Make up a Smallville spoof

[xrayvision]

Narc Dick (Arctic): This episode takes place after Void. A narc named Dick who was branded as being a dick by Dean Winchester shows up in Metropolis & finds junkie Lana addicted to Lance's death drug. Unfortunately for him, Lana "goes to the mattresses" again and digs up evidence that ties him to Dean and Dean's alleged St. Louis crimes. Let's just say by the end of the episode, the narc's new nickname is Narc Dickless.

KFC Oven Ant (Covenant): Lex sees an ant in the oven while working at Clark's infamous Kent F'd Chicken franchise and ignores it. Unfotunately, it spawns thousands of Kryptonian fire ants and they terrorize the joint. Clark remembers an old saying of Jonathan's that you must fight fire (ants that is) with fire. So he has Jimmy spy on Lois and take all sorts of shots of her coming out of the shower. Jimmy brings him the photos and Clark gets so "fired" up that his heatvision burns down the entire building to a pile of ashes. The fire department investigates & the insurance company determines that the fire was too suspicious. Sheriff Ethan returns and arrests Clark for yet another suspicious fire. Lois pays him a conjugal visit in jail and Clark burns down the jail. Lex feels bad for Clark so he speaks to Lionel who hires a lawyer for him. The lawyer uses a variant of the Chewbacca defense called the Smoky defense that states that since there were no posters of Smoky Bear around the jail or the Kent F'd Chicken restaurant, Clark wasn't responsible for the fire. Lionel anticipates something big & buys the Smoky Bear copyright. A new law is passed throughout the country that says every home, school & business must have posters of Smoky Bear in every room to avoid liability. Lionel goes from becoming a billionaire to becoming a mega trillionaire.

Wetness (Witness): This episode takes place during Lex's marriage to Lana. In this episode, Lex has Luthorcorp make a new kryptonite-based feminine product specifically for his wife. Unfortunately, the formula uses too much kryptonite & it makes Lana go from B--ch to Super Mecha B--ch every month.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----


E-Bay (X-Ray): Brainiac creates a new Kryptonian virus that turns the internet into a giant auction site that makes the world obsessed with buying auction items and causes the world to fall to ruin.

E-Bay (X-Ray): This is the alternate version of Ebay. Lana has decided to leave Smallville so she must sell everything she has. The first things to go is her collection of balls. Clark's balls fetch for a mere 50 cents while "Cue balls" fetches a lousy nickel. Lana gets pissed off because the mason jars she has to use to ship them are worth more than the balls themselves.

[xrayvision]

Spelling (Spell): Tori Spelling guest stars in this episode & plays all female roles as she becomes a 1 woman show. Fans are sickened to see the first non red-k kiss between Clark & Lois take place in this episode. TSMartha provides "motherly" advice to Clark, TSLana mockingly gives Clark his balls back only to take them away again, TSChloe flips off Jimmy, and TSTess fires everyone from the Daily Planet & flies away in a helicopter while placing the blame on Clark.

[xrayvision]

Bleeper (Reaper): An episode where Jimmy & Chloe go on Jerry Springer & Jimmy curses out Chloe and Chloe throws chairs at him. They each pick fights with wise-ass audience members. Pete is revealed as the father of Chloe's baby while Jimmy brings out Kara as his sugar mama on the side.

[Xanderman]

Here is the last version of Screech Xanderman posted in this thread:Good memory Xray.:D Looks like Screech is already more popular here than he ever was on Saved by the Bell. :lol:


Bleeper (Reaper): An episode where Jimmy & Chloe go on Jerry Springer & Jimmy curses out Chloe and Chloe throws chairs at him. They each pick fights with wise-ass audience members. Pete is revealed as the father of Chloe's baby while Jimmy brings out Kara as his sugar mama on the side.Haha... (Bleeper's another popular one isn't it... The classics never get old do they.)

A scene from Bleeper:

Pete: Daaayum, Chloe! I didn't know you had all THAT! *pointing at her enlarged belly*
Chloe: You pig, I'm PREGNANT.
Pete: Daaaayum!
Chloe: With YOUR BABY.

(Pete promptly asks to be excused to go to the bathroom.)

Chloe (to Jerry and the audience): Pete is going to be a wonderful father, I just know it! (15 minutes pass) Hmm, I wonder what's taking him so long... *giggling* Oh you know what, knowing him, he's probably just off somewhere getting me a present!:)

(Peter is never heard from again.)

[xrayvision]

LOL! Pete gets sucked back into the Phorgotten Zone. Poor guy. I guess only Al/Miles' blood can get him out of there.

Then Doomsday would show up and they would film a movie called Daddy Doomcare.

[xrayvision]

Rare (Rage): Martha invites Lex for dinner & cooks him a nice steak, but it's too well done for him. So Lex goes outside & kills one of the Kents' cows and prepares it himself in Martha's kitchen to her dismay. Unfortunately, it had mad cow's disease & Lionel throws Lex back in Belle Reve.

[xrayvision]

Still Ghetto (Stiletto): Clark's barn has fallen into a bad state of disrepair, so he calls Bob Villa and tries to fix it up as much as he can on his little budget. He calls Jimmy, Lois, Pete, and Oliver and they keep telling him it's still "ghetto". Clark becomes the Kenny of show in this episode & trades his Red Jacket for an Orange Parka. He subsequently dies in every episode thereafter.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Turf Mule Sense (Turbulence): Clark gets a new power called Turf Mule Sense where he can sense if any mules have been released to graze on his farmland. Jed McNally finds out about this power & pays Eric Summers to teach him how to steal Clark's powers.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Rare (Rage): Martha invites Lex for dinner & cooks him a nice steak, but it's too well done for him. So Lex goes outside & kills one of the Kents' cows and prepares it himself in Martha's kitchen to her dismay. Unfortunately, it had mad cow's disease & Lionel throws Lex back in Belle Reve.

:rotfl:

[Xanderman]

Pete gets sucked back into the Phorgotten Zone. Poor guy. I guess only Al/Miles' blood can get him out of there.:lol:


Then Doomsday would show up and they would film a movie called Daddy Doomcare.Lol.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Yeast (Beast): Lana returns to Smallville yet again and the audience finally learns the secret of why she's been emasculating Clark for +7 years.

[xrayvision]

Breast (Beast): No Doomsday in this episode, but there is a lot of DD of a different sort. A doctor in Smallville opens up a plastic surgery clinic and many women of Smallville go there for augmentation. Lana goes to the clinic because she thinks Clark wants her enhanced, but as usual she makes a mistake & screws up. It turns out that the implants the doctor uses are kryptonite-based, and all of a sudden Clark starts dropping to the ground every time Lana & some random girls approach him. Clark is unfortunately treated to the Jiggly Room by Jimmy where he passes out of the jiggle. He finally leaves Smallville to become Superman while Bizarro moves in and becomes Smallville's resident casanova.

Zoe (Zod): Zoe Garfield (from Hourglass) was unlucky enough to be working at the Beanery & was a witness the day Lana decided to "go to the mattresses". This episode shows how she tries to escape Lana as she seeks to eliminate any witnessed who could incriminate her. Unfortunately, Clark is convinced that Zoe was trying to kill Lana instead and knocks her out. Lana grabs her body and stuffs her into a meat grinder and then feeds her remains to Mr. Stompy. It's not until Shattered that Mr. Stompy gets his revenge on Lana.

[xrayvision]

Hathead (Hothead): A Batman style villian comes to town wearing hundreds of layers of face covering hats and commits all sorts of crimes. He goes to the Kent farm to steal something but falls into a big manure pit that's like quicksand. Clark tries to save him by pulling him out by grabbing his hat, but instead removes one hat after another and Hathead drowns in the waste.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Invertebrate (Injustice): After 8 seasons of Smallville, it is revealed (in shocking fashion) that Clark has no backbone and the audience finally realizes why Lana and Chloe have "owned" him.

[Canary]

Tide (Bride) : On Jimmy and Chloe's wedding day, Chloe stains coffee on her wedding dress and its up to Clark to save the day by trying to make it to the local store to grab her some tide-to-go before the store closes, and before the wedding starts.

[xrayvision]

Stride (Bride): Pete goes undercover at the Stride gum factory as an employee of Stride. He is overcome by product placement and Clark has to bust him loose and continue his mission. Clark's superbreath ends up creating the worst mess after he blows a bubble of gum that explodes and covers the factory with gum residue.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Tax Day (Doomsday): The IRS comes to Metropolis, looking for the Red-Blue Blur. Apparently this "blur" didn't submit a tax return and because of the poor economy, the government isn't letting anyone off the hook.

[xrayvision]

Wreath (Wrath): This is a Christmas episode that took place back when Lana celebrated Christmas with Nell & her fake wreath & tree. Lana throws tantrums and Dean ends up sleeping in the doghouse because he can't take the complaining anymore. Dean tries to pay Lex to bring Whitney back from the dead to get rid of her, but no can do.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Fried (Bride): This episode is the most anticipated one of all. It's the one where Clark starts his KFC (Kent F'd Chicken) restaurant. Scenes from the episode include:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2498598&postcount=2221

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2499456#post2499456

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2508855#post2508855

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2566906#post2566906

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=3266404#post3266404

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2656549#post2656549

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2537139#post2537139

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2507131#post2507131

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=2508025&postcount=2254

Funny stuff!!!

[xrayvision]

Coil (Cool): Luthorcorp comes out with a glowing krypto-Slinky that it sells to kids so it could make the next generation of meteor freaks & future 33.1 inmates so that the next generation Lana's & pink princesses could be targeted for death while complaining about the secrets & lies of their boyfriends.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Coil (Cool): Luthorcorp comes out with a glowing krypto-Slinky that it sells to kids so it could make the next generation of meteor freaks & future 33.1 inmates so that the next generation Lana's & pink princesses could be targeted for death while complaining about the secrets & lies of their boyfriends.

:lol:

Paper or Plastique? (Plastique): Lionel orchestrates another hostile takeover of Luthorcorp and Lex is left jobless and homeless. He is forced to accept work as a food store clerk, bagging groceries for a living.

[xrayvision]

Spock's Turn (Nocturne): Clark, Lex & Spock play Monopoly in this episode and it's Spock's turn, but it takes the entire episode for him to make his move.

Jock's Turn (Nocturne): This is the much awaited sequel of Spock's Turn, where Whitney joins Clark, Lex & Pete for a game of Lanapoly, Smallville's newest boardgame. Whitney keeps landing on "Dear John video" and keeps picking up cards that say "Go directly to war, Do not pass a 'Ho, Collect 200 Secrets & Lies Hollers from Lana".

[HeroesUnlimited]

a game of Lanapoly, Smallville's newest boardgame. Whitney keeps landing on "Dear John video" and keeps picking up cards that say "Go directly to war

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:rotfl:

[marcella]

:rotfl:

[HeroesUnlimited]

XRayVision, you are my hero dude.

[xrayvision]

:lol:

Paper or Plastique? (Plastique): Lionel orchestrates another hostile takeover of Luthorcorp and Lex is left jobless and homeless. He is forced to accept work as a food store clerk, bagging groceries for a living.

I believe Jason had a version of this episode.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Who's Jason?

[xrayvision]

Paper or Plastic? (Plastique): After being fired from the Daily Planet by Lex, Chloe finds that she has been black balled and can't find work anywhere other than a local food store in Smallville.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Wrong Turn (Nocturne): On one of her many trips back and forth between Smallville and Metropolis, Chloe makes a wrong turn and ends up in Gotham City. Because Smallville does not have the rights to Batman or Bruce Wayne, Chloe cannot be shown here and is absent from the show for two episodes.

----- Added 18 Minutes later -----

Lifeline (Bloodline): After becoming a super genius when she's infected by Brainiac, Chloe decides to try get rich by going on "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" She uses Davis as one of her lifelines on a medical question but when Regis tries to call him, he doesn't answer because he's off killing people as Doomsday.

----- Added 38 Minutes later -----

Omitted (Committed): Based on the overwhelming popularity of the episode "Apocalypse" when we see what life would have been like without Clark, the producers of Smallville decide to try the same thing only this time, they use Lana instead. As a result, Clark becomes Superman after only 4 seasons.

Yup, he did have another version. No worries though, since I had multiple entries with the same title as well.

----- Added 33 Seconds later -----


Who's Jason?

He's a user who used to post here.

[HeroesUnlimited]

So much for thinking I was being "original" lol

[xrayvision]

Don't worry about it. In threads like these, things are bound to be repeated. :)

Great minds think alike.

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----


Not Read (Hothead): Jor-El gives Clark an instruction manual for the Fortress of Solitude and all its functions, modules, and everything else he needs to know about it. The Legion finds it still shrinkwrapped in the 31st century and has it placed in a museum.

I went back & saw this one & laughed because it is so true.

----- Added 10 Minutes later -----


OB Scuba (Obscura): An episode about the scuba-diving adventures of Lana's gynecologist during her pregnancy, Dr. Langston, as he's swimming with the fishes after Lionel disposes of his body.

This one had me laughing out loud because it would be like Smallville's version of Weekend at Bernie's.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Not Read (Hothead): Jor-El gives Clark an instruction manual for the Fortress of Solitude and all its functions, modules, and everything else he needs to know about it. The Legion finds it still shrinkwrapped in the 31st century and has it placed in a museum.

OB Scuba (Obscura): An episode about the scuba-diving adventures of Lana's gynecologist during her pregnancy, Dr. Langston, as he's swimming with the fishes after Lionel disposes of his body.




:rotfl:

[xrayvision]

Phandom (Phantom): This episode takes place on Earth-Prime (our Earth) & features Clark/Superboy-Prime & Dawn Ostroff. It turns out that Clark-prime is an angry Smallville fan who hates the budget cuts that Dawn Ostroff has made to the show. He gathers up a bunch of fans & opens a portal to the Phandom Zone, a realm where fans from Kryptonsite & various other Smallville internet forums are stuck in the obsession that is Smallville. Dawn Ostroff is sucked in and he & the fans gang up and tear her apart. Unfortunately for Dawn, a huge chunk of the budget is cut while the episode is airing and the money that would have been used to build a portal for Dawn's escape is given to Gossip Girl instead. The fans ultimately get out of the Phandom Zone by opening the portal with Dawn's blood.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Phandom (Phantom): This episode takes place on Earth-Prime (our Earth) & features Clark/Superboy-Prime & Dawn Ostroff. It turns out that Clark-prime is an angry Smallville fan who hates the budget cuts that Dawn Ostroff has made to the show. He gathers up a bunch of fans & opens a portal to the Phandom Zone, a realm where fans from Kryptonsite & various other Smallville internet forums are stuck in the obsession that is Smallville. Dawn Ostroff is sucked in and he & the fans gang up and tear her apart. Unfortunately for Dawn, a huge chunk of the budget is cut while the episode is airing and the money that would have been used to build a portal for Dawn's escape is given to Gossip Girl instead. The fans ultimately get out of the Phandom Zone by opening the portal with Dawn's blood.

:lol:

[xrayvision]

Doomsdate (Doomsday): An episode where each character tells about the worst date they've ever been on.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Talis Man on Fire (Talisman) - Unable to deal with the problem posed by Jeremiah Holdsclaw and the Star Blade because he's busy indulging Lana's whims, Clark is forced to call in Denzel Washington for help.

[xrayvision]

Sleeze (Sneeze): The episode that reveals all the scandalous, slutty and sleezy affairs of Lana with the worst enemies of her boyfriends. This one's full of flashbacks.

[xrayvision]

Yeast (Beast): Somebody is screwing with Martha Kent's pies that she bakes & sends to Clark. It turns out to be the Warrior Angel junkie from Action who wants Clark to become the hero he was meant to be. He taints the pies so badly that they make Clark puke and ultimately makes him hate pie. Martha is none too pleased, so she comes home and takes out the kryptonite belt and gets to work on Clark's behind.

[HeroesUnlimited]

"Text" (Vortex) - Lana keeps trying to break up with Clark via text message because her camcorder in the shop being repaired.

[xrayvision]

Hept (Heat): It's a few years into the future and Clark has gotten together with Lois. Lana returns after somehow getting rid of the suit. She's jealous & wants Clark back and wants to outdo the octo-mom. So she steals some of Clark's "specimen" (or special men as Kelso on That 70's Show says) and goes to a doctor & gets herself pregnant to break Clark & Lois up. Instead of having 8 or 9 babies, Lana ends up with 7. She wonders why they still don't have any hair after 10 months. Unfortunately for her, Clark knew what she was up to & switched his specimen with one he found at the Luthor mansion.

[HeroesUnlimited]

^^ :lol::lol:

[HeroesUnlimited]

"Back to the Fracture" (Fracture) - Clark must enter Lex's mind to find the location of Kara. Once inside, he finds a bully named "Biff" hitting on her at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. Lex finally summons the courage and knocks Biff out with one punch. Worried that he won't make it out of Lex's mind in time, Clark hops a ride with a kid named Marty who is driving a DeLorean. Marty says that unless they can get the DeLorean up to 88 miles an hour, they will be trapped in Lex's mind forever.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Blank Tape (Blank) - Lana wants to break up with her latest boyfriend and realizes, she's out of tapes for her camcorder.

[xrayvision]

"Back to the Fracture" (Fracture) - Clark must enter Lex's mind to find the location of Kara. Once inside, he finds a bully named "Biff" hitting on her at the Enchantment Under the Sea Dance. Lex finally summons the courage and knocks Biff out with one punch. Worried that he won't make it out of Lex's mind in time, Clark hops a ride with a kid named Marty who is driving a DeLorean. Marty says that unless they can get the DeLorean up to 88 miles an hour, they will be trapped in Lex's mind forever.

Haha, that was a good one.

----- Added 31 Seconds later -----


Blank Tape (Blank) - Lana wants to break up with her latest boyfriend and realizes, she's out of tapes for her camcorder.

I guess this would be Doomsday for Lana. Or Lana's "Island" as Oliver put it.

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

Hef (Hex): The Hef shows up and finds Clark all mopey about losing Lana after he is reminded of what happened since she sent him another breakup video through the mail because she didn't have enough time to make one last time. Anyway, Lex is back & is waiting for the thrill of the chase from Clark, who's not giving it to him. So he pays the Hef & brings Miss August, September & October for Clark's pleasure. The Hef makes a complimentary video of Clark with his women and sends it to Lana. The episode ends with Nell supplying the flowers for Lana's funeral.

[HeroesUnlimited]

^^:lol::lol:

----- Added 21 Minutes later -----

"Hunger" (Thirst) - After being exposed to some Appet - ite, Clark gets the munchies and superspeeds all over the country, stealing food from wherever he can get it. He returns bloated and out-of-shape, of course, forcing Lana to break up with him again via video tape.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Thirsty (Thirst) - Another heat wave hits Smallville and Clark goes to 7-11 for some relief. Unfortunately for him, 7-11 has introduced a new flavor of Slurpees, "Kryptonite Ice" which he tries accidentally and nearly dies.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Mascara (Kara) - Lex opens a new cosmetic division of Luthorcorp using meteor rocks to enhance appearance.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Static (Static) - The citizens of Smallville are so preoccupied with "ships" that nobody bothers to check whether their televisions are "ready" for the digital transition. As a result, all TV sets go snowy at once. Chloe prints up Mapquest directions for every resident in Smallville and Clark superspeeds to everyone's house, connecting a digital converter box to everyone's set. Lana is relieved because now her boyfriend will be able to view her break-up video.

[Brandy90]

Pilot V.2 (Pilot): Many fans said that the new Smallville Episodes "look cheap" - so the older ones are now replaced by new versions (Version 2) that look more like the new Episodes. The spaceship is made of lego, the sound for the falling meteors is made by the voice of a guy, the episode was shortened to 15 minutes, there's only one street in Smallville and Pete and Whitney are played by the same actor.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Henry James Eat World (Jimmy Eat World) - Henry James Olsen joins the band "Jimmy Eat World" on stage when they come to Smallville to perform.

*Jimmy Eat World was featured in the Episode "Transference" (their song "Pain" was played in the jailhouse riot scene)

[HeroesUnlimited]

"Just Us" (Justice) - Another flashback episode, this time showing Lex's secret childhood treehouse and how he turned away all of the poor kids in the neighborhood who came to play.

[Jlvsclrk]

Statistic (Static) - Lionel has been suppressing the accident data for years but it all comes out. Now no one in town can get car insurance, much less for their trucks. Virtually overnight, Smallville becomes a ghost town forcing Clark to leave for Metropolis and his true destiny.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Esophagus (Apocalypse) - While on a date with Lana, Clark saves someone from choking to death on a piece of steak using the Heimlich manuever

[xrayvision]

Groomsday (Doomsday): Pete returns & he along with Clark & Oliver take Jimmy to Vegas for his bachelor party, where they awake & find Oliver missing. They find a tiger in their suite, and Clark gets punched out by Mike Tyson. They find a naked Lex in their trunk who Clark kidnapped as a good luck charm. Jimmy gets married to a hooker instead & leaves Chloe and lives to be a photographer.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Ah yes, he's back. I thought this board was "missing" something. :)

[Jlvsclrk]

Cowl (Cool) - Clark meets a costumed vigilante from Gotham and they discuss costume design options such as the benefits of a good cape. Oh, and they take down Intergang together.

[HeroesUnlimited]

TWEET (Delete) - The Red/Blue Blur sets up a Twitter account and begins "tweeting" all of his followers in Metropolis. "Just saved an old lady from a mugging" "Rescued five kids from a burning building".

[Nerf]

^That's great. :D

Okay, this is my first attempt, so it's probably not that great.

Waterproof (Bulletproof) - Clark encapsulates Chloe in a waterproof bubble after Linda Lake tries to kill her. Meanwhile, Green Arrows costume has gotten quite smelly after all those missions. But after a trip through the washing machine, the costume shrinks.

[xrayvision]

Tea-pest (Tempest): A new character who's addicted to tea moves in town and starts hounding Clark to go get some tea. Clark gets him to bother Chloe who tells him that she only likes coffee. After being passed around Clark's wheel of friends, he feels rejected & vows to get revenge on them by becoming a meteor freak villian who drowns his victims in scalding tea.

Drove (Drone): A horror story about Lex's most prized car being totalled by someone in Smallville. He tries to get to the bottom of the situation & investigate who's responsible for destroying his car. The episode turns into a "Who Done It" mystery. Lex finds pink fibers in his totalled car and immediately knows who it was. He then speaks to Clark who's pissed at that same person & tells him to fake impotence & make it look to you-know-who that in order for him to get his Clarky Jr. back, she has to do all types of favors for Lex.

Rash (Rush): Paris Hilton arrives & leaves Smallville, but not without leaving a going away present.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Swine Flu (Blue) - General Zod orchestrates a jail break from the phantom zone, releasing all of the zoners who then descend upon Smallville. While attacking Clark at the Kent Farm, the phantoms come down with the Swine Flu (from one of the pigs on the farm), which turns out to be fatal to all disembodied Kryptonians.

[xrayvision]

Slaver (Savior): Clark decides to enslave the entire population of Smallville after getting his mom's recipe for pie. He thinks about the amount of pies he can eat if everyone in town would be forced to bake him 10 a day. We even get the following exchange between him & Zod about the pie dough:

Clark: Knead before Clark!!!

Zod: I'm kneading as fast as I can.

Clark: Faster! Or else I'll get the Lana.

Zod: Noooo!!!!! I'm kneading faster.

----- Added 9 Minutes later -----

Throne (Drone): Lana decides to get a throne and decides to boss around everyone in Smallville. Clark has enough and calls Lex, Chloe, Lois, and everyone else in town to leave a nice surprise on it by each taking a dump. Lana arrives to pass out at the horrific stench and falls face first in her "surprise gift".

[HeroesUnlimited]

Facebook: Clark accidentally outs himself as the red-blue blur by posting photos of himself saving people on his facebook page. He also posts lewd photos of himself and Lana in bed together and gets fired from his job at the Daily Planet.

[xrayvision]

Mental Lo (Metallo): It's now Lois' turn to go crazy & end up in an asylum. The cause: the DP is all out of coffee, all the donuts were eaten by all the other employees, the Blur called everyone else but her, the cleaning staff mopped up her stash of Ding Dongs, Foggy Bottom Burger was bought out by Ollie and turned into Tequila Tom's, the monster truck circuit was bought out by Tess & moved to Missouri, Clark has gotten back together with Lana, and Lois just can't take anymore. She finds out that General Lane is just a canister of bathroom cleaner, that who she thought was Clark is really Clark from Lewis & Clark, and that Wes Keenan is the asylum employee who administers shock treatment.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----

Eggo (Echo): Clark runs all the way to Vermont for some maple syrup for Lana's waffles, but Shelby eats them all & drinks the entire bottle of syrup before she has a chance and Clark is too busy to run back to Vermont for another 8 months. So as revenge, while Shelby is in Eggo-maple syrup coma, Lana de-balls him.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Mental Lo (Metallo): It's now Lois' turn to go crazy & end up in an asylum. The cause: the DP is all out of coffee, all the donuts were eaten by all the other employees, the Blur called everyone else but her, the cleaning staff mopped up her stash of Ding Dongs, Foggy Bottom Burger was bought out by Ollie and turned into Tequila Tom's, the monster truck circuit was bought out by Tess & moved to Missouri, Clark has gotten back together with Lana, and Lois just can't take anymore. She finds out that General Lane is just a canister of bathroom cleaner, that who she thought was Clark is really Clark from Lewis & Clark, and that Wes Keenan is the asylum employee who administers shock treatment.

LOL!!!

[xrayvision]

Retconning (Reckoning): A episode where the 3 different Sageeths appear and start terrorizing Clark as he tries to time travel to Krypton and accomplish the impossible task of saving it from being destroyed by the red sun Rao, from being destroyed by Zod, and from being destroyed by Zor-El's mining operations. Every strategy Clark plans to use fails as the reason for its destruction changes. Clark finally goes to Jor-El in the Fortress and yells WTF regarding the 10 millions different reasons Krypton was destoyed and Jor-El's AI has a meltdown. As the Jor-El AI is dying, he gives Clark one more way Krypton was destroyed----when a bunch of Kryptonian gang members called the Kripps hovered above the planet & crapped on it with their trademark crap also named Kripp. Therefore Krypton was destroyed because it was "Kripped On".

[HeroesUnlimited]

Retconning (Reckoning): A episode where the 3 different Sageeths appear and start terrorizing Clark as he tries to time travel to Krypton and accomplish the impossible task of saving it from being destroyed by the red sun Rao, from being destroyed by Zod, and from being destroyed by Zor-El's mining operations. Every strategy Clark plans to use fails as the reason for its destruction changes. Clark finally goes to Jor-El in the Fortress and yells WTF regarding the 10 millions different reasons Krypton was destoyed and Jor-El's AI has a meltdown. As the Jor-El AI is dying, he gives Clark one more way Krypton was destroyed----when a bunch of Kryptonian gang members called the Kripps hovered above the planet & crapped on it with their trademark crap also named Kripp. Therefore Krypton was destroyed because it was "Kripped On".

:rotfl::rotfl:

[xrayvision]

Randor (Kandor): The king of Eternia shows up in Smallville and brings the technology that Man-at-Arms made. Tess steals the technology and Clark has to get it back so He-Man's father can get back & help his son before Lana shows up to collect a new pair of "earrings".

[HeroesUnlimited]

Randor (Kandor): The king of Eternia shows up in Smallville and brings the technology that Man-at-Arms made. Tess steals the technology and Clark has to get it back so He-Man's father can get back & help his son before Lana shows up to collect a new pair of "earrings".

:rotfl::lol::rotfl::D

[xrayvision]

Boss Hire (Crossfire): The episode when Pete "the Boss" Ross gets hired as Lex's political advisor and partner.

Moss Fire (Crossfire): An episode where Pete & Clark take their Moss Man figures and set them on fire & blow them up with M-80's just for kicks.

[xrayvision]

Kaopectate (Checkmate): Clark goes to The Castle for some sliders and has a serious case of diarrhea, so he has to get a special bottle of Kaopectate for Kryptonians named Kryptopectate.

[xrayvision]

Kneeled (Shield): Clark has finally done what Zod has wanted all this time---kneeled. But now that he has, Zod realizes that he should have been careful what he wished for because he wants Clark to stop proposing to him & leave him alone.

Taz 'R Us (Lazarus): Clark finds out that Lois was a big fan of the Tazmanian Devil when she was a little kid. So he runs halfway around the world to a store called Taz 'R Us for all sorts of Tazmanian Devil themed items.

[fantom zoner]

I never saw this game before. It's hilarious.
I'm gonna give it a shot but someone might have spoofed it before

Bed (Red)- After braking the bed too many times Clark goes to "Heroes R us" to shop for a new Superbed that can sustain all his super activities...

Hardest (Harvest): That would be the following episode if Smallville was on HBO

[xrayvision]

LOL, Hardest. I was trying to think of a Harvest spoof.

Hophead (Hothead): Clark finds out that Lana's parents were smoking drugs on the day of the meteor shower & could have dodged the meteor that killed them had they not been stoned. He brings it to her attention but leaves somewhat "lighter" than he was before he told her.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Chrome-domecoming (Homecoming): Lex is finally ready to show his face & return to Smallville to claim what is rightfully his. He walks to the mansion using invisibility technology & reveals himself & just when he plans to pop out to kill Tess, he opens the door & Clark greets him with kazoos & party hats & surprises him & Lex gets pissed off that Clark knew about his return.

Sore Techs (Vortex): A bunch of Lex's lab technicians bite the bullet for Lex & get arrested after being found working on an illegal project. Something, something...they get thrown in jail...something, something...they drop the Jorel in the shower.......

[fantom zoner]

East (Beast):After the Fortress is destroyed for the tenth time, Clark realizes up north is an overated location and decides to move it to the east. The problems start when the ice starts to melt. "To be continued"

West (Quest): Previously on Smallville....Well, just look up. Tonight on Smallville: After numerous attempts to build the fortress in the east, Clark finally moves the fortress to the west, building it on the beach...from sand. Now that should hold!!!

[Pali]

Brick (Freak): After not successfull attempts of building fortress in the east, where the fortress melted and west, where it was built form sand and was destroyed by rain, Clark decide that he has to make new fortress from much more resistant material. And the material of his choice...........Bricks!

[fantom zoner]

:lol: I like the theme we have going on here, Pali

----- Added 19 Minutes later -----

Salivation (Salvation): This episode brings back one of the most beloved characters of the show. Shelby is kidnapped and is about to undergo a sex change operation. Clark has to save him from the evil hands of the writers...

----- Added 24 Minutes later -----

Lex (Hex): This episode brings back one of the most beloved charcaters of the show....Lana. It is discovered that all this time, Lana, was actually a clone of Lex and has taken the Lanasuit just so he can be with Clark...Little did he know that it was Lana who made that suit with Kryptonite they could not find happinees together. Oh the angst....

----- Added 38 Minutes later -----

Braille (Bride): Following Clark's loss of sight, he decides to learn Braille. This leads him to a new superpower: Supertactile abilities. The ladies should not fear his X-ray vision. He can now "feel through solid objects". But of course, he never missuses his powers...

[xrayvision]

Bridge (Bride): Clark suggest to Lois that they play a game of Strip Bridge to which Lois responds "Bridge? What are we seniors at a retirement home?".

Doomsdam (Doomsday): The Dooms Dam memorial dam is erected in honor of Doomsday's burial. Of course he breaks out of the earth & destroys the dam.

Yeast (Beast): The world's supply of yeast is stolen, which means no more pie for Clark. What is the hero to do? Become Superman immediately. Clark learns to fly & kicks more ass than he ever did before. Ironically Lex teams up with him since his favorite single malt scotch uses yeast too.

[fantom zoner]

:rotfl:I love the "Yeast" one the most.

This game is a lot of fun. I can't believe I never saw it before yesterday. Great idea Xrayvision :D

It's-a-cape (Escape): Only after visiting the future, Clark figures out what the cape is for (See my avi). He contacts Batman asking to be his Robin

Parade (Charade): The superheroes decide it's not good to lurk in the shadows, so they participate in Macy's Thanksgiving parade

[xrayvision]

Requirement (Requiem): Clark, Chloe & Lois are rejected from the Daily Planet since none of them have a college degree.

[fantom zoner]

Absolutely Just-ice (Absolute Justice): Clark and Alicia go ice skating again when suddenly they see something weird inside the ice. Clark, who can't think with his brains when in Alicia's presence, mistakingly thinks he's at Crater Lake and that Sean Kelvin (Cool) is in there and alive. Trying to get to him, he uses his heat vision melting the whole arena, only to find that it was absolutely just ice after all
(reading it now, it looks incredibly stupid, but heck, I had fun writing it )

----- Added 34 Minutes later -----

Stay (Stray): After Clark and Lana discover they can't be together, Clark begs Lana to stay in Smallville and not leave him. Finally, as a last resort, Clark puts on the blue Kryptonite ring while Lana goes on to become the Superman we all know and love

[Last Son of Vern]

:rotfl: This thread is beginning to take on a bit of resemblance to How Smallville Shouldn't End. I'll throw in something based on an old idea I had that never quite made it to fanfic length:

Episode 10.6½: Ratings

OFFICIAL DESECRATION: In this landmark episode, Lex (Connor Stanhope) takes advantage of his second chance at life to go undercover, assuming the guise of a common, mild-mannered young boy on the street, where he will experience a "reckoning" with the consequences of having trusted others to steward his legacy for him instead of ruling with strength.

Mingling with television viewers and network employees, Lex discovers that the Daily Planet's sister broadcasting franchise has suffered under Tess Mercer's leadership, with a lack of consistent or objective news coverage and a noted slant toward narrow demographics, including young female and Generation X retro. Featured programming lineup on "The DP" said to include:

Secret Hearts (The Revival): Primetime soap drama starring Linda Danvers and an unseen actor referred to as "that aging hearthrob guy with the three names."

Young Warrior Angel: Reliable staple not given much promotion by the network. Criticized by hardcore fanbase for "selling out" to Tess in its casting choices, including a recurring "sympathetic" guest villain role showcasing the male lead of Secret Hearts. Recent return appearance of former cast member tainted by Soder Cola product placement.

The New Adventures of Turtle Boy: Youth-oriented spinoff rumored to be in production. Introducing James Bartholemew Olsen!

Demon Boys: The romantic angst of three handsome young brothers, Abnegazar, Rath and Ghast, and a beautiful, innocent girl who reminds them of somebody they call Blaze. Soundtrack CD featuring classic cuts by James Rook.

The Truth: Commentary hour hosted by Cat Grant, occasional guest host for Gordon Godfrey, featuring a range of guests from the non-vigilante advocate community. Slated to compete with Kat Grant's news hour on WGBS.

[xrayvision]

BOOMsday (Doomsday): Lana goes to the blue-k infected village after hearing what Clark went through. Just when she's about to punish the villagers with her super powers, she accidentally touches a piece of blue-k. Then, just as she starts glowing white, Lex shows up & reminds her how the power suit she stole was based on the blood of the Bizarro phantom from Project Prometheus. Lana remembers what happened to Bizarro & gives one last yelp screaming "Noooooooooo!!!!" just before she explodes and the entire village is covered in Lana bits. Lex smiles & turns to the camera to say "Like parents, like daughter" and does the "Lex dance" in his white suit.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----


Yeast (Beast): Somebody is screwing with Martha Kent's pies that she bakes & sends to Clark. It turns out to be the Warrior Angel junkie from Action who wants Clark to become the hero he was meant to be. He taints the pies so badly that they make Clark puke and ultimately makes him hate pie. Martha is none too pleased, so she comes home and takes out the kryptonite belt and gets to work on Clark's behind.

Hmm, it turns out I already posted a previous version of Yeast. What the hell, the more the merrier. :)

[xrayvision]

Whiskey (Whisper): Clark replaces all of Lex's scotch with whiskey so that Lex will get a nasty surprise when he returns.

[fantom zoner]

I literally lol at that Whiskey spoof.

Age (Rage): In the final episode of Smallville, it is discovered that Clark was another experiment of Luthorcorp and like other clones, he is aging rapidly. Clark decides to play bridge with the elder JSA members, X-raying their cards and winning a lot of money, which Lois inherits when he dies

[fantom zoner]

Rose Bush (Ambush-best I could do...): Lex's scientists come up with a special rose bush with roses that make the person who smell them do bad things to those who piss them off. After receiving a big bouquet of roses in honor of the 200th episode, the entire Smallville crew goes to Dawn Ostroff's office, to get their way with her...

[Last Son of Vern]

Klepto: Shelby's Bizarro twin appears with much attention and a stunning piece of information: He was chosen to serve as the Dog of Steel in place of Shelby, who still hasn't learned how to stand up to people who confuse his gender and fail to feed him.

----- Added 20 Minutes later -----

Nair: "The guy had everything: Wealth, brains, power and all the dames he wanted. And he always took what he wanted, not allowing himself time to abstain or complain about it. Except for one thing...." In a black & white dream sequence inspired by old movies, the mystery of Lex's smooth head is explored.

Fandom: Clark is stalked by a group of admirers accidentally released from the Fourth Wall who attempt to force him to fly, put on tights and stop calling himself the Blur.

Salon: Black Canary is invited onto a talk show for a makeover.

Qwest: Oliver is shocked upon seeing the Watchtower phone/internet/satellite bill as introductory rates have expired.

Abbeys: While shopping for a spiritual place to check in and meditate, Oliver meets the son he'd rather not know he had.

Breed: Shelby attempts to save his siblings from becoming sex slaves at a puppy mill.

Kanton: Special guest star Steven Colbert insults a little-known Metropolis suburb.

Sambora: Lois scores tickets to a Bon Jovi concert that is cut short by an incident involving Kryptonite glowsticks.

Wearier: Clark is presented with a copy of Action Comics #1.

Zed: Lois encounters Lex at a pawn shop. Tarantino quotes abound.

Gotta mention how much I love this thread. Pure genius, Xray!

[fantom zoner]

I totally agree with you Last son of Vern about this thread. I second the pure genius complement.

And I especially loved your Fandom episode. LOL

Kinder (Kandor): Toyman is open for "trick or treat". The poor children don't know that inside the Kinder eggs is a nasty surprise...*Muhaha*. When Clark finds out about it, he throws rotten eggs at Toyman's house, using his heat vision to make the eggs explode in a really cool way right on Toyman's "toys"...He also wraps his house with toilet paper at super speed.

[xrayvision]

Thanks LSoV & fz.

----- Added 2 Minutes later -----


Klepto: Shelby's Bizarro twin appears with much attention and a stunning piece of information: He was chosen to serve as the Dog of Steel in place of Shelby, who still hasn't learned how to stand up to people who confuse his gender and fail to feed him.

----- Added 20 Minutes later -----

Nair: "The guy had everything: Wealth, brains, power and all the dames he wanted. And he always took what he wanted, not allowing himself time to abstain or complain about it. Except for one thing...." In a black & white dream sequence inspired by old movies, the mystery of Lex's smooth head is explored.

Fandom: Clark is stalked by a group of admirers accidentally released from the Fourth Wall who attempt to force him to fly, put on tights and stop calling himself the Blur.

Salon: Black Canary is invited onto a talk show for a makeover.

Qwest: Oliver is shocked upon seeing the Watchtower phone/internet/satellite bill as introductory rates have expired.

Abbeys: While shopping for a spiritual place to check in and meditate, Oliver meets the son he'd rather not know he had.

Breed: Shelby attempts to save his siblings from becoming sex slaves at a puppy mill.

Kanton: Special guest star Steven Colbert insults a little-known Metropolis suburb.

Sambora: Lois scores tickets to a Bon Jovi concert that is cut short by an incident involving Kryptonite glowsticks.

Wearier: Clark is presented with a copy of Action Comics #1.

Zed: Lois encounters Lex at a pawn shop. Tarantino quotes abound.

Gotta mention how much I love this thread. Pure genius, Xray!

LOL, I know I did my own version of Zed (which had a Pulp Fiction theme too), Fandom, and I'm pretty sure Nair too several pages back, but yours are different of course, so it's cool to read these.

Speaking of Nair, I did one called Rogue-ain (spoof of Rogue) and Comb (spoof of Tomb) which had similar themes & got good reactions.

[Genny]

Carving (Craving): It's Thanksgiving in Smallville, but there's something suspicious happening. Someone has been carving all the turkeys in town so Lois and Clark are sent to investigate.

Pitters (Jitters): LuthorCorp is working on developing a new deoderant using Kryptonite, but it's having a side effect on the people who try it. It causes them to have sever pitters (sweat stains) but Clark is unable to help so the JLA comes to town to help out.

Stupity (Duplicity): Chloe is infected by a strange Kryptonian virus and is rapidly losing her intellegence. It's up to Clark to find a cure so he goes to the Fortress to seek help from Jor-El.

Repeat (Delete): It's the final episode of Smallville. With the realixation that there are no new episodes going to be filmed, Clark, Lois, Tess and Oliver are forced to face the fact that the show will only air repeats from now on.

Voted (Devoted): Martha is running for office again so Clark and Lois decide to fly to Washington to help her with her campaign. while there Clark passes a new milestone when he votes for the first time.

Lloyd (Void): A stranger with a mysterious past shows up in Smallville. Lois and Clark begin an investigation to find out what the stranger is hiding. Who is the man, Lloyd Lane, Lois' long lost brother.

Sparrow (Arrow): Black Canary's identity is compromised so to avoid trouble she changes her name to Black Sparrow.

Weak (Freak): Clark loses his powers and has to come to terms with the fact that without his superstrength he is actually weak.

Week (Freak): Smallville is on hiatus for the holiday season so Clark and Lois try to figure out what to do over the next few weeks to keep themselves entertained.

Ascend (Descent): Clark finally takes his first flight, the only problem is now that he's in the air he doesn't know how to get back down so he keeps ascending higher and higher.

Creeper (Sleeper): Oliver has a stalker. After revealing to the world his superhero identity one of his facebook friends starts stalking him and creeping all his pictures and information, but which friend is it?

Shower (Power): Clark finally fixes the tractor only to discover the shower is broken and now he has to fix it.

[Last Son of Vern]

Pirate: Chloe's past catches up with her friends in the form of investigation for illegal use of software. Meanwhile, flashbacks tell the tale as Clark learns of an ancestor who encountered the Black Pirate at the great international seaport of Metropolis, Kansas. Written by Grant Morrison. (Don't blink, Bat-fans!)

Metamorphosisses: Lois and Lucy learn the origin of their father's issues with metahumans when they discover a long-lost brother, Rex.

Parrothead: Special guest star Jimmy Buffet appears as A.C.'s adoptive father, Tom Curry.

L-Roy: Lois gets a new kitten.

Mule: The newest resident of Lana's stable, Francis, acquires the gift of gab after munching on meteor-irradiated hay.

Beerglass (Part One): While investigating Intergang, Clark learns to hop clubs in a single bound.

Raving (Part Two): When Clark's "investigation" begins to get out of hand, Bibbo intervenes.

Jeters: Cadmus has turned to cloning professional athletes for profit.

Grog: Clark's sea-faring ancestor, Nav-El, returns in the present.

Schwimmer: Oliver agrees to sponsor Dr. Geller's paleontology exhibit. Cat Grant becomes "Smelly Cat" after exposure to Brown Kryptonite.

Pug: A little white dog is discovered with a tag reading "Krypto," arousing the suspicions of Shelby.

Lynch: In another crossover event, the cast of Glee brings Louis Febre's music and other inspired selections to life with lyrics and dance numbers, including the Chamillionaire/Weird Al nod, How'd I Get So Uptight & Nerdy?

Kindaeclectic: In this companion documentary special, cast, crew and fans discuss the countless heroic myths ripped off to form Clark Kent's story.

Zippo: Clark tells Lois that she really shouldn't smoke.

UncleRemus: The Kawatche myths are adapted as an animated film, generating much controversy.

Spay: Lois takes Shelby to the vet and writes down his gender as female, resulting in mistaken identity issues.

Reader: Morgan Freeman makes a special appearance, reprising his classic hipster role from PBS's The Electric Company.

Droll: Jor-El sends his latest emissary, Mr. Mxyzptlk, to give Clark a sense of humor.

Crutch: Clark's old college friend, Lori, has always been crippled. So who was that gal outswimming A.C?

Imoscareya: Lois investigates recent sightings of Lex's ghost with the unsolicited help of four meddling kids and a talking Great Dane.

Trappist: Clark temporarily loses his powers after feasting on a batch of Kryptonite-infused caramels sold by a nearby monastery.

[xrayvision]

GWBush (Ambush): The former president flies a fighter jet again, this time over Smallville & becomes yet another person in Smallville who flies before Clark.

Minogue (Rogue): Kylie Minogue throws a concert at the Talon Lana is pissed that Clark failed to get her tickets for good seats in her own establishment. Lana goes to Lex for help, but when she finds him, he's in bed with Kylie & throws her out.

Luck (Lucy): A character named Bad Luck Chuck comes to Smallville and a streak of bad luck happens to everyone immediately around him. He goes to the Talon & the ceiling caves in on some of the patrons. He goes to the Kent Farm & the cows crap all over Clark. He asks Clark to shoot him with Jonathan's shotgun and the gun is out of bullets. The guy just can't catch a break.

Lucky (Lucy): This episode is the memoirs of Clark as he remembers getting lucky with various girls. No tennis ball bouncing or Dear John videos in this one.

Pawer (Power): Shelby decides to put on a disguise & become a crimefighter himself. Shelby becomes Smallville's newest hero---the Pawer. He uses his mighty paws to beat up the evil doers and bring them to justice. Unfortunately for them, he's so hungry that rather than taking them to the cops, he throws them into the local kibble meat-grinding plant.

Pow-Ur (Power): An episode about Dax-Ur's boxing champion cousin.

Hit Ten (Hidden): An episode where all the Smallville characters go to the Smallville Lanes bowling alley and compete in a competition but get interrupted by Ryan's stepfather who starts shooting rounds in the bowling alley for no apparent reason.

Ridden (Hidden): The episode where Lana is finally guilt-ridden of all the misery she caused & all the Dear John videos she made & sent and all the people she killed directly or indirectly. This episode is a lost episode & is also known as Doomsday.

Wetness (Witness): The most erotic, sweat- & DNA-filled episode of Smallville that is only available by ordering on DVD. Brought to you by the Girls Gone Wild company.

Wetness (Witness): The episode that captures Jonathan & Martha dealing with Clark wetting his bed as a kid.

Witless (Witness): The episode that deals with why Lana ever hooked up with Lex & did all the stupid things she did.

--itness (Witness): This episode is a compilation of fans' reactions after the Henry James-ing of Jimmy Olsen in Doomsday.

Witchless (Witness): This is an Elseworlds episode about the events of season 4. Lana in this episode is tortured by the Chinese guards in Shanghai but the Isobel in her is nowhere to be found to save her. The guards are seen eating Lana-kabobs at the end of the episode after she's fried extra crispy.

Fitness (Witness): Clark has gained a lot of weight after eating so many pies and must trim down after not being able to fit through the door. So he goes on a krypto weight loss program & is fed Subway sandwiches by Jared.

Droste (Drone): The Droste cocoa company partners up with Kent Farm milk to make a new chocolate milk containing traces of Clark's blood to energize those who drink it.

[fantom zoner]

You guys crack me up. I can't get enough of this game

My favorites (I probably didn't get some of them cause I'm not from the US):




Creeper (Sleeper): Oliver has a stalker. After revealing to the world his superhero identity one of his facebook friends starts stalking him and creeping all his pictures and information, but which friend is it?

Shower (Power): Clark finally fixes the tractor only to discover the shower is broken and now he has to fix it.





Beerglass (Part One): While investigating Intergang, Clark learns to hop clubs in a single bound.

Schwimmer: Oliver agrees to sponsor Dr. Geller's paleontology exhibit. Cat Grant becomes "Smelly Cat" after exposure to Brown Kryptonite.

Zippo: Clark tells Lois that she really shouldn't smoke.

Crutch: Clark's old college friend, Lori, has always been crippled. So who was that gal outswimming A.C?





GWBush (Ambush): The former president flies a fighter jet again, this time over Smallville & becomes yet another person in Smallville who flies before Clark.

Luck (Lucy): A character named Bad Luck Chuck comes to Smallville and a streak of bad luck happens to everyone immediately around him. He goes to the Talon & the ceiling caves in on some of the patrons. He goes to the Kent Farm & the cows crap all over Clark. He asks Clark to shoot him with Jonathan's shotgun and the gun is out of bullets. The guy just can't catch a break.

Lucky (Lucy): This episode is the memoirs of Clark as he remembers getting lucky with various girls. No tennis ball bouncing or Dear John videos in this one.

Pawer (Power): Shelby decides to put on a disguise & become a crimefighter himself. Shelby becomes Smallville's newest hero---the Pawer. He uses his mighty paws to beat up the evil doers and bring them to justice. Unfortunately for them, he's so hungry that rather than taking them to the cops, he throws them into the local kibble meat-grinding plant.

Ridden (Hidden): The episode where Lana is finally guilt-ridden of all the misery she caused & all the Dear John videos she made & sent and all the people she killed directly or indirectly. This episode is a lost episode & is also known as Doomsday.

Wetness (Witness): The most erotic, sweat- & DNA-filled episode of Smallville that is only available by ordering on DVD. Brought to you by the Girls Gone Wild company.

Wetness (Witness): The episode that captures Jonathan & Martha dealing with Clark wetting his bed as a kid.

Witless (Witness): The episode that deals with why Lana ever hooked up with Lex & did all the stupid things she did.

--itness (Witness): This episode is a compilation of fans' reactions after the Henry James-ing of Jimmy Olsen in Doomsday.



:rotfl: I just loved all the Witness spoofs Xray
I think you forgot to add that it is a superwet that Jonathan and Martha have to deal with in Wetness
And my absolout favorite is --itness. :D

----- Added 32 Minutes later -----

Lloyd(void) (thanks Genny): A special guest appearance by the crazy Doc, who comes back from the future with his glorious Delorean to warn Clark about Lex's new evil plan to rule the world: meteor inhanced toupe factory


Tower (Power) :Clark is sick of always standing on top of the same tower, so he goes in search of a new one (all the while beating himself up for ruining the best potentiak tower that could have been)

Bullet Roof (Bulletproof): Clark decides to keep all the bullets that were ever shot at him on a secret roof (yes, the one in the new tower), where he plans to, one day, after retiring, use them to make art...

[Steve-El]

Let me try one:

Fart (spoof of Sneeze): Clark has intestinal problems after fixing the aftermath of Black Thursday and creates a Brown Friday and destroys the entire barn with his flatulence. Splinters of wood fling all around Smallville. Can he use his new flatulence power without having the runs?

[Genny]

Lloyd(void) (thanks Genny): A special guest appearance by the crazy Doc, who comes back from the future with his glorious Delorean to warn Clark about Lex's new evil plan to rule the world: meteor inhanced toupe factory

:lol: You're welcome :) I love Back To The future so this actually cracked me up.

[Genny]

Pay (Prey): Oliver gets the bill for Watchtower and becomes the victim of bill collectors.

[fantom zoner]

BoomsDay (Doomsday): This is actually the pre-pilot episode. We get a look at the outcome of the meteor shower in details. The before and after the boom

Internal (Eternal):Clark is hunted down and taken to a lab where his body is finally explored and we find out what he's made of...Steel. Just kidding, it's really heavy rocks. That's why he can't fly

[RaniaLovesClois]

Hardest (Harvest): That would be the following episode if Smallville was on HBO

:lol::lol: Good one.

[Last Son of Vern]

Zirtecs: After encountering another portal to the Phantom Zone, Clark discovers his Super Sneeze has returned.

Deet: Lana returns, having shed a Kryptonite chrysalis in time to aid the Justice League as Insect Queen.

Triplicity: The latest visitor from the 31st century, Luornu Durgo, is catalyst for a rather confusing set of romantic triangles as she manages to speed-date every male in Metropolis.

Ped: Clark decides to give up on flying and go for a nice, long walk. Written by J. Michael Straczynski.

Cockburn: In an effort to anticipate Deadshot's moves, Clark and Ollie decide to have a John Wayne video night.

Rid-X: The sewer systems throughout Metropolis become contaminated with traces of Brown Kryptonite.

Wineage (part 1): A new supervillain known as The Victim preys on people's guilt and sympathy, and targets Clark.

Cryin' (Part 2): The Victim expands his conquest by broadcasting a telethon on WGBS.

Quixotic: A developer of Kryptonite-based energy appears to be committing acts of sabotage against local windfarms.

Skywalker: Chloe returns to reveal what she learned from the helm of Nabu, an extraterrestrial relic from the planet of Naboo: She is Clark's secret twin sister. And Darkseid was once a young hero known as Jor-El, a long time ago....

Cribbage: An associate of Roulette puts Oliver through a grueling game.

Endurance: A kidnapper forces Lois and Clark to watch 10 seasons of a TV show.

Dustspeck: A civilization is discovered on the tip of an elephant's nose. Guest appearance by Dr. Ray Palmer.

Slush: Smallville High's cheerleading squad is at large, poisoning wealthy businessmen with Green K Icee drinks.

Portugal: Clark makes an effort to be romantic by finding an exotic location for a wedding with Lois, inadvertently stalling the event until sometime after the second coming of Doomsday.

Weaver: The tougher side of Lois is reawakened after viewing an Alien marathon.

Baretta: In the effort to take down Intergang, Clark joins forces with an undercover cop and his talking cockatoo.

Inquisitor: Clark decides to follow Oliver's example and come out as the Blur in a special column, but is forced to consider his options when Mr. Stern laughs at his claim and refuses to run it.

Pickamyx: Clones of Mikhail have taken over an amusement park funhouse.

Writless: Oliver is sued for various activities as the Green Arrow.

Exterminate!: Chloe does a stint as The Doctor's companion and meets the Legion, who reveal that an alien known as The Master, aka The Time Trapper, has been reviving the Dalek population.

Firewalling (Part 1): Clark, Oliver and Tess struggle to figure out why their superhero hideout, located in the highest building in Metropolis, is so easy for others to find.

Hexadec (Part 2): The big showdown is here: Justice League versus Microsoft.

[Last Son of Vern]

Because someone's got to acknowledge it on this thread, even if it's already way too obvious and trite:

Bacon: This upcoming episode is rumored to feature the long-anticipated return of a much-missed Smallville character: Shelby. Meanwhile, Cat Grant continues to investigate the vigilante subculture, linking names of known operatives through an exercise in degrees of separation.

[Genny]

Because someone's got to acknowledge it on this thread, even if it's already way too obvious and trite:

Bacon: This upcoming episode is rumored to feature the long-anticipated return of a much-missed Smallville character: Shelby. Meanwhile, Cat Grant continues to investigate the vigilante subculture, linking names of known operatives through an exercise in degrees of separation.

:rotfl:

[Last Son of Vern]

Collator-El: In this upcoming episode, just as Clark gets a breather at work to munch a donut with Lois, the Daily Planet pressroom becomes desperate for volunteers to help get the copies moving. What this means, in printing slang, is that Clark will finally learn to "fly."

[Last Son of Vern]

Parrot: Oliver decides to sacrifice himself to take the heat off his friends, but another green-clad hero interferes by mimmicking his every move.


A.C.: I am the Green Arrow.

Oliver: No, you're not!

A.C.: No, you're not!

Oliver: Stop that!

[FWvidchick]

Parrot: Oliver decides to sacrifice himself to take the heat off his friends, but another green-clad hero interferes by mimmicking his every move.


A.C.: I am the Green Arrow.

Oliver: No, you're not!

A.C.: No, you're not!

Oliver: Stop that!

LOL

[AntiRellik]

Ice-is (Isis): Clark decides to go to Egypt and builds ice pyramids just like the fortress.

I'm Bush (Ambush): Clark finds out that Sam Lane is actually George W. Bush.

Patriots (Patriot): Jonathan Kent (John Schneider) returns from the underworld unleashed by Isis to watch a football game with the New England Patriots along Clark (Tom Welling). Meanwhile a deputy known as Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln - The Walking Dead) decides to step out as Metropolis's new hero: Superman.
Green Arrow runs out of arrows after he shoots lots of zombies in the forehead. Superman finds himself in a complicated situation after he realizes he ran out of ammo.

Luthier (Luthor): After Slade tells Oliver he is just a mere human he is deeply affected and decides to burn his Green Arrow suit and moves to Nashville, where he starts a new life by building arrow shaped guitars and getting drunk every night.

[xrayvision]

Cat Riot (Patriot): The 2 Cat Grants meet and have a battle to the death of which one will be the real Cat Grant & which one will be Henry Lutessa Cat Grant. Unfortunately, nice girls finish last & the TV show Cat gets stabbed through the heart by the journalist Cat's pencil.

Pot Riot (Patriot): Oliver, AC, Mera, and a bunch of their pot-smoking buddies have a riot when they find out that Shelby smoked all their pot & is so hungry that he feasts on their carcasses after they're done killing each other.

Splitter (Splinter): Clark runs a 100 mile cable from an illegal splitter from the Daily Planet building to his house to get free cable. When he gets fined for it, he then runs a splitter from Watchtower to his house for all the satellite channels. Long story short, he exposes everyone at Watchtower & is forced to use Greg Arkin's tree fort for the JLA HQ. Unfortunately for him, Greg had Lex clone his dead mom & she goes all hardass on the JLA.

[Last Son of Vern]

Lather: Clark finds himself in a parallel universe where he, rather than Lex, is bald, and the Luthor dynasty has been built on quality salon hair care products.

[Last Son of Vern]

Licorice: Like the fabled Icarus, Clark is flying high when an old friend from Hollywood sends him a personal invitation to a private screening of the highly anticipated new blockbuster, Warrior Angel Returns. But Clark is beside himself after biting into a snack-bar confection made with traces of black Kryptonite.

[Queen_Girl]

Because someone's got to acknowledge it on this thread, even if it's already way too obvious and trite:

Bacon: This upcoming episode is rumored to feature the long-anticipated return of a much-missed Smallville character: Shelby. Meanwhile, Cat Grant continues to investigate the vigilante subculture, linking names of known operatives through an exercise in degrees of separation.



:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Upcoming episode: Eggs. (Shelby centric, of course)

[Last Son of Vern]

Textile: In flashback, Martha reveals the origin of the red, blue and yellow costume, and why a computer with Jor-El's memories is so possessive of it.

Phonics: Young Alex gets advanced training in annunciation so that he can fulfill his destiny as a great supervillain.

Extraction: Emil is required to pick some some extra skills on the fly after discovering there is no oral surgeon qualified to operate on Kryptonian wisdom teeth.

Mumbler: After failing in his speech lessons, young Alex discovers the ability to confound opponents by slurring his words and avoiding a sound that haunts him, that of the letter S.

Peary: Clark discovers that others have been to his fortress location before him.

Really?: Lois becomes the office guru of fact-checking.

Magenta: Clark investigates the reasons behind his costume winding up so dark.

Shadoobie: Lois's backstage visit to a Rolling Stones concert is ruined by Brown Kryptonite.

Ashram: Oliver gets an ultimatum from Connor Hawke: Admit you're my dad, or I'll be really, really nice to you until you can't stand it anymore.

Casper: Clark turns to the spirit world for help in dealing with Darkseid's anti-life equation. But the others at Watchtower are wary of Clark's new little buddy. He doesn't mean to scare people!

Duluth: Clark's efforts to fly are hampered by the sudden influx of a swarm of hungry southbound seagulls.

Hereabouts: Clark's efforts to reconnect with Jor-El are hampered by his sudden inability to remember where he last hid that counfounded fortress key.

Verminosity: The Watchtower gets an application from some guy dressed as a bat.

Objection: Emil is concerned about new rips in space-time, and the evidence appears connected to the appearance of the team's new attorney, Matt Murdock.

Reelection: Martha faces the battle of her career after her red dress is photographed for a gossip column.

Mices: The Kent farm has become ground zero for a hostile invasion. This is a job for -- Shelby!

Legocity: The Blur's likeness is adapted for a popular videogame series.

Tooth: Emil's services are again required, this time for a Kryptonian root canal.

Memorize: Oliver's new buddy Hal has a ring that's supposed to do all sorts of cool stuff. If only the poor guy could remember the verse he's supposed to say to make it charge up.

Tellyman: Intergang hires a lethal enforcer to collect from citizens who default on their commitments to televised pledge drives.

Forshorten: Clark again faces doubt when confronted with evidence of how long it's taken to tell his story.

Cabinet: Martha eyes a White House position. Clark finds his key.

[FWvidchick]

Licorice: Like the fabled Icarus, Clark is flying high when an old friend from Hollywood sends him a personal invitation to a private screening of the highly anticipated new blockbuster, Warrior Angel Returns. But Clark is beside himself after biting into a snack-bar confection made with traces of black Kryptonite.

Haha. I think quite literally beside himself after that. :rotfl:

[Kal-Elllllll]

Fly: Lex is back! Sort of. In this AU he is an eccentric scientist that shows Clark a set of "Telepods" he has invented. Clark tries to use them but becomes merged with a household fly when doing so. Although he is part fly, he still cannot fly.

[xrayvision]

Routh or... (Luthor): This episode features a movie being made about the life of Clark Kent and there are auditions where Clark himself participates in & Brandon Routh also participates in them. The main climax of the episode involves which of the 2 will be picked to star in the movie about Clark Kent.

Luther (Luthor): The entire town of Smallville is obsessed with the vampire Luther in season 1 of Supernatural. They also become obsessed with Luther Vandross' songs. Their favorite wrestler becomes Luther Reigns. Lex gets so pissed off that everyone's ignoring him that he shows up & nukes everyone.

Let her (Luthor): Clark decides to let the women of his life take the initiative in doing things he normally does.

[Last Son of Vern]

Those are all fantastic!


Fly: Lex is back! Sort of. In this AU he is an eccentric scientist that shows Clark a set of "Telepods" he has invented. Clark tries to use them but becomes merged with a household fly when doing so. Although he is part fly, he still cannot fly.

:rotfl: All you need is a special guest role for Jeff Goldblum. ("help me -- help me....")

Okay, time for another batch in my effort to provide season-by-season plot desecrations for the entire show:

The Unseen Seasons, Edition 4

Curvegrade: Cat Grant investigates Metropolis University's policy of awarding accelerated degrees, which threatens to taint the credentials of two Planet reporters.

Goon: The Blur's efforts to shut down the Fratelli faction of Intergang are hampered by the interference of a group of misfit kids searching for pirate treasure.

Faxed: Lois gets kidnapped at sea and uses her knowledge of global coordinates to call for help.

Devolved: Something is causing the residents of Metropolis to revert to synthetic new wave fashion and jerky, choreographed movements. Special appearance by Mark Mothersbaugh.

Hun: A flashback reveals Dr. Knox's good old days as a conqueror in Eastern Europe.

Transparence: An Amazon artifact, thought to be a type of flying machine, is discovered, made of a metal that distorts light waves.

Jinkies: Velma Dinkley is hired to help run Watchtower.

Spiel: Chloe returns to give Tess lessons in exposition.

Boingo: Oliver and Tess are again shipwrecked on an island, and pass the time by learning to craft their own musical instruments. Score by guest composer Danny Elfman.

Unsound: Oliver's ability to operate as Green Arrow is hampered by spectators questioning why he continues to do that funny voice gadget thing.

Piranha: A.C. will give his left hand to save the ocean from its enemies.

Recuse: Clark is put on trial, with Pete's mom presiding.

Carptoe: Mera develops an allergic reaction after her pedicure.

Suckered: Early spoilers indicate that in this episode, Clark will fly and become Superman! Michael Rosenbaum will return as Lex Luthor! Aaron Ashmore will return as James Bartholemew Olsen! Clark and Lois will get married in a double ceremony with Chloe and Oliver! The full Justice League will be present, with special guest appearances by Christian Bale as Batman and Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern! On a related note, we have some beachfront real estate for sale in Kansas....

Lucci: Tess gets an unexpected visit from her business mentor, Erica Kane.

Oinks: Clark unwittingly offends Zatanna's aquaintance Circe and becomes the Red-Blue Boar.

Spearmint: Mia again steals Oliver's car after running out of gum.

Blech: Lois takes another shot at cooking.

Edgeless: With Morgan Edge nowhere in sight, Bruno Mannheim rises to the top of Intergang.

Falafel: After running out of arrowheads and getting hungry in battle, Oliver tries to solve two problems by experimenting with edible trick ammunition.

Mincemeat: A construction crew accidentally digs up Doomsday.

[xrayvision]

A Ben Don'ed (Abandoned): After paying Ben Hubbard to work on the back 40 of the Kent Farm & spending much of his time in Metropolis, Clark returns & finds Ben as having been crowned the Don of the local crime family in Smallville & embezzling money & transporting drugs in his cows.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

A Pack 'a Lips (Apocalypse): This is part 2 of A Ben Don'ed when Ben starts chopping off the lips of the potential stool pigeons who would rat out his operation.

----- Added 6 Minutes later -----

Sleeker (Sleeper): Clark Luthor & Lex have a pissing contest of who's sportscar is faster, better & sleeker.

----- Added 7 Minutes later -----

Steeper (Sleeper): Lex adds on another 50 floors to Luthorcorp Plaza so Lionel's fall out the window will be even steeper.

----- Added 9 Minutes later -----

I'm pretty sure I did a version of this before, but here it goes:

Peeper (Sleeper): Clark uses his x-ray vision & telescope to peep the neighborhood women. But when he finds out Lex has been using his telescope on the Kent livestock, he sobers up & stops peeping.

----- Added 12 Minutes later -----

D-cent (Descent): Lex becomes obsessed with Denver-mint pennies and decides to hoard them all to make them priceless.

----- Added 14 Minutes later -----

Whorever (Forever): Dawn Ostroff shows up & wants to "whore" up Smallville. Unfortunately for her, Clark gains freezing superbreath in this episode & freezes her into an ice statue & has her placed to forever preserve her in the FoS.

[xrayvision]

Huss (Hug): This is the episode where the former WWF wrestler The Berzerker (John Nord) shows up and like his name goes berzerk & starts stabbing everyone & everything with his sword. When he goes to the Metropolis coffee shop & they ask to take his order, he just yells his famous catchphrase "Huss" and impales the guy with his sword. Clark tries to stop him, but his shield is covered with kryptonite & he throws Clark off the roof of the Daily Planet & as usual, wins by countout.

http://img843.imageshack.us/img843/8537/berzerker.png

Huss! Huss! Huss!

[Last Son of Vern]

Arf-El: Shelby is the first to notice Clark's strange, doglike behavior after exposure to Kryptonite type K-9.

Morton: Intergang's new agent, Captain Cold, threatens to cut off the city's rock salt supply during a freak snowstorm.

Heidi: Clark and Lois investigate the history behind why their show gets pre-empted when a sports event runs long.

Agra: "Son, you were put here for a reason." Jor-El tests Clark by forcing him to spend a day doing actual farm chores.

Hearst: The Daily Planet gets sold.

ExPost: Under the new VRA, Clark is prosecuted for his actions while in high school.

Spinster: Now free of Zod's tyranny, Tess sees her altered future.

Solidfood: Doomsday is forced to live lean for a day after a visit to the oral surgeon.

TessMess: Various plot and character sources for Tess's origin collide, leading to a timeline crisis.

Frenetic: Clark is forced to deal with the fallout of Lois being denied her afternoon coffee.

Smackdown: The Phantom Zoners return with a challenge to Clark: Jump ship to our network and take us on in a WWE ring.

Reconning: Clark finally learns to check buildings for Kryptonite before bursting in to the rescue.

Vegans: After spotting the Greek letter on Slade's head, Clark mistakenly pursues the Omega Men from the Vegan system. His confusion is further compounded by local citizens who refuse to consume animal products.

Thumb: In this reimagining of a classic Lois & Clark story, Annette Westman, a former Smallville High classmate Clark once stood up on a date to save people, takes her revenge for his "secrets and lies" using stolen Coluan technology to bring Clark down to size, forcing him to spend his romantic evening with Lois as a passenger inside her purse.

Cryog: After a hot summer day, Lois goes to the fortress to take a nap and wakes up in the 31st century without a Legion ring.

Hypochondriac: Burned out by the constant threat of Kryptonite around every corner, Clark begins making excessive calls to Emil.

Voiced: A Smallville animated special.

Frag-El: Guest appearance by Lobo.

Mersey: Life goes on day after day....

Fab: The Justice League seeks help from across the pond to stop an invasion by Blue Meanies.

Oreck: Tess takes drastic measures after the failure of Watchtower's automated self-cleaning system.

Kessel: Clark discovers that Earth's "spices" are coveted by pirates from a galaxy far, far away....

[xrayvision]

Rex (Red): Rex Ryan of the NY Jets guest stars as Rex Arnold, son of Coach Walt Arnold from Hothead who's back in Smallville to get revenge on Clark for causing his father to commit shower-room flaming suicide.

[fantom zoner]

Pet Riot (Patriot)- The dog actors guild go on a riot due to the horrendous acts done to Shelby (starvation, cutting out his scens, etc')

[xrayvision]

LOL!!!

I had a Cat Riot and Pot Riot on the previous page.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Patriots (Patriot): In a further attempt to get more 18-34 female viewers, Dawn Ostroff blows the rest of the network's budget by getting Tom Brady to appear 95% nude on Smallville and have him steal Lois, Tess, Cat Grant, Chloe, and any other female Clark has a shot with from him. As a result, we as Smallville fans are forced to watch those vertical rainbow "off the air" lines for the rest of the season, where the series finale will be all lines but the red, yellow & blues ones disappearing so that the red, yellow & blue lines can fly around to show that Clark finally has flown as Superman.

[fantom zoner]

LOL!!!

I had a Cat Riot and Pot Riot on the previous page.

I probably missed yours in the previous page.



Patriots (Patriot): In a further attempt to get more 18-34 female viewers, Dawn Ostroff blows the rest of the network's budget by getting Tom Brady to appear 95% nude on Smallville and have him steal Lois, Tess, Cat Grant, Chloe, and any other female Clark has a shot with from him. As a result, we as Smallville fans are forced to watch those vertical rainbow "off the air" lines for the rest of the season, where the series finale will be all lines but the red, yellow & blues ones disappearing so that the red, yellow & blue lines can fly around to show that Clark finally has flown as Superman.

First let me say, I'd take naked Tom Welling over Tom Brady (or any other guy for that matter), any day ;). Also, I thought that was why Oliver Queen was there :p

[Last Son of Vern]

Incubus: Lois is pursued by a demon desperate to work one last romantic triangle into the show.

Iraquis: The government tries to recruit Clark to go to the mideast.

Iroquois: Clark discovers that the Kawatche's ancestors were not native to Kansas but came from a place far away -- Upstate New York.

Ichabod: Clark's latest foe doesn't seem to have much of a head on his shoulders.

Ickythump: Zan and Jayna face their Bizarro selves, played by Jack and Meg White.

Vicars: Clark must save a religious convention from Darkseid.

Vicarious: The real Superman becomes unstuck in the Multiverse and forced to watch endless alternate versions of himself growing up on Smallville.

Lavoris: Davis tries to win back Chloe by switching his mouthwash.

Daquiris: Lois finds a substitute for her elusive afternoon coffee.

[xrayvision]

Dicks 'R Us (Icarus): Clark has to go to a costume party dressed up as someone who's a dick. So he goes to a new shop called Dicks 'R Us & finds costumes for all sorts of characters from Supernatural, including Zachariah, Uriel, 2014 Dean, Crowley, Soulless Sam, and many others. Unfortunately, unknown to him, the costumes give him the powers of the actual characters of the show. So when Clark goes as Zachariah, he finds himself burning the eyes out of the other guests at the party & hitting on MILFs like Nell while torturing the Alexander clone by giving him stomach cancer at his own will. He resurrects Jimmy with his angel powers & makes him, Lex, and Pete work at a corporation with a mundane life much like Office Space.

----- Added 25 Minutes later -----

Glut Thor (Luthor): Clark picks up a hammer he finds in the barn that he hadn't seen before & is all of a sudden given the powers of a god. He does research & finds out that he has been graced by the powers of Glut Thor---the Assgardian warrior. Clark has the power to put a piece of coal between his "cheeks" & turn it into a diamond. Unfortunately for Lois, she'll never know where her diamond wedding ring came from. Clark's gluteus maximus is so powerful that when he goes to take a dump, it comes out as powder. Chloe, who recently watched the movie Confidence shows up & talks about Clark's Kryptonian muscle ass. From this point on, Clark must avoid eating beans to prevent causing a new record of 30.0 on the Richter Scale.

----- Added 29 Minutes later -----

Glut Whore (Luthor): This is a retrospective of what happened to various Smallville characters who went to jail/prison & dropped the Jorel. Gorilla Grod makes many appearances in this one. We find out that the Joker passed through Smallville in this episode & became a reformed citizen. Nuff said.

----- Added 34 Minutes later -----

Glut Sore (Luthor): This is a retrospective of all the ass-kickings that Clark Kent has taken, including getting beaten up by Super-Jonathan, getting belted on the ass by Lionel, getting beaten up by Titan, getting his ass handed to him by Aldar, getting thrown around by Zor-El, getting punched into oblivion by Lexzod, getting beaten up while powerless by Eric Summers, and getting fist-gored by Doomsday.

----- Added 39 Minutes later -----

Glut Roar (Luthor): Clark finds out that he gets the powers to fart like no human could ever do & make sonic booms come out of his ass. Once he acquires this power, he starts acting a lot more like Peter Griffin from Family Guy & makes Lois Lane more like Lois Griffin. Clark knocks up Lois & they have a baby who can miraculously talk & has a strange fixation on killing his mother. Unfortunately for Clark, the first hair that pops up on his son's head is red.

[Last Son of Vern]

Lil'Uther: Clark goes back in time to the British Isles, where his personality and fashion sense influence some Celts before the birth of Merlin, explaining some of the many continuity similarities in a certain BBC show.

[Last Son of Vern]

Zoo: Clark discovers a stash of alien creatures displaced by Brainiac and sets up a shelter at the Fortress.

Wheeze: Lois has a dream about her future child, a chronic asthma patient named Jason.

Smithers: Lionel hires a new BFF.

Quero: Clark hires The Question to help locate his missing Gorditas.

RedOnion: Lois attempts to order her own sandwich at Subway. Hilarity ensues.

Falloff: Clark attempts to fly around the world backwards, only to discover the world is flat.

Reggae: Jeff puts on an enchanted hemp necklace and becomes possessed by Rasta Fari.

Spastic: Bart takes a bet and attempts to sit still for an entire hour.

SubTransylvanian: A buried man, rescued in Europe, turns out to be Green Arrow's new nemesis, Count Vertigo. The source of his hypnotic dizziness power: He's a vampire. (Hello ratings!)

Hideyho: Clark faces the challenge of maintaining his secret around new neighbors who are neighborly.

Festus: Oliver learns his ancestor, a deputy, also had pretty decent aim.

Lavarinse: Our heroes attempt to remove their Suicide Squad tattoos through thorough cleansing.

Krimson: The Justice League appoints legendary guitar hero Robert Fripp as its new leader, and adopts the strategy of frequently breaking up and reorganizing under new formats to confuse the enemy.

Presspass: Clark gains another useful ability.

Free!: Clark accidentally releases Zod from the Phantom Zone.

Premise: Plot of episode yet to be determined.

Compost: Shelby goes exploring for food, with messy results.

ProGenY: The Planet faces tough competition from a news blog. (Inspired by Superman #706.)

NotMySis: Lex returns and tells Tess she's been lied to about her past.

Noor: Clark must protect a visiting queen from Jordan.

Linotype: The Planet is forced to dig out retro technology after the offset press breaks down.

Phantasm: Andrea Rojas is revealed to be a pseudonym for Andrea Beaumont.

[Last Son of Vern]

Figaro: Clark's new clone has a really good singing voice. Meanwhile, fugitive Oliver takes a job as a barber under the name of William Tell.

Karo: The corn business returns to Smallville, sort of.

Fyers: Ollie gets a new pal.

Keyer: The hunt is on to find the person who vandalized Chloe's new Toyota.

Acton: Clark studies British historical quotes to learn that his powers are what make him impure against Darkseid.

Lehrer: The Justice League strike back against VRA propaganda by appearing on public television.

Wreath: In this holiday episode, Clark turns ill due to Kryptonite-infused decorations.

Bleu: Clark tracks down Lex working as a chef in France.

Jiminy: Jor-El revives Henry Olsen to serve as Clark's conscience.

Persimmon: A strange fruit gives people super powers. Everyone except Clark flies in this episode.

Sirin': Tess goes on a quest to discover just how many kids Lionel had.

Rapture: John Jones goes insane and begins eating cars, bars and guitars. Guest starring Deborah Harry.

Hiro: A Japanese kid invents a giant Blur/Arrow robot.

Cavalier: Clark takes on the mad musketeer, who naturally has a Kryptonite feather in his hat. Fortunately, Lois is around to defeat him, since he is incapable of fighting girls.

Gravitas: Tess discovers her birth resulted from Lionel’s involvement in a secret fraternal organization that required him to be very "active."

Decent: Clark discovers Neon Avocado Kryptonite, which causes him to speak in 1970s catchphrases.

Slipper: Clark has a wonderful evening with Lois, but fails to return to the Fortress by midnight.

Puckerlips: The water supply is tainted with Lemon Kryptonite.

?uest: Guest starring the Roots Crew!

Heartache: John’s Oreo stash gets destroyed in a fire.

[xrayvision]

Saran (Siren): Clark builds his first Blur suit by wrapping himself in Saran Wrap. Unfortunately about 100 more people find out his identity.

Taz 'R Us (Lazarus): After watching a Tazmanian Devil marathon, Clark goes to a specialty store that's centered on the Tazmanian Devil. He gets himself a Taz costume and uses his superspeed & superspinning to run through town, demolishing everything in his path. Everyone becomes convinced that the Tazmanian Devil is not just a cartoon but a real person.

Pie Arse (Fierce): Clark had left out his pie to cool off so that after a hard day's work he can sit down & enjoy the crusty, fruit-filled, goodness. Unfortunately for him, he comes home & finds a butt-print on his pie. So now, being more motivated than ever, he takes his sat-on pie & superspeeds all over Kansas until he finds Alexander in Edge City with pie all over his pants where his butt is. Clark heatvisions him to death, only for the real Lex to emerge all pissed off because he wanted to kill Alexander. Clark takes his ass pie & throws it at Lex's face, who gets fuming mad.

[ReignoftheSupermen]

Spent (Kent) - After finally marrying Clark, Lois goes on mad spending spree, maxing out all of his credit cards. The Blur becomes a criminal and begins robbing banks and ATMs, just to keep up with Lois's spending.

----- Added 53 Seconds later -----

Booster Golden Girls (Booster) - After failing in his attempt to take over Superman's destiny, Booster has to give up his life of fame and hot chicks and start dating Betty White.

[Last Son of Vern]

Oddsea: Clark and A.C. attempt to uncover how eastern Kansas managed to wind up with a major international port city.

Plasfreak: Two-bit gangster Eel O'Brien gets shot with a Kryptonite-laced rubber bullet. Inspired by Pete Ross, he rededicates himself as a force for good. Sponsored by Stride Gum.

Topic: The League tracks Plastique to her hangout: A small shop in the local mall.

Lipsinc: Clark, Oliver, A.C., Bart and Victor give up crimefighting to form a boy band.

Remitted: Oliver hits a snag with the I.R.S. regarding tax payments he's certain he made.

Prix: Inspired by Danica Patrick, Mia goes pro with her love of speed.

Dentistry: Emil decides to focus full-time on caring for metahuman teeth.

Blueline: Clark is reassigned to the proofing department at the Planet's commercial printing division.

Abs: A dimensional barrier known as the Fourth Wall is threatened by a rift as Oliver becomes overwhelmed by the feeling that someone, somewhere is watching him whenever he takes off his shirt.

Brite: Clark teams up with a girl and her magickal horse to save spring!

Lesion: The truth behind Oliver's quick-healing chest scars is revealed.

Billetroof: Clark and Lois are forced to find a new location for their rooftop rendezvous. Fortunately, Lois is an army brat with connections.

Bower: Roulette returns after a stay in Iowa, and attempts to outwit the League in a game of Euchre.

Aunty-Em: Trapped in the Phantom Zone with the gate destroyed after pursuing Granny Goodness to rescue Shelby, Clark attempts to return to Kansas by clicking his red boots together.

Infamouse: Clark discovers an intelligent rodent, clad in yellow and red, mocking his every move.

Turboless: Lois notices a CD missing from her Judas Priest collection.

Hecks: Pundits debate the issue of vigilantes using explicit language in public.

Intern-O: Jeff gets his own superhero identity.

Sillhouetto: Davis and his alter ego are put on trial by the Spectre, with cast members testifying in song. Music by Queen.

Feist: A young alternative singer comes to the Watchtower for help after potential fans constantly confuse her identity with that of a creepy sorcerer named Felix Faust.

Ingested: Alone and unfed during scary thunderstorms, Shelby gets even by eating Lois's necklace. Music by Bob Marley.

Duesday: After Ollie's assets get seized by the I.R.S., Chloe is forced to pass the hat at Watchtower.

[Last Son of Vern]

Xavier: Clark is forced to confront his inner predjudices when he meets a really smart bald guy and confuses him for a supervillain.

Metallico: A cloning accident unleashes Bizarro Lars Ulrich, who openly advocates the piracy of Remy Zero CDs.

Rabbit: Clark discovers Kryptonian males can have children. Inspired by a classic Billy Crystal film.

Icko: The Metropolis sewage system is contaminated by traces of brown Kryptonite.

Rolo: A candy manufacturer insists the meteor traces found in its product are of a beneficial "caramel Kryptonite" and "not the 'brown' stuff."

Classifier: Clark is sent to the advertising department at the Planet.

Kandida: Clark becomes infected by a Kryptonian super-yeast. Featured music by Tony Orlando & Dawn.

Idle: Episode cancelled due to technical problems with Chloe's latest Toyota hybrid.

Panera: Clark discovers that some of his cloned relatives do, indeed, want to put on aprons and sling coffees.

Dispicable: Recruited to serve Darkseid, Godfrey hires a talking duck to fill in for him on his vigilante-bashing radio show.

Obsolete Jesters

Part 1: Sociopathy. Chloe finds herself being stalked by a group of strange senior citizens (read: over 30), wearing bizarre outfits no hero would ever consider, like with tights and masks and capes and stuff, who all seem to know her name. Naturally, Chloe concludes they are fans from a Smallville convention.

Part 2: Leggings: Lois confronts the conventioners while investigating what happened to superhero costumes during the 1980s, and discovers that the "silver age" actually happened a long time ago.

Worrier: The world is in danger, and Clark discovers that his habit of always blaming himself for everything is what's to blame.

Pervasion: Clark discovers what's been holding him back: It wasn't the finale yet!

Constabulary: Maggie Sawyer declares martial law as revenge for not getting called back in later mythos episodes.

\S/cape: Special guest star Brandon Routh explains to Clark why the yellow shield was missing from the cape when he used it in the movie: Brandon was actually playing Mon-El.

Neckrate: Oliver gets a massage but, with his assets seized by Lex, can not afford the full hour, and so must compromise.

Upbraid: The show is reviewed by General Sam Lane.

Cherryade: Those wacky Smallville High cheerleaders are at it again, this time with the red stuff....

Scarface: A ventriloquist becomes possessed by his little frien -- what do you mean, Bat-Embargo?!

Hermitage: After losing their castle, Checkmate takes up residence in Andrew Jackson's house.

Tarnation: Hawkman's son, Hector, is found, I say found, and adopted by a large talking rooster.

[ReignoftheSupermen]

Icko: The Metropolis sewage system is contaminated by traces of brown Kryptonite.

:lol: