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The Trouble with 'I Do'.

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  • The Trouble with 'I Do'.

    Author: Bally
    Title: The Trouble with ‘I Do’
    Genre: Humour
    Rating: K+
    Characters: Clark/Lois/Oliver

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    Summary: Oliver shows up at the Daily Planet to congratulate the happy couple. Many wires have been crossed, leading to much awkwardness. Set after 8x05 (Committed), mainly from a Clark perspective.

    Author’s Note: I do not own the characters.

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    ---

    The Trouble with 'I Do'.

    His eyes continued to stare straight ahead at Lois’ rapidly retreating form as the elevator doors closed. She had been extremely nervous and evasive earlier, and he knew it had everything to do with her struggle to deal with the magnitude of her forced confession and what it would mean going forward. To make her feel less awkward, Clark had given her an out that she duly ran with, surprising him not because she took it but because he felt an acute sense of disappointment that she was now claiming she didn’t feel something for him. Not only did she run with it, signalling a return to her trademark nonchalance, she went and flipped matters completely on their head.

    “Who knows where we’d be if you’d answered the question.”

    That wasn’t how it was supposed to have gone. It was meant to entail a little gentle teasing about her obvious yet elaborate avoidance of him, teasing her about her confession and teasing her about her feelings. All that was meant to happen was that he would corner her in the elevator where she couldn’t run, and listen to her vehement denials before telling her he was glad she was safe and that he actually cared. Both were the truth, lie detector or not. Yet here he was standing in that same elevator looking dumbstruck while Lois strutted away with her usual air of confidence back having thrust that poser in his direction to once again throw him for a loop.

    How would he have answered the question? Would he have answered the question if he hadn’t managed to get free? Would he have lied or told the truth? What was the truth? These questions only led to a hundred others, and Clark wasn’t sure he had a ready answer to most of them. The previous day represented a shift in where he felt he stood in his life, and in how Lois fit into it. That earlier sense of disappointment was definitely new.

    Because fitting into his life she most certainly did. From being a barely tolerable house guest after they’d first met, Lois had become something of a sounding board regarding his relationship woes. They’d often found themselves working towards the same goals and, while Lois had a tendency to let her mouth run away from her and a compulsion to take charge of any situation, Clark recognised she had a good heart and a yearning to seek out and share the truth, no matter how powerful her opponents were or how much danger they posed to her. She had a bravery about her that toed the fine line between lunacy and admirable intent. They’d become closer without him even realising it.

    Clark could freely admit that he was really enjoying working alongside her. Getting a job at the Daily Planet was the change of scene he had needed for so long, and being so close to the action meant it was possible to help more people when they needed it. He now had a purpose that he had denied himself for too long, and he could pursue it while getting to enjoy his life a little too. He didn’t have to hide away on the farm. He could actually be a part of life as a reporter. Sure there were moments where he’d pause for some quiet reflection on the way life used to be, but that only gave him more determination to charge head-on in this new direction.

    The elevator continued on its descent. What did she mean? Did she suspect something or was she just playing games? If he’d answered ‘yes’ when the jeweller asked him if he loved her, would the lie detector register it as a lie, or would it be the truth? If it was the truth, did that mean he actually loved her? If he’d answered ‘no’, would their captor have shocked Lois on account of Clark’s supposed lie? Did that mean he loved her? So many questions, not enough answers.

    And what about Lana? Clark still harboured a fleeting hope that she would find a way back to him. It had happened before. Twice. But if Lana was still on his mind, how had it become so easy and so comfortable to move on with his life? Truth be told, Lana had not been in his thoughts regularly for some time. At least, not in the same way she had been only months ago. She didn’t come to him in his dreams anymore. It was only in his conscious moments that he occasionally thought about how things ended between them. Having a purpose away from the farm gave him other things to fixate on, and the welcome lack of angst only helped him.

    Taking care of Lana and protecting her had always played a role in his thinking during his formative years, because she always needed and crucially wanted to be taken care of. If Lana wanted him to do something, he wouldn’t hesitate because he just wanted her to be happy.

    Lois? She also needed protecting - mostly from herself - but she never needed or wanted to be taken care of. She prided herself on her independence. No matter how often she pushed him away, he would always push back. He would fight until she saw his side of the argument. It was like some innate need to take care of her, precisely because she didn’t want that from him or anybody else.

    At Chloe and Jimmy’s engagement party, Clark had reluctantly taken on the role of designated driver and chaperone to the maid-of-honour. Lois had been busy consuming her own bodyweight in champagne, so obviously jealous that her little cousin was tying the knot before her. Clark knew there would come a point when he would have to get Lois out of there. It happened sooner than he would have liked because, following her drunken toast, she’d begun to grumble loudly about several other guests at the party and was becoming extremely impolite towards the waitresses serving the drinks. Clark had to go around apologising for her behaviour before telling Chloe and Jimmy that they’d better be taking off before Lois managed to start a riot.

    Lois had dozed off on the ride over, but woke up the second the truck came to a standstill outside the farm. From that point on, the rest of the night was a succession of comedy skits and pratfalls that Clark found extremely entertaining. Lois had belted out a great version of Blondie’s ‘One Way or Another’ in addition to random interludes of her beloved Whitesnake while getting changed. Lois really let her guard down when drunk, becoming a heady combination of adorable, amusing and pain-in-the-ass that he hoped was not a one-off. Life was never dull with her around.

    Lois had specifically asked to wear his Crows jersey after he’d offered to let her borrow something for the night. How come Lana had never asked to borrow his jersey? What might she have looked like in it? As good as Lois, with her glassy eyes, beaming smile, legs that went on for days, and a sensual purr that he’d never before heard from her lips? So many questions, so few answers.

    The elevator pinged, the sound shaking him from his musings. The arty interior of the elevator was a world away from the soft ambience of the farmhouse at night, and legs that went on for days. He shook his head again as the doors opened. He was back in the basement, and couldn’t remember if he was meant to be taking another floor.

    Entering the bullpen, Clark was very surprised to see Oliver leaning against Lois’ desk looking pensive. He was perusing the front page of the last edition. Whatever he was here for had nothing to do with the Daily Planet’s latest big headline.

    “Oliver?”

    Oliver stood up. “Clark! Hey. I was hoping to run into you here. When I saw your empty desks, I wondered if you two might be out chasing a lead or...or busy doing something else. Where’s Lois?”

    Clark blinked. How had he forgotten about Oliver? Another question with no answer. The last time he’d seen him was at the jeweller’s store, and they’d never filled him in on the whole ‘pretend to be a couple to flush out a kidnapper’ thing.

    “She’s uh...she’s...I’m not even sure where she is,” replied Clark distractedly. “What brings you here?”

    “Right.” Oliver put the newspaper down. “Actually, I’m here to apologise.”

    “Apologise for what?”

    “Well, mainly the way I acted at the store. I didn’t mean to come off as unsupportive. I can’t say I wasn’t a little surprised at how sudden everything was, but I just wanted to let you both know that I’m happy for you. Really I am.”

    Oliver was being genuinely sincere. Having had time to ponder the situation, he’d realised that the magnetism between Lois and Clark was bound to grow stronger the more time they spent with one another. Clark, however, knew he must set the record straight.

    “Oliver, wait-“

    “No no. I mean it. Lois deserves the best, and I’m glad she’s finally found somebody who can make her happy. I messed things up but I know she can trust you, and I know she thinks the world of you.”

    “Yes, but there’s something you should know-“

    “You know it’s funny how things work out sometimes,” laughed Oliver. “I’ll admit hearing that you two are gonna tie the knot was a real newsflash, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. She used to talk about you all the time when we were together, and you guys have this spark that’s hard to fake.”

    Clark gulped. What was Oliver saying? Yet another question to add to the growing list. “S-spark?”

    “Yeah, man. She’s the yin to your yang. The Ginger to your Fred. The Sally to your Harry. Things were bound to come to a head at some point. I’m glad she finally knows all about you. If I can say one thing about Lois, it’s that she won’t tell a soul.”

    “Oliver, I-“

    “No no Clark. It’s fine, really.”

    “You don’t get it-“

    “If you’re worried about hurting my feelings, don’t be. She and I moved on a long time ago. You got yourself a good one. I bet she’ll look completely amazing in a wedding dress too, right?”

    Another question. How Lois would look in a wedding dress wasn’t something Clark had ever pondered, but now his mind gave him a brief glimpse and he wasn’t repulsed. She did indeed look completely amazing just as Oliver had surmised. Clark had to try and get away from the thought of weddings and explain to Oliver what was really going on.

    “Just tell me when and where the big day is and I’ll make sure to be there. My invite must’ve got lost in the mail. I’m sure you guys have everything figured out but if you need champagne, I can make some calls and get you high-end by the case. I know a guy who knows a guy.”

    That was very generous, thought Clark. “I-“

    Clark’s attempt at an explanation and Oliver’s enthusiasm were interrupted by Lois’ voice as she walked into the bullpen.

    “Hey Smallville, Chloe called. She and Jimmy want us to go out for dinner and-“

    She paused in the doorway when she saw Oliver standing there in conversation with Clark. The breeziness in her stride from the huge weight having being lifted in the elevator earlier completely disappeared, replaced by leaden feet and a rapidly disappearing smile. The awkward factor was back with a vengeance. Now she just wanted a hole to appear in the ground and swallow her up. How had she forgotten about when she had last seen her ex?

    “Ollie, what are you doing here?”

    Oliver stepped past Clark and headed over to Lois, smiling brightly before planting a kiss on her cheek and enveloping Lois in a friendly hug. She was too dazed to respond.

    “Like I was telling Clark just now, I just came over to tell you both personally how happy I am for you.”

    “Happy for us? Why exactly?”

    “Following the well-worn path of holy matrimony. Making an honest man out of Clark here,” replied Oliver.

    If Lois’ eyes could have gone any wider, they would have. She turned to Clark who was stood there looking every bit as helpless as she felt. She took a deep breath and steeled herself for the tirade that was beginning to brew from within.

    “You haven’t told him?” she directed to her reporting partner.

    “Told me what?” asked Oliver.

    “Ollie, it was all just a ruse.”

    “I don’t understand.”

    “All pretend. Make believe. A cover story!”

    Comprehension finally dawned on Oliver. “So...you’re not getting married?”

    “Not in this lifetime,” she piped in. “In what world would Smallville and I be tying the knot? Think about it, it’s ridiculous! No, what happened was that Chloe and Jimmy had been kidnapped by a love-burned psycho with a fully equipped dungeon and a hatred of all things wedding-y.”

    Clark could only marvel at how Lois could just barrel through and say what needed to be said while he would fumble for the right words, but that earlier sense of disappointment in the elevator also came back full force. Lois again saying that she didn’t actually have feelings for him was uncomfortable enough, but to say it so flippantly hurt him to his soul. He needed the inner peace gleaned from the knowledge that he mattered to her deeply, and he hadn’t had enough time to process it in order to understand why.

    “Mr Dungeon Psycho had kidnapped a bunch of other couples, and the idea was to draw him out by staking out all the places the couples had visited to prepare for their big day. We were only pretending to be a couple, and that’s when you showed up.”

    “Wait, Chloe and Jimmy were kidnapped? Why didn’t you call me?”

    “We didn’t know for sure and the police said they didn’t have any leads, but then I got blindsided by our Green Mile executioner wannabe. Clark showed up but we ended up playing the worst game of 20 Questions ever. The end.”

    Lois hid her grimace at the mention of the grilling in the electric chair by pretending to put something away in her desk drawer. It was still unnerving to picture Clark being tortured like that, combined with her own helplessness. She was well aware that it her own desperate avoidance of the truth that had put Clark in that perilous position in the first place. The brief interlude gave Oliver a chance to ask Clark why he’d got into trouble too.

    “Hey, how did you get-?” he whispered.

    “Kryptonite,” Clark mouthed back.

    “So anyway,” said Lois. “We found our guy, it was the jeweller. And if I can just get back to work, you’ll be reading all about it in tomorrow’s headline.”

    Oliver was surprised. He’d dealt with the same jeweller when looking for a gift of his own. The man had been perfectly pleasant and accommodating, advising on the ideal gift based on what Oliver told him. There’d been nothing to suggest the jeweller was a kidnapping maniac.

    “What were you two talking about before?”

    “I was just trying to tell Oliver what happened,” Clark answered.

    “Well I’m glad that this story has a happy ending. But it’s a shame that it wasn’t for real Lois, because you two would make a great couple. There’s some real electricity between you.”

    Lois stared at Oliver like he was out of his mind, but inside she knew that he was right in some way.

    “Trust me, electricity is painful,” said Lois, glancing up at Clark in sympathy. “That’s not a road I wanna go back down any time soon.”

    Clark was with her on that one. Incapacitated by kryptonite, it was unbelievably painful to have who knows how many thousands of volts coursing through his body.

    “Right,” smiled Oliver. “Well, when you do go down that road, let me know. You can use my private island off Aruba.”

    “You would do that for us...I mean, me?”

    “Sure. I got to thinking about what might make a great wedding gift, and I figured some alone time in a place where no-one can bother you would be ideal. A little extra R&R to add to your honeymoon.”

    Lois was picturing herself on that very beach. “Man that sounds ideal. The beach I mean, not the honeymoon bit. Aruba would be hard to turn down.”

    “But this time doesn’t count because it wasn’t real, right?”

    “Right,” replied Clark and Lois in unison. They both sounded distracted.

    Oliver grinned at how much of a couple they already were despite Lois’ vehement denials and Clark’s bumbling attempts to set the record straight. He made a move to leave them be, but Lois blocked his path.

    “I have a question.”

    “Shoot.”

    “Why were you there in the first place?”

    Oliver’s demeanour turned to deer-in-the-headlights as he froze. “I owed someone an apology.”

    “If this is another one of your booty calls, I don’t wanna know. If you want my advice, you know what would work best?”

    Oliver nodded.

    “Not screwing up in the first place.” With that, Lois sat down in her chair ready to get on with drafting her article.

    Oliver sighed. The blasted woman was right! He made for the exit. “Well I’d best get going. I need to make a few phone calls. It’s a shame because David Coverdale’s agent said they can be all systems go once I let them know.”

    Lois couldn’t ignore that bit. “David Cov-! You could get Whitesnake to sing at our reception? Oh man!”

    Oliver strode out of the bullpen smirking before turning around in the doorway. Lois clearly hadn’t noticed how she had once again referred to herself and Clark as ‘us’. Clark just looked completely befuddled - a man with a million questions.

    “Oh, tell Chloe and Jimmy I said hi and I’m glad they’re alright. And uh...enjoy your double date!”

    “It’s not a date!” he heard Lois yell behind him. He even caught her subsequent heavy sigh of frustration and the beginnings of the inevitable berating of Clark.

    Though the whole wedding thing had been cleared up, he could tell that this would not be the end of it. Clark and Lois were spending a lot of time together outside of work too, and he knew first-hand how two people who’d been put through an ordeal where their lives were at stake would later find themselves leaning on one another and becoming very close. Who knows, maybe Tess might still change her mind.

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    FIN.

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    Please let me know what you think, here and/or over at FF.

  • #2
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