Make up a Smallville spoof [Archive] - KSiteTV Television & Movie Forums

xrayvision

03-25-2007, 11:49 AM

Promisc:

Lana gets married to Lex, but in this one she finds out that getting married to him results in her becoming one of his promiscuous ho's and that Lex is really one street nasty pimp. The episode ends with Clark paying for 1 night of Lana and while they're doing the nasty, the camera zooms out to an episode of the Popeye cartoon where Popeye tells Olive, "You promisc!!".

Meat:

Instead of discovering heatvision, Clark discovers a new power about Clark Jr. and starts putting out forest fires. All that's needed is a pitcher of Martha's magical lemonade and Clark turns into a firehose. Of course in the middle of the episode, the guys from Jackass approach Clark about doing a firehose rodeo to which he superspeeds for the hills. Arsonists beware of Clark's power gained from this episode.

Streak:

In this episode, Lex Luthor runs for Congress and tours around Kansas. Of course in this episode, it's time for him to make an appearance in Smallville. Clark & Chloe are fed up with Lex and want to do something to stop him. To their surprise, Pete shows up and also shows his disgust of Lex. So they decide to become streakers at his Smallville appearance to make a mockery of him. But when the time comes to streak Clark does a superspeed streak while Chloe & Pete are at human speed and they're both pissed off at Clark at the end of the episode. The end.

goldylocks_k

03-25-2007, 12:21 PM

Heh, good game!

Redux..tion - A woman is seemingly able to keep herself young. How does she do it? Chloe and Clark soon find out that the truth to her youth is finding a sale or a good bargain at the local smallville shop.

Nocturne - Lana keeps receiving poems from an unknown stranger, and when she seeks out the secret admirer, she learns that the author is an owl. Clark realises that he has stiff competition in the race to win Lana's heart.

Sparrow - ...well this one kind of speaks for itself.

xrayvision

03-25-2007, 01:20 PM

Wreckoning:

This is a special best-of episode featuring all the cast members commenting on Smallville car wrecks (and only car wrecks).

Read:

Nope, no red-k in this episode. This is what is considered hands down the worst episode ever of any TV show. It is all about flashbacks to explain how Evan from Ageless learned to read. The Rocky theme, Gonna Fly Now, plays throughout the episode.

Peat (title spoof of Heat):

A 7th season episode that gets all the viewers who want Pete to return all excited and then lets them down because the episode is only about Clark using peat moss during a drout to make the ground hold more water during the seldom rain showers. By the end of the episode, viewers like me buy a Kent shotgun replica to blow away our TV sets.

Leaper:

Lex's life is crumbling around him and he becomes so desperate that he climbs the bridge seen in the background of the Smallville Luthorcorp plant (the Alex Fraser bridge in Vancouver) and is ready to jump. After everyone is yelling at him to jump, a sobbing Lex can't take it anymore and takes the dive, only to be saved at the last minute by Clark. He then kicks off an investigation and hires a reporter named Codger Dixon to help him find out why he lived and make a computer model of the jump. This episode really "leaps" the shark.

xrayvision

03-25-2007, 04:31 PM

Cage (title spoof of Rage):

In this, Clark, Chloe, Lana, Lex, Martha, and Lionel all laugh their butts off when they learn that the makers of Superman Returns were actually thinking of having Nick Cage as Superman. That is the entire episode.

Cageless:

This is the alternate title of Superman Returns which was all shoved into an episode of Smallville.

C Redfield

03-25-2007, 09:40 PM

Phantoms:

An endless army of Phantoms plan to storm Smallville. Its up to Clark and 300 meteor freaks to save the town after Clark yells at the first Phantom possesed being "This is Smallville" before kicking him down an endless pit.

Bank:

After being smashed in the head by the giant green S of the smallville savings and loans Clark forgets his destiny and becomes the world's fastest small time banker marrying Lana in a nice church wedding.

krpto

03-26-2007, 01:19 PM

ZOO: clark has to break into the zoo at night after chloe gets kidnapped by a giant ape.

smallvilleobsessor17

03-26-2007, 01:28 PM

Sitters: Clark learns about Lex's experiments to attempt to make super baby sitters in Level 3. However, after one of the fetuses got loose and escaped, it hid out in SV, only to mature and go out to prey on young children. It's up to Clark to save the day- and the children.

goldylocks_k

03-26-2007, 01:44 PM

Reckoning - Clark reckons that he should tell Lana truth. Lana reckons that they should take a break from their relationship. Lex reckons that he should win the race, if all else fails he reckons he should kiss Lana.

Chloe reckons that Clark deserves to be happy. Martha reckons that her pearl necklace is lovely. Johnathan reckons his son is now a man. Lionel reckons that he should cause someone's heart attack. Lois reckons that some days the high calorie food is easier to reach for.

Jor-El reckons that this all makes a too lovely episode and that all this reckoning ruins the mood. So he kills Lana and lets Clark turn back time.

But, seeing how sad Clarkie boy is, he turns him into a chicken.

Meanwhile Pete reckons he was lucky to get out while he could.

Chloe>All

03-26-2007, 01:52 PM

Pothead

Chloe finds out that, because of a meteor accident in his marijuana lab, the Smallville football coach is winning football games by secretly getting the opponents high right before the games. When Pete helps her investigate, they both get torn up and spend much of the episode eating Cheetos and laughing at Beavis & Butthead re-runs. Clark saves the day, of course, but not before hearing a story from Jonathan about the time he once "rolled a doobie."

Z-Ray

I don't have a story here. This is just an homage to the late Mitch Hedberg and a joke he had about how "xylophone" shouldn't have a 'Z' sound.

smallvilleobsessor17

03-26-2007, 01:59 PM

^^HEHEHEE! Pothead....lol

blackcelebration

03-26-2007, 02:13 PM

GEEK (Spoof Freak)

Clark buys some glasses of a man called Tobias which when he wears them make Clark seem like a completely different person. Can Clark convince people that he is the real Clark Kent...?

BUN (Spoof Run)

Lana starts wondering after the miscarriage of her baby why her belly never grew even though she was around 6 months pregnent!!!!

PAGE (Spoof Rage)

Former Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page visits Smallville & Zeppelin sales of their 4th album go ballistic because of that. But Clark becomes curious about Zeppelin's sudden success when he listens to a Zeppelin song called Stairway to Heaven and finds that the song has demonic messaging especially when listened to backwards!!!

xrayvision

03-26-2007, 08:47 PM

Originally posted by krpto
ZOO: clark has to break into the zoo at night after chloe gets kidnapped by a giant ape.

I guess this is the episode where Gorilla Grodd first appears.

Originally posted by smallvilleobsessor17
Sitters: Clark learns about Lex's experiments to attempt to make super baby sitters in Level 3. However, after one of the fetuses got loose and escaped, it hid out in SV, only to mature and go out to prey on young children. It's up to Clark to save the day- and the children.

Lol! I guess this is when Clark becomes the Smooth Criminal and does the Moon, err Kryptonwalk.

Originally posted by Chloe>All
Pothead

Chloe finds out that, because of a meteor accident in his marijuana lab, the Smallville football coach is winning football games by secretly getting the opponents high right before the games. When Pete helps her investigate, they both get torn up and spend much of the episode eating Cheetos and laughing at Beavis & Butthead re-runs. Clark saves the day, of course, but not before hearing a story from Jonathan about the time he once "rolled a doobie."

Pothead, hahahaha!!!!!! Rolled a doobie, man that was hilarious!!

Aqua fan (spoof of Aqua):

Lois gets Clark hooked on that 90's song by Aqua---Barbie Girl and Clark performs it live on stage at the Talon.

Rogue-ain (spoof of Rogue):

This is the episode in which Lex grows hair.

Nero (spoof of Zero):

Clark is overwhelmed by a surgically enhanced Lana and burns down Smallville with his heatvision.

Gore-tex (spoof #1 of Vortex):

This episode takes place between Reaper and Drone and is about Clark trying to find waterproof boots so he can go on his fishing trip with Jonathan. Of course Lex buys Clark a pair, but he is forced to give it back to him after Jonathan finds out.

Cortex (spoof #2 of Vortex):

The episode is the greatest one of all. It's all about Lionel giving every regular character radical electroshock therapy. At the end when he has nobody left to perform it on, Lionel performs it on himself.

Psychotic (spoof of Dichotic):

Belle Reve is expanded as everyone from Smallville is admitted into it, reducing the population of 45,000 who used to live freely to just Shelby.

Brush (spoof of Crush):

The episode is about Shelby getting bathed too many times and gaining telekinetic powers due to something in the water.

Excelerate:

Luthorcorp goes bankrupt in this episode thanks to their over-dependency on faulty Microsoft products.

Lexodus:

This is the episode in which Lex leaves Smallville.

Lexile (spoof of Exile):

Lex is further cast out of Smallville and forced to work in the textile shop Morgan Edge & Lionel set up in Shattered.

Tellusman (spoof of Talisman):

This episode from start to finish is about everyone who doesn't know Clark's secret hounding him to tell them. This is the episode where he decided he had enough and leaves for training.

Relish (spoof of Relic):

This one's about Jor-El's love for putting relish on his hotdogs when he was on Earth. We find out that relish for Jor-El is like pie for Clark.

Lumber (spoof of Slumber):

About Clark taking up lumberjacking and performing miracles with his wood.

Comb (spoof of Tomb):

It's Lex's birthday and Clark & Lionel get him a comb. Lex gets pissed off. The end.

Roid (spoof of Void):

This is one of the season finales where the world is falling to disarray. This time there is a shortage of Preparation H while thanks to Milton Fine, the flares are just starting to get hotter.

Marcy (spoof of Mercy):

Lionel is put through several tests as he is forced to get through them or die trying. The person behind it all turns out to be Al Bundy's next door neighbor, Marcy D'Arcy (aka Marcy Rhodes).

xrayvision

03-29-2007, 10:13 PM

Bumbler (spoof of Slumber):

This episode features a twist on the movie mythos. Instead of a bumbling Clark Kent with glasses, Lana is the one who gets glasses and falls all over the place knocking herself out and getting frequent trips to the SMC.

angelus666

06-11-2007, 11:54 AM

Originally posted by Chloe>All
Pothead

Chloe finds out that, because of a meteor accident in his marijuana lab, the Smallville football coach is winning football games by secretly getting the opponents high right before the games. When Pete helps her investigate, they both get torn up and spend much of the episode eating Cheetos and laughing at Beavis & Butthead re-runs. Clark saves the day, of course, but not before hearing a story from Jonathan about the time he once "rolled a doobie."

LOL the story was good until "but not before hearing a story from Jonathan about the time he once "rolled a doobie.". Then it became brilliant.

MetroGirl06

06-11-2007, 02:04 PM

:rotfl: You guys crack me up!

Canine

Shelby is finally fed up with being ignored and lack of speaking parts! She and Pete team up to take over Smallville, and possibly the world!

KryptonScouse

06-11-2007, 06:52 PM

Spade (goof on Fade)

Clark rescues a spade from the scrap-heap. Lois uses said spade to go on a grave digging rampage while the exhumed corpses reak havok in Smallville. Also, Chloe buys a shovel to join in on the action.

xrayvision

06-11-2007, 09:34 PM

Anthem (spoof of Phantom):

Lois tries to sing the anthem at a Metropolis Sharks game but sucks so bad that she attracts all the dogs from the local alleys to show up and howl.

Frodo-type (spoof of Prototype):

Clark has finally given up on Lana & starts going out with women who worship Lord of the Rings characters. Lex also starts sporting the kryptonite ring.

Genesis (spoof of Nemesis):

This is the Clana version of Adam & Eve. This episode results in all the viewers buying handguns and (just like the Joker in Batman) saying "I have given a name to my pain, and it is Smallville" followed by blowing their TV sets to smithereens.

Greek (spoof of Freak):

This is the episode where Clark gets high on red-k and goes toga crazy and joins a frat house. No one is safe. No one.

Raj-n-me (spoof of Progeny):

This episode is about Clark's memoirs of watching What's Happening.

Sex-ray (spoof of X-Ray):

Lex is completely out of luck with women and is about to resort to animals when he finds a weapon called the sex ray. Suddenly, he doesn't need any more candles to get quick in the sack with Lana. It all ends badly when Clark accidentally superspeeds in front of the sex-ray beam and goes after Lex.

Watching Smallville

06-23-2007, 06:41 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Rogue-ain (spoof of Rogue):

This is the episode in which Lex grows hair.

OMG xray, I've been laughing for five minutes!
:rotfl:

Pothead -- priceless!

Great thread.

xrayvision

06-23-2007, 11:04 PM

Hound (spoof of Bound):

This is the 1 episode dedicated to Shelby's love triangles.

Phonyx (spoof of Onyx):

This is the episode where Clark learns to read and ends his tenure as BDA of Smallville.

Hijinks (spoof of Jinx):

This is the episode where all the characters play pranks on each other. The high point is when Clark goes to the Luthor mansion and superspeeds Lex over to the bed of someone who is scheduled for a sex change and switches names in the hospital records, thus creating the birth of Lexine.

Bone (spoof of Gone):

This is the Smallville porn special seen only on the Spice Channel.

Dairy (spoof of Perry):

This episode is all about the cows. It's Clark vs. Lex in a cow milking competition. After this episode, the cows will need a long vacation.

Lyin' (spoof of Ryan):

This is the subtitle to every single episode of Smallville.

Spirit Detective

06-24-2007, 09:43 PM

Hexmas (Spoof of Lexmas)

Clark get's bewitched and turns into a frog. The only way to break the spell is for him to recieve a kiss. Fortunately Shelby's there.

Lobotomy (Spoof of Dichotomy)

After Lex recieves a gangrenous limb in the mail (Dr Walden's hand), Lionel convinces him to recieve brain surgery.

xrayvision

06-24-2007, 09:57 PM

First (spoof of Thirst):

This episode is completely a flashback and takes place a loooong time ago and is about Lana's first boyfriend. Of course since Lana's injury-ridden brain can't remember this, it has to be told from her boyfriend's point of view. Oh wait, he's dead, so I guess there is no such episode.

music_man86

06-25-2007, 02:20 AM

Megamorphosis (Metamorphosis):
Lex captures Clark and injects him with red-k; now Clark is taking over the globe and the world's only hope is...The Power Rangers! da-dadadaaah!
Shourglass(Hourglass):
Lois is in the Talon taking a shower when Lana accidently walks in on her and sees her through the meteor-plated glass...now Lana's having to resist temptations every time she sees lois or chloe and Clark is the only one who can save her, but there's a bigger problem now, everytime Clark looks in Lana's meteor infected eyes he turns homo! A special episode shown only on Logo.
Drone(Drone): This is it! Clark and Lana are finally gonna sit down and drone on about their history and work out their relationship!...a special two-hour Oxygen movie event!
Tempo(Tempest): Clark meets a straight A student who reveals her secret of success...she can slow down time kinda like clark's superspeed and look up all the test answers before anyone notices....a wake-up call for Clark who didnt get straight As in HS.

Shattered(the original title for Fragile)
Fade(the original title for Shattered)
Shimmer(the original title for Fade)
Obsession(the original title for Shimmer)
Crush(the original title for Obsession)
Mercy(the original title for Crush)
Labyrinth(the original title for Mercy)
Asylum(the original title for Labyrinth)
Delete(the original title for Asylum)
Unsafe(the original title for Delete)
Reunion(the original title for Unsafe)
Memoria(the original title for Reunion)
Blank(the original title for Memoria)
Gone(the original title for Blank)
Hidden(the original title for Gone)
Extinction(the original title for Hidden)
Freak(the original title for Extinction)
Fragile(the original title for Freak)
^^^^^^see top line^^^^^^

Digitalsteel

06-25-2007, 11:18 AM

Streak

Clark, Lois, Lana, Chloe, and about 20 other smallville residents decide to go streaking through downtown after seeing snoop dog at a party. Somehow Clark is the only one to actually do it, he screams "yeahhh, wwooooooo" as he stumbles through Smallville Naked and Drunk off his @$$

xrayvision

06-25-2007, 11:34 AM

^^

Hehe, we think alike.

xrayvision

10-26-2007, 02:45 PM

Pierce: Lana goes goth and starts piercing her body all over.

Impure: An episode dealing with the events in the Luthor mansion where Wither left off.

Odysseus

10-28-2007, 09:16 PM

Hairy (Perry): Thanks to their experiments on meteor freaks, Lex's scientists have a breakthrough and now know how to cure Lex's baldness (this was the true purpose of the 33.1 experiments). In this very special episode of Smallville, Lex sports a very Lionel-like mane of hair.

Unfortunately he goes bald again after Clark's latest conflict with Jor-El results in a third meteor shower.

Mello Penelo

10-28-2007, 09:33 PM

Switzerland - Clark decides never to fight again. He joins the UN as a representative.

Neptune - Clark discovers a new phantom living in California. While there, he meets a blonde detective who's smarter and wittier than Chloe.

Multiverse - Clark falls through a dimensional rift and finds himself an alternate reality where he doesn't live in Smallville, Jonathan isn't dead and Pete is white (and married to Lana).

Tom - Clark hits his head and wakes up in a movie studio in Vancouver, Canada and everyone is strangely calling him "Tom."

Mensa - Clark tries to join an honors society in school and is horribly rejected.

xrayvision

10-28-2007, 10:32 PM

Jackson (Action): Michael Jackson shows up and uses some kryptonite-laced creams on his face that cause him to turn into an adolescent boy. Then Lex finds him and traps him in the Cueball-Land Ranch.

Bruce-ade (Crusade): This is the episode where Bruce Wayne shows up but falls into a meat grinder and his bloody remains are served as cocktails during Lex's latest party at the mansion.

Smell (Spell): The Kent farm gets possessed by Shelby droppings that smell so bad that they have to be exorcised. Wanda Sykes guest stars.

Originally posted by Mello Penelo
Tom - Clark hits his head and wakes up in a movie studio in Vancouver, Canada and everyone is strangely calling him "Tom."

Haha, this reminds me of a Growing Pains episode that was very much like what you're saying.

ginnyfan

10-28-2007, 10:45 PM

Great thread... LOL!

xrayvision

10-28-2007, 11:39 PM

Thanks ginnyfan.

Odysseus

10-30-2007, 06:54 PM

Temptress (Tempest): As if the relationships in Smallville weren't dysfunctional enough, things get even more complicated when Whoopi Goldberg guest stars as a middle-aged woman with a major crush on Clark

Cool (Cool): After watching a "Happy Days" marathon all day, Lionel starts dressing and acting like the Fonz. Lex is bewildered when Lionel greets him with an "Ayyyyy!"

xrayvision

10-30-2007, 10:04 PM

^^Nice!

Drool (Cool): This episode is all about Clark stalking Lana and drooling over her. It's all about Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana, Lana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Whore Taken (Forsaken): This episode is about Clark going to a brothel for some action and finding out that the call girl he wanted to pay for was rented out by Lex.

Demoted (Devoted): This is the episode where Lex gets thrown out as CEO by the board members of Luthorcorp and is forced to work as the window cleaner.

Atomic girl

10-31-2007, 02:47 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Wreckoning:

This is a special best-of episode featuring all the cast members commenting on Smallville car wrecks (and only car wrecks).

This was my first big laugh of the thread....:lol:

Originally posted by xrayvision

Rogue-ain (spoof of Rogue):

This is the episode in which Lex grows hair.
This was my second, even bigger laugh....

Originally posted by Odysseus
Cool (Cool): After watching a "Happy Days" marathon all day, Lionel starts dressing and acting like the Fonz. Lex is bewildered when Lionel greets him with an "Ayyyyy!" And this had me wishing this thread had started a long time ago :lol:

Thanks for the laughs, keep 'um coming

xrayvision

11-19-2007, 12:20 AM

Glue (spoof of Blue): Clark alone with his right hand...a sticky situation...'nuff said. :)

Jittersbug (spoof of Jitters): Clark & Lex do the Jitterbug while having the jitters and singing Wham's hit "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go".

Wrash (spoof of Wrath): Clark fooling around with one dirty, dirty, Lana Lang and causing sex quakes = A nasty wrash

Blue screen of death

11-19-2007, 12:30 PM

season 2 episode 4

Jed

Clark is out hunting on the farm and shoots the ground and out comes bubblin' crude. The kents make a large amount of money and move to beverly hills.

season 2 episode 9

psychotic

Lanas true colors come out as she finds out that the guy she is dating is the same one that chloe is. Cat fights, baskett weaving, white coats and ritilin save the day in this one.

season 2 episode 22

calling

Clark and pete get jobs as telemarketers who cold call clients about the purchase of insurance, farm equipment, ronco items, and amway products.

Crusade? season 4 episode 1

Clark and johnathon are the christians Lex and lional are the moors. In this historic battle reenactment we can see highlights of the various battles for the holyland. Special appearence by Adam knight as the leader of the templars (pre friday the 13th hehe)

spell-ing season 4 episode 8

Lana, chloe, and lois all go to grammer school and get hooked on phonics. Learn proper sentance structure and even have a chance to compete in a spelling bee.

recruited season 4 episode 13

Clark and lex join the army and get the g.i. bill. As training to be a superhero and supervillan can be expensive. With one weekend a month and two weeks a year they still serve their families while serving their country.

cryptosporidium season 4 episode 14

The water supply of smallville has been infected with bacteria. People all over town are suffering from diarhea and the town supply of pepto bismol has run out. Its up to clark and his new found dog to make it to metropolis and help resupply the town until this unpleasant bug is cured.

hideandseek season 5 episode 3

Clark, lex, chloe, lana, and jason play a rousing game of hide an seek. Things are fun and wonderfull until noone can find lex.

tombraider season 5 episode 14

Chloe is on her way to locate pandoras box and lex atops at nothing trying to get their first and once again rule the world.

Sod season 6 episode 1

Clark and lex start a lanscaping business. After all the destruction from falling meteors they go to work replanting trees, crops, lawns and shrubberies to make smallville look as beautiful as it did pre meteor shower.

Promiscuity season 6 episode 16

everyone you've ever wanted to see "get it on" in smallville does, even a few you don't want to see. This episode is jam-packed with sexy and scary fun.

Phantasm season 6 episode 22

Lana is killed by a flying silver ball, a strange tall man arrives in town trying to take over the funeral home. Clark tries to put a stop to it and hears " you play a good game boy, but the game is finished, now you die!!"

Persona Season 7 episode 15

Guido Sardenia, the president of Sebec smallville Branch
has been plagued with vicious rumors since they opened
their doors several months ago.
It's not safe to go out alone in Smallville anymore.
Shadows and substance have formed new alliances.
Suspicious looking men in dark suits roam the town.
What is their purpose? Mysterious sounding machines
squeal from deep within the earth. The spirit of a
little girl dressed in black haunts the company. This
is just a hint of the rumors emanating from Sebec.
What does Guido think when he looks over the city with
those dark beady eyes of his?
You and your friends, Clark, Chloe, Lana, and Lois,
(who incidentally has been very ill), are well aware
of the rumors. This doesn't stop you from playing
the one game you truly enjoy, "Persona."
Weird things have started to happen ever since you
began to play the game...

Odysseus

11-19-2007, 10:52 PM

Mitten(Hidden): To help make ends meet, Martha turns to sewing mittens to sell to the frost-bitten citizens of Smallville. Clark, Chloe, and Lois join in and make it a party.

Scattered(Shattered): Lex accidentally leaves a pile of incriminating LuthorCorp documents on a windowsill, where they are blown away by a strong gust of wind. After scolding him, Lionel joins Lex in searching the town for the missing documents.

Lanaween(Lexmas): After being a witch and vampire in previous episodes, Lana decides to celebrate Halloween by trying something new: becoming a werewolf. Hilarity ensues when she and Shelby compete to mark their territory.

xrayvision

11-20-2007, 08:32 AM

Deprival (Arrival): The characters in this episode are deprived of what they want most. Pie is withheld from Clark, Scotch is withheld from Lex, Lionel is deprived from information he needs on being an MB, Chloe's laptop is seized, Lois' Foggy Bottom burgers & Ding Dongs are confiscated, and Lana is sent to the Manless Zone where she is deprived of all men.

queenelizabeth

11-20-2007, 04:53 PM

Read
Clark learns to read, and decides to teach the cows.

Spell
Clark takes it a step further and teaches the cows to spell all their names properly.

xrayvision

11-20-2007, 11:17 PM

Cageless (Ageless): Lex sponsors a benefit dinner at the Luthor mansion where Nicholas Cage was supposed to be a guest of honor, but Cage no-shows and Lex's guests start throwing food at him. The best scene is when the guests start picking up pies and throw them at him only to have Clark superspeed in front of them and get hit in the face with pies that he then licks off and eats. This causes Lex's next investigation on why the thrown pies never made contact with his body & disappeared in mid air.

Mooplicity (Duplicity): An episode about the 2-faced cow on the Kent farm who tries to rat Clark out but ends up on the dinner table as Lana's home-cooked special.

KFCyborg: In this episode, Clark loses Lex, his final employee in his Kent F'd Chicken franchise and is forced to create a cyborg to work there and help him with the secret Clarkie Madness Sauce.

For more information on Kent F'd Chicken, check these out:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2498598#post2498598

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2499456#post2499456

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2508855#post2508855

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2566906#post2566906

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=3266404#post3266404

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2656549#post2656549

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2537139#post2537139

And a great one by Omegacronos:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2507131#post2507131

Odysseus

11-25-2007, 11:07 AM

Moo(Blue): When a strange LuthorCorp chemical is accidentally released into the air over Smallville, the cows on the Kent Farm gain the ability to talk...and proceed to tell all the characters what they REALLY think of them.

Profession(Obsession): Lana finally decides to go to a job fair to find a new career. The episode ends with Lana signing up to be the janitor at 33.1.

Gone(Gone): This episode takes place entirely inside the Phorgotten Zone, where we see what Gabe, Pete, Lucas, Henry Small, Dr. Bryce, and Emily Dinsmore have been up to all this time.

99point1

11-25-2007, 11:33 AM

Style-It (Pilot)

During the episode Lionel tries to take Lex to get hair restoration but fails.

After Clark saves Lex from the bridge incident, Clark asks about what happened to his hair. Lex tells the story about the meteors and that he is trying to find a good hairdresser, thus they become friends.

Throughout the Smallville story, Lex is always asking Clark about if he knows a good hairdresser but Clark of course always lies and tells him he doesn't know one, Becuase in the back of his mind Clark is thinking if Lex found out about my secret hairdresser, then Lex will finally grow hair and then Lana will become more attracted to Lex, and then Clark will have competition.

So Lex Thwarts his evil plan to rid Clark of unwanted hair.

He invents a Kryptonite wig. Now Lex can Kill Clark and pluck his hair out.

Hairy (Perry)

Clark has a new villian in town that he must defeat. The villian's powers are that he smells and that he doesn't take a shower and is really Hairy all over his body. He is disrupting the lives of people all over Smallville.

Clotheslines don't work for Clark...

xrayvision

11-27-2007, 09:23 AM

Cherry (Perry): Clark throws a hissyfit and goes ape sh*t because he gets sick of apple pie and wants cherry pie from now on. He drives Martha crazy and causes the Great Cherry Shortage of 2007.

Greek (spoof of Freak):

This is another take on the Freak spoof (seen a few pages back). Clark creates his own fraternity: Beta Delta Alpha. Initiation for new members includes breaking into bakeries to steal, you guessed it, pie. Also includes milking cows while wearing a speedo, breaking into the Luthor mansion to take Lex's car for a joyride, surviving having Lana as a girlfriend, and crazy gluing Lex's pool balls to his pool table.

Kryptongurl07

11-27-2007, 07:08 PM

These are all so funny! Here I go, I'm gonna try it now.

Smitten (Hidden): Lana becomes infatuated with Clark. Clark dumps her when he realizes who his soulmate is. The infamous quote in this episode is: Clark: "I've always loved you. It just took Lana becoming a complete jerk for me to notice!" *kisses slice of pie*

Kara-van (Kara): Clark, Lana, and Chloe go on a roadtrip to Witchita to visit Pete. Clark's truck was stolen by the cows and Chloe's car is too small, so they rent a caravan. Turns out that Lana hogs the radio. Who knew?

Glitters (Jitters): Clark stares a a glitter-lava lamp. That's the entire episode.

xrayvision

11-27-2007, 09:00 PM

Dude Where's my Kara (Kara): This is the unofficial followup to blue where Clark is looking for his Kara. Ashton Kutcher guest stars as a 70's Kryptonian named Sok-El.

Meat (Heat): This episode showcases the underbelly of the Kent farm---the slaughter house on the "back 40" where Clark takes cows so his mommy can feed her growing BDA some steaks.

Peat (Heat): The episode that will piss off most Smallville fans because it's a Pete tease. Nope, no Product Placement King in this episode. Only Clark using bags of that stuff that makes crops grow.

Fool (Cool): Mr. T shows up and pities Clark.

Zuul (Cool): Clark with his hair flying & messy runs up to the various women of Smallville and asks them "Are you the Gatekeeper?"

Raving (Craving): Lana is finally committed to Belle Reve and Lionel Luthor is calling the shots for her "treatment".

Sh*tters (Jitters): Clark is finally made to take responsibility of his lack of action and is forced by a judge to repay the damages caused by another near apocalypse by getting a job cleaning crappers on various construction sites.

xrayvision

11-27-2007, 10:22 PM

Zed (Zod): This is the Smallville Pulp Fiction special. Lex & Clark out out to kill each other & are exposed to BringOutTheGimp-onite, which causes them to get trapped in the back of a pawn shop and bound by krypto ropes while they're mouths are ball-gagged and the Gimp is woken and brought out of his box and harnessed up. Lex gets into a "sticky situation" when Zod (who replaces Zed) & the pawn shop owner take him to the back. Thankfully Clark breaks out and saves Lex from Zod. Lex shoots Zod below the waist with a krypto bullet while Clark slices the pawnshop owner with his sharpened pie knife. Lex calls a couple of hard pipe-hittin' freaks from 33.1 and Clark takes Zod's ship back to the Kent farm where Lana is making blueberry pancakes. When Lana asks him whose ship it is & Clark tells her it's Zod's, she asks him who Zod is to which Clark replies, "Zod's dead baby, Zod's dead".

Kryptongurl07

11-28-2007, 11:46 AM

I like yours, xrayvision, very funny. Dude Where's My Kara, Zuul, and Sh*tters were my faves!

And I like that you brought BringOutTheGimp-onite from the other thread!

Hottie (hothead): Clark becomes a male model and becomes so obsessed with himself that he ignores Lana.

Shaving (Craving): The citizens of Smallville find out that Lex isn't bald. He shaves his head for attention, like certain OTHER celebrities *cough cough!*

Cluttered (Shattered): Clark cleans out the house in the most boring episode in history.

Odysseus

11-28-2007, 11:29 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Dude Where's my Kara (Kara): This is the unofficial followup to blue where Clark is looking for his Kara. Ashton Kutcher guest stars as a 70's Kryptonian named Sok-El.

Meat (Heat): This episode showcases the underbelly of the Kent farm---the slaughter house on the "back 40" where Clark takes cows so his mommy can feed her growing BDA some steaks.

Peat (Heat): The episode that will piss off most Smallville fans because it's a Pete tease. Nope, no Product Placement King in this episode. Only Clark using bags of that stuff that makes crops grow.

Fool (Cool): Mr. T shows up and pities Clark.

Zuul (Cool): Clark with his hair flying & messy runs up to the various women of Smallville and asks them "Are you the Gatekeeper?"

Raving (Craving): Lana is finally committed to Belle Reve and Lionel Luthor is calling the shots for her "treatment".

Sh*tters (Jitters): Clark is finally made to take responsibility of his lack of action and is forced by a judge to repay the damages caused by another near apocalypse by getting a job cleaning crappers on various construction sites.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Larry(Lara): Special guest star Larry King appears as an elderly ex-Daily Planet reporter who stalks Chloe, Lois, Jimmy, Grant, and Perry White in an attempt to convince them that he can still report the news. The episode ends with him filling Lois' old spot at the Inquisitor.

Spirit(Spirit): This episode features scenes of Whitney, Cheerleader!Lana, Scabby Abby the Crows mascot, the Smallville High Football team, the weird super-aging school spirit girl from season 2, and Principal Reynolds, all reunited and babbling about Smallville High's school spirit.

Forgotten(Forsaken): Pete returns and actually gets the main plot of the episode and saves the day, only to be heartbroken when the meteor freak from "Blank" returns to erase everyone's memories of his adventure.

xrayvision

11-29-2007, 08:35 AM

Originally posted by Odysseus
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Forgotten(Forsaken): Pete returns and actually gets the main plot of the episode and saves the day, only to be heartbroken when the meteor freak from "Blank" returns to erase everyone's memories of his adventure.

LOL. Aw no. Poor Pete.

ProdigAllen (Prodigal): Lex goes crazy again. This time he gets a second personality. He starts believing that Woody Allen is his long lost brother who has returned after being hidden by Lionel. Lex's Woody personality causes him to sport the classic Woody Allen sunglasses and to adopt a daughter that he later marries. Clark, Lana, Jimmy & Chloe all visit the mansion and Clark is laughing so hard at Lex's Woody Allen impersonations that he super pisses himself which kills Lana, Chloe, and Jimmy. Lex's lines include:

Lex: No, I can't go into a movie that's already started, because I'm anal.

Lex: You know, I don't think I could take a mellow evening because I - I don't respond well to mellow. You know what I mean? I have a tendency to - if I get too mellow, I - I ripen and then rot, you know.

Lana: We never have any fun any more.
Lex: How can you say that?
Lana: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself.
Lex: You're just upset. You must be getting your period.
Lana: I don't get a period. I'm a cartoon character.

Lana: Well, have you ever made love high?
Lex: Me? No. I - I, you know, If I have grass or alcohol or anything, I get unbearably wonderful. I get too, too wonderful for words. I don't know why you have to get high every time we make love.
Lana: It relaxes me.
Lex: You have to be artificially relaxed before we can go to bed?
Lana: Well, what's the difference anyway?
Lex: Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium pentathol. You can sleep through it.
Lana: Oh come on. Look who's talking. You've been seeing a psychiatrist for 15 years. You should smoke some of this. You'd be off the couch in no time.

Hound (Bound): Shelby turns into a savage, ferral dog who starts eating people due to all the time he was neglected.

Bush (Rush): The president is supposed to be coming to Smallville. But once again, Clark fails to act as a hero, blows off Jor-El, and causes a near apocalypse all thanks to his lust for Lana. This results in the secret service deeming Smallville too dangerous for the president to visit and Jor-El has to once again punish Clark for failing.

Vintage (Visage): Clark, Lois, Lana, Chloe, Jimmy, Kara, and Lionel are invited to the Luthor mansion for some vintage single malt Scotch that Lex has been storing. Everyone gets piss drunk and reveals stories about themselves that would otherwise not be told.

Pie'n (Ryan): This episode shows the origin of Clark's desire for pies.

Ruth (Truth): Dr. Ruth shows up and gives Clark, Lana, Shelby, and Lex sex advice.

berniepooh

12-09-2007, 04:04 PM

LIZARDO (Bizarro) - In which a Smallville pet store owner releases a container of baby chameleons into a wooded area because he thinks the store is overstocked with them. You guessed it, they come into contact with the dreaded meteor rocks and Smallville becomes an updated version of Jurassic Park. Clark has to do battle with the largest and ugliest lizard ever, and because he hasn't followed Jor El's advice to wear army camouflage he fails to save most of the town from destruction.

FUN (Run) This episode is comprised entirely of Smallville out takes from previous seasons. It is the Blooper tape of the entire series.

SMUG (Hug) - In which Lana is confronted by three ghosts. Childhood Past, Teenage Angst, and Old Age (aka Wisdom) They all warn her that being self centered, self serving and self absorbed is not the way to fulfill the promise of the your love's greatest potential. Lana's reply to them all is "humph! Clark thinks I'm beautiful. What else matters?"

xrayvision

12-09-2007, 05:50 PM

Roid: This is the episode where Lex goes to have a 'roid removed, but the doctor he goes to uses a new kryptonite technique. As a result, the 'roid mutates and grows into an identical copy of Lex.

xrayvision

12-16-2007, 11:26 AM

KARR (Kara): Lex finds the cpu of the Knight Automated Roving Robot (KARR from Knight Rider) during his trip to thye desert and rebuilds him. Bo Kent is resurrected in this episode and rebuilds the General Lee. Michael Knight also stops by with KITT and for the first time KITT & the General team up.

xrayvision

02-09-2008, 04:00 PM

Firin' (Siren): This episode is a collection of scenes of Lionel, Lex, Mr. Angelino (from Three's Company), Donald Trump, Vince McMahon, and Mr. Spacely (from The Jetsons) fire their respective employees.

Barcelona (Persona): This is the episode where Lana's sex tape from her spring break trip to Barcelona 2 years ago falls into the wrong hands.

xrayvision

04-13-2008, 03:19 PM

Bizorro (Bizarro): A Bizarro version of Lex who is a male stripper shows up in Metropolis. Clark proposes to Lana and Marcy, errr...Lana decides to have her bacholerette party early. She goes to the Metropolis strip club with Lois (who is a regular customer there) where the Bizarro Lex is performing in a Zorro costume and loses her newly received wedding ring down his pants/thong. Bizarro Lex shows up at Lois' apartment where she's in the shower & Jimmy is waiting for her and gives Jimmy the ring to give to Lana. Instead of telling Lois, Jimmy goes to the farm and tells Steve, errrr...Clark that he got the ring from "the guy whose undies it was wedged in" and puts ideas in his head. Lana comes back and Clark has her do things like bake a pie using fruits grown in the farm personally by Lana and blueberry pancakes with a "fluffiness factor" of exactly 35.7%. Lana does all these things not knowing that Clark broke off the engagement. The end.

Spirit Detective

04-13-2008, 03:45 PM

Sprint (Spirit) - Chloe gets possessed and switches her phone plan from AT&T to Sprint. Meanwhile, Lex has his hands full when when two people named Al Milar and Miles Gough want Luthorcorp to invest in Stride gum and the Toyota Yaris.

Xanderman

04-13-2008, 05:10 PM

:lol: hilarious thread and posts by all....great idea Xray

Peeper (Reaper)

Smallville is visited by a mysterious peeping Tom from a neighboring town. He peeps Lana, he peeps Chloe and Kara, he even peeps Martha. Clark is soon on the case, and through the process of deductive reasoning eventually discovers the shocking secret identity of the mysterious peeper -- himself. (Clark was unknowingly being affected by a new kids cereal he recently got obsessed with called "Special Red K".)

Temper (Tempest)

Everybody gets tired of Clark's temper tantrums so Chloe and Lana decide to hold an intervention. They organize a surprise intervention, but to their dismay Clark hates surprises of any kind and throws a tantrum because of it. When he finally calms down enough to actually learn the reason for the surprise intervention (his terrible temper), he goes completely ballistic and literally blows up. At first they all think he may have just developed a new exploding power like that Peter guy from Heroes, but he didn't, Clark was dead. heh

xrayvision

04-13-2008, 06:02 PM

:lol: hilarious thread and posts by all....great idea Xray

Peeper (Reaper)

Smallville is visited by a mysterious peeping Tom from a neighboring town. He peeps Lana, he peeps Chloe and Kara, he even peeps Martha. Clark is soon on the case, and through the process of deductive reasoning eventually discovers the shocking secret identity of the mysterious peeper -- himself. (Clark was unknowingly being affected by a new kids cereal he recently got obsessed with called "Special Red K".)

LOL, Special Red K!! The "K" on the box is really red.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Travelers (Traveler): The Travelers insurance company finally shows up and throws Lana in jail for all the insurance fees she accrued and the non-payment of bills. They also send in hired muscle to give Clark and Lex beat-downs for all the accidents they got into. At the end of the episode, everyone is Smallville becomes ideal drivers reducing the amount of accidents to zero. Need a good neighbor, Kent Farm is there, not Travelers.

Jaderoyale

04-14-2008, 05:39 AM

Temper (Tempest)

Everybody gets tired of Clark's temper tantrums so Chloe and Lana decide to hold an intervention. They organize a surprise intervention, but to their dismay Clark hates surprises of any kind and throws a tantrum because of it. When he finally calms down enough to actually learn the reason for the surprise intervention (his terrible temper), he goes completely ballistic and literally blows up. At first they all think he may have just developed a new exploding power like that Peter guy from Heroes, but he didn't, Clark was dead. heh

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

RedBullet

04-14-2008, 07:31 PM

E-bay (X-ray)- Someone kidnaps Lana and puts her on Ebay. Clark and Chloe must save Lana from being sold to the highest bidder. Tina Greer or Al/Miles.

xrayvision

04-14-2008, 10:30 PM

Faction (Action): Clark gets Lana and Lex together because he tells them that he wants to apologize for all the times he lied to them. Instead, when they show up, he and a bunch of new hooligan friends give them both a beatdown, and he rips open his red jacket to reveal an nWo shirt. He then gets a can of spraypaint and paints nWo on them.

Xanderman

04-15-2008, 12:28 AM

LOL, Special Red K!! The "K" on the box is really red.And it's just as tasty. :lol:

Thanks Jade for the rotfls.:)

E-bay (X-ray)- Someone kidnaps Lana and puts her on Ebay. Clark and Chloe must save Lana from being sold to the highest bidder. Tina Greer or Al/Miles.haha:lol:

- - - - -

"Leech" spoofs:

Bleach — Clark does the laundry for the first time ever and uses waaay too much bleach, with hilarious results.

Cheech — Cheech Marin comes to Smallville and becomes a father figure to Clark. But eventually, he decides to leave, leaving Clark heartbroken and asking him why. "Look Clark, I like you and all, but let's face it, you're no Chong."

Preach — Jonathan returns from the dead to offer nothing but constant sermons and self-righteous advice to Clark, eventually leading Clark to comment "I think I liked him better dead." Later in the ep, Lionel kills Jonathan a second time -- but this time, nobody cares.

Peach — Clark becomes obsessed with peaches. When asked what he found so appealing about them by Lana, he simply replies "Come on Lana, do you even have to ask?"

Screech

Screech from the semi-popular 90's teen comedy Saved by the Bell moves to Smallville for a different life. He and Clark quickly hit it off and become the best of pals -- that is, until Screech starts showing too much interest in the various women in Clark's life...

Clark: Look Screech, I know you were probably "Cool McCool" back where YOU came from, but Clarkville is MY town. And in Clarkville, Lana Lang is MY on-and-off girlfriend, Chloe Sullivan is someone I like to string along for years at a time, and I intend to MARRY that hot ass Lois Lane reporter babe someday. So back the hell off, man. Just back. The hell. Off.

Screech: You know something Clark, I used to think I found my new Zack Morris when I met you. But now I see all I've really done is just stumble ass first into another A.C. Slater... And you know what else Clark? That's just sad.

*Clark gives Screech a wedgie*

xrayvision

04-15-2008, 01:09 AM

Haha, Clark giving anyone a wedgie would be funny.

----- Added 21 Minutes later -----

Rod (Zod): This is the episode in which the Hot Rod---Rowdy Roddy Piper shows up after Lionel tells him the truth about what happened to his ancestral home and beats the crap out of Lex to once again claim ownership of his Scottish mansion.

Odd (Zod): This is an episode that is a spoof of the Odd Couple. Clark and Lex are living together. Clark is messy with his pies and makes a mess all over the place while Lex is tidy and a neat-freak. Lex moves in with Clark after Lana throws him out and that's where the fun begins.

Noid (Void): Pete comes back dressed up as the popular 80's Domino's Pizza character and terrorizes all the pizza joints in Smallville so that only Domino's chains are left. A product placement episode.

Wrestle (Vessel): The Macho Man Randy Savage shows up and owns Clark.

Fred (Red): Clark has a dream where he is Fred Flintstone and Lana is Wilma with Lex & Lois as Barney & Betty. But this being Smallville, it is the first time the Flintstone mobile is wrecked & totaled.

Led (Red): The remaining members of Led Zeppelin buy the house closest to Lex's and start recording music. Lex can hear the music from the mansion and calls to complain but to no avail. So a war between the neighbors begins.

----- Added 26 Minutes later -----

Farrah (Kara): Lex finally grows hair, but unfortunately for him, it grows in the 70's Farrah Fawcett style. So Lex decides to become one of Clarkie's angels along with Chloe and Lois.

Sprayed (Fade): This episode is about Lex and how he deals with life and Luthorcorp after getting sprayed by a meteor freak skunk whose smell is super strong and stays with Lex for the better part of a year.

Xanderman

04-15-2008, 04:25 PM

Rod (Zod): This is the episode in which the Hot Rod---Rowdy Roddy Piper shows up after Lionel tells him the truth about what happened to his ancestral home and beats the crap out of Lex to once again claim ownership of his Scottish mansion.:lol:

I notice a number of your spoofs have wrestling or "beatdown" themes, lol guess you're a big fan eh

xrayvision

04-16-2008, 06:16 PM

I used to be. I don't like it anymore except for some organizations I don't have access to (due to not having cable among other things).

----- Added 8 Minutes later -----

Cherry (Perry): Martha is out of apples and has to make Clark a cherry pie instead of an apple pie. Clark throws a crying, wining, bellyaching "But mehhhhm!!!!!!" tantrum ala Eric Cartman from South Park.

Xanderman

04-17-2008, 12:16 AM

:lol: Another take on a Cherry episode eh? Lol I guess Clark really likes his pies, heh.

Deeper (Reaper)

This is the episode that features way too many instances of the word 'deep'.

Lex (on the phone with somebody): I want to know everything about Clark Kent…...you're not looking deep enough, go deeper......anyway I have to hang up now, I'm going deep-sea diving. Talk to you later Hardeep.

- - -

(memory flashback)
Lana: Ohhhh Lex, deeper….deeeeper…..DEEPER!!!!!!! …Uh oh, too deep.
Lex: I'll call a doctor.

- - -

Clark: Hey Chloe, check it out dude. Shelby's like, totally digging a hole over here. Pretty deep, eh?
Chloe: Meh. I've seen deeper.

- - -

Doctor: The Lana you knew is in a deep, coma-like sleep. Whatever this Brainiac did to her, the effect is deepening in severity. I'll have to probe deep into Lana's brain to find out how deep this thing really goes. And from what you've told me of her, I'll be poking into areas deeper than Lana herself has ever used.

Clark: Whoa. This is deep. Give it to me straight, Doc. Can you help her? My life is deeply empty without her.

Doctor: Possibly…but I have to warn you, this surgery won't come cheap. I hope you have deep pockets.

Clark: Actually…...I don't.

Doctor: ...Oh. I guess your girlfriend's in deep sh*t then.

Twitch

04-17-2008, 12:22 AM

:lol: Another take on a Cherry episode eh? Lol I guess Clark really likes his pies, heh.

Deeper (Reaper)

This is the episode that features way too many instances of the word 'deep'.

Lex (on the phone with somebody): I want to know everything about Clark Kent…...you're not looking deep enough, go deeper......anyway I have to hang up now, I'm going deep-sea diving. Talk to you later Hardeep.

- - -

(memory flashback)
Lana: Ohhhh Lex, deeper….deeeeper…..DEEPER!!!!!!! …Uh oh, too deep.
Lex: I'll call a doctor.

- - -

Clark: Hey Chloe! Check it out, Shelby is digging a hole. Pretty deep, eh?
Chloe: Meh. I've seen deeper.

- - -

Doctor: The Lana you knew is in a deep, coma-like sleep. Whatever this Brainiac did to her, the effect is deepening in severity. I'll have to probe deep into Lana's brain to find out how deep this thing really goes. And from what you've told me of her, I'll be poking into areas deeper than Lana herself has ever used.

Clark: Whoa. This is deep. Give it to me straight, Doc. Can you help her? My life is deeply empty without her.

Doctor: Possibly…but I have to warn you, this surgery won't come cheap. I hope you have deep pockets.

Clark: Actually…...I don't.

Doctor: ...Oh. Then I guess your girlfriend's in deep sh*t then.
This... is... so... AWESOME!!!!!! http://www.smileyhut.com/laughing/rofl.gif (http://www.smileyhut.com)

Clark: Whoa. This is deep. Give it to me straight, Doc. Can you help her? My life is deeply empty without her.

I don't know why but this part gave me a Keanu Reeves vibe, maybe it's that avi of yours! :lol:

Xanderman

04-17-2008, 12:36 AM

Lol thanks Scott, I appreciate it and yeah I was definitely going the Keanu route when I wrote that, ha. (I had a feeling people might make the connection with the avatar, heh)

xrayvision

04-20-2008, 11:12 PM

iPod (Zod): Jor-El warns Clark of the force that destroyed Krypton through Lionel--iPod is coming---and tries to convince him to kill it. However, thanks to the Lifehouse iTunes that remind him of the times he had eating pie with Lana, he is unable to. The world ends.

TheLastKryptonian

04-21-2008, 06:46 AM

Check out this video someone made on youtube. Pretty darn good! Originally made by Matt/Kal El.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZM1--UhefTs

xrayvision

04-21-2008, 01:20 PM

Hehe, I've seen that before. But thanks.

xrayvision

04-27-2008, 11:03 PM

De-Scent (Descent): This is the episode where Lana whines so much about the odor of Clark's cows that Clark is forced to permanently de-scent them with super krypto perfume.

De-cent (Descent): Clark finally wisens up and leaves Lex without a cent after taking all his money.

Bleeper (Sleeper): This is the episode after De-Cent where Lex is forced to get a job on the Jerry Springer show bleeping out the filthy mouths of the guests.

xrayvision

05-17-2008, 03:56 PM

Demoted (Devoted): Clark gives Chloe his balls in a jar and puts on a cheerleader outfit to cheer Chloe on in her journey towards becoming Superman.

Jephael

05-17-2008, 07:57 PM

Rank (parody of "Blank") Lana gets sprayed by a kryptonite infected skunk and finds herself bewidered as everyone within a 10 foot radius faints from the horrid stench! Her only hope is a bar of Jorel soap.

I might make a fan fiction out of this one!

Twitch

05-17-2008, 08:06 PM

Demoted (Devoted): Clark gives Chloe his balls in a jar and puts on a cheerleader outfit to cheer Chloe on in her journey towards becoming Superman.
LOL! That's both funny and sad at the same time, it seems that way sometimes doesn't it? :\

Rank (parody of "Blank") Lana gets sprayed by a kryptonite infected skunk and finds herself bewidered as everyone within a 10 foot radius faints from the horrid stench! Her only hope is a bar of Jorel soap.

I might make a fan fiction out of this one!

Lmao the Jorel soap! I remember cracking up so hard when Dr. Hudson showed Clark the soap bottle, too funny.

xrayvision

05-17-2008, 08:07 PM

6-Super-Man -5

05-17-2008, 08:19 PM

Attic (Season 7 Finale)
LEX DISCOVERS CLARK'S SECRET - When Kara tells Lex that Clark was hiding something about his house, Kara tells him he can control it if he comes there, Clark is stunned that Kara would tell Lex about his secret attic, but it is revealed Brainiac is the mastermind behind it, Meanwhile in an epic turn of events Clark and Lex face off in the Attic and Clark learns Lex's secret. Erica Durance and Aaron Ashmore also star. Todd Slavkin directed the episode written by Don Whitehead & Holly Henderson.

xrayvision

05-17-2008, 08:43 PM

Zest (Quest): Jor-El is replaced as the soap of Smallville and Metropolis by Zest soap. Lex takes over the FOS by simply bringing a bar of Zest soap with him. We also have Zest's phantom return from the Phantom Zone and say "Kneel before Zest" and "You will obey me, Lex Luthor".

Xanderman

05-18-2008, 04:34 PM

Demoted (Devoted): Clark gives Chloe his balls in a jar and puts on a cheerleader outfit to cheer Chloe on in her journey towards becoming Superman.LOL hilarious Xray :lol:

Beaver (Fever)

A lost beaver shows up on the Kent farm, and it doesn't take him long to capture the hearts of the entire Kent clan.

Martha: Awww, he's adorable! Shelby, come here boy! You have a new best friend! 'Beaver' the beaver!

Unbeknownst to both Martha and Clark, however, Shelby secretly resented the new family pet and planned to kill him when the time was right.

2 days later...

Clark: Mom, I'm not sure Shelby likes Beaver....
Martha: What do you mean, Clark?
Clark: Don't you see the way he's always eyeing Beaver's neck? It's not normal!
Martha: Oh you're imagining things...
Clark: Yesterday I found a picture of a half eaten animal drawn on one of the barn walls close to where Shelby naps. The animal in the picture was Beaver, Mom.
Martha: Now you're just being silly!
Clark: And this morning, Shelby barked not one, but SIX distinct words for the first time ever: And they were "I'm gonna eat that friggin' beaver".
Martha: This conversation is over, Clark.

The next day...

Martha: Clark, have you seen Beaver? I can't find the little darling anywhere!
Clark: Shelby ate him.
Martha: What?! Don't lie to me Clark! Where is he!?
*Clark points to the pile of steaming dog sh*t that used to be Beaver. His large front teeth can be clearly seen mixed in with the rest of the dog crap.*
Martha: Good God Clark! Why didn't either of us see any of this coming??!! There had to be some warning signs!
Clark (throws his hands up in the air and turns to the audience/camera): And this, my friends, is why Superman works alone. (corny music plays and the credits roll)

xrayvision

05-18-2008, 05:28 PM

^LOL!!!!!!

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

Jest (Quest): The Joker shows up in town and poisons Clark with a type of kryptonite nerve gas that makes him have a permanent stupid grin. Clark with said grin goes to see Lana and she tells him how her aunt Nell died and Clark can't wipe the grin off his face, so she gets pissed at him and throws a tantrum. He then goes to visit Chloe in jail and Chloe starts crying for Jimmy because she thinks Clark's insensitive because he's laughing at her circumstances. Finally, the worst thing happens and Clark realizes that due to his new grin, he can't open his mouth wide enough to eat pie anymore. Even Jor-El laughs at his stupid grin.

KAL-EL10

05-18-2008, 05:58 PM

Fool (cool)

Clark has to fight a meteor infected idiot who turns everyone in Smallville dumb. Chloe wants to know how babies are made, Clark becomes a slack jawed yokel and Lex tries to shave his head.

krewsaider

05-18-2008, 06:01 PM

Mageless(Ageless):

Clark and pals realize their version of World of Warcraft doesn't have the mage class. Chaos ensues.

KAL-EL10

05-18-2008, 06:09 PM

Manure (Cure)

Clark is working on the farm when Shelby runs into him and he falls in a giant patch of cow manure. Clark is mutated and turns into a giant cow pow. After causing chaos Chloe manages to split him into his human side and his cow pow side, where Clark must fight for his life.

krewsaider

05-18-2008, 06:17 PM

Recession(Obsession)

President Bush visits Smallville and informs the citizens that we are NOT in a recession. All but one believe him. Shelby...

6-Super-Man -5

05-18-2008, 11:41 PM

Person (Persona)

SOMEONE TAKES OVER SOMEONES LIFE - While Clark (Tom Welling) is having fun in the Fortress of Stupidity, Someone takes over his life with Lana (Kristin Kreuk). Aware she is with the Person, Lana enjoys the "new Person" and shares information she's gathered on a cereal killer who is draining his bowl of cereal with his tongue.
The two conclude it must be Rainiac (guest star James Marsters) and the Person sets off to eat him. Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) is stunned at Lionel's (John Glover) reaction after Grant (guest star Michael Cassidy) reveals he is a Loner. Marc McClure, Jimmy Olsen from the Superman films, guest stars as Dax-Ur. Allison Mack, Erica Durance, Aaron Ashmore and Laura Vandervoort also star. Todd Slavkin directed the episode written by Holly Henderson & Don Whitehead.

Falling (Fallout)

WOW WOB GUEST STARS AS A WEIRDO FROM THE HAIRLESS BODYBUILDERS ZONE - Clark (Tom Welling) is scared when he learns Raya (guest star Pascale Hutton) managed to escape from the Hairless Bodybuilders Zone and has come to see him in Smallville. The two grow farther apart and Raya shows Clark how to restore stupidness to the Fortress of Stupidity. However, Barn (guest star Wow Wob), a weirdo who also escaped from the Hairless Bodybuilders Zone, takes on both Raya and Clark as he seeks happiness for his hiptonians. Kristin Kreuk, Michael Rosenbaum, Erica Durance, Allison Mack, John Glover and Annette O'Toole also star. Holly Harold wrote the episode directed by Glen Winter.

Age (Rage)

THE MEAN BARROW INJECTS HIMSELF WITH A DRUG THAT MAKES HIM BECOME YOUNGER - Clark (Tom Welling) discovers the Mean Barrow (Justin Hartley) was hot while trying to strip dance for a carjacker, but Oliver denies he was doing it. However, when Oliver starts displaying erratic behavior, Clark and Chloe (Allison Mack) investigate and discover he is taking a drug that causes his body to make itself younger but has severe side effects. Meanwhile, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) makes a stupid discovery that will impact her relationship with Lex (Michael Rosenbaum.) Erica Durance, Allison Mack, John Glover and Annette O'Toole also star. Todd Slavkin & Darren Swimmer wrote the episode directed by James Marshall.

Freecall (Trespass)

JIMMY LOVES CHLOE AND LANA IS ATTACHED TO A TALKER - After receiving a phone call by a stranger well dressing in her doom, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) realizes she has been attached to a talker and decides to make out at a surprising location. Meanwhile, Jimmy (Aaron Ashmore) loves Chloe (Allison Mack) because he believes she is so freaking hot, forcing Chloe realizes he's in love and makes a surprise. Michael Rosenbaum, Erica Durance, John Glover and Annette O’Toole also star. Tracy A. Bellomo wrote the episode directed by Michael Rohl.

Smallville Gone Bizarr

05-18-2008, 11:51 PM

Venom, (hopefully rhyms with Vengence)

Some type of goo takes over Clark and he is twice as stronger and can Websling....
Soon enough it embraces him and he loses control and starts hurting people, which causes a break up between Clark and Lana, and Lois really gets attractied to the new attiude Clark Kent.....

Mar-El

05-19-2008, 12:17 AM

Javier (sort of rhymes with Traveler?)

A world-weary JAVIER COMES BACK TO SMALLVILLE and threatens to reveal Clark's secret to the world if Martha doesn't procure citizenship for his extended family, too. In the end, he learns much like Pete did in Hero, that extortion never pays (unless you're a Luthor). Clark finds out that in addition to her blueberry pancake-making skills, Lana "makes the best chilaquiles" (shout-out to Heroes fans here).

Byron (aka Siren)

Byron awakens from his coma and transforms into Doomsday. He destroys the Ace of Clubs and any bartenders that would presume to mimic his awesome power. Then he writes a poem about his feelings and sends it to Lana via DVD. As you would expect from her, they start a video correspondence relationship. Fans correctly guess how this one is destined to end.

Wessel (aka Vessel)

Commander Pavel Chekov of the USS Enterprise travels back in time to season 5 of Smallville (around the time of Mortal/Hidden) in search of the nuclear "wessel" that threatens to destroy this seemingly small yet eventful rural hamlet (cf. Star Trek IV for more info on 'wessels'). Bones and Kirk follow Chekov to the past. Kirk romances Lana and ends up bringing her back to the 23rd century with him, thereby removing her from the rest of season 5, season 6 and season 7. Smallville ratings skyrocket.

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

LOL just want to add my favorite so far: Zuul and Mageless made me laugh out loud. I especially love the "Are you the gatekeeper?" Awesome thread, xrayvision.:rotfl:

xrayvision

05-19-2008, 12:43 AM

Thanks.

Tractor (Fracture): Brainiac transforms into Clark's tractor and starts talking to him. Clark starts to think he's Michael Knight, renames his tractor KITT, and wants to start his own Foundation for Law And Government. Everytime he tries to get someone to join and tells them about his talking tractor, Brainiac stops talking around them and they think Clark is crazy. Eventually Clark convinces enough people he's nuts and he's taken to Belle Reve. After going on a foul-mouthed rampage at Belle Reve, a pissed off orderly washes his mouth out with Jor-El soap.

krewsaider

05-19-2008, 05:13 PM

Frank(Blank):

While at the Talon, Chloe hears a strange noise. Chloe decides to call Clark, who is busy training at the Fortress(yeah right:\). He rushes back to Smallville right away and discovers it is the ghost of Frank Sinatra. Frank's ghost and Clark soon become best friends which makes a certain Lex very unhappy...

xrayvision

05-19-2008, 05:20 PM

Flank (Blank): Lex is secretly having the Kent farm cows kidnapped and turned into steaks for his own eating pleasure. Clark decides to infect one with mad cow's disease and Lex steals it and Clark secretly catches him in the act. Clark goes over to the mansion and asks Lex how his steak was. Lex tells him it was delicious. Clark then tells him that he injected it with mad cow's disease. Lex then laughs at his face and tells him he has an enhanced immune system and that it won't affect him. Clark leaves crying. Then Lionel shows up and tells Lex "enhanced immune system or not, it's time to get the cueball of a mad cow that is my son some radical eletroshock therapy" and has Lex strapped down and taken to Belle Reve.

----- Added 8 Minutes later -----

Cowbell (Spell): Clark after getting sick of Lana welds a cowbell around her neck so he knows when she's approaching him. Lex, soon after his steak craze started in Flank, slaughters Lana and has her turned into Lana steaks before realizing what he did (thanks to Lionel's electroshock therapy that causes a delay in Lex distinguishing between cows and humans). Not knowing what else to do, Lex calls Hannibal Lecter so that his Lana steaks don't go to waste. Unfortunately for Clark and Lex, there are 1000 Lana clones stashed away.

----- Added 34 Minutes later -----

Juicy (Lucy): Clark enters a watermelon eating contest and exposes his secret when he starts spitting out the seeds like bullets. Jonathan returns from the dead and encounters Lex and sees a painted family portrait of the Kents where they are all pantsless. Clark says "Lex...you have some explaining to do". Jonathan picks up Clark by the legs and holds him like a shotgun and starts having Clark shoot watermelon seeds at Lex.

6-Super-Man -5

05-19-2008, 06:27 PM

Tug (Hug)

TUG OF WAR BEGINS - Clark (Tom Welling) begins to become in love with Chloe (Allison Mack), but Lana (Kristin Kreuk) is jealous and so she tries to kill Chloe. Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) goes to the Mansion of Happiness to play with Lionel. (John Glover) John Glover and Annette O'Toole also star. Tom Welling directed the episode written by Justin Hartley.

Balling (Calling)

CLARK MAKES A NEW SPORT - Chloe (Allison Mack) confronts Clark (Tom Welling) to make a new sport that involves balls. Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) thinks it disgusting and so he is not involved with the making. Lana (Kristin Kreuk) enjoys the sport. John Glover, Annette O'Toole also star. John Glover directed the episode written by Kristin Kreuk.

Promoted (Devoted)

A NEW SHOW IS PROMOTED - Lana (Kristin Kreuk) hears of a fore coming show called Gossip Girl that is promoted too much. Clark (Tom Welling) takes a stand to save the City of Smallville, well Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) thinks of leaving Smallville. John Glover, Erica Durance, Allison Mack also star. Kristin Kreuk directed the episode written by The CW.

Portal (Mortal)

CLARK FINDS A PORTAL TO THE FUTURE - Clark (Tom Welling) goes to the Fortress of Stupidity to go back in time, but he finds a portal that leads him into the future. There Chloe (Allison Mack) is in jail, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) left him and him and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) are missing. No one else stars. Tom Welling directed the episode written by Jor-El.

Lockdown (Lockdown)

TOM AND THE CAST ARE TRAPPED IN THE SET - Tom Welling and the Cast of Smallville trap Michael Rosenbaum in the set to convince him to stay on Smallville for the eighth season. The Directors directed the episode written by the Writers.

redkryptoniteisthebest

05-19-2008, 10:09 PM

LOL hilarious Xray :lol:

Beaver (Fever)

A lost beaver shows up on the Kent farm, and it doesn't take him long to capture the hearts of the entire Kent clan.

Martha: Awww, he's adorable! Shelby, come here boy! You have a new best friend! 'Beaver' the beaver!

Unbeknownst to both Martha and Clark, however, Shelby secretly resented the new family pet and planned to kill him when the time was right.

2 days later...

Clark: Mom, I'm not sure Shelby likes Beaver....
Martha: What do you mean, Clark?
Clark: Don't you see the way he's always eyeing Beaver's neck? It's not normal!
Martha: Oh you're imagining things...
Clark: Yesterday I found a picture of a half eaten animal drawn on one of the barn walls close to where Shelby naps. The animal in the picture was Beaver, Mom.
Martha: Now you're just being silly!
Clark: And this morning, Shelby barked not one, but SIX distinct words for the first time ever: And they were "I'm gonna eat that friggin' beaver".
Martha: This conversation is over, Clark.

The next day...

Martha: Clark, have you seen Beaver? I can't find the little darling anywhere!
Clark: Shelby ate him.
Martha: What?! Don't lie to me Clark! Where is he!?
*Clark points to the pile of steaming dog sh*t that used to be Beaver. His large front teeth can be clearly seen mixed in with the rest of the dog crap.*
Martha: Good God Clark! Why didn't either of us see any of this coming??!! There had to be some warning signs!
Clark (throws his hands up in the air and turns to the audience/camera): And this, my friends, is why Superman works alone. (corny music plays and the credits roll)

LOL!!! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::lol:

xrayvision

05-19-2008, 10:12 PM

Seaver (Fever): This episode is all about a nightmare Clark has where he dreams he's Mike Seaver from Growing Pains and Lex is Boner Stabone. "Mike" and "Boner" get into all sorts of trouble and Alan "Jor-El" Thicke has to punish Mikey.

redkryptoniteisthebest

05-19-2008, 10:13 PM

:lol:
Read
Clark learns to read, and decides to teach the cows.

Spell
Clark takes it a step further and teaches the cows to spell all their names properly.

lol! whats up with the cows?

xrayvision

05-19-2008, 10:15 PM

Pilates (Pilot): Lex asks Clark if his suit makes him look fat and Clark says yes and hurts Lex's feelings. So Lex joins a Pilates class so he can get into shape for his Clarky.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Tool (Cool): This episode is about AC and a bunch of his sea creature friends stopping by the mansion and calling Lex a tool. Lex then straps them to metal tables and laughs maniacally as he poisons their waters with millions of gallons of Jor-El soap being transported in the Lexxon Valdeez.

----- Added 6 Minutes later -----

Loivage (Lineage): All Loivage all the time. One of the episodes with the highest ratings.

----- Added 15 Minutes later -----

Plumber (Slumber): Clark takes a super dump at the Talon and clogs the waste lines of the entire building, so Pizza Boy from Thirst who was later reincarnated as Alden in Reunion is now again reincarnated as Plumber Boy and dies when all the crap from the lines floods and drowns him. That dude just doesn't get a break! ;)

----- Added 21 Minutes later -----

Noid (Void): In what turns out to be the ultimate product placement episode, Pete returns and is paid by Domino's pizza to wear the Noid costume in an attempt to revive the character.

BTW, for those not familiar w/ the Noid:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ7RnXakSXU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eh5-pc2U3sE&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZD5gMsy-nuc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rFQxbCxN3U&feature=related

----- Added 23 Minutes later -----

Primary (Perry): This is the episode that shows the origin of the red jackets with blue and shirt and blue jacket with red shirt ensembles that Clark wears all the time now. It documents what happened to all his other clothes that he wore in earlier seasons.

xrayvision

05-20-2008, 11:25 PM

For Bakin' (Forsaken): Martha picks a bunch of apples for a pie she's about to make and tells Clark that they're for baking. But Clark gets hungry and eats them all, so she gets pissed off at him and refuses to make any more pie. Clark cries for the rest of the episode until Chloe brings him an Easybake oven. Unfortunately, he burns down the Kent farm with it. Chloe's surprised that he burned it down with an Easybake oven but not his heatvision.

Jephael

05-21-2008, 04:07 AM

Man, I think I started something with that Jorel soap idea!

Vergon6

05-21-2008, 04:37 AM

crumbula1

05-21-2008, 05:29 PM

"Comb" :

Clark shaves his head, and Lex trys Rogaine. (Which fails miserably)

xrayvision

05-21-2008, 09:10 PM

Dothead (Hothead): Lex goes nuts in this episode and plays a game of sniper. He starts blowing away citizens of Smallville so he can inspire the next popular videogame...Grand Theft Auto: Meteor Madness.

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----

Read (Red): This episode is about Lex, Lois, and various others reading Clark's journal (the one he got from Lois in Oracle) and spreading rumors about bovine gossip that they find in Clark's writings. Clark lets them keep it since he can no longer read without Chloe's help.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Blew (Blue): This is the future nickname to Arctic.

----- Added 11 Minutes later -----

Flue (Blue): This episode is about Lex's fireplace. Lex plays Santa Claus and comes down the chimney but gets stuck after gaining weight because he ate too many of Martha Kent's pies. Jimmy calls that guy he gave his tickets to in Cure along with the guy's boyfriend so they could both give Lex a surprise after pulling Lex's Santa pants down in the chimney. Clark also gets him by sitting on top of the chimney and taking a super dump while Lex is stuck inside. While all this is going on, Lionel hides the orb in the fireplace and nobody notices. Lex's fireplace is a "hotbed" of action.

----- Added 19 Minutes later -----

Plattered (Shattered): This is the episode where Lex gets in over his head when he goes to the back woods of Kansas and ends up half naked on a dinner platter with an apple in his mouth.

Mar-El

05-21-2008, 09:39 PM

Routh (aka Truth)

Brandon Routh comes to town, starring as Superman Prime and incinerates Clark for giving every Superman in the multiverse a bad name. He then decides to adopt the demeanor of an "angry God" by ruling humans with strength, since we are such a flawed race. Inevitably, he falls in love with Lana and decides to give up his dictatorship over earth to live out the rest of his days on the farm with her, much like the old Roman hero Cincinnatus (who, let's face it, probably passed up his dictatorship because Lana went back in time and took him away from his destiny, too...How would she go back in time, you ask? Well after Jor-El fell in love with her, too, he allowed her to use the fortress to transport herself back in time whenever she damn well pleased). Phew.

----- Added 31 Seconds later -----

lol. Reminds of Futurama ("Where No Fan Has Gone Before"): Phillip J. Fry to Walter Koenig : Say Nuclear Wessels. Koneig: NO

Haha amazing :rotfl:

xrayvision

05-21-2008, 09:43 PM

I like your Zest better than my Zest:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3798363&postcount=78

Mar-El

05-21-2008, 09:46 PM

I like your Zest better than my Zest:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3798363&postcount=78

Oh wow :( I didn't even realize it had already been done. Props goes to you, xrayvision.

I'll edit out my repetitive attempt at humour :p

xrayvision

05-21-2008, 09:54 PM

Lever (Fever): Lever 2000 and Zest move into Jor-El's territory and take a piece of his "action". A meeting of the crime soaps is ordered and Jor-El takes a swim with the turds. Just as Lever & Zest prepare to settle into the Fortress, the few suds of Jor-El that escape the toilet come together to form New & Improved Antibacterial Jor-El with Moisturizing Aloe, who instantly destroys Lever & Zest.

----- Added 33 Seconds later -----

Oh wow :( I didn't even realize it had already been done. Props goes to you, xrayvision.

I'll edit out my repetitive attempt at humour :p

Nooo! I liked yours a lot better. Leave it in. :)

Damn, I'm too late. If you still have it somewhere, please re-post it. Mine was quite lame.

Mar-El

05-22-2008, 12:41 AM

Lever? Awesome :rotfl:

Nooo! I liked yours a lot better. Leave it in. :)

Damn, I'm too late. If you still have it somewhere, please re-post it. Mine was quite lame.

Thank you for the encouragement :)

I had it saved on a word document. Here it is:

Zest (aka Quest)

Jor-El suspects foul play when Clark starts taking orders from a different soap brand, Zest. When Jor-El questions Clark about Zest, Clark lies, but Jor-El can smell the Zest all over him. A showdown in the Fortress occurs after Clark tells Jor-El that "Zest is more of a soap" than he will ever be. After Jor-El transports Clark to an alternate universe and shows him how much better his life would be if he switched back to the Jorel brand of soap, Clark resolves to never use Zest again, but typically forgets his resolve in the next episode and begins using Zest again.

As an added bonus...some more:

Regression (aka Obsession)

Smallville clips/flashback episode, primarily from post-Reckoning material. The clips mainly showcase Clark's journey as a hero, hence the title. :p

Weeper (aka Sleeper)

Smallville enters its 8th season focusing on Clark...and his sadness over being dumped by Lana Lang. Follow Clark as he uses his array of powers to spy on Lana and her new boyfriend, George (who traveled all the way from an AU to be with her). Clark would stop crying, if only he could ply his eyes away from Lana's breakup DVD. Will the world drown in the tears of Clark Kent's sorrows? Tune in this September to find out.

Isis (aka Crisis)

The world falls in love with Lana. Alongside being a cheerleader, coffee-shop entrepreneur, kick-boxer, landlord, 17th-century witch, descendant of the town founder, billionaire ex-divorceé, astronomy major dropout, phantom magnet, addict, murderer, foundation manager, computer hacker extraordinaire, future Insect Queen, female philanderer, lying, cheating (calms down)...Alongside all this, Lana is crowned Queen of Egypt in Season 8, in an effort to make her meaningful to the storyline once again at the expense of the show. She is hailed as the Goddess Isis by the people of the world. All is well.

Wage (aka Rage)

Javier returns once again and starts a Mexicans for Marxism Worker's Revolution in an effort to get fairer wages for working such long hours at the Stride Gum Factory. Clark discovers that Javier is actually Brainiac in disguise and has his citizenship revoked.

xrayvision

05-22-2008, 01:11 AM

Bleeper (Reaper): Clark is exposed to a new type of kryptonite that is patented as either Spring-Er Kryptonite or Mau-Ry Kryptonite. The kryptonite makes him go off on a swearing tirade and Kara has to follow him around making sure to censor his ramblings. The best is when he tells Jor-El where he can shove his brand of soap.

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----

Throne (Drone): This is the episode where Lana is crowned queen of Kansas and is given a throne to sit on. Unfortunately for her, Lois changes it to a throne to sh*t on.

Vergon6

05-22-2008, 10:30 AM

Wage (aka Rage)

Javier returns once again and starts a Mexicans for Marxism Worker's Revolution in an effort to get fairer wages for working such long hours at the Stride Gum Factory. Clark discovers that Javier is actually Brainiac in disguise and has his citizenship revoked.
lol Viva la Revolution :P

Too many other funny ones to mention. Both Zests are pretty good lol.

minerva73

05-22-2008, 03:05 PM

Isis (aka Crisis)

The world falls in love with Lana. Alongside being a cheerleader, coffee-shop entrepreneur, kick-boxer, landlord, 17th-century witch, descendant of the town founder, billionaire ex-divorceé, astronomy major dropout, phantom magnet, addict, murderer, foundation manager, computer hacker extraordinaire, future Insect Queen, female philanderer, lying, cheating (calms down)...Alongside all this, Lana is crowned Queen of Egypt in Season 8, in an effort to make her meaningful to the storyline once again at the expense of the show. She is hailed as the Goddess Isis by the people of the world. All is well.

:rotfl: I love this one. You managed to summarize everything that Lana has been in one sentence. Must-see episode.

Bleeper (Reaper): Clark is exposed to a new type of kryptonite that is patented as either Spring-Er Kryptonite or Mau-Ry Kryptonite. The kryptonite makes him go off on a swearing tirade and Kara has to follow him around making sure to censor his ramblings. The best is when he tells Jor-El where he can shove his brand of soap.

:lol: That's classic. I can imagine Kara following Clark everywhere he goes too. And I love the consistent Jor-El soap joke.

neo0721

05-22-2008, 05:15 PM

fartic

Clark Discovers That The Key To Controlling Him Is For Someone To Go To The Fortress And Fart On The Crystals. Chloe Gets Arrested By The World Poison Control For Her Hacking Into Their System For Strange Smells In Certain Areas, And Clark And Lois Share A Nice Fart After He Realizes That Sh*t Lana Just Sent Him On Dvd. Lex And Clark Face Off At The Fortress Someone Ends Up Taking The Big Sh*t Who Will It Be???

A_Chloe.S._Fan

05-22-2008, 06:05 PM

Bed (spoof for Red)
Lex slips red-k into Clark's pocket and they begin to have hot sex! Later, Clark wonders why he didn't stop when his pants were thrown off, but then realizes that he wanted to do it. Badly.

Flush (spoof for Rush)
Clark keeps forgetting to flush the toilet after his turn.

Plumber (spoof for Slumber)
Lana's tired of everyone thinking she's a girly-girl. She wants to let people know that she can get her hands dirty every now and then. As a result, she becomes a plumber, but the momnet she takes a look at the dirty pipes, she falls into a coma.

Hell (spoof for Spell)
The rest of the Smallville gang (and us) are forced to watch seven more years of the Clana relationship and it is a living hell!

Mariah (spoof for Pariah)
Mariah Carey comes to Smallville and gives Clark a good lap dance to get his mind off of Lana.

GENERALzod777

05-22-2008, 10:29 PM

Wheat- Clark Gains Wheat Vision. Pretty Useless.

xrayvision

05-23-2008, 01:19 PM

Rash (Rush): The Jor-El soap company is sued and files for bankrupcy after people start having allergic reactions after using it. Clark has the final bottle of Jor-El cremated and people breathe in the fumes and have more allergic reactions. Clark is then sued and loses everything. Clark having nothing left is given some money by Lionel and starts the Zod TV company with the successful catchphrase "Kneel before Zod".

xrayvision

05-23-2008, 06:52 PM

Here are a bunch of spoofs of a single episode:

Hog (Hug): This is a summer break episode where Clark is trying to get over Lana leaving him in Arctic. He's unfortunately letting himself go and eating like a pig. He scarfs down Bigs Macs, fries, chicken, onion rings, ice cream, and of course pie. Clark gets so fat that he needs Martha to quit her senate seat & stay home to apply the Jor-El soap since he no longer fits in the shower.

Chug (Hug): This is the episode that focuses on the hazing events that Clark puts new Beta Delta Alpha pledgers through before they can become a member of his fraternity. Events include chugging Jor-El soap from a funnel at the FOS, going outside the FOS to eat the yellow snow courtesy of Clark, playing a game of "poke the bear" with Jor-El, and putting on a dress before starting a journey in the Phantom Zone.

Dug (Hug): This is the episode where Shelby gets so fed up of not being fed that he buries Clark's octagonal key, all the key ingredients necessary to make pie at the Kent farm, and all pictures of Lana (after staining them with feces) in the "Back 40".

Jug (Hug): This is an episode that focuses on a certain part of Lois, Kara, Chloe, and other Smallville women.

Rug (Hug): This is the episode where Lex starts to wear a bad toupe (made out of Shelby's butt fur after his butt had to get shaved due to a bad episode of hammeroids) and gets laughed at by everyone.

Tug (Hug): Lex's car breaks down and Lex has to have it towed. Unfortunately, the tow truck pulls it through the ghetto part of Smallville and by the time it reaches the mansion, all there is left is the frame.

Thug (Hug): A thug from Smallville's hood does a drive-by at the Kent farm. Clark finds out who it is and trashes his car. He then does his "Spell Dance" and tells the thug "you got served". The thug laughs his ass off and then "serves" Clark. The 2 then agree to face off at a dancing competition. Clark gets worried because he knows no other dance moves. Luckily for him, a new type of kryptonite seeps into the ground at the cemetery and Jonathan, Ryan, Kyla, and a bunch of others show up at midnight and surround Clark. They start doing the Thriller dance and Clark joins in & learns it. He then goes and "serves" the thug at the competition and gives him insult to injury by handcuffing Lana to him.

Drug (Hug): This is the episode set in 2001 where it is revealed that druglords are smuggling drugs in a new human-shaped package. The most lethal form of drug is shown to have been sent to Smallville & was wrapped up to look like a 5' 4" girl who is obsessed with the color pink, wears crowns, is severely car accident prone, and repeats like a broken record about secrets and lies. The drug is also revealed to be extremely lethal to fathers of any males that take the "drug" and that no contact by the fathers is needed for death to occur.

xrayvision

05-24-2008, 01:57 PM

Debug (Hug): Clark rebuilds the Fortress after it fell apart. Unfortunately, he's having severe problems with the technology because the original operating system was destroyed. So to re-create Jor-El, Clark has to install Windows 95 and download Jor-El from his key to the FOS. All sorts of disasters start to happen and every time Jor-El is about to tell Clark the key to stopping the threats, the Blue Screen of Death appears and jor-El remains frozen like a BDAI. There's a time jump after Clark spends 12 years debugging Windows 95 so it doesn't crash and Jor-El can operate. Clark while debugging the operating system designs a suit he can wear once he finishes and comes out of the FOS as Superman. Unfortunately, Jor-El's performance requirements soon surpass Windows 95's capabilities, so Clark has to spend another 12 years updating it to Windows 98. A vicious cycle happens and every few months after finishing a debugging job he has to spend another 12 years updating to Windows 2000, Windows ME, Windows XP, and Windows Vista (which after he's done installing, he is forced to go back & install XP again). Clark finally gets sick and tired and agrees to let Bill Gates put Microsoft logos all over the FOS & in exchange has a staff of programmers tending to Jor-El's needs.

xrayvision

05-28-2008, 12:43 AM

Stare (Scare): Clark and Lex have a great showdown----a staring contest!! Clark uses his connections to get Conan O'Brien to use his crew (from the old days when Conan & Andy had those hilarious staring contests) to make Lex lose by having a bunch of absurd things happen in Lex's line of view.

Square (Scare): Clark is no longer hip and gets a visit from Fonzie so he can be cool again.

Nair (Scare): Lex puts Nair in what he thought was Clark's shampoo but Lois uses it. To make a long story short, Lex & Lois film a commercial as Doublemint Twins.

Bare (Scare): Clark has a scary dream where he and all his friends are naked and the only one with clothes on is Shelby.

Snare (Scare): Lex sets a trap for Shelby and then shaves him so he can have red hair again.

Snare (Scare): This episode is set in the past. Clark finds a Kryptonian snare drum and brings it to the FOS to play. He drives Jor-El nuts with it and Jor-El becomes hearing impaired after this. This is why Clark has to yell at Jor-El every time.

Swear (Scare): This is the sequel to Bleeper. This time Jor-El is the one with the foul mouth. Clark gets a V-Chip to make Jor-El more family friendly.

Share (Scare): This is the episode where Clark learns how to cook. He is forced by Martha to share his pie with Lois and gets so pissy that he starts making his own pies that only he eats.

xrayvision

05-28-2008, 10:43 PM

Plug (Hug): Lex goes to get a hair transplant so he can finally rid himself of the Cueball nickname. Unfortunately, he goes to an old school doctor and gets hair plugs and everyone makes fun of him even more.

Clone (Gone): After waiting years for his unaffected-by-kryptonite clone to grow in a laboratory chamber to be roughly his own age, Lex finally is about to accomplish his plan of using the clone as spare parts for his hair. But just seconds before the clone is ready, Lionel shows up and gets his long mane stuck in his nose and sneezes, causing the clone to become Lex's Mini-me. Lionel then slicks his hair back with his hands mockingly in front of Lex.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Tal is a man (Talisman): This episode is a 60 minute debate between Lex, Clark, Chloe, and Lana about Alona Tal and whether she's a former man.

Mar-El

05-29-2008, 11:30 PM

:rotfl: I love this one. You managed to summarize everything that Lana has been in one sentence. Must-see episode.

I'm glad you take it as a joke. I actually don't dislike Lana as much as one might think reading my spoofs. She's my muse ;)

Hog (Hug): This is a summer break episode where Clark is trying to get over Lana leaving him in Arctic. He's unfortunately letting himself go and eating like a pig. He scarfs down Bigs Macs, fries, chicken, onion rings, ice cream, and of course pie. Clark gets so fat that he needs Martha to quit her senate seat & stay home to apply the Jor-El soap since he no longer fits in the shower.

Love it :rotfl:

Now without further ado...My spoofs:

Unemployed (aka Void): After the Stride Gum Factory was shut down due to federal health code violations involving meteor rocks, Javier returns to Smallville looking for work. Clark suggests that he try finding work at the nearby Jorel soap factory. Little does he know that Lex recently bought the old factory and plans to demolish it. When Javier and Clark walk over to try and get him a job, they find Lex already there with bulldozers. Clark customarily barges in and asks "Why Lex? Why take all these jobs away?" To which Lex replies, "I love you like a brother Clark, but it has to end this way." With that, he instructs the bulldozers to demolish the Jorel soap factory, camera pans to the sky. Feeling guilty about the situation, Clark offers to give Javier a job on the farm. Once he finds out, however, that Lana is having an affair with the "new Spanish gardener", he fires Javier, who is once again luckless and jobless...for now.

Freud (aka Void): After a huge disagreement between Clark and his father regarding Clark's future ended in the destruction of their fortress home at the hands of Clark's delinquent bald friend, the US federal government remands both father and son to 172 hours of family therapy. During this therapy, Clark discovers that all of his pent-up aggression toward his father might be the result of an intense Oedipal Complex. He realizes that all of his actions in the past have been attempts to supplant his father's role. Furthermore, he discovers his love for Lana is actually the result of her name being etymologically similar to Lara. Upon discovering this, Clark gouges out his eyes and donates them to Tobias Rice. Tobias is subsequently convicted for incinerating his transplant surgeons with heat vision.

Durden (aka Hidden): After creating an alter ego named Tyler Durden, Clark decides to start a Fight Club, and he starts to lose his grip on reality. Posing as a mild-mannered reporter by day and a terrorist by night, he begins to use his superpowers to steal the fat from liposuction surgeries. He then uses this fat to make bars of Jorel soap. Needless to say, the entire episode ends with Clark bleeding from the cheek (having shot himself with a Kryptonite gun), while holding Lex lovingly, as the Fortress of Solitude falls down around them. Clark tells him, "You met me at a very strange time in my life." The song Where is my mind? by the Pixies plays in the background.

I hope to have more soon :p

Twitch

05-30-2008, 12:19 AM

Lmao I'm loving all the Jorel soap references, you guys are on a roll these are hilarious! :lol:

xrayvision

05-30-2008, 09:35 PM

Crest (Quest): Proctor & Gamble tries to make a deal with Jor-El to partner Crest toothpaste with Jor-El soap for a promotion. But Jor-El refuses to let Crest ride on the coattails of his soap company. The 2 compete for Clark's love and Proctor & Gamble wins.

xrayvision

05-31-2008, 06:20 PM

Fitness (Witness): Richard Simmons is in town and becomes a meteor fitness freak. He's able to mind control everyone in Smallville to exercise. The Talon, Beanery, and other businesses go bankrupt because nobody's buying anything. He makes Lex his own personal lapdog. The episode ends with a tragic game of Simmons says, where everyone accidentally falls into Saunders Gorge. Poor Shelby loses all his muscle and becomes very frail after not eating and doing exercise 24-7. Lana saves the day when she returns to Smallville and the focus of worship is back on her. Even Richard Simmons get excited at her site and marries her after she deems him free of secrets & lies.

----- Added 13 Minutes later -----

Jerry (Perry): Clark gets a mouse and names it after the mouse from Tom & Jerry. Jerry pulls all sorts of pranks on Shelby and Clark blames Shelby and beats him up every time Shelby goes after him. He whacks Shelby on the head with a mallot just before Clark calls him for dinner after 4 years. Clark gets pissed that Shelby is passed out and not coming for dinner so he gives the food to Jerry. The end of Jerry's life comes when Lana shows up and goes ballistic at the site of a mouse and steps on him hundreds of times until there is blood all over the place. Clark shows up and starts crying that his mouse is dead. Lana then blames Clark for insulting her with the presence of a mouse and Clark gets on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness. Meanwhile, Shelby eats the Jerry remains and winks at the camera.

xrayvision

07-09-2008, 08:58 PM

Simmer (Shimmer): This is the episode where Clark finally gets his balls back and tells Lana what a liar and hypocrite she really has been all along and makes her simmer in her own juices.

Speak&Spell (Spell): This is the episode where Clark finally learns to spell independently of Chloe helping him thanks to that good old toy from the late 70's/80's.

Commie-Mincemeat (Commencement): Lex & Clark team up to take on a bunch of communists attacking Smallville, threatening it with a revolution. Unfortunately, Lex mistakes Clark for a commie thanks to the red jacket and throws him into a kryptonite laced meat grinder.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Plank (Blank): Lex gets his revenge on the staff that created, produced & directed the Pirates of the Caribbean movies that Lana forced him to watch by making them walk the plank after borrowing some alligators from Spielberg & Lucas' Indiana Jones movie.

krewsaider

07-09-2008, 09:01 PM

Breeze (Sneeze): A gust of wind enters Smallville. It gets very chilly and Clark gets scared.

(It's lame but I haven't done this in awhile :lol:)

xrayvision

07-09-2008, 09:03 PM

Tease (Sneeze): Clark promises to sleep with Lana only to laugh at her and sleep with his latest baked pie.

Fleas (Sneeze): Clark is allergic to Shelby's fleas. He goes outside the farm shirtless, but his skin gets so red that everyone thinks he's wearing his red jacket.

krewsaider

07-09-2008, 09:05 PM

Fleas (Sneeze): Shelby gets fleas. Clark, yet again, neglects him. Shelby, broken hearted, runs off to Lex in search of flea control, food, and compassion.

I thought you only posted Tease, xray. I didn't see your version of Fleas. Guess now there are two.

MBrittan

07-09-2008, 09:10 PM

Speak&Spell (Spell): This is the episode where Clark finally learns to spell independently of Chloe helping him thanks to that good old toy from the late 70's/80's.

LOL! :)
-M-

xrayvision

07-10-2008, 09:38 PM

xrayvision

07-11-2008, 01:48 PM

Redrum (Red): Clark becomes a psychopath after spirits in the Kent farm drive him nuts and make him try to kill Lana and all the livestock & barnyard animals. Clark also types the following:

All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA. All work and no play makes Clark a BDA.

Xanderman

07-11-2008, 05:28 PM

Math (Wrath): Clark learns math in this episode from the following:

Addition: Clark is added to Lana's list of boyfriends.
Subtraction: Lana takes away Clark's balls.:lol:

(and lol about the Shining reference....Simpsons spoofed the film in a Halloween short called "The Shinning", lol not sure if that came to mind for you too when you wrote that, heh)

Feet (Heat)

Clark begins having terrible dreams night after night....about FEET. "Feet....feet....OH GOD PLEASE NO MORE FEET!!" and he would wake up covered in his own sweat, with the taste of feet in his mouth.

He finally decides to confide in someone about his nightmares... Jimmy Olsen.

Jimmy (laughing): LOLS dude! Wasn't that the plot of an episode of Married with Children??!
Clark: Grrrr I should have known you wouldn't understand...
(Clark angrily walks off, but not before he trips over Jimmy's feet.)
Clark (looks up at sky and shakes fist): FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!!!!

Cheaper (Reaper)

Chloe and Lana girl-talk about who's the cheapest boyfriend either has ever had.....

Chloe: JIMMY. Hands down.
Lana: Nuh uh -- CLARK.
Chloe: Clark isn't exactly cheap, Lana... He's just really, really poor.
(BOTH LAUGH.)

Clark super-overhears everything from outside their window. A tear trickles down his cheek just as Lana and Chloe switch topics to who's the biggest wuss either has ever dated, which also turns out to be him.

krewsaider

07-11-2008, 05:36 PM

Xander, your episode Cheaper gave me an idea for a sequel...

Poor (Noir): Clark begins to discover how poor he actually is. Some of his poor actions realized include:

- wearing the same clothes every day (red/blue jacket with blue/red shirt)
- asking Chloe to search information up for him because he can afford internet connection
- rarely eating or drinking

Xanderman

07-11-2008, 05:41 PM

:lol:

By the way loved this one too:

Fleas (Sneeze): Shelby gets fleas. Clark, yet again, neglects him. Shelby, broken hearted, runs off to Lex in search of flea control, food, and compassion.Really loved that last sentence, lol

krewsaider

07-11-2008, 05:45 PM

Haha. I felt bad for Shelby after writing that because it's true. :(

MBrittan

07-11-2008, 06:06 PM

Reboot (Recruit) - Brainiac accidentally downloads a virus into his system and continuously freezes up, then has to "reboot" himself. As a result, he gets stuck in a Groundhog Day-like loop, leaving Clark confused.

----- Added 1 Minutes later -----

Pilot Light (Pilot) - the pilot light goes out on the Kent hot water heater and Lois screams when she gets into the shower. Mrs. Kent thinks she and Clark having sex and throws Lois out of the house, still wet and nude.

xrayvision

07-11-2008, 07:08 PM

Pirate (Pilot): Clark grows his hair long, chops off one of his hands and one of his legs so he can have a hook hand and a peg leg and gets a parrot that never shuts up and sh*ts on his shoulder. After doing this, all the girls of Smallville are gung-ho for him until Lex shows up wearing blue jeans a red denim jacket and a blue t-shirt. The girls leave Clark and run off to the revamped Lex. Clark starts to cry after realizing he chopped off his body parts for nothing and has parrot crap all over him. Just as the episode ends, Lana shows up and gives him a pair of hook balls to replace what she took from him.

alejandrita439

07-12-2008, 07:34 PM

Math (Wrath): Clark learns math in this episode from the following:

Addition: Clark is added to Lana's list of boyfriends.
Subtraction: Lana takes away Clark's balls.
Multiplication: Shelby shows him how to multiply using the neighborhood supply of female dogs.
Division: Martha provides the lesson on division by cutting up a pie she baked into several pieces so Clark and his friends could share (causing Clark to whine and throw tantrums)

:rotfl::rotfl:

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

Lockdown (Lockdown)

TOM AND THE CAST ARE TRAPPED IN THE SET - Tom Welling and the Cast of Smallville trap Michael Rosenbaum in the set to convince him to stay on Smallville for the eighth season. The Directors directed the episode written by the Writers.

this is so funny

Originally Posted by Xanderman
LOL hilarious Xray :lol:

Beaver (Fever)

A lost beaver shows up on the Kent farm, and it doesn't take him long to capture the hearts of the entire Kent clan.

Martha: Awww, he's adorable! Shelby, come here boy! You have a new best friend! 'Beaver' the beaver!

Unbeknownst to both Martha and Clark, however, Shelby secretly resented the new family pet and planned to kill him when the time was right.

2 days later...

Clark: Mom, I'm not sure Shelby likes Beaver....
Martha: What do you mean, Clark?
Clark: Don't you see the way he's always eyeing Beaver's neck? It's not normal!
Martha: Oh you're imagining things...
Clark: Yesterday I found a picture of a half eaten animal drawn on one of the barn walls close to where Shelby naps. The animal in the picture was Beaver, Mom.
Martha: Now you're just being silly!
Clark: And this morning, Shelby barked not one, but SIX distinct words for the first time ever: And they were "I'm gonna eat that friggin' beaver".
Martha: This conversation is over, Clark.

The next day...

Martha: Clark, have you seen Beaver? I can't find the little darling anywhere!
Clark: Shelby ate him.
Martha: What?! Don't lie to me Clark! Where is he!?
*Clark points to the pile of steaming dog sh*t that used to be Beaver. His large front teeth can be clearly seen mixed in with the rest of the dog crap.*
Martha: Good God Clark! Why didn't either of us see any of this coming??!! There had to be some warning signs!
Clark (throws his hands up in the air and turns to the audience/camera): And this, my friends, is why Superman works alone. (corny music plays and the credits roll)

MBrittan

07-12-2008, 09:43 PM

xrayvision

08-07-2008, 09:51 PM

Hung (Hug): This episode is a retrospective where Lana remembers and talks about all her boyfriends, how they pleased/displeased her, and which one is her favorite based on a certain "quality".

sil3nt

08-08-2008, 10:30 PM

Toilet(Pilot)
Every hero, no matter how great, was once just a child. The Smallville pilot premiere takes off with the story of the legendary Superman in his early years as an infant. He faces many challenges and obstacles such as learning to walk, speaking and the most challenging of them all. Toilet training. As he splatters his urine everywhere, both his parents and he learn about his remarkable feats such as demolishing a farm wall in a tantrum and travelling half a state away in a simple game of tag.

----- Added 10 Minutes later -----

Peeper(Sleeper)
Like all males of a species, Clark Kent has an incurable lust for Lana Lang that will cause him to do unethical acts of invasion of privacy. Clark Kent packs his telescope away as he goes to more extreme lengths to get a feed his lust. This episode deals with Clark's true emotions as he accidently slips on a red kryptonite ring. X-ray vision and super breath; with these powers at his disposal he'll be rampaging around Smallville High locker rooms, gyms and pools out of site and out of control.

----- Added 16 Minutes later -----

Wierdo(Bizzaro)
An unknown kryptonian disease attacks Clark Kent and his behaviour changes drastically. This episode will showcase Clark Kent doing crazy things like wearing glasses and grabbing arses. Being immune to the disease due to her meteor powers, Chloe is Clark's only hope of curing the disease. But will she be able to resist the irresistable charm of Clark Kent as he outrageously flirts and hits on her?

You know, I'm going to do one for every episode in my spare time.

----- Added 1 Hours and 50 Minutes later -----

Sahara(Kara)
Clark and Lana crashland in the center of the Saharan desert on their way to china. Not wanting to reveal his powers to Lana, Clark super speeds away and leaves Lana alone in the deserts by herself with nothing more than a bag of belongings. This episode deals with Lana's perspective on Clark and behaviour being segregated from society without any attention whatsoever.

Québec

08-09-2008, 12:52 AM

Dead (Red)

Clark and friends have to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Cheese (Sneeze)

Lex discovers the recipe to make the best cheese in the world. Lionel will do anything to get his hands on that recipe.

sil3nt

08-09-2008, 06:03 AM

Simpson(Crimson)
What happens when you mix all 4 forms of kryptonite together and chuck it at a tv? The Simpson family busts out that's what. Clark Kent must accompolish the challenging task of convincing the poor family that they are a figure of imagination and find a way to return them to their world.

----- Added 17 Minutes later -----

Hush(Crush)
An outbreak of the Hush virus, named after a LuthorCorp experiment Project Hush, causes those who come in contact wit hit to become mute. Chloe is the only one who seems to be immune to it and there is only one person who knows the cure. Can she find him in time or will his knowledge be silenced forever?

sil3nt

08-09-2008, 08:42 PM

Pierce(Fierce)
In an act of teenage rebellion, Clark Kent is getting his ear pierced! But can he succeed in doing so without having his weakness exposed to the world?

MBrittan

08-09-2008, 08:57 PM

X-Rated (X-Ray) - Clark gets excited when Lana proposes the idea of threesome, only to be let down when she suggests that Lex be the third person. Chloe and Lois happen to stop by in the middle of it and join in. America gets its first glimpse at Chloisexanark sex, lol.
-M-

----- Added 6 Minutes later -----

Skreech (Leech) - Skreech from Saved by the Bell gets lost because "he's at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by" and has to make is own way to Bayside High. He gets lost (of course) because he's an idiot and ends up at Smallville High instead where he meets his kindred spirit, Clark. In a touching final scene, Chloe teaches them both to read. Skreech returns the Bayside High the next day (with Clark - who makes a wrong turn going superspeed) and impresses Kelly so much with his new ability to read, he steals her away from Zach Morris. Slater tries to intimidate the new guy (Clark) and gets his rear end kicked. When Mr. Belding goes to suspend Clark for fighting, he realizes that he doesn't even go to that school so he promptly calls Chloe to come pick him up and take him home.
-M-

----- Added 7 Minutes later -----

----- Added 10 Minutes later -----

Latex (Vortex) - Clark realizes that condoms (made for humans) aren't "right" for Kryptonians.
-M-

----- Added 11 Minutes later -----

Homosexuality (Duplicity) - no, I just can't. lol Moving on now...

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Harry (Perry) - Clark hits puberty and can't figure out how to shave. Regular razor blades won't work on his Kryptonian facial hair. Calls Chloe for help. She hacks into the website of a company that just happens to be making Kryptonite razor blades...
-M-

----- Added 15 Minutes later -----

Selleck (Relic) - Magnum PI makes a guest appearance on Smallville and gets totally embarrassed by Chloe.

----- Added 17 Minutes later -----

Dr. Ruth (Truth) - Lex calls in to a radio talk show to discuss his "mommy" issues...

----- Added 18 Minutes later -----

Lawn (Gone) - Clark cuts the grass at the farm. Chloe comes over to help him pull the cord on the lawnmower...

----- Added 19 Minutes later -----

Nun (Run) - Lana becomes a nun because she wants to start a relationship with a priest at the local church...

----- Added 22 Minutes later -----

Blank Check (Blank) - A mysterious woman comes to Smallville to manipulate Lex into marriage so she can take him for every penny he has. Synonyms: Desiree Atkins, Helen Bryce, Lana Lang, Victoria Hardwick (wait a minute, wrong thread! lol) ;)

----- Added 23 Minutes later -----

Portal (Mortal) - A portal opens up back to Krypton, sending Chloe home...

----- Added 24 Minutes later -----

Aqua Velva (Aqua) - Lex loses his family fortune and can no longer afford expensive cologne...

----- Added 27 Minutes later -----

Glade (Fade) - Clark has to take a dump and really stinks up the bathroom at the Kent farm. He has to superspeed to the grocery store because the family has run out of Kryptonian Breeze-scented Glade.

sil3nt

08-10-2008, 01:39 AM

School(Cool)
The first day of school for a child is either the one of the worst or one of the best days of their childhood. The so called Superhero was once a child bully who used his powers for personal gain. Not even all the teachers combined can stop this tyrant from rampaging the classrooms and playgrounds of Smallville Elementary.

xrayvision

08-10-2008, 09:37 AM

Runs (Run): Martha gives Clark some undercooked meteor freak chicken and Clark makes a mess all over the house.

Purry (Perry): Lex gets a b*tchy cat named Purry to sit on his lap as he comes up with ways to rule the world. Lana of course finds out, shows up at the mansion, and says "There's enough room for only one b*tch in town and you're lookin' at her" and kills Purry. Lex is driven to become a maniac and completes his descent into evil.

sil3nt

08-10-2008, 05:23 PM

^I reckon that should happen.

sil3nt

08-11-2008, 05:44 AM

ReRun(Run)
Clark wakes up to find that everybody that he cares about dying one by one from stupid accidents. If thats not enough, he's stuck in a loop waking up to the same day over and over and over and over and over.. again. He must travel to Jor-EL's fortress of knowledge to find out what is going on whilst at the same time protect his loved ones (BDA?)

wickedwango

08-11-2008, 06:19 AM

Breast (Quest)

Clark catches a glimpse of Chloes breast when he accidentally walks in on her changing. Chaos ensues when Lois finds out and demands him to show Chloe Clark Jnr.

Rabz

08-12-2008, 03:46 AM

^^ Rofl!
Good one
Pool: An episode where the cast and crew are skinny dipping in a pool.

Xanderman

08-12-2008, 11:32 AM

Breast (Quest)

Clark catches a glimpse of Chloes breast when he accidentally walks in on her changing. Chaos ensues when Lois finds out and demands him to show Chloe Clark Jnr.lol

'Breast' Recap Continued...

Further chaos ensues when it is revealed that, as a Kryptonian, Clark has no penis. :lol:

Québec

08-12-2008, 12:10 PM

lol

'Breast' Recap Continued...

Further chaos ensues when it is revealed that, as a Kryptonian, Clark has no penis. :lol:

That episode would be called Penis (spoofed from Crisis)

Xanderman

08-12-2008, 12:32 PM

^:lol:

Sexmas (Lexmas)

In this inappropriately sexually charged Christmas episode, everybody's having sex with everybody. Clark goes at it with Chloe, Jimmy hooks up with Lana, and Lois jumps Lex. It turns out a new krypto freak in town, calling himself "Santa X" (aka "The Pimp Clause"), has the ability to make people into sex freaks. ''Ho ho hos everybody! Get your hos! And get 'em cheap! From me!"...."Tis the season to be horny!"....and "Deck the halls with balls of me! That's right, WITH MY BALLS!!" are just a few of his many inappropriate one-liners. Even Shelby gets lucky (with a goat). It isn't until Clark catches his mom in bed with Lionel that he finally snaps out of it, and takes Santa X on a sleigh ride...to the Sun. "Hey now wait just a minute here Clark, you said we were going to the North Pole!!"...."Suck MY pole" Clark laughingly replies as he waves goodbye to Santa X for the last time, who burns to ashes before his eyes. After seeing this episode, Christmas will definitely never be the same. For anyone.

xrayvision

08-12-2008, 06:32 PM

Tool (Cool): An episode where AC & Lex are trapped on a deserted island and AC lost his swimming abilities and can't tolerate Lex.

xrayvision

10-02-2008, 09:45 PM

'Fro-ever (Forever): Clark faces a meteor freak who gives permanent 'fros to everyone he touches. Thinking the freak's power will not work on him, Clark gets careless and is touched by him, causing his hair to instantly take the form of a 'fro. Clark stops the freak but is never taken seriously again. He eventually puts on the Superman suit and catches villians simply by them going into laughter-coma.

xrayvision

10-03-2008, 06:16 PM

Tonic (Toxic): Lex transforms Smallville's water supply into tonic water so he could corner the market of gin. Clark gets pissed off because he is forced to drink gin rather than his coke straight up on the rocks.

Zod is He (Odyssey): This is the Zod version of Eminem's 8 Mile. Zod is a nobody who wants everyone to know his name and gets his ass kicked trying to think of a famous line. You hear him say "Quiver before Zod", "Keel before Zod", and "Bow before Zod" until the famous "Kneel before Zod" is born and Zod becomes who he is.

xrayvision

11-25-2008, 10:12 PM

Leash (Leech): This episode shows how Lana forces Clark to wear the red jacket with the blue t-shirt and keeps him on a leesh shorter than Shelby's. Shelby gets pissed at Clark for borrowing his leesh without asking permission. Watch Clark "accessorize" with Shelby's designer leashes as he dresses up for Lana to pull him around.

6-Super-Man -5

11-25-2008, 10:16 PM

:lol:

Krypto~Luan

11-25-2008, 10:35 PM

YouPaid (Crusade) Clark learns how to fly inorder to avoid a check he didnt pay at a chineese fast food joint. What will become of our Hero?

Fried(Bride)
Chloe is forced to work minumum wage at the new evil fast food joint, Fries of Doom.

Some Dude who Sued (solitude) Clark is in a crminal trial for accidentally stepping on someones foot and brakeing it.

Boutique (Plastique) Clark must get a side job at a clothing store run my the meteor infected.

xrayvision

11-25-2008, 10:39 PM

Cried (Bride): A memoir of Clark's nights during his 7 years with Lana.

Krypto~Luan

11-25-2008, 11:06 PM

Seat (delete) Clark decides that his true calling is not saving people, but rather an usher at the smallville movie thearter

xrayvision

11-26-2008, 12:08 AM

E-Bay (X-Ray): Brainiac creates a new Kryptonian virus that turns the internet into a giant auction site that makes the world obsessed with buying auction items and causes the world to fall to ruin.

Krypto~Luan

11-26-2008, 12:13 AM

E-Bay (X-Ray): Brainiac creates a new Kryptonian virus that turns the internet into a giant auction site that makes the world obsessed with buying auction items and causes the world to fall to ruin.
:rotfl:

You are full of ideas aren't you!

Xanderman

11-26-2008, 04:39 PM

Idiocy (Odyssey)

Clark's intelligence (and sanity) is called into question when after years spent in close face to face contact with people like Lois and Lex, his brilliant idea for the ultimate disguise, to separate himself from his Superman and Clark Kent alteregos, is glasses.

Clark (to himself): "Wait a sec....GLASSES! That's IT! Clark old buddy, you've done it again!"

Bloodwine (Bloodline)

The Klingon Empire wages war on Earth. Only Clark stands in their way and their lust for bloodwine, and prune juice. Unable to stop them, Clark offers them Lana as a gift, for their Emporer.

Clark: "Please, gentle friends, as a token of friendship and mutual respect, I offer you the best lay I ever had. THIS GIRL!" (Clark tosses Lana at them)

Lana is brought to the Klingon Emporer's chambers. After just 5 minutes in her company and being annoyed to no end, he immediately gives the order to destroy Earth.

Krypto~Luan

11-26-2008, 04:47 PM

Clark: "Please, gentle friends, as a token of friendship and mutual respect, I offer you the best lay I ever had. THIS GIRL!" (Clark tosses Lana at them)

:lol:

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Pink (Blue)

Clark comes into contact with pink Kryptonite. He now becomes female in his actions and begins to persue Ollie. When denied by Ollie

Ollie:"Hey clark, im happy for you, really i am...but you could lay of the sonnets and poetry"

Clark: "What! you still have feelings for that slut Lois dont you! The same girl wo needs an accident with Prada. Well, I'll see to that problem"

6-Super-Man -5

11-26-2008, 04:55 PM

krewsaider

11-26-2008, 05:53 PM

6-Super-Man -5

11-26-2008, 06:40 PM

:lol: Nice thinking.

Krypto~Luan

11-26-2008, 06:55 PM

Stride (Spoof of Bride and Hero)

The original cut of Pete's return to Smallville. It has a lot less Clark and pals and a whole lot more Stride gum product placement. By the end of this episode, you're going to be glad they decided to air Hero instead of this.

god hero sucked. -_- if i wanted to see stride gum, i would have gone to the deli and stared at a pack of stride for half hour.

Deli Owner:"hey, you gonna buy it or what?"

Me: "Shhhhh, its getting good!"

krewsaider

11-26-2008, 06:58 PM

I actually enjoyed Hero because of One Republic and the montage at the end. I just made that spoof since the majority hates that episode. Lol.

6-Super-Man -5

11-26-2008, 07:02 PM

I thought the episode was quite good actually.

Krypto~Luan

11-26-2008, 07:05 PM

i didnt like S7 to begin with so there goes me lol

xrayvision

11-26-2008, 07:06 PM

Lied (Bride): This is a 1 episode recap of Clana.

Cowhide (Bride): This episode shows flashbacks of Clark's first encounter with one of the Kent cows getting skinned after it dropped dead.

Math (Wrath): This episode is about Lana's "study date" with Ian Randall that took place offscreen in Dichotic. Watch how Ian gives her lessons in "multiplying" and how Lana falls for it when Ian tells her to make math easy, you must remove the "bra" from Algebra and proceeds to do the same to Lana.

Red Ducks (Redux): The Luthorcorp plant has another accident and the Smallville water supply gets tainted & turns all the ducks red.

Plush (Rush): Lois is piss drunk and goes to a carnival with Clark where he wins her a teddy bear & a huge liplock from Lois.

Stalling (Calling): Clark saves countless lives on the highway by putting sugar in Lana's gas tank to make her car stall.

Nicads'Rus (Nicodemus): Lex gets an idea to bring back Ni-Cad rechargeable batteries by opening up a store that only sells them & chargers for them.

Beeper (Reaper): This is the episode that precedes Leash. Before Lana put Clark on his short leash, she got him a beeper to keep tabs on his whereabouts 24/7. It didn't work, so in turn we got Leash.

Lisper (Whisper): This is a Smallville episode where all dialog is voiced by Elmer Fudd. Ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaaa!!!!

Crisper (Whisper): A young Clark is throwing a tantrum in this episode & wants his bacon more crisp. Martha gets so sick of his whining that she introduces him to Lana for the 1st time. She gets them to play restaurant so Clark could bug someone else for his bacon. Let's just say that since then, Clark to this day is still waiting for his bacon.

Asspie-dom (Asylum): Clark watches pies being wasted as they're hurled at Lex's ass for the sport. This becomes Clark's motivation to become Superman.

Ruth (Truth): Clark has a problem getting Clark Jr. to salute, so he goes to Dr. Ruth for help, who tells him to ditch Lana.

Bland (Blank): This episode is the Godfather spoof of Smallville. The Kent crime family has Lex over for dinner & he complains about his food being tasteless. The family enforcer, Clark, takes exception to this and whacks him.

Four Egger (Forever): Martha starts using a different recipe for her omlettes. Instead of using 1 egg, she starts using 4 eggs & Clark's cholesterol level goes higher than Lex was when he said "I do" to Lana.

Kiddin' (Hidden): Clark goes to the FOS and starts fooling around & ragging on Jor-El. He continues to "poke the bear" until he is almost frozen in a crystal and then tells "J-baby" that he's just kiddin'.

Lickdown (Lockdown): Shelby gets trapped in the Phantom Zone where he isn't fed for a period equivalent of a millenium & is broken out by Clark. He is so relieved that he licks Clark for an entire day. Clark then forgets about Shelby who is forced to eat his own fleas for sustenance.

6-Super-Man -5

11-26-2008, 07:11 PM

Thats a lot of spoofs!

xrayvision

11-28-2008, 12:42 PM

Flank (Blank): Lex kills Clark's favorite cow and eats it for dinner.

6-Super-Man -5

11-28-2008, 02:29 PM

:lol:

xrayvision

11-28-2008, 05:28 PM

Hydrox (Hydro): Martian Manhunter comes to a crossroads & is finally forced to face his "Lana". He can either choose to continue down the wrong path and let his obsession for Oreos rule his life, or he can step up and head down the path towards his true destiny----Hydrox!!

6-Super-Man -5

11-28-2008, 05:34 PM

borednow

11-29-2008, 03:26 PM

Plastic (Plastique) - The long awaited return of Ken Doll I mean George when he is introduced as working with Detective Jones. Chloe has a brief infatuation with him that ends when his big secret is revealed to the world, like all Ken dolls he lacks definition! ;)

Krypto~Luan

11-29-2008, 07:48 PM

KalEltheBoyscout

11-29-2008, 08:00 PM

Krypto~Luan

11-29-2008, 09:41 PM

Nun (Run) - Clark meets a nun who can beat him at arm wrestling. The nun happens to be a crook and she steals Jonathan's wallet in order to donate it to her church. Meanwhile, the nun hits on Jason, officially creeping him out and forcing him to leave Smallville forever.

*Folds up and puts in poket*

----- Added 8 Minutes later -----

Knocturne-Alley(Nocturne) [To all my harry potter peeps:p] Clark stumbles into a dark alley way where he must gamble his way out. Upon his defeat, he must clean the toes of his new master (Lana) with his tounge for all time. But the world crumbles under Lex, as Lana has minty-fresh toes!

Super-stalker(Skin Walker) Clark becomes upsessed with Barry Manilow, and becomes his new fan, leaving his destiny behind for a new one, one forged in infatuation of BARRY MANAILOW!

(Where the hell did i pull that from?:eek:)

xrayvision

11-30-2008, 04:27 PM

Spock's Turn (Nocturne): Clark, Lex & Spock play Monopoly in this episode and it's Spock's turn, but it takes the entire episode for him to make his move.

borednow

11-30-2008, 05:11 PM

Spock's Turn (Nocturne): Clark, Lex & Spock play Monopoly in this episode and it's Spock's turn, but it takes the entire episode for him to make his move.

:rotfl:

Xanderman

11-30-2008, 08:42 PM

Spock's Turn (Nocturne): Clark, Lex & Spock play Monopoly in this episode and it's Spock's turn, but it takes the entire episode for him to make his move.:rotfl: That's hilarious!:lol:

xrayvision

12-01-2008, 06:07 PM

Jock Burn (Nocturne): Clark gets his revenge on Whitney for making him the Scarecrow in the Pilot so he puts some itching powder that Whitney is allergic to in his jock strap.

Snothead (Hothead): A character named Jake Rivers takes some meteor laced nasal drops & it causes his head to turn into a giant booger. He goes nuts when he can no longer get a date, so he terrorizes the town by spraying the reservoir with the same nasal drops.

6-Super-Man -5

12-01-2008, 07:09 PM

:lol: Too funny man!

xrayvision

12-18-2008, 11:00 PM

Fried (Bride): This episode is the most anticipated one of all. It's the one where Clark starts his KFC (Kent F'd Chicken) restaurant. Scenes from the episode include:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2498598&postcount=2221

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2499456#post2499456

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2508855#post2508855

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2566906#post2566906

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=3266404#post3266404

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2656549#post2656549

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2537139#post2537139

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2507131#post2507131

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2508025&postcount=2254

redkryptoniteisthebest

12-18-2008, 11:10 PM

xrayvision

12-19-2008, 12:07 AM

:rotfl::rotfl:

Thanks. Here's one more scene I recently added to my previous post:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2508025&postcount=2254

My favorites are:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2508855&postcount=2257

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=3266404&postcount=2714

Kschreck

12-19-2008, 12:37 AM

[Scene 1]

Midnight Lights:

12:15 PM - It was a cold dreary night and Clark decided he would go for a walk to take his mind off of the return of Lana and Chloe being kidnapped. The leaves were blowing in the late night air and a low whispering of the wind could be heard from all around. Something just wasn't right about tonight. It didn't matter, however, what did matter was that Clark was finally getting some much needed air.

Clark decided that he would walk to the bridge where Lex had once ran him off the road. It was as good as a place as any to just sit and relax. As he slowly moved down the dirt road, he noticed out of the corner of his eyes a few small but violently bright lights flickering and rotating in the sky. He quickly looked up to see a triangular shaped craft hovering toward his position.

Kryptonians? No it can't be, Clark didn't recognize the configuration of the ships design. Clark stood up at the now large object hovering directly over his head. He didn't know what to think. He didn't even believe in aliens until he discovered he had alien origins himself but this... this thing was unlike anything he had ever seen.

Quickly a burst of light shined down around him along with the feeling of being jolted upwards.

[Scene 2]

Strange whispering sounds could be heard all around. All that could be seen was a pale light at the corner of the room and an oddly shaped creature moving around in the light. It was at this time that Clark realized he had been strapped down to what appeared to be a metal table. Clark's first reaction was to use his strength to rip through the restrains. However that appeared to be useless. Even with his strength, Clark could not budge.

The oddly colored figure came into view. It moved toward him with it's long twig like arms reaching out as if it wanted to hug him. Clark then realized he was not alone. Just about five feet to his left was also a man strapped to a table. This man with dark browm, perhaps black hair stood their talking to himself. Muttering something about the FBI, aliens and Scully.

Clark's attention then refocused on the being in front of him. It held a strange object that looked like a drill piece. Clark struggled some more trying to free himself from the confines of the restrains but once again failed. Then the table he was on began to slowly rotate as the alien being began to move towards him with the drill.

"Wait... what do you want? What are you going to do with that thing?" it didn't matter what Clark Kent said, what mattered was the pain that was to follow. A sharp pain striked through Clark Kent as the drill was inserted. Yes the probing was just as familiar as has been rumored.

Was he dreaming? Was this just a horrible nightmare? What the heck is going on? Find out next time when we return.

xrayvision

02-09-2009, 03:23 AM

Requirements (Requiem): This is the episode where Clark and Lois both get interviewed for jobs at the Daily Planet and are rejected & laughed at for dropping out of college.

Mower (Power): The ultimate in trouble erupts as Clark's lawnmower breaks and he can't provide freshly cut grass for the cows to eat.

Cower (Power): Clark is left cowering in fear after Lana has left him again with his balls in her possession. This time he has no mommy to bake him pies, and no Lois to feed him Ding Dongs. The Daily Planet fires him and he is just down & out in the horse stalls, which are empty except for dung since Lana took the horses with her.

Mulletproof (Bulletproof): Tess finds out what Lex did to her and wants to get back at him by giving him a mullet after tracking him down, but she is unable to give him one, for obvious reasons.

Region (Legion): After losing his job, Clark is forced to buy foreign DVDs and can't play them on his NTSC, region-1 DVD player. As a result, his planned date with Lois goes to hell and is forced to once again play with his ball in the barn.

Fridaythe13Jason

02-09-2009, 05:36 PM

Identity Theft (Identity): After learning Clark's secret, Lex returns to Smallville, buys the Kent farm, starts wearing flannel and pining for Lana in Clark's place. Clark goes to the fortress and complains to Jor-el but Jor-el tells him that he's disobeyed him too many times and that Lex is actually the son he's always wanted.

supervision

02-09-2009, 05:48 PM

:lol:lol, 2 funny:lol:

xrayvision

02-12-2009, 01:52 AM

100proof (Bulletproof): This is a pre-prequel of Perry White that shows how he became an alcoholic. This episode is the one where he originally invents the term Kansassian.

Brite (Bride): This episode has a flashback where Brain-dead (the bully mentioned in Zero) breaks Lana's Lite Brite and a young Clark kicks his ass.

Nabyssco (Abyss): There is one ticket left to Nate Nabyssco's factory and Martian Manhuter wins it. He gets kicked out after going ape sh*t in the Oreo cookie chamber, especially after seeing the new flavors not yet sold to the public. But too bad Nate doesn't know that he can shapeshift into one of the Doompa Loopa's.

xrayvision

02-14-2009, 03:38 AM

Mod (Zod): Clark "borrows" Lex's new Porsche while he's away on business and gets it all tricked out. He puts shiny new chrome rims, changes the leather seating to zebra skin, adds a chrome skull hood ornament, changes the license plate to "Q-BALL", and slaps on "Lexative" (Luthorcorp's leading laxative brand) stickers all over it. Unfortunately, Clark didn't know that the chrome wheels weren't meant for the tires Lex already had, and this results in another crash at the Loeb bridge where Clark has to save him again for another round of fun.

Jaderoyale

02-14-2009, 03:44 AM

xrayvision

02-14-2009, 03:57 AM

Not Dead (Hothead): Jimmy & Lois go deer hunting and shoot a deer and throw it in the back of a stationwagon they drove to the hunting cabin. While they're driving back they find out that the deer is still alive and they go apesh*t.

Hot Lead (Hothead): Clark is going through his Tony Montana phase and goes to a full-auto shooting range to take some steam off. He goes crazy and unloads so many rounds that everything around him is Swiss cheese. By the end of the episode, he takes home enough critters so that Martha can bake him raccoon, squirrel, and grizzly bear pies.

Lot Said (Hothead): A best-of Clana episode.

Not Read (Hothead): Jor-El gives Clark an instruction manual for the Fortress of Solitude and all its functions, modules, and everything else he needs to know about it. The Legion finds it still shrinkwrapped in the 31st century and has it placed in a museum.

Glove

02-14-2009, 09:11 AM

Socks-N-Lips(Apocalypse): Clark experiences an alternate-reality
vision of what the world would be like without shoes and people
kept sticking their feet in their mouths.

CrimeScene(Crimson): The cast of CSI visits Smallville to investigate
the whereabouts of Superman after never turning up after 7 years.

Lexposed(Exposed): Lex gives in to his true affinity for wearing
bikinis and spandex and dances for other powerful men. He eventually
gets fired by Donald Trump and has to return to being a crime boss.

Smell(Spell): Clark has a super-movement, the first to melt paint
and wilt vegetation, and this drives three women(Lana, Chloe, and
Lois) to claim to be witches and beg the people of Smallville to
burn them at the stake so they can escape the odor.

Lego-cy(Legacy): Lego Dr. Swans and Stephen Hawkings are
given plungers and continue to repeat,"Exterminate, Exterminate,
Exterminate", and are mistaken for Darliks and are eventually
destroyed by Lego Clark and Lego Dr. Who who makes a
special guest appearance.

xrayvision

02-14-2009, 10:22 AM

Fridaythe13Jason

02-14-2009, 12:34 PM

xrayvision

02-15-2009, 02:31 AM

Not Led (Hothead): Lex tells Clark he can get Led Zepplin to reunite and give a concert at Smallville High. Clark publicizes it, but it turns out Lex can't get Zepplin, so he gets N'Sync to reunite instead. There is a riot and Smallville High is burned down.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Got Bread? (Hothead): Lex has fallen on tough times and is forced to panhandle in front of the Talon. Guess he should have been nicer to muffin peddlers.

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----

Got Head (Hothead): Let's just say this episode involves a lot of bragging. Nuff said. :)

Glove

02-15-2009, 08:24 AM

Floodline(Bloodline): Clark and Lois are sent to the Big Easy, New Orleans.
While there, Hurricane Lana blasts the city and the question is answered
why they just can't seem to get together.

Fridaythe13Jason

02-15-2009, 01:04 PM

Not Jed (Hothead): A meteor freak reads about Jed McNally in the Smallville Ledger and decides to become a "copycat". Unfortunately, the copycat does not have the same meteor power as Jed McNally. Instead of being able to burrow underground and drag people under, this meteor freak does the opposite and unearths the entire population of Smallville cemetary.

Glove

02-15-2009, 01:21 PM

Reflux(Redux): Meteor rock gets into the Smallville water supply causing
everyone to have acid reflux. Clark must find a way to get mass quantities
of Prilosec from Lex Luthor who owns the factory.

Crone(Drone): The Wicked Witch of the West runs against Clark for
Class President. The Witch has control over flying monkeys and she
sicks them on her competition. Dorothy has to come and save Clark
by pooring a bucket of water on the Witch. Clark sings,"If I only had
a Lane."

disciples of zod

02-15-2009, 01:33 PM

wow, these are great! i'm in the library and trying to stifle my laughter!

~H

xrayvision

02-15-2009, 03:10 PM

Bauer (Power): Clark is in Lana withdrawal after having his balls torn off again, so he's stuck bouncing the only ball he has left in the barn. The only person who can save Smallville from destruction is Jack Bauer. He assembles Chloe, Bill, and Tony to stop a meteor freak terrorist threat. We even get a Chloe vs. Chloe faceoff.

9-SOSIHTWB

02-15-2009, 05:11 PM

Aqua fan (spoof of Aqua):

Lois gets Clark hooked on that 90's song by Aqua---Barbie Girl and Clark performs it live on stage at the Talon.

Rogue-ain (spoof of Rogue):

This is the episode in which Lex grows hair.

Nero (spoof of Zero):

Clark is overwhelmed by a surgically enhanced Lana and burns down Smallville with his heatvision.

Gore-tex (spoof #1 of Vortex):

This episode takes place between Reaper and Drone and is about Clark trying to find waterproof boots so he can go on his fishing trip with Jonathan. Of course Lex buys Clark a pair, but he is forced to give it back to him after Jonathan finds out.

Cortex (spoof #2 of Vortex):

The episode is the greatest one of all. It's all about Lionel giving every regular character radical electroshock therapy. At the end when he has nobody left to perform it on, Lionel performs it on himself.

Psychotic (spoof of Dichotic):

Belle Reve is expanded as everyone from Smallville is admitted into it, reducing the population of 45,000 who used to live freely to just Shelby.

Brush (spoof of Crush):

The episode is about Shelby getting bathed too many times and gaining telekinetic powers due to something in the water.

Excelerate:

Luthorcorp goes bankrupt in this episode thanks to their over-dependency on faulty Microsoft products.

Lexodus:

This is the episode in which Lex leaves Smallville.

Lexile (spoof of Exile):

Lex is further cast out of Smallville and forced to work in the textile shop Morgan Edge & Lionel set up in Shattered.

Tellusman (spoof of Talisman):

This episode from start to finish is about everyone who doesn't know Clark's secret hounding him to tell them. This is the episode where he decided he had enough and leaves for training.

Relish (spoof of Relic):

This one's about Jor-El's love for putting relish on his hotdogs when he was on Earth. We find out that relish for Jor-El is like pie for Clark.

Lumber (spoof of Slumber):

About Clark taking up lumberjacking and performing miracles with his wood.

Comb (spoof of Tomb):

It's Lex's birthday and Clark & Lionel get him a comb. Lex gets pissed off. The end.

Roid (spoof of Void):

This is one of the season finales where the world is falling to disarray. This time there is a shortage of Preparation H while thanks to Milton Fine, the flares are just starting to get hotter.

Marcy (spoof of Mercy):

Lionel is put through several tests as he is forced to get through them or die trying. The person behind it all turns out to be Al Bundy's next door neighbor, Marcy D'Arcy (aka Marcy Rhodes).

:rotfl:Very funny, especially the one called COMB!!!!!!!!!
How about FALLING (Spoof of CALLING) Due to the falling shares and credit crunch Luthorcorp is bankrupt!!!

Fridaythe13Jason

02-15-2009, 08:26 PM

Paper or Plastic? (Plastique): After being fired from the Daily Planet by Lex, Chloe finds that she has been black balled and can't find work anywhere other than a local food store in Smallville.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Wrong Turn (Nocturne): On one of her many trips back and forth between Smallville and Metropolis, Chloe makes a wrong turn and ends up in Gotham City. Because Smallville does not have the rights to Batman or Bruce Wayne, Chloe cannot be shown here and is absent from the show for two episodes.

----- Added 18 Minutes later -----

Lifeline (Bloodline): After becoming a super genius when she's infected by Brainiac, Chloe decides to try get rich by going on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" She uses Davis as one of her lifelines on a medical question but when Regis tries to call him, he doesn't answer because he's off killing people as Doomsday.

----- Added 38 Minutes later -----

Omitted (Committed): Based on the overwhelming popularity of the episode "Apocalypse" when we see what life would have been like without Clark, the producers of Smallville decide to try the same thing only this time, they use Lana instead. As a result, Clark becomes Superman after only 4 seasons.

Glove

02-16-2009, 08:01 AM

Apeness(Ageless): Cornelius comes from the future to warn Clark of
mankinds devolving back into apes. The only one happy is Lex who
realizes he'll have hair again.

HerTaTas(Veritas): Brainiac has visions of Kara's breasts and has to
come up with a way to convince her to join his efforts. Lex thinks of
Lana's breasts. Clark thinks of Lana's breasts. Jimmy thinks of Chloe's
and Kara's breasts. This is a great breast episode.

This came to me a bit late, but, I suppose I could have combined these
two stories and called it HairyTaTas(Veritas) and made it about hairy
breasts. Hey, I've tried to take the harder titles and use them in this
thread.

doubtless

02-16-2009, 02:06 PM

Admitted:

Clark and Lois are admitted to a secret society in which Marilyn Manson is the president and Michael Jackson is the founder. There's some pretty mysterious rituals where they perform surgery on each other(plastic that is) with a kryptonian maid machine Zon. Lois gets all scared and Clark is to the rescue. Members are cuffed. Then it results that the one playing Marilyn Manson is Lex with a wig and make-up. Lois goes all karate on the remaining members. The end of the episode is a kiss between Lois and Clark(which has make-up all over his face)

xrayvision

02-16-2009, 08:43 PM

A Puck on Lips (Apocalypse): Jimmy decided to play hockey and loses his goalkeeper's mask. Murphy's law reigns supreme and a slapshot sending a 95mph puck is sent flying at his mouth. Jimmy's face gets all disfigured, everyone makes fun of him, and he gets pissed off. He leaves to a lake on the other side of the country where he starts living alone in a run down shack of a cabin and then starts killing people. After losing it completely and wanting to cover his identity, he dons--you guessed it--a hockey mask and changes his name to Jason Voorhees.

Manure (Cure): An episode documenting Clark's stall-mucking chores and fertilizer collection activities. He realizes that the crap from his cows is profiting the Luthorcorp plant, so he changes the farm to a hog raising farm. That's when Lex decides to open the Luthorcorp slaughterhouse.

xrayvision

02-16-2009, 11:38 PM

Selleck (Relic): While Clark is all down & gloomy, Magnum PI shows up and starts cleaning up Smallville & Metropolis. He befriends John Jones and Clark starts getting jealous. So he gets active and jumpstarts his hero career like never before. He even grows a moustache like Magnum that impresses Lois. Lana returns saying that she doesn't like the 'stache and gives him an ultimatum to shave it, and he finally grows & keeps a pair and blows her through a portal to the Out Phor Me Zone.

----- Added 8 Minutes later -----

Pigeon (Legion): A pigeon flies into the Luthor mansion and starts crapping all over Tess and her stuff. She orders her lackeys to kill it, but it outsmarts all of them like Bugs Bunny with Elmer Fudd. Tess ends up blowing the mansion to smithereens in her quest to kill it. Unfortunately, it still lives and takes a final crap on her as it flies away.

----- Added 9 Minutes later -----

Bribe (Bride): An entire episode dedicated to Mayor Tate's bribe victims.

----- Added 32 Minutes later -----

Whisker (Whisper): Lana goes ape sh*t when she looks in the mirror and sees facial hair. She starts complaining to Chloe & Lois and it becomes contagious. It turns out that there is a super hormonal meteor freak in town and the longer she hangs around, the grizzlier they get. Realizing that Clark will never kill the freak and how she is attracted to him, they call Bobby Singer (from Supernatural) for beard-grooming tips. Bobby and the Hairy 3 go fishing at the lake where Jonathan & Clark used to go. Martian Manhunter (John Jones) eventually shows up shapeshifted as a lottery representative and tells the freak that she won the lottery and she leaves Clark. The "Hairy 3" finally return to Smallville back to normal, but Clark thinks he is less man than they were after seeing their previous beards. Clark goes into seclusion and becomes the Uniclarker.

----- Added 33 Minutes later -----

Perky (Perry): Dean Winchester and Lex have a competition to determine who has perkier nipples. Lois enters and beats all competition hands down.

----- Added 36 Minutes later -----

Pervy (Perry): Clark starts using his supervision & x-rayvision to spy on the female population. His antics are discovered and Martha is shamed & forced to resign as senator.

----- Added 38 Minutes later -----

Slumlord (Slumber): The Talon apartment is raided by drugdealers and is used for deals while Chloe's away at Isis. Tess has the heat, water, and gas shut down and it falls into disrepair.

xrayvision

02-17-2009, 12:32 AM

Prada-Gal (Prodigal): The skanks from 90210 & Gossip Girl show up in Smallville with Dawn Ostroff and are killed after Clark is conveniently out of action after winning a lifetime supply of Martha's pies.

xrayvision

02-17-2009, 01:18 AM

Cruise-Ade: Tom Cruise shows up in Smallville trying to sell his new line of lemonade. After Pete refuses to do any product placement for him, he screams like a teenage girl and jumps up & down on Chloe's couch in the Talon apartment. He goes to the Luthor mansion and starts doing the same, but Lex, Oliver, AC, Victor Stone, Bart, and Clark all have him strapped to a metal table and tortured by refusing to give him his lemonade to drink.

Whore Bakin' (Forsaken): Clark decides to do good and takes the local prostitutes off the street and get them jobs as chefs & cooks at various restaurants & diners. But in doing so, he becomes a pie pimp by giving them pie quotas at a percentage of their daily baked goods that they have to fulfill.

Rug (Hug): Gene Hackman shows up and teaches Lex that he can wear wigs to avoid Cueball insults. Lex goes too far and sports a Bon Jovi wig and starts peeing on his employees at various meetings after thinking he's a rockstar.

Glove

02-17-2009, 06:56 AM

Those are classic, X-rayvision. A Puck on Lips, Pigeon, and Cruise-Ade are
extra funny. OK, back to work.

Jesters(Justice): Harlyquinn challenges the Justice League to a 'Get it on'
style, stand-up comedy show. She challenges,"My boss would say if you
gotta go...go with a smile, or was that why so serious?" Green Arrow does
the Cornholio act, Aquaman does the Larry the Cable Guy "Git-R-Done" act,
Cyborg does the Richard Pryor posing as a general in Superman III act, and
Flash, er Impulse, superspeeds around and does a two part act of Rebo and
Zooty from Babylon 5. Harlyquinn, very impressed, calls upon the Devil to
challenge Clark to a final dual. The Devil lays a golden kettle at Clarks feet
and challenges,"I'll bet your soul for this kettle of gold that I'm better than
you." Clark says,"My name is Clark and it might be a sin, but I'll take your
bet, you son of a female dog, I'm the best there's ever been." The Devil
puts on his RAWest Eddie Murphy and looks at Clark. Clark does his best
impression of Andrew Dice Clay, says a few nursery rhymes, and wins. Clark
says to the Devil,"Mr. Devil, come on back if you ever want to try again,
I've told you once, you son of a female dog, I'm the best there's ever
been." Harlyquinn gives up and insists maybe she should challenge the
guys over at Marvel.

doubtless

02-17-2009, 05:20 PM

Crunch(crush):

Oliver is at his apartment eating captain crunch's cereal then enters Lois.

Ollie: Well, good morning, lost the keys to your place?

Lois:Ok, let me just play it down to you don't need your help.

(Enters Tess stunned when she notices Lois is in the room)

Lois: Well, hello Tess Mercer

Tess: Don't you dare tell anyone 'bout this

Lois: Oh like half of the world would care
(Exits Tess embarresed)

Ollie:Mean Lois mean

Lois: Well, at least i won't be the one fixing up your bed after you dissapear

(going to the elevator)

Ollie: very funny, very funny

Lois:You know me funny(then to herself) maybe a cloun will appreciate my work.

Then Lois thinks "how would Lex look with hair?"

Fridaythe13Jason

02-17-2009, 05:38 PM

Bong (Gone): Michael Phelps comes to Smallville to race Arthur Curry in an exhibition for charity. While he's there, Clark catches him smoking a bong and endlessly lectures him about it.

Fridaythe13Jason

02-17-2009, 08:26 PM

Other (Wither): A mysterious visitor comes to Smallville. He has superpowers, but no face. He has no identity of his own. He is simply known as "other". Other's appearance on Smallville is a result of fan demand. Show creators (PS3) visited the K-Site boards to see what the fans really wanted to see on Smallville. Every poll they encountered was won by someone or something called "Other". So, since "other" was never clearly identified, he simply appears on the show as a nameless, faceless apparition.

Xanderman

02-18-2009, 01:00 AM

xrayvision

02-18-2009, 03:32 AM

Gong (Gone): Lex's newest weapon to destroy his super powered enemies is a gong embedded with kryptonite. Lex bangs the gong so much that the vibrations & resonance created not only destroys his mansion but the Kent farm and most of Smallville. It also causes Clark to lose bowel control and crap his pants while on his long awaited dinner date with Lois. Clark is so pissed that he has nowhere to eat his pie and bounce his ball that he puts on the Superman suit and proceeds to kick Lex's ass after the gong falls through a hole it created in the earth.

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----

Lextinct (Extinct): Lex starts killing off the world's supply of "cueballs" so that he increases his personal net worth and becomes the only available "cueball". His plan backfires when he is placed on the endangered species list and is monitored 24/7 by PETA and other activists so that the last in the breed (Lex) doesn't disappear. No more late night soirees for Lex.

----- Added 6 Minutes later -----

Cowl (Cool): All the viewers get excited when they see someone wearing a bat-like mask. Then everyone is disappointed when they find out that it's just a Luthorcorp employee dressed up as a bat doing research on the vampire bats that were affected by the kryptonite stalactites.

----- Added 8 Minutes later -----

Coal (Cool): This is yet another Christmas episode, but one that chronicles the gift that was left in Lex's stocking every year. And since it was Lionel giving the gift, it turns out that it was hot coal.

----- Added 10 Minutes later -----

Coolatta (Cool): Clark gets a Coolatta from a Dunkin' Donuts and then stops by the Talon to see Lana. Big mistake. Lana...apesh*t...nuff said. ;)

----- Added 12 Minutes later -----

Cook (Cool): Another episode about Clark's KFC franchise; this time about Lex's adventures as the cook.

To see what I mean by Clark's KFC franchise, check the following link:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2508855#post2508855

Also more here:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2498598&postcount=2221
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2499456#post2499456
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2566906#post2566906
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=3266404#post3266404
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2656549#post2656549
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2537139#post2537139
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2507131#post2507131
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2508025&postcount=2254

----- Added 23 Minutes later -----

Drano (Drone): Clark takes a superdump and needs to unclog his toilet. He goes out to buy Drano, but it doesn't do anything. He also tries Liquid Plumber, but the same thing. He is forced to go to Lex to get his secret meteor rock-enhanced Drano formula. After pouring it in the toilet, Clark succumbs to the kryptonite and falls face first in his own feces.

----- Added 30 Minutes later -----

Crust (Crush): Lex eats all of Martha's pies except for the crust. He leaves the circular crust at the rim of the pie tin and Clark comes home to see all the apple-y goodness devoured by Lex, who is passed out from pie-coma next to the pie tins. He gets so pissed that he goes to the Luthor mansion and drinks all of Lex's scotch. Even though the Scotch has no effect on him, Clark is arrested as he drives home after Sheriff Adams smells the strong alcohol smell on his breath. Unfortunately, she decided to take up smoking & lights a cigarette as Clark breathes her way and sets her face on fire. She is nicknamed the new Smallville Scarecrow and forces Clark to do community service by making prisoners drop the Jorel in the shower and then cleaning up the mess that ensues afterwards.

----- Added 34 Minutes later -----

OB Scuba (Obscura): An episode about the scuba-diving adventures of Lana's gynecologist during her pregnancy, Dr. Langston, as he's swimming with the fishes after Lionel disposes of his body.

----- Added 38 Minutes later -----

Tempestt (Tempest): An episode about Lex's obsession with Tempestt Bledsoe (Vanessa from the Cosby Show) and how she got a restraining order against him. Clark begins to investigate and goes stalkerman on Tempestt himself. Lex and Clark then compete on who could win her over first.

----- Added 42 Minutes later -----

Ruph (Rush): An episode where Clark finds out how Lois likes it. Unfortunately, it is the lost episode.

xrayvision

02-19-2009, 01:02 AM

Cube (Cure): Lex is demoted by Lionel so that he once again works in a cubicle. Lionel changes the name on Lex's birth certificate to Michael Bolton and Lex gets sick of his job to the point where he feels like a walking zombie. He comes up with a scheme to channel all the fractions of cents from payroll and Luthorcorp's transactions to an offshore account using a computer program. Meanwhile, he has nightmares of Lionel screwing his girlfriend and goes to a hypnotist who drops dead after hypnotizing him.

xrayvision

02-19-2009, 05:39 PM

Droid (Void): C3PO shows up on Smallville. Lois thinks he's a bronze statue of Lex, is repulsed by him and smashes him to pieces with Lex's own golf clubs.

Fridaythe13Jason

02-19-2009, 05:48 PM

Droid (Void): C3PO shows up on Smallville. Lois thinks he's a bronze statue of Lex, is repulsed by him and smashes him to pieces with Lex's own golf clubs.

lol a bronze Lex.:lol:

----- Added 9 Minutes later -----

Thirteen (Thirst): Jason Voorhees comes to Smallville, looking for sexually active teenagers to kill. He shows up at the Kent Farm and finds Clark and Lana in bed together. Jason stabs Lana through the back but his blade breaks when it hits Clark's skin. Clark goes CRAZY and the two fight for several minutes. Jason thinks he's finally killed Clark and wanders off. He sees another couple in the sack going at it but this time, it's two chicks and he gets confused. The camera zooms in and the audience sees that one of the chicks is "Thirteen" from House M.D. (the bisexual doctor). :)

GrimmReeper

02-19-2009, 06:24 PM

some of these are very funny. i'll think of some to spoof and come back later.

xrayvision

02-20-2009, 12:02 AM

Haha, I like Thirteen (both the episode & the House doctor).

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

Tess-pass (Trespass): Nam-Ek returns from the Phantom Zone & is reformed. Clark shows Nam-Ek what it's like to live the life of a human. He teaches him how to play football and they get bored of using a ball, so when Tess shows up, Nam-Ek grabs her and tells Clark to "go long". He throws Tess as a touchdown pass and Clark spikes her (ouch).

Erogeny (Progeny): Lois teaches Trekkies and Jimmy how to please a woman.

----- Added 17 Minutes later -----

Toms (Tomb): Christian Slater guest stars as a character named J.D. who shows up at Luthorcorp & befriends Lex after finding him unhappy with a bunch of snobby characters all played by Tom Welling who are also Luthorcorp employees. So he starts killing them off one after another and then comes up with a mass suicide scheme at Luthorcorp. Lex realizes that J.D.'s nuts and stops him before he blows everyone up.

xrayvision

02-20-2009, 10:01 PM

Trombone (Tomb): Jimmy buys a trombone so he can get into a band. Clark shows up & tells him that if he really wants to impress chicks, he should learn guitar and then starts to teach him, but he breaks the strings. He decides to use strings that were dipped in kryptonite, and then falls face first in Jimmy's lap as he passes out just as Lois enters the room looking forward to spending time with him. Lois leaves after believing she saw the side of Clark that only Lex got to see.

Cuke (Cure): Clark watched the classic Woody Woodpecker episode where Woody eats the cucumbers and starts hicupping at the golf game. So he gets an idea to eat cucumbers and just after eating about 5 of them, Lex shows up and invites him at a golf outing. Clark starts super-hicupping during the golf outing and causes Lex to get the worst score ever and become a laughing stock. Lex & Clark become enemies and Lex finds out Clark's secret.

Cute (Cure): Clark finds a scared little 3 year old kid who is lost and accompanies him. He notifies the sheriff and gives him his contact information for the parents to call. Meanwhile, he takes the kid to Crater Lake and all of a sudden, tons of girls start flocking around him. Clark gets cocky and thinks of himself as hot and the reason why they're all around him. He gets many phone numbers but throws them out since they're not Lana's. As he's walking towards the parking lot, Lois is talking on her phone and hits the kid by accident. She says "everyone I hit has been fine" and is worried after injuring the kid. All the girls surrounding Clark leave after complaining that the kid is no longer cute & Clark finds out that "the kid" they were referring to was not him. He goes home to find out that Lana has forever left him. He is then charged by the cops with negligence for taking the kid to the lake. He decides to jump into traffic and is hit by Lois and totals her car. Needless to say, Clark finally has a happy ending in his hospital room.

Core (Cure): Clark turns the Kent farm into a set for a hardcore porn flick. Martha returns and wonders why there's a donkey when they never had one before.

xrayvision

02-22-2009, 05:21 AM

Mug (Hug): It's April Fool's Day and Lionel sees a package on his desk & opens it to find a "World's Greatest Dad" mug that was mailed to him by Lex.

Jug (Hug): Clark spends too much time with Lana & grows a jug (just one). He goes to Lois for tips & advice on how to deal with it. She makes a cyclops bra for him and tells him the more time he spends with Lana, the faster he will become the total woman.

Dr. Agile (Fragile): A new costumed contortionist freak shows up as a supervillian named Dr. Agile. He uses his ability to fold himself into a box and hide from Clark. As Clark charges towards him, he does cartwheels to get out of the way & jumping jacks to mock Clark. He then does somersaults and slaps Clark around in the face. Clark finally gets so pissed that he takes Dr. Agile, bends him around, and shoves his head up his ass & into his sphincter. Dr. Agile is forced to buy Lexative, Luthorcorp's leading brand of laxative, to crap his own head out his ass. A hilarious episode by all means.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Eye Dentistry (Identity): A new medical profession opens up to serve beings & creatures with tooth-like spines growing out their eyes. It's called Eye Dentistry and Doomsday is the only client. Uh-oh, looks like Doomsday needs a root canal.

----- Added 7 Minutes later -----

Jiggers (Jitters): Bibbo the drunk shows up in this episode after winning a year's supply of jiggers and opening up his own bar.

----- Added 20 Minutes later -----

Buffetproof (Bulletproof): Ruben Stoddard shows up as a costumed supervillian freak called Buffetproof about an hour before Clark plans to take Lois to his favorite family-style restaurant. No buffet can put him down or stand up to him. No buffet is safe. He eats everything and puts the restaurant out of business. Clark goes home alone & gets no action.

Snooze (Sneeze): Clark is about to go for an interview for a job at the Daily Planet. Lana has other plans & thinks he needs to worship her instead & hits the snooze button.

Allow (Arrow): Clark fulfills his "What have you done for me lately" quota for Lana and she allows him to go out with a maxiumum of one JLA friend, but gives him an 8:00PM curfew. Unfortunately, Lex's nightly evil schemes don't begin until 8:01PM. Too bad.

----- Added 30 Minutes later -----

Door techs (Vortex): Lex installs trap doors in the Luthorcorp boardroom for directors on the board who piss him off. He has a meeting and 3 of them complain about his directives & vision for the company, so he hits his trap door button, but nothing happens. He is forced to hire techs to troubleshoot & maintain the trap doors.

----- Added 37 Minutes later -----

Peggy (Perry): Al, I mean Clark, gets married to Lana and she decides to become a professional couch potato who watched Oprah & eats Bon-Bons and ignores Clark's pleas for dinner, yet tries to trick him into having sex. This is the long-awaited episode where Lana becomes a redhead. Clark's only escape, his stash of Playboys, is sold by Lana so she could buy a good luck charm to win the lottery.

Fridaythe13Jason

02-22-2009, 11:56 AM

Lexative, Luthorcorp's leading brand of laxative

OMG! lololol http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/9744/rofl5uw8.gif

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Mug (Hug): It's April Fool's Day and Lionel sees a package on his desk & opens it to find a "World's Greatest Dad" mug that was mailed to him by Lex.

:D

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Allow (Arrow): Clark fulfills his "What have you done for me lately" quota for Lana and she allows him to go out with a maxiumum of one JLA friend, but gives him an 8:00PM curfew. Unfortunately, Lex's nightly evil schemes don't begin until 8:01PM. Too bad.

:lol:

supervision

02-22-2009, 04:56 PM

too funny

xrayvision

03-26-2009, 04:24 PM

AIGless (Ageless): Clark decides to go back in time & prevent the bailout of AIG to save the taxpayers billions of dollars.

Turdulence (Turbulence): Davis decides to start running an ambulance service for Mr. Hanky and all the other poo out there when too many Hollywood celebrities show up in Smallville.

Inflame Us (Infamous): A bunch of Smallville fans who had more than they could take after seeing Requiem ask Clark to heatvision them to death.

Spray (Stray): Chloe gets sprayed by a skunk. The smell is so bad that Clark is forced to think for himself and becomes Superman by the end of the episode.

Balletproof (Bulletproof): Lex joins the ballet and wears a tutu as his newest scheme to take over the world. He shows up when the ballet comes to the Talon theater and tries to seduce Clark, but Lois is sitting next to him with a pie in her lap. Lex has no chance of diverting Clark's attention.

Glove

03-26-2009, 04:30 PM

Dumbsday (Doomsday): This is a bizarro genetic experiment that comes
to Earth and emits retardedrays to make everyone on Earth act stupid and
do really dumb things. Clark tries to stop Dumbsday, but people keep
getting in the way of his progression of becoming the hero they need.

Fridaythe13Jason

03-26-2009, 04:55 PM

AIGless (Ageless): Clark decides to go back in time & prevent the bailout of AIG to save the taxpayers billions of dollars.

Hysterical! :)

Var-Zol

03-26-2009, 07:31 PM

Quake: Clark decides to release Aethyr from the Phantom Zone and brings Maxima from Almerac and brings them to the farm for a little "fun"

xrayvision

03-26-2009, 10:31 PM

Velcro City (Velocity): Clark is tired of his laces always coming apart as he superspeeds, so he goes to a store named Velcro City and buys a new pair of shoes. He starts getting very cocky and challenges Bart & everyone else to a race. We find out that the shoes are red-k powered & boost Clark while weakening everyone else. He trash talks & punks out the competition after beating them.

xrayvision

03-29-2009, 01:12 AM

Poker (Power): Clark, Lois, Jimmy & Tess get bored one day at the Daily Planet and decide to play strip poker. Clark gets cocky because he knows he has x-ray vision, so he strips down to his boxers. Unfortunately for him, the maintenance people show up and change the light bulbs in the room they will be playing in to new lower energy, kryptonite-based bulbs. It doesn't take long for Lois to have a case of deja-vu and for Tess & Jimmy to be speechless after seeing why they will be calling Clark Superman.

xrayvision

04-01-2009, 03:15 PM

Mower (Power): An episode dedeicated to Clark's super-mowing abilities. Watch him get the back 40 done in 5 seconds.

Tower (Power): Clark takes Lois to a Brazilian BBQ restaurant & is overwhelmed by all the types of meat they have. So he signals the waiter to keep piling the meat on his plate until a tower of meat as high as the ceiling is made. Clark then decides to play Jenga with his tower of meats and the entire thing topples on Lois and ruins her clothes. Clark delivers a Peter Griffin-like laugh.

xrayvision

04-05-2009, 02:08 AM

Peternal (Eternal): The female dogs of Smallville show up at the Kent farm with DNA tests proving that Shelby fathered many illegitimate puppies with them. There are several peternity suits against Shelby & the Kent household. Clark tries to get Luthorcorp lawyers to help him out, but Lex is nowhere to be seen. Every female dog wants alimony & a piece of Shelby's estate, so Clark ends up losing the barn in this episode. Lana returns after finding out and is crying about how all the places associated with the good memories in her life are closing or being taken away. So deja vu strikes & Lex returns, setting up a partnership with Lana to run the barn and its loft. Lana gets trampled on by one of the horses at the bottom and shortly thereafter makes friends with a guy named Sadam Night while in physical therapy. Do I need to continue any further?

Clana Kent

04-05-2009, 06:50 AM

Vommitted - Committed with only the Clois-scenes :eek:

xrayvision

04-05-2009, 04:01 PM

Lars (Lara): Lars Ulrich from Metallica is in town & Clark finds out & gets pissed off that his lawsuit ended Napster's free mp3 downloading service, so he kicks his ass.

LARP (Lara): An episode directed by Eric Kripke where Clark comes home to his barn to find someone in plaid & a plate of pie setting up a telescope & spying on a girl who's dressed up like Lana. He finds out that they are involved in live action role playing. They refer him to someone they know who writes the Smallville stories they love to imitate and he goes to see this person, who is named Goughlar. Jor-El's voice shows up and tells him that the prophet Goughlar must be allowed to write what he does and that he is protected personally by Jor-El. Clark then asks Goughlar what the next chapter beholds & unfortunately finds out that Goughlar gave up on the Smallville "gospel" and moved on to other stuff. Poor Clark.

Var-Zol

04-06-2009, 07:46 PM

peternal (eternal): The female dogs of smallville show up at the kent farm with dna tests proving that shelby fathered many illegitimate puppies with them. There are several peternity suits against shelby & the kent household. Clark tries to get luthorcorp lawyers to help him out, but lex is nowhere to be seen. Every female dog wants alimony & a piece of shelby's estate, so clark ends up losing the barn in this episode. Lana returns after finding out and is crying about how all the places associated with the good memories in her life are closing or being taken away. So deja vu strikes & lex returns, setting up a partnership with lana to run the barn and its loft. Lana gets trampled on by one of the horses at the bottom and shortly thereafter makes friends with a guy named sadam night while in physical therapy. Do i need to continue any further?

roflmao!!!!

xrayvision

04-07-2009, 04:28 AM

Eternia (Eternal): Clark acts out his boyhood fantasy of playing He-Man with his friends. He has Jimmy play Orko and digs up Lex's bones so he could be Skeletor. Clark goes to the Fortress of Solitude and holds up his sword and yells "By the Powers that Be" and gets transformed into He-Man. Bizarro shows up as Faker.

Fridaythe13Jason

04-07-2009, 08:55 AM

Spirit Detective

04-07-2009, 10:08 PM

Dump The Clark (Jump The Shark)

The CW's Official Description (Added 4/7/09): SMALLVILLE CROSSES OVER WITH SUPERNATURAL — A 22-year-old reporter named Clark (guest star Tom Welling) calls Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) looking for Johnathan Kent Winchester, claiming to be his son. Dean and Sam meet Clark Kent, assuming he's a phantom trying to lure them into a trap. However, they find out that John was indeed the boy's adoptive father and tells Clark of his "farmboy" upbringing which infuriates Dean. Tom Welling directed this episode written by Eric Kripke.

xrayvision

04-09-2009, 06:25 PM

External (Eternal): Clark & Chloe get into a huge geek argument after Chloe asks Clark to pick her up a certain external hard drive and he gets her the wrong model. She tells him that Brainiac would have gotten her the correct model and Clark leaves Smallville to go train.

xrayvision

04-11-2009, 05:19 PM

Broomsday (Doomsday): This episode focuses on the bizarre 'ship between Brainiac & Doomsday that was happening between Bride & Legion.

'Shroomsday (Doomsday): Meteor-infected 'shrooms start sprouting up everywhere in Smallville and everyone gets high. Lois becomes patient, Chloe wins the greatest wife award, Doomsday babysits a bunch of kittens, Jimmy wins the Mr. Universe contest, Tess & Lex play games of Candyland, Lana explodes, Gabe takes an active role in Chloe's life, Pete only buys store brand products, Nell spanks Lana before she explodes for years of bad behavior, Whitney has his buddies tie him up as the Scarecrow, Jason Teague takes a page out of Dean Winchester's book & goes out with women other than his mother, and Clark becomes his own man after graduating from Pie-aholics Anonymnous.

Groomsday (Doomsday): This is the sequel to Peternal, where Shelby is scheduled to be married to one of the many female dogs he spawned illegitimate Shelby pups with. Lois has the honor of being the one to bathe & groom him. Then just as Shelby is about to get married, the dog catcher shows up & kidnaps his wives-to-have-been. We see that the dog catcher, who is wearing a baseball cap, plaid shirt & red jacket is driving away in his truck with a pie tin resting on his empty passenger seat.

Vroomsday (Doomsday): A terrorist drag racer is terrorizing the streets of Smallville. Only 1 person can save the day...Pete, the Boss, Ross. Unfortunately this time his kryptonite fueled car, the Sara Lee, is fueled with a kryptonite bomb & can't slow down beyond 90 mph or else it will explode. We see Pete make heroic choices like not stopping at stores to pick up products in order to keep Smallville on the map of Kansas. Sheriff Adams starts chasing him, trying to give him a ticket, so he ditches his car & dives out the window. There is a commercial break where we hear a voice similar to Waylon Jennings say "If ya think ole' Roscoe had it bad, jus' wait ta see what happens ta the ornery Sheriff when she goes up against the Boss in the Sara Lee". The Sara Lee ends up crashing into a house & blowing it to smithereens. Unfortunately, it turns out that Lana was hiding out in that house & it is quarantined for the next 5000 years due to the half life of radiation in the place.

Fridaythe13Jason

04-11-2009, 06:51 PM

Easter Sunday (Doomsday) -- Lex catches the Easter bunny hiding eggs at the mansion and captures him so he do experiments on him to determine whether or not he's a normal bunny or meteor infected.

Brandy90

04-12-2009, 11:48 AM

The Kent Files:
Mulder and Scully show up in Smallville and want to know what happened to the spaceships of Clark and Kara.

Thunders:
Clark gets attacked by thunders and all the people from smallville get kryptonian powers.

Hairy:
Lex gets hair.

Warming:
Clark is responsible for the global warming because he watches so many porn movies and attackes everything with heat vision.

Olympic:
Clark is at the olympic games but can't take part because they couldn't test his blood - so he becomes a cheerleader.

Nuklear:
The world gets nuklear attacked and all except Clark die. Then Clark says: "At least I don't have anything to fear now."

Dream:
Clark finally flies (while he is asleep) and crashes into a plane.

Return:
Jonathan, Lex, Lionel, Grant Gabrielle, Whitney and Kara want their roles back and attack the producers.

Fridaythe13Jason

04-16-2009, 02:39 PM

Lextra Large - While doing experiments with meteor rocks, Lex accidentally creates a new male enhancement drug.

xrayvision

04-16-2009, 05:18 PM

Phey (Prey): Clark promises Lana he can get Tina Fey formerly of SNL at the Talon to perform comedy at the theater. However he screws up and gets someone else named Teena Phey who turns out to be a meteor freak who makes her audience laugh until they cough their lungs out. Morgan Edge shows up to steal & sell the lungs on the black market for organs.

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

Preg (Prey): It's April Fool's Day & Clark tampers with Chloe's pregnancy test to get her & Jimmy back together. Things don't work out as planned and they get together on the show of everyone's favorite Kryptonian talkshow host: Mau-Ry. Jimmy cooks up a vulgarity storm & Chloe brings out the real daddy of her baby---Davis. Davis goes Doomsday on Mau-Ry and slaughters the audience. Mau-Ry is replaced by Spring-Er. The real shocker comes when an actual baby is born and has an unnatural love for pie.

----- Added 12 Minutes later -----

Red (Red): This is a completely different version of Red. It shows an alternate universe where Clark's life turns out completely different when the factory that makes red jackets is destroyed in the meteor shower. Clark has to grow up & live without red jackets. He lives through incredible hardships until the day Lex buys him a jacket dying kit. Jonathan tells him "I know how much you want to keep it, but you have to give it back". Sadly Clark gives it back and decides to wear a certain red & blue outfit with a red cape every place he goes, including his job.

Var-Zol

04-16-2009, 08:25 PM

Flight: Clark learns how to fly so he can pick up dog food from metropolis to feed Shelby with.

ClubXerxes

04-16-2009, 08:40 PM

Screech (formerly Leech)

When Clark (Tom Welling) rescues his classmate Screech Powers (guest star Dustin Diamond from "Saved by the Bell") from harm during an electrical storm, they are both struck by lightening, resulting in all of Clark's superpowers transferring to Screech. While Screech relishes his new life as "Supernerd," Clark is torn between his happiness at finally being normal and his growing concern for Lisa Turtle's safety as a supersexed Screech starts to abuse his powers - and his body. Meanwhile, Max (Ed Alonzo) believes he finally has undeniable proof that his burgers are the best, and he holds a radio call in contest to prove it, but Zack Morris (guest star Mark Paul Gosselaar) has other ideas, and high jinx ensues.

xrayvision

04-16-2009, 09:07 PM

LOL. Here is the last version of Screech Xanderman posted in this thread:

Screech

Screech from the semi-popular 90's teen comedy Saved by the Bell moves to Smallville for a different life. He and Clark quickly hit it off and become the best of pals -- that is, until Screech starts showing too much interest in the various women in Clark's life...

Clark: Look Screech, I know you were probably "Cool McCool" back where YOU came from, but Clarkville is MY town. And in Clarkville, Lana Lang is MY on-and-off girlfriend, Chloe Sullivan is someone I like to string along for years at a time, and I intend to MARRY that hot ass Lois Lane reporter babe someday. So back the hell off, man. Just back. The hell. Off.

Screech: You know something Clark, I used to think I found my new Zack Morris when I met you. But now I see all I've really done is just stumble ass first into another A.C. Slater... And you know what else Clark? That's just sad.

*Clark gives Screech a wedgie*