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  1. #31
    MOS Season 3 10/17!! Rival X The Great's Avatar
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    excellent teaser and act! can't wait for the next act.

  2. #32
    Posting Pro ironman29758's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dash142 View Post
    I like it... but you probably should of PM'd it to me. I'll definetly use some of it but obviously it won't be for a while.
    I could have PMed it to you but I couldn't since it was over the maximum limit but we can PM each other more idea for the episodes when the ideas come to either one of us. I could wait though

  3. #33
    Forum Regular dash142's Avatar
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    Acts II, III, IV, and V

    [Act II]

    Int – Ken Arden’s office – Day

    Carol walks up to Ken’s desk and opens her briefcase, removing some papers.

    Carol Ferris (handing him the papers)
    I have the final papers Mr. Arden. My dad would have come himself but he’s golfing at pebble beach.

    Hal Jordan
    It’s nice how he can enjoy his golden years.

    He put a little bit of emphasis on ‘he’ but still tried to say it nicely.

    Ken Arden
    Carol, this is Hal J-

    Carol Ferris
    Jordan, I know we’ve met.

    Hal Jordan
    It’s been a while.

    Ken Arden
    Carol’s dad retired a few years ago. She stopped being a pilot so she could run Ferris Air.

    Hal Jordan
    So, you’re a pilot? It seems like just anyone can be one these days.

    Carol Ferris
    Was a pilot, I have more important things to do Mr. Jordan.

    Hal Jordan
    More important than being a pilot? Seems you’ve changed Ms. Ferris, you-

    Carol Ferris
    Yes, like now.

    Hal takes the hint and leaves, but he hears these last few things before leaving:

    Carol Ferris
    He’s going to be a problem.

    Ken Arden
    The deal was that you keep him on.

    Carol Ferris
    My father’s not going to be happy about this.

    Ext – Outside Arden Airfield

    Hal is outside walking over to the scrapped plane he saw earlier.

    Int – Arden’s Office

    Ken Arden
    Where is your dad really Carol. I know he’s not in any shape to go rock climbing, let alone golfing.

    Carol Ferris
    He’s… not well. Ever since that day he got worse and worse.

    Ken Arden
    I see… if people find out that you’re the one in charge now they’ll probably pull your funding,

    Carol Ferris
    I know… that’s why you have to keep it a secret.

    Ken Arden
    I’ll try to… but it’s only a matter of time before people start asking questions.

    Carol Ferris
    Thanks Mr. Arden.

    She looks out the window to see Hal walking to the plane and getting into the cockpit to sit down.

    Int – The scrapped plane in the hangar at Arden Airfield

    We see Hal sitting in the cockpit of the plane thinking of what to do.

    Hal Jordan
    Damnit dad… what am I going to do?

    Ext – Space Sector 2814, Milky Way Galaxy

    We see Abin Sur’s ship getting closer to Earth, and it has just passed Pluto. The yellow alien is right behind it now.

    Int – Abin Sur’s ship

    Atrocitus
    You can’t stop the Blackest Night, foolish Green Lantern. You can only face it; just like your death!

    Abin Sur
    I am not afraid of death, demon.

    Atrocitus
    But you are afraid. We told you of your ring failing you and now you fly using this ship armed with weapons.

    Abin Sur
    I am simply cautious.

    Atrocitus
    Your faith in your power is weakening, which means so is your willpower and the power of your ring.

    Suddenly the ship is hit and it shakes all over. Abin Sur sees the giant yellow alien outside that has been tailing him.

    Abin Sur
    Legion!

    Atrocitus
    Your fear has distracted you Green Lantern, just as your Guardians warned you it shall be your downfall.

    Abin Sur ignores him and focuses on Legion, the alien that had been tailing him.

    Abin Sur
    I see he has come to kill me now as well.

    He fires the weapons from his ship at the huge bulky alien with a yellow frog-like head/face.

    Abin Sur
    It seems me having this ship has actually saved me. I will manage to get to earth…

    Atrocitus is starting to bang against the green light prison that Abin constructed to hold him. It slowly starts to break as the huge being bangs on it while Abin is focused on fighting Legion.

    [Act II Ends] [Commercial Break]

    [Act III]

    Ext – Arden Air Field – Midday

    We see Hal as he has just finished changing into his green polo shirt and jeans. He puts on his fighter jacket and leaves the hangar as Tom does too.

    Tom Kalmaku
    So, no luck on flying huh?

    Hal Jordan
    Yeah, and to make it worse he’s selling to Ferris Air!

    Tom Kalmaku
    You mean Carl Ferris’ company? I hear he has a hot daughter.

    Hal Jordan
    You mean Carol, yeah she’s hot.

    Tom Kalmaku
    So you know her?

    Hal Jordan
    I met her a long time ago, and she came here today to bring the papers for Arden to sign.

    Tom Kalmaku
    So he made her come and do the dirty work huh?

    Hal Jordan
    Yeah looks like it. She used to be a pilot but her dad retired early and made her help him out.

    Tom Kalmaku
    A pilot? Looks like you two have quite a bit in common…

    Hal looks at Arden’s office and sees Carol leaving it.

    Hal Jordan
    Yeah I guess you’re right Tom. We do have a lot in common.

    Hal grins at Tom and he heads over to Carol.

    Hal Jordan
    Carol, how’d you like to go grab dinner with me tonight?

    Carol Ferris
    Sorry Jordan, I don’t date employees.

    Hal Jordan
    Who said anything about a date? We could just do some catching up.

    Carol Ferris (thinks for a bit before answering)
    Fine, I guess so. I was meeting a consultant for my father tonight anyways.

    Hal Jordan
    Great, where at?

    Carol Ferris
    The new Iceberg Lounge.

    Hal Jordan
    That’s that Night Club that originated in Gotham City isn’t it?

    Carol Ferris
    Yes, that’s the one. Be there, eight o’clock sharp.

    Hal Jordan
    You got it, Ms. Ferris.

    Carol leaves and then so does Hal to go get ready at home.

    Ext – Space Sector 2814, Milky Way Galaxy near Jupiter

    Abin Sur is still struggling with Legion.

    We see the ship shooting at the alien as it takes a swing at the ship, taking out an engine. The engine has a lot of momentum though and continues on its course to Earth.

    Int – Inside Abin Sur’s ship

    Abin Sur
    He took out an engine…

    Atrocitus is still banging on the construct. It has many more cracks in it now.

    Abin Sur
    Give it up demon!

    Atrocitus
    Your fear is growing Green Lantern. Admit it; you feel it, and soon I shall feel free!

    Abin Sur starts to try and outmaneuver Legion as he gets closer to his destination.

    [Act III Ends] [Commercial Break]

    [Act IV]

    Ext – Iceberg Lounge, Coast City – Night

    We see Hal drive up in his car, and he gets out. He is wearing a black suit with a green bowtie. He walks up to the entrance of the restaurant and enters it.

    Int – Iceberg Lounge

    Hal walks around the luxurious nightclub until he sees Carol sitting at a table alone wearing a short pink dress. He walks over to her and sits down at the table.

    Hal Jordan
    Wow, you look amazing Carol.

    She gives him a look to remind him about her policy.

    Hal Jordan
    Sorry, I meant Ms. Ferris.

    Carol Ferris
    Thank you Jordan, you don’t look too bad yourself.

    The waitress comes up to them and asks for their order.

    Carol Ferris
    We’re waiting for someone else first.

    Hal Jordan
    Oh, but we will have a bottle of wine while we wait.

    Carol Ferris
    Jordan, I said…

    Hal Jordan
    It’s just a drink, Ms. Ferris.

    The waitress goes to get their bottle of wine.

    Carol Ferris (says this a bit quietly, just to finish her sentence.)
    I don’t date employees.

    Suddenly a man wearing a tan colored suit with a white dress shirt underneath walks up to them before Hal or Carol can say anything else. His hair is black but a bit messy and he has a mustache, he is about Jordan’s height but obviously a fair bit older than him. Carol and Hal stop and look at him as they see him.

    Hector Hammond
    Am I interrupting something, Ms. Ferris?

    Hal looks at him suspiciously.

    Hal Jordan
    And you are…?

    Carol Ferris
    No, its okay; Hal, this is Hector Hammond. He’s the consultant my father asked me to meet.


    Hal gets up and shakes his hand, still a tad suspicious of him for some reason.

    Hal Jordan
    Nice to meet you; I’m Hal Jordan, a pilot for Ferris Air.

    Carol Ferris
    Actually, he’s just a mechanic…

    Hector sits down at the table now.

    Hector Hammond
    Captain Hal Jordan, the same one who was discharged from the Air Force recently?

    Hal Jordan (he says this a bit proudly for some reason)
    That’s me.

    Hector Hammond
    I can see why he isn’t a pilot for you then.

    Hal Jordan rolls his eyes at him, and Carol stares at him.

    Carol Ferris
    Oh grow up Jordan. So anyways; I guess it’s on to business Mr. Hammond.

    They begin to talk about the company while the camera zooms out a bit slowly at first; until it is looking at the outside of the club and then it speeds up to zoom all the way out to a space view of Earth. The camera then shifts positions and zooms in on Abin Sur and Legion. They are currently near the far side of Mars now.

    Ext – Space Sector 2814, Milky Way Galaxy near Mars

    Abin Sur’s ship is still embroiled in its fight with Legion, shooting lasers at the yellow alien trying to keep it at bay from the ship. Legion is hit by a steady couple of laser shots in his chest area, and flies down to Mars to recover.

    Int – Inside Abin Sur’s ship

    Abin Sur lets out a sigh of relief, then looks back to see Atrocitus breaking his prison. Fearfully he uses his ring to try to repair it and appears to do so. He then turns his attention back to flying and Atrocitus grins, knowing that the construct was really weakened by Abin Sur’s attempt to strengthen it due to his fear.

    Ext - Space Sector 2814, Milky Way Galaxy near Mars

    We see the ship flying by Mars, now no longer pursued by Legion, the yellow alien that had been pursuing it the last couple of days.

    The camera flies through space, presumably back to Jordan’s location, but stops just near Earth’s view and we see a piece of meteor rock that came out of the engine that broke off the ship. It soon gets sucked into Earth’s gravitational pull and flies down to land after breaking through the atmosphere. The camera follows the meteor and it lands in deep in a jungle in Africa that appears to be uninhabited for miles.

    Int - Iceberg Lounge, Coast City

    It appears Hector and Carol have finished conducting business, and Hal looks bored to death though was a tad intrigued at some of the conversation.

    Hector Hammond
    Well; it was a pleasure talking with you Ms. Ferris, say hello to your father for me.

    He shakes her hand and gets up to leave.

    Jordan
    Yeah yeah, see you later Hammond.

    Hector nods at him and briefly shakes his hand before leaving.

    Hector Hammond
    Jordan.

    Hal then turns his attention back to Carol now.

    Hal Jordan
    So Ms. Ferris, care for one more drink? It’ll be on me.

    Carol Ferris
    I really shouldn’t, I need to drive home you know.

    We see on the table that the wine bottle they had from earlier is now completely empty.

    Hal Jordan
    Please? I’m sure you can just call a driver to pick you up, and as for me I’m pretty tolerant with alcohol.

    Carol Ferris
    Oh… okay.

    Hal motions to the waitress to get them another bottle and the camera fades to black.

    [Act IV Ends] [Commercial Break]

    [Act V]

    Ext - Iceberg Lounge, Coast City – Midnight

    We see Hal helping Carol out of the restaurant and walk to the curb where a car for her is waiting. (So Far Away by Staind is playing)

    Hal Jordan (referring to Hector at the end)
    Well, that was fun; mostly.

    Carol Ferris (a bit drunk)
    Yeah… I had a nice time.

    Hal Jordan
    We should do it again some time, Ms. Ferris.

    Carol Ferris
    You can call me Carol now Jordan, we aren’t at work…

    Hal Jordan
    We then; Carol, you can call me Hal.

    Carol slowly leans in to kiss him, and does so briefly before pulling away realizing what she’s done.

    Carol Ferris
    Uh.. I… have to go.

    Hal Jordan
    G-good night…

    Carol hastily gets into the car and drives off while Hal watches until the car’s lights are out of site.

    Hal Jordan
    What did I just do…?

    Ext - Space Sector 2814, Milky Way Galaxy, outside Earth

    Abin Sur’s ship starts to enter Earth’s atmosphere when the lack of it’s other engine and the other damage from its battle with Legion proves disastrous and it starts to mess up while still on course to it’s destination.

    Int – Abin Sur’s ship

    Abin Sur struggles to keep the ship on course, but it appears like it will crash for certain. Atrocitus sees that this is the moment he has been waiting for as Abin Sur’s fear is at it’s peak.

    Atrocitus
    I told you I would be free Green Lantern!

    He breaks out of his prison easily and attacks Abin Sur. Abin tries to fight back with his ring but is nearly unsuccessful.

    Abin Sur
    If you try to kill me now you will die as well…

    Atrocitus merely grins at this as he knows this, he was only attacking him to make sure Abin had no chance at landing his ship without it ending in his demise. The red demon rips open the hatch to the ship as they are still high above in the air, having truly entered Earth’s borders and jumps ship.

    Ext – Earth, above California USA – Sometime after Midnight

    The ship is seen hurdling downwards towards Earth in flames and it crashes somewhere in a desert region. The screen fades to black and then unfades showing Abin Sur in a highly damaged and fiery ship.

    Abin Sur
    Ring… locate most suitable replacement and find them.

    The ring lights up and after a bit and shows three people. The second one is a tall looking man with black hair wearing dorky glasses in a suit.

    Abin Sur
    Truly he is the most suitable yet… he is not even a native of this planet and is too far away.

    The third one is a man with orange hair in a bowl cut at a football field, wearing a letterman jacket and a whistle around his neck.

    Abin Sur
    Too far… and too full of anger and rage.

    The first choice however… was Hal Jordan of Coast City, and the closest option.

    Abin Sur (voice fading as he passes out)
    This one… Hal Jordan… find him.

    The ring lifts itself off of his finger and flies off to retrieve Hal Jordan.

    [Act V Ends] [Closing Credits]

    Written by Zach F.
    Green Lantern Hal Jordan was created by John Broome and Gil Kane
    Green Lantern and all associated characters belong to DC Comics
    Last edited by dash142; 05-18-2009 at 02:37 PM. Reason: Added Acts 4 and 5

  4. #34
    Posting Pro ironman29758's Avatar
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    nice ending. I loved the legion/Abin Sur/Atrocius scenes as well as the HaL/Hector/Carol scene. Nice illusion to the GL Movie script with the Clark(who in my mind is played by Tom Welling looking like this http://smallville.*****.com/wiki/File:Image757.jpg and http://images1.*****.nocookie.net/sm...d/dc/Noir5.jpg in one of his reporter clothes of season 8), Guy, and Hal(altough I hope to see the ring past by John Stewart and Kyle Rayner as well as this(http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/ne...te=1&p=4830629 05:16-06:06) but I can think that can happen in my mind
    Last edited by ironman29758; 05-18-2009 at 03:27 PM.

  5. #35
    Forum Regular dash142's Avatar
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    It will probably pass John Stewart since he's in the area currently, but Kyle is farther down the list currently.

  6. #36
    MOS Season 3 10/17!! Rival X The Great's Avatar
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    great episode. Carol couldn't resisit Hal's charm for long. I like you showed Clark cameo in your episode.

  7. #37
    Posting Pro KalEltheBoyscout's Avatar
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    WOW! I'm so happy for you! This is a really well-written fan-fic and I loved both episodes. Keep up the good work Zach, because you're an amazing writer.

  8. #38
    Forum Regular dash142's Avatar
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    Thanks guys.

    But since I was sick recently I really need to get started on my homework... on the last stretch of it now and then final exams.

    Don't count on any more episodes untill next month.

  9. #39
    Posting Pro KalEltheBoyscout's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dash142 View Post
    Thanks guys.

    But since I was sick recently I really need to get started on my homework... on the last stretch of it now and then final exams.

    Don't count on any more episodes untill next month.
    Believe me, if anyone understands about how crazy schoolwork can get, it's me. Good luck on your final exams. I'm just about finishing up with all the school craziness myself. But I totally understand, so I'll be anxiously but patiently awaiting further episodes of this awesome series.

  10. #40
    Board Master Dark Knight23's Avatar
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    I'm liking this story so far keep up the good work

  11. #41
    Forum Regular dash142's Avatar
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    So um... I'm going to be really busy this summer. I'm gonna have to just scrap this idea, no time for me to do it. Sorry guys, good luck with your stories though.

  12. #42
    MOS Season 3 10/17!! Rival X The Great's Avatar
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    What? Aww man dude you can't just leave us hanging...I understand good luck my friend.

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