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  • Brothers

    Title: Brothers
    Author: Quad
    Summary: This is a one-shot "letter"/journal entry that Clark writes to Lex after returning to Smallville at the beginning of Season 8. I recently did a fanvid of the Clark/Lex friendship and just rewatched the Pilot about an hour ago, which is where I got the inspiration for this one-shot from. Started writing and couldn't stop! For those of you who have come across my previous work under the Clois section, I'm a HUGE fan of introspection, which is what this whole snippet is about!
    Disclaimers: All typical disclaimers apply: Smallville is not mine, characters are not mine, situations/places/things aren't mine, just the creative writing is!
    Note: This is NOT a slash fiction... I think friendship/sibling love is even more precious than romantic love, which is why I will always consider Clark and Lex to be the best of friends-turned-enemies over anything else!



    Brothers

    Lois gave me this journal for my birthday two years ago. She said, "Not that you're the 'Dear Diary'-type, but since you keep everything to yourself, I thought it might help." I was actually kind of weirded out that she could be so thoughtful and perceptive. I mean, you know how she is! Anyway, I threw it in a trunk with my old football gear and all the other things that I figured I'd never need and forgot about it, but after everything that's happened, I've never needed to talk to someone--or write in something?--about how I feel more than I do now. As dorky and cheesy as it is for me to sit here and write this, it's the only way for me to get this burden off of my shoulders before it suffocates me from the inside. I just hope Lois never finds this.

    When I was six years old, I accidentally punched a hole in our kitchen wall. I can't remember much about the incident in all honesty, but I remember my parents' look of horror. I remember feeling guilty and terrible that I had scared them so much. And I remember that it all happened because I was mad about something. I was mad that I didn't have even one big brother when my best friend, Pete, had three. How come I had no one to teach me how to ride a bike? I had asked my mom. That's how it all started.

    I have never felt normal in my life--not for one second. There were brief moments when I was playing football or when I was at my senior prom that I managed to forget who I am, but most of the time, it's like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. Pretty much impossible. And this is an elephant I carry around with me everywhere I go because--hey--if there's anyone that can give an elephant a piggy-back ride, it's me!

    Jokes aside, I used to go to bed every night, praying that I would wake up and not be able to run super-fast or punch my way through walls. I bargained with whatever powers out there that if I could just be a normal boy, then I wouldn't complain about anything ever again. Zits, bullies, having to kiss Bad-Breath Betsy while playing spin-the-bottle--I'd take it all as a blessing if I could just be normal.

    The first time I was actually glad to have my powers was when you ran me off that bridge eight years ago, and not for the reasons you might think. The fact that I survived a car driving into me at sixty miles-per-hour actually freaked me out. What I was glad for, however, was the fact that I could save your life afterwards. Remember the time that I told you that if I had known what you would become, I wouldn't have saved you in the first place? I was lying and--frankly--I am shocked that you couldn't tell. You could always tell when I was lying, and that's really why we ended up here, isn't it?

    Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he's a 'real boy'. Only problem was that every time he did that, his nose grew longer, proving to everyone that he was just lying. I think that analogy fits me pretty well. The plain and simple truth is that I may not be the world's best liar, but I am the most practiced one. "I'm a normal kid!"--that's what I tried to convince myself and everyone else, except I chose the worst group of friends to try and deceive. Chloe, the reporter, who was the first one to find out my secret without me telling her. Lana, who could never stand the fact that I was hiding something from her. And you.

    You were the worst of them all because you knew me better than anyone else. You could tell in an instant whenever I wasn't being myself. The first time I accidentally put on red Kryptonite, you were the only person who handled me cleverly. You had never before seen me behave so flippantly and irrationally, but you knew exactly how to deal with me, even when my own parents didn't. When your father took over my body, you knew within seconds of me--him--walking into your study. Set aside alien drugs and body-swaps, you could always tell when I was worried or sad, and you always had my back every time.

    You were my brother, and the thing about brothers is that you always love them at the end of the day. Sure, you fight with them and you "hate" them, but that's just what brothers do. I don't know if that's how you feel about me, but it's how I feel about you and I always will. I know I can't ever tell you that again, because it's too little, too late. We both failed each other too many times, betrayed each other in too many ways, and I know that we can't ever go back to being what we were eight years ago. I've accepted that, but I can never be happy with it. And I can never forgive myself for it either, because it's not entirely your fault, is it?

    Chloe once told me that she admires me for what I do--helping people and trying to make the world a better place. Personally, I don't get it. There's nothing impressive about a man who can outrun bullets and survive nuclear bombs trying to keep others from getting hurt. I mean, if you can swim and you see someone drowning, you jump in and pull them out--that's just how it works, right? After all, the alternative is basically negligent homicide, isn't it?

    If I’m not using my powers to benefit myself--to steal cars or threaten people into submission, both of which I have done in the past, by the way--it's hardly a testament to my own strength of character because the credit for that goes to my mom and dad. They raised me to be like this. They made me the person I am. I was lucky that they found me, and that I then met some of the most amazing friends I could have ever imagined having, who stood by me through FBI-interrogations and meteor freak-attacks and so much more. It's no wonder that I turned out this way, and it's certainly not anything praise-worthy.

    So the real person I admire is you, Lex. You didn't have loving, nurturing parents. You didn't have loyal and awesome friends. If anything, you had the exact opposite and you still tried to be good. I know you did because I was witness to your struggle. I watched you walk into a hostage situation without a moment of hesitation when you could have easily used your dad's money to wash your hands of it. I watched you try to get into my dad's good graces over and over again, no matter how many times he insulted you or blamed you even for your good intentions. I watched you inject yourself with potentially lethal, untested medical cures because you couldn't bear the thought of accidentally killing one of your employees. I watched you be a hero many, many times and you didn't even have bullet-proof skin or superhuman strength. I can't believe that I yelled at you over and over for keeping secrets from me--and yes, I did see the blinding hypocrisy in every one of those situations--but never once told you that I was proud of all the good you did. I never actually told you that I admired you, and knowing that I will never get the chance now just… sucks! It just really sucks.

    I hope you understand someday why I got so mad every time I found out that you were researching me. It freaked me out because you were the one person who could uncover the truth. So I was willing to forgive Chloe for digging into my past, I was willing to forgive Lana for constantly pushing me to tell her my secret, but I couldn't forgive you because that was just… too risky. You were the one person who could eventually figure out my deep, dark secret that I'm an alien from another planet, and that terrified me. When it comes to my secret, I can't think straight. I can't be patient and I can't put myself in other people's shoes--I just do whatever I can to hide it and I can't even stop myself to think of the consequences. Because the truth is that I'm a liar--that's my real identity. That's what I am, that's what I have always been, and I'm scared to try to be anything else.

    Maybe if I could have put myself in your shoes, I would have understood. Maybe I would have been able to handle things better. You grew up in an environment where you were taught not to trust anyone else, not even your own father. You were taught that the only thing worth coveting in life is power, and that power comes from knowledge. You are one of the most brilliant people I know, Lex--you pioneered projects that others could only dream of. I don't approve of half of them and I don't think you do either, but just like I can't stop myself from lying, you can't stop yourself from seeking the truth. The ultimate impasse, if you ask me.

    I just wish I could have mattered enough to you for you to stop researching me when I asked you to. I wish I had been the one person you trusted in your life, and I wish you could have just waited for me to tell you my secret. After all, it's because of your research, because of your obsession with me that you stumbled into the twisted and dangerous world of spaceships and alien invasions. You were in way over your head and I couldn't stop you from getting pulled under. And then I go and give you self-righteous lectures about you being delusional for appointing yourself the world's savior from the aliens. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to protect the world from those heartless tyrants? Heck--I was the one who had to stop both Zod and his minions at the end of the day, but then I turned around and blamed you for trying to do the same.

    Except you began torturing people. You caged them for being different and abused them, all for this mission of yours to 'save the world'. So what happened to rescuing hostages and saving people? What happened to trying to be good, because you can't possibly tell me that you felt proud of what you were doing. I know you hated yourself every day for it because I could see it in your eyes, Lex. I could see you hiding the darkness and trying to find some justification to bury it with, but you never could. So you started ignoring it and you started lying to yourself.

    The thing about lying to yourself is that it just ends in a lot of pain and misery. I know because I've been there. Three years ago, when I suddenly lost my powers and became human, I convinced myself that I was finally normal and I did it so well that it killed my father. I recklessly gave away my powers and got myself shot in the chest, and a few months later, I was holding my dad's lifeless body in my arms. I lived and he died, all because I am a damn good liar.

    And you're even better than me. I eventually found my way back to the truth, but I can tell that you've all but lost yourself now. I can tell because you have no remorse that you killed your own father. Before the funeral, I asked Chloe how a son could kill his own father and she told me that it was because of 'total absence of love'. I think she meant that you had no love for your father anymore… but I know you better than that. Your father was the only person you ever did love, Lex. You loved him so much that you dedicated your life to winning his approval, to becoming the son he could be proud of, and I stood in the way of that. Because of me, there was a total absence of love… in your life.

    But I still love my brother. I wish that could count.

    That day at the cemetery, I did grieve for Lionel Luthor, but I grieved more for my best friend. I met him once inside your mind--Alexander. I realized he was the good in you I had been seeing from the beginning, but I could tell that you killed him that night too. For me, that was the greater loss.

    I will always protect people from you for as long as we both live, Lex. I will fight you till my last breath, and I will hate you.

    Because that's just what brothers do.



    Author's Note: Okay, some (most?) of you probably think that was pretty cheesy, and I am embarrassed to admit that I was crying while writing it, but I also want to point out that it is currently 1:30 AM where I am and I am like a mini-Niagara after 10 PM. I get tired and start bawling for anything including yipping puppies and The Titanic--*shudder*.

    Point is that I wanted to write a monologue that highlights Clark and Lex's friendship because I always thought the two of them had just been in a very miserable situation at the end of the day. They were both trying to do what they thought was right and their friendship dissolved in the process. Just... kills me.

    I also want to note that I wrote the above as Clark would likely have said/wrote it. Some of the opinions in the snippet aren't actually mine... I mean, most of them are, but I tried to put myself more in Clark's shoes than write from my own shoes--especially 'cuz I'm barefoot right now. So if there's anything in the writing that annoys you, know that it likely might annoy me too, but this isn't my opinion... this is my opinion of what Clark's opinion was at this point in the story. How's that for confusing?

    Please let me know your thoughts!
    Last edited by Quad; 10-18-2013, 12:56 AM.

  • #2
    By the way, here's the link to the fanvid I mentioned that inspired me to write this snippet. I can't seem to insert a video in this forum, so I'll just provide the link. It's also posted under the Fanvid section of the forums!

    It's actually set to a music bit from an Indian movie called Devdas. I know; it's really, really hard to mix music from one area of the world with media from another area of the world, but I can relate to both the Indian and the Western cultures, so I really enjoyed making the video! I hope you guys also enjoy watching it!


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Io6CZ56rpGs&feature=player_embedded

    Comment


    • #3
      I think you did a nice job of capturing Clark's feelings about Lex at that point. At first I was worried that Clark was going to be a complete apologist for Lex. I'm glad you acknowledged that what Lex was doing was wrong. Just like Clark to blame himself for Lex and his father too. I think post-finale Clark would have a different take on things. Nice continuity as always.

      Comment


      • #4
        I like it! A really nice tribute to Clark and Lex's tragic friendship. And introspection is good. I mean, it was something almost completely absent on "Smallville" (most of the time I had no idea what the heck was going on in Clark's head!), and fanfic that actually explores what the characters may feel about the events on the show instead of resorting to a good ol' reset button is always precious to me. Also, well-written Clark/Lex friendship stories are extremely rare, so it's great that you took the time to write this little piece (oh, and it isn't cheesy at all). I do slash them , but I love their friendship dynamic just as much, and I'm glad there's one more good Clex gen story on the interwebs.

        Comment


        • #5
          This was very well written. You capture, I think, the essence of Clark and Lex's relationship. There have been times when I have actually agreed with Lex's sentiments, even if I never agreed with his actions. He did what he did because he thought he was right, he just went the wrong way about it. And yes, the way Clark behaved toward Lex certainly didn't help. There were times when he did act self-righteous. Anyway, it's nice to see such an introspective that really explores this idea.

          Nicely done.

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you so much for the reviews, folks! I was considering writing a Lex-perspective of this "scene" as well, but I try not to write something unless I have that "moment of inspiration"... otherwise it just doesn't do the situation justice. So maybe eventually there'll be a Lex one-shot!

            Comment


            • #7
              Wow...Quad you are becoming my favorite writer...loved the introspection!! Good work!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks, kendrak! I do love my introspection. I was nervous posting a bunch of snippets that didn't have much plot (or any plot at all, really), but it's good to see others appreciate the introspection too!

                Comment


                • #9
                  EXCELLENT job, Quad! Beautifully written introspection. It's so refreshing to get to see Clark acknowledging the heroic and good side of Lex, and to mourn the loss of his brother who he loves and hates now in equal measure. Like Vergon said, it's great that you didn't make it too much of a "Lex apologist" piece...that you also had Clark recognize the evil that Lex has done and will continue to do, despite his love for Lex. Wonderful and truly touching stuff.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Lex and Clark's relationship in a nutshell. Don't have too many Clex writers left - romantic or not. Need more. Hope you're still out there and post something new.

                    Comment

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