the rude clark kent without red k

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

Clark is putting away his telescope when.....

lana:i thought you loved that telescope.

Clark:i did. doesnt work anymore.

lana:lex got out of the hospital today.

Clark:thats great, hes a lucky guy

lana:clark,when you and i wre together i always could tell when you were not being honest with me...and i dont want to lie to you soo.

clark;LOOK! if you want to tell me that yo and lex are seeing each toher dont beat around the bush. oh and just so you know the only reason that lex doesnt have a head right now is bcuz i love you so much

lana:what are you talking about?!

clark: i saved your life. here is the bullet!

lana:why didnt you make yourself know i would have hugged you and not him.

clark:bcuz i dont want your approval the only reason why this town isnt being ran by meteour freaks is bcuz i saved this town and i saved you so many times and you always o running to lex. so i gave you up to go running to him.

lana: i thought you said you didnt love me.

clark:you know what lana i haven to tell you something. i told you my secret.the day my dad won the election and the day of his death and i asked for you too marry me.

lana:no you didnt.

clark:well in your mind you didnt bcuz lex killed you the day you accepted. and i turned back time to save you.you went to lex and he somehow found out that you knew my secret. and he chasd you.he forced you off the road and you were hit by a bus. you ied in my arms. so i went to my REAL father and asked him to turn back time.he did. and i got to save you but i didnt tell you my secret and thats the day my dad died bcuz of me. now i know, thsat i should have let you die, rather than run into the arms of the man that killed you! oh, and just so you know....remember he day after the shower we were buildding remember the three meteor freaks.you know with the electric powers. he sent them.

lana:lex would never do that.

clark obviosly you dont know him that well cuz he did.

lana:no dont believe you!

clark:you dont have to. oh! and by the way im an alien with specail powers. THATS THE SECRET!

************************************************** **********

only one more chapter left just say the word.

[deanyouk]

I'm tired

[Smallville4]

wait what's the word............is it continue

[maitriniazngurl]

Okay.. this is weird.. and Clark is so harsh.. Anyways.. sounds good!

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

well i will post it at ten-o-clock eastern time

[Nemu]

erm... where is the next update? this story is making me curious...

[Smallville4]

me 2!?

[Venezuelan Lana]

this sounds interesting... PPM

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

clark:you dont have to. oh! and by the way im an alien with specail powers. THATS THE SECRET!

lana: why didnt you just tell me! i would have protected you! i would have done verything to be with you but you lied to me!

clark: i dont want to take that chance of you dieing again. once was enough, thank you. now, go do something with lex before i hurt you!

lana is very scared at this point and runs away.

clark:YOU COULD'VE AT LEAST SAID SOMETHING!!!

he then mumbled,

clark:i really dont want to have to do this

he superspeeds out of the oft down to lanas car lifting it up off the ground in to the air and starts flying off with it.

clark: all you had to do was say goddbye and i wouldnt be bringing you to the caves!

lana: why the caves?!

clark:i have to show you something!

****FOS****


lana: what is this place. says lana not even efected by the cold

clark:it my fortress of solitude.

lana:why did you bring me here?!

clark:so i can kill you! and now you have no place to run, boo hoo!

lana:why are you doing this?!

clark: to make myself feel better!

lana:WHAT??!?!?!?!?!

clark:just kidding, im showing you the spot where i asked you to marry me.

lana:why?

clark:never mind lets go home.

***loft***

clark:now the look you're giving me is one of the reasons why i never told you. lana just so you know i will never stop loving you. now, who do u want to be with me or lex?

lana:i would love to be with with you but i dont love you anymore! bye!

clark:WHAT??!!

lana:i said bye! moron.....

clark then takes a dagger from the fortress and shows it to lana.

clark: i want to show you something.showing her the dagger

lana:what are you gonna do, kill me?!

clark: no. im gonna kill myself!

clarks takes the dagger and shoves it through his heart.

************************************************** ******************

the end

[treker]

Originally posted by maitriniazngurl
Okay.. this is weird.. and Clark is so harsh.. Anyways.. sounds good!

it does? I'm with dean on this one.

[Venezuelan Lana]

although your writting is kinda rude this was a great idea... And I would like you to continue the fic, if you're able to do it some time...

[maru11]

that was weird!!!!!!!

[LovinMe210]

That was really odd but really funny i was literally falling out of my chair please continue it!!! HAHAHAHAH

[clana_never_give_up]

I 3rd that motion, your story is really weird!!!!!:confused:

[Smallville4]

i 4th that motion

[Seniors2009]

i 5th it

[redraven]

Wow, this has to be the worst story I've ever read in my life. I'm sorry to be so 'mean', but you should learn how to write correctly before you make a fanfiction.

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

Originally posted by redraven
Wow, this has to be the worst story I've ever read in my life. I'm sorry to be so 'mean', but you should learn how to write correctly before you make a fanfiction.
i really appreciate that...not!

you really didnt have to say that and i know im not the best writer but im learning and the reason that i post here is to see how i can get better. MEANIE!!

you know, no matter how i write, it is so that i can express how things should be in my opinion. like watchiong that episode and mizing it with alot of other things and i just hate the character lana has been made up to be so here is clark making her feel scsred and hurt. really hurt. i just want lana to feel what i think clark does and hurt her!

and before you start critisizing my fics why dont you go finish weddings change everything!

[redraven]

Well that was my opinion on your fic, don't expect everyone to say your fics are great. And I will finish weddings change everything...I just got back to the site genius.

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

well i know that is your opinion and i dindt say that everyone should say that my fics are great cuz they're not i know that but like i said i post them here to learn how to get better

[maru11]

can´wait for more!!!!!!!!!!!

[Ketchup]

usually i would just call this a bad fic, but since you seem genuinely interested in becoming a better writer i will explain exactly what i didn't like about this. this is not meant to offend you in any way, and i am by no means trying to discourage you from continuing writing. call this objective criticism:

firstly i found your characters to be hardly believable. since this is a Smallville fic, a reader should be able to imagine the actual characters on the show saying the things they say in the fic. i'm not saying that you can't tweak characters a little bit, but you can't make clark an a**hole with no explanation and expect to get away with it. clark loves lana too much to ever be rude to her, and that's what he's been to her throughout this fiction. also, although he loves torturing himself by always complaining to chloe and his parents about how much his powers suck (for lack of a better word), he's almost always collective about such discussions. in other words, if he wanted to tell lana about his secret, he would do so in a logical, not an emotional manner. the clark kent you have in your fiction is whiny, unreasonable, and overdramatic. note that CK in SV knows for a fact that if he were to tell lana his secret, they would be together, and she would be at peace with every part of him. he chooses not to tell her because he loves her too much to place her in any sort of jeopardy. so it is safe to assume that he wouldn't behave as he does in your fiction unless a.) he didn't care about her anymore, or b.) he got some balls to actually take a risk and deal with his life in a responsible manner. in both of those cases, he wouldn't kill himself.

so basicly to summarize, character development needs work. when you write, imagive the character as a real human (or alien in this case) being, with a family, a past, weaknesses, strengths, emotions, and reason. make the character come alive in your mind and test every word you write in his dialogue against this mold you have created in your head. if the two match up, it's a well written dialogue. plot could also use a little work. you stuffed so much into only two short updates... although this can be useful sometimes, it's not always a good thing. this story could easily have been spread out into a 5-10 update fic. also, this is just a suggestion, i'd try out writing a descriptive fic. in other words, write more than just dialogue, include descriptions of the surroundings, complex facial expressions, etc etc.the more detailed your description is, the easier it is for the reader to be immerse in it.

hope this helped, and hope i didn't offend you in any way. best of luck with your writing, and hope to read some more of your fics eventually :)

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

thanx for tips

[redraven]

Alright, I'm sorry for how rude I was. I originally didn't think you were learning, and I thought you just didn't care about grammar or as Ketchup stated, character development.

[*#~ ClAnAfAn99210~#*]

no problem

[basketballstar23]

wow...im glad everyone calmed down...sandra...so funny...:lol:...haha...this is great....:D

[Red K 5]

are you ever coming back