Quotes you "wish" were in Lara

[xrayvision]

Clark: Hi Lex.

Lex: Who is that a picture of?

Clark: My biological mother.

Lex: Yo mamma's so ugly, she makes an onion cry.

Clark: What's the matter with you Lex?

Lex: Damn Clark, aren't you gonna kick my ass?

Clark: Why?

Lex: Yo Lana's so dumb that she stared at an Orange juice can because it said "Concentrate".

Clark: All right, that's it!! Nobody makes fun of Lana!! You're ass is mine Lex!!

[Dodge006]

A-Channel Commercial announcer: "Next week Smallville will be back on it's original time 9 Wed."

[CountryGirl84]

Clark: WHAT!? Lana's been lying to me?! I am SUCH. an idiot!
*walks off into the corn field grumbling*
mumblemumble... STUPID...mumblemumble..*expletive*....NAIVE....mum ble mumble*profanity*how could I be so blind?... screw this earth education I'm going to the fortress to get some kryptonian knowledge.

[DarkChilde]

Clark: Well I am a kryptonian and you are a human; you can't get pregnant.

[Krypton935]

Clark: Hey Shelby how are you?

[thehenry89]

Lara:...oh kal-el, why did you have to take after your father's side of the family. you're such an idiot.

[yosemiteangel]

^^:lol:

Clark: Lana, I don't love you, and I'm going to save the world wearing the cape that Rachel gave me. And I'm going to go kiss Lois. Buh-bye. (Flies away 'cuz he's happy) :p

[Alexander III]

Originally posted by Krypton935
Clark: Hey Shelby how are you?

Shelby: I'm doing fine. Oh yea, where's my wedding ring? :(

[Ilovebeinglost]

Originally posted by Alexander III
Shelby: I'm doing fine. Oh yea, where's my wedding ring? :(


Promises promises just coz I'm a dog doesn't mean I don't have feelings. I thought you really loved me when you said .............................:p

[Silent Kal]

Lara: So Kal-El my son, have you been studying with your father's spirit at the Fortress? Are you ready to become the great champion that Earth is crying out for?

Clark: ...well, not exactly, see, I've been hanging out here...fixing the tractor...helping Kara enter a beauty pageant...i met a movie star last week, that was pretty cool...

Lara: Wait--what?

Clark: Look, mom, I can't leave and become Earth's...whatever it was you said. I'm happy here with my newly-divorced girlfriend who was formerly married to my mortal enemy. I have everything I need right here on the farm.

Lara: WHAT?!? No son of mine is gonna be that whipped. That's it, you're coming with me. We're going to see your father--NOW.

Clark: But MOOOOooooOOOMMMM....

Lara: Now! And that girl's obviously no good for you.

Clark: But I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I love her! I LOOOOVVVVEEE HEEEEERRRRRR!

Lara: *shakes head* This is so embarrassing. How old are you anyway? 22, 23? Act like a friggin MAN, will ya? (to Chloe) Is he always like this?

Chloe: *shrugs* Worse, sometimes. I'm glad you're here. He needs an intervention.

(in the distance)
Pete: Remy Zero!!!

Chloe: *confused* did you hear that?

Lara: Hear what?

Chloe: Nevermind.

[Dodge006]

^^ Good stuff!!

[BWOracle]

Lara: So Clark, Have you decided to go to the Fortress and study with Jor-El.

Clark: But Mom, I leave for the Fortress and the SV TV show ends.

[TheANIMAL (marcus)]

Clark to Shelby: You'll have your favorite dog food for a year if you bite Lana on the butt right now, you know, the one i save for your birthdays and Christmas.

[TWLOVER03]

Clark: I think I'm going to wear this cape!
Chloe: I think I'm going to marry Oliver!
Lex: I think I'm going to get a hair transplant!
Pete: I think I'm gonig to get married... to my true love all along... now where did Shalby go?
Lana: I think I'm going to go play with matches and fireworks at a gas station!

[Alexander III]

Originally posted by TWLOVER03
Clark: I think I'm going to wear this cape!
Chloe: I think I'm going to marry Oliver!
Lex: I think I'm going to get a hair transplant!
Pete: I think I'm gonig to get married... to my true love all along... now where did Shalby go?
Lana: I think I'm going to go play with matches and fireworks at a gas station!

Lionel: And I think I'm going insane, kill me Lex plz KILL ME!

[NoSupeForYou]

MM: Where's my apology?
Lionel: Two episodes, two kills. I'm on a roll.
Shelby: Every time I throw this tractor out, he brings it back.
Chloe: I really need a paperweight.

Lex: Someone beat up my security guys again.
Lana: I saw that.

[chlo-el]

Clark: Oh your looking for support for the meteor infected how about a hug.

[xrayvision]

Mau-Ry: OK, we're back with the Mau-Ry Show and are getting ready to find out Kal-El's DNA test. If you're just joining us, he's here with his mother Lara, his supposed father Jor-El, and his supposed uncle Zor-El, and a special guest backstage.

Kal-El: What are the results Mau-Ry?

Mau-Ry: Before we get to it, I have a few questions to ask you. As a kid, did anyone ever make fun of you?

Kal-El: I guess so.

Mau-Ry: Did they call you a bastard child?

Kal-El: Uhhh...

Mau-Ry: C'mon son. The world wants to know!

Kal-El: Yes.

Mau-Ry: Did they call you a BDA?

Kal-El: Yes.

Mau-Ry: Did they nickname your mom Whor-El?

Kal-El (crying): Yes.

Mau-Ry: Did every bathroom stall you entered have your mom's phone number and a detailed map of your mom's fun parts?

Kal-El (in a low voice): Y-y-y-yes.

Mau-Ry: Louder you Last illegimate son of a Kryptonian b*tch!!!

Kal-El: Yes!!!!!!

Lara: Stop it. Look what you're doing to him.

Mau-Ry: Put a sock in it toots!

Kal-El: He said sock, mom!

Mau-Ry: OK, now it's time for me to open the envelope.

<Mau-Ry looks at the results>

Mau-Ry: So Kal-El, who do you think your father is?

Kal-El: Jor-El.

Mau-Ry: And by saying that, you are absolutely wrong!!

Audience: Booooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

Jor-El: You whore!!! You never could keep your legs closed around my brother!!

Zor-El: I knew it!!! Come to papa son!!!

Mau-Ry: Stay the hell away from him before I taze your ass Bro!

Zor-El: What are you saying?

Mau-Ry: He's not your son either.

Zor-El: You <beeeeeeeeeeeeep> b*tch!!!

<Lara picks up a chair and throws it at Zor-El>

Audience: Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry!!!!!!!!

Lara: You <beeeeeeeeep>!!! You could never be a father when you're hung like our pet Krypto-ferret!!!!!

Audience: Ohhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lara: I do whateva I want! I do whateva I want!

Kal-El: So who the hell is my real daddy?

Mau-Ry: It's the Magnificent Bastardtastic Emissarial member of the Whorehouse of El...Lion-El!!!!

Kal-El: What?!!!!!?

Lion-El (walking on the stage): I always knew you got your lying habits from me, son!! But trust me, we have a lot of work and undermining to do. Can you say, "radical electroshock therapy"?

Audience: Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry, Mau-Ry!!!!!!!!

Mau-Ry: When we return...we have a dog named Shelby with balls on his chin...stay tuned!!!

[olliejk]

Laura: <smacks Clark in the back of the head> You can fly idiot, quit pretending you can't

Clark: <sobs> but seven seasons ago the writers said no flights no tights...

Laura: That was seven flippin years ago. It made sense then. Now it's just Kryp-tarded

Clark: <sobbing>but...but...they said...it was a rule...you should stick to rules

Laura: Look, you might tell a three year old they cannot use scissors unsupervised, but when they're ten you would only stick to that rule.

Clark:....I'm afraid of flying....

Laura: Jeez! You can jump of a 100 story building without fear of what happens hitting the gound but flying bugs you?!? Hitting the gound is the thing about flying that is usually the scary part!

Clark: Fine! I can fly. I was just pretending not to so people on the boards would have something to fight over. I suppose now they'll just need to keep fighting over Clana

Laura: Clana? Who's that?

Clark: Long story.

[Saber]

Kara: Like my clothes. I get them from the Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog, it was mailed right through the portal and on to my Kryptonian doorstep.
That’s also where I got my demi bra, it gives me my karleavge under my tight shirts. *earth shopping is so cool*
Hmmm…where is that catalog now…*GASP*CLARK!

Clark: What…there’s a sale on tights.

Kara: No way…I’m the only one that flies on this show…remember "no tights, no flight"… give me back that catalog before you progress faster than me.
I did it all in just six episodes with that catalog, I want to keep it that way.

[DarkChilde]

A Stranger with a Towel over his shoulder approaches Clark and speaks to him with a British Accent:
"There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. It knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that provides the difficulties."

[krypt0man]

Clark: "Wow. The cars look like little ants from way up here..."

[olliejk]

Clark flies to Metropolis and visits Chloe at 2:45 am.

Chloe: Clark! You figured out that flying thing!

Clark: Wait give me a second.

<Clark pulls out a HUGE book labeled "The big book of I wasn't flying excuses">

Clark: Here we go! Tonight is daylight savings time. We have to set the clocks back to 2am in 15 minutes, thus it will be BEFORE the time I flew. So I never flew!

Chloe: Clark, that is the lamest no-fly excuse ever!

Clark: Sadly, no it is not.

[xrayvision]

^^

Clark: Hi Chloe!

Chloe: Clark, you're finally flying!!

Clark: No, that was actually a super fart. I actually tore a whole through the roof. I wish my dad was still alive so he could teach me this flying thing.

Chloe: You mean to tell me the trigger to your flight is a super fart?

Clark: Yup. Just like how a super sneeze was the trigger to my superbreath.

Chloe: I feel sorry for Lana.

Clark: Why?

Chloe: Because if your farts are powerful enough to blow you from Smallville to Metropolis, then Lana must have been blown out the window and splattered on the driveway.

Clark: Noooooooo!!!!!!

[Serynarpc]

Lana: That right angle is in your imagination.
Chloe: Wow, Lana, that drips so much condescension I'm amazed no one else has seen through your crap yet.
Lana *Surprised and trying to lay on the sweetness* Chloe, I'm sorry if I seemed-
Chloe: Seemed like the self absorbed little cry baby that you are? News flash Lana, your life is not the only one with strife.
*Hauls back and backhands Lana*
Thats from taking this very personal moment in my life and corrupting it to revolve around you once again.

[laurasuperman]

Lana:hey clark what r u doing

Clark:you know lana your really not that pretty

Lana:WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

Clark:thats right i went there
Clark:and you know what your a selfish slob too

Lana:ok clark lets see how you like this

Clark:oh no kryptonite ooo ow oh ow oh

lol i thought it was funny lol

[Theshadow129x]

Tom Welling: Thanks for watching this episode, everyone. Just so you know this was a joke because it doesnt make the rest of the superman story and the smallville story make sense, we just wanted to bring in a hot older supergirl for ratings, coming up next is a good episode of supernatural here on the cw!

[jesustlife]

Clark: Lana I want to share everything with you.

Lana: What's in the box?

(Suspense music while he opens)

Lana: Clark!!!! I crystal dildo??? Are you nuts???

Clark: Well, could you at least kiss me????? Gossshhh!!