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Where the heck is Superman?

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  • Where the heck is Superman?

    Where is Superman this week?
    5
    He's the guy who spraypainted The Vision red
    0%
    1
    Watching the Arrow/Flash crossover
    0%
    1
    Celebrating Supergirl's extra episodes order
    0%
    1
    Hoping to appear in Legends of Tomorrow
    0%
    1
    Really, is any answer better than the Vision one?
    0%
    1

  • #2
    Watching Gotham to see the exclusive sneak peek of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice even though he's in the movie.

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    • #3
      Oof. Harsh!

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      • #4
        He's celebrating the full-season order for Supergirl. But troubling things happened at the party ...

        "AoS's Coulson: So I wonder who's going to prevail in the Monday Night wars between Bruce Jr. and the Maid of Might.

        Arrow's Ollie: Yeah, yeah, your season 3 is the best yet, Marvel's taking no prisoners on Netflix, yadda yadda yadda. You on retainer with Marvel's PR department or something? Anyway, with this new crossover we've got going, we're going to take care of business in the DCU and ...

        Diggle: Ollie, uhh, there's this guy in a plaid shirt. Says he's a network cousin of yours. Something about giving you advice? (SV Clark beckons Ollie over. Flash's Barry and Winn from Supergirl are already with him. Ollie drops everything to meet them.)

        Gotham's Bruce: I may only be a kid, but is there something wrong with this picture?

        Diggle: You're telling me. Clark's giving those guys -- "dating" advice.

        AoS' Ward: *chuckles, almost choking on water* Hold on, I'm sorry. I thought you said Smallville's Clark Kent was giving some of the DC TV universe guys dating advice.

        AoS' Skye/Daisy: *elbows Ward* Don't be a heel. Be nice. It's Supergirl's party. *hears Captain Cold hollering about a DC v. Marvel jello shot showdown* Uh, the party might be making a hard left into crazyville.

        Diggle: Ollie wants to know how to make things work with Felicity, Barry is torn between Iris and Patty ... and Winn cannot catch a break with Kara. Maybe it's not all that bad.

        SV Clark: Now, Winn, you're doing exactly what you need to do. Pine away for Kara, for several seasons. Only make your move when your rival for her heart is practically walking down the aisle with her. Do nothing else.

        Winn: And what about demonstrate my independence, make her see me as more than just a friend?

        AoS' Fitz: Good luck with that, mate.

        SV Clark: Don't be Mr. Negativity, Marvel science dude.

        Fitz: *sighs* You don't even know my name. Geez Louise. (storms away)

        Ollie: Yeah, okay. Winn wants to get out of the friend-zone. What about me and how I can pursue my destiny and keep Felicity's heart?

        SV Clark: Be judgmental, argumentative, make it seem like she's holding you back from your destiny. Girls love the bad boy.

        Ollie: Will do. When it comes to advice for the heart *imitating Zod's voice* I kneel before the Son of Jor-El. Yo, Detective Bullock, there are two Metropolitans with our names on them! The Archer and Gordon's right-hand are going to towwwwnnn on this par-tayyyy!

        Barry: And what am I going to do about my own love triangle?

        SV Clark: Secrets and lies, my friend. Stir that pot. Your Patty thing is too safe. Too "normal". Make them jealous of each other, pick the one who prevails in the end. She will be the one for you.

        Gotham's Gordon (overhearing advice): I don't know about you guys, but Clark's advice totally sucks.

        Diggle: Riiiiight. And you handled things so well with Marissa on The O.C. ... "Ryan".

        Gordon: ..... *mopes away, humming 'Ca-li-for-nia here we come, Ca-li-for-ni-aaaaa'*

        Ward *snorts, clapping*: And the hits just keep on coming. Diggle, you should have your own show. You're a hoot.

        Skye/Daisy: And what about you, Superman? You must be happy that your cousin is getting a full Season 1.

        Superman: I am. I'm proud of her. Excuse me, folks.

        (In the bathroom, he looks up at mirror, sheds a single superheroic tear.)

        Fitz (leaving a stall): Dude, you okay?

        Superman: I wish the show would at least CGI a face for me. I got a cape, S-shield -- I don't even get a freaking face.

        Fitz: Don't feel too bad. I'm helping my potential soulmate save her new boyfriend from another planet. And they're in, like, a Survivor Day 32 tribal castmates-level romance.

        Superman: You'd be able to see the sympathy I have for your predicament -- you know, if I had a face.

        Ward (bursts in): Yo, you, gotta break up the bromance. Mockingbird and Supergirl are about to do jello shots at the bar! Not. to. be. missed!

        Cisco: Hey, where's Clark Kent from Smallville? He was saying he had some really good dating advice. (spots SV Clark and sprints after him.)

        Superman: That path will lead to nothing but failure, heartache and misery.

        Fitz: Well, aren't you the role model for optimism.

        Superman: Yeah, yeah, get yourself out of the friend-zone first. Thowing stones at glass houses ring a bell? *hears Ward and Captain Cold hollering and giggles that could only mean less-than-wholesome partying about to begin* Whose bright idea was it to let Leonard Snart take on party host duties? I'd better check that Kara's dark side doesn't get the best of her.

        Fitz (sulks away): The Son of Jor-El can be a party-pooper and a meanie without a face."

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        • #5
          Ensuring the next generation of Kryptonian's by spending some much needed personal time with Lois.

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