............This means war Luther!

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