SLAPSTICK Fan Fics (Humor!) Rated G - PG-13

[SVsleuth]

SmallvilleMan, this was so great! I should have known better than to read it late at night when some of the family is already sleeping (in our hotel room) I was trying so hard to stifle the laughter, :lol: If only Lana had checked out Odd's N Ends - I think she would have been quite surprised to find a very romantic proposal & a very beautiful Wedding being planned. PPMS!

[Cardinal]

*sniff, sniff*

Lana won't read my stuff. Of course, that puts her on the same level as most people here in the Clana-fic board. :rolleyes:

I'm crushed! I have nothing to live for since I've been rebuffed by the pastel princess.

Just for that, she's gonna end up accidentally marrying Lex's pool boy!

[MOOman0618]

I am sure if you search hard enough...somebody has written one of 'those' fics where Clark IS Lex's pool boy.

[NYC300Z]

:lol: either way I don't like the sound of it!

[LoisNClark]

:lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl: smallvilleman that was hilarious

poor 4ever but the painting the toe nails part was hilarious!!!:lol::rotfl:

I'm still laughing that was great!!

Can't wait to hear what they say about some of the posters here!!!:p

PPMS!!!:D

[Kal-El & Me]

I wonder what aj's gonna think after she see's what they said about her. Extremely funny Cardinal.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Kal-El & Me
I wonder what aj's gonna think after she see's what they said about her. Extremely funny Cardinal.

Okay, I click on the Slapstick thread for the first time in two days and THIS is what I find!!! :D NOW, I get to go back and read what Kal-El & Me is talking about . . . . freak, I'm scared.

I can't leave you guys alone for a minute :rolleyes:

[itsallinthespelling]

lol. it wasn't anything too bad aj. it was humerous and clean.

[ajfinn]

Boring? . . . . oh, I feel bad for that poor "afinn" person :( Her story must really stink.

I heard that ajfinn has a pretty darn good fic though :lol:

[itsallinthespelling]

lol

[Cardinal]

Hey, at least they read your story. One of mine got dissed and the other wasn't even mentioned.

[itsallinthespelling]

they probably didn't read it because they were too tired to soak in the extravagance of your story.

[Cardinal]

Here's what I say to that! :p :p :p

Clark is soooooooo gonna give SVM a wedgie the next time they meet for misrepresenting him and Lana!

[SmallvilleMan]

:rotfl: , yeah right, then i'll strip Clark of all his powers in my story and make me marry his mom:eek:

[NYC300Z]

that's a scary thought...

[binkys711]

eww...you have a twisted mind SVM! but a funny one!:lol::rotfl: that was a great update! loved it!:D:D:D

:lol: at ajfinn and Cardinal

[LoisNClark]

very twisted mind SVM, but just like binks said, it's hilarious!!!:rotfl:

[Ketchup]

Meh, not as funny as I anticipated. Am I the only one who dislikes the ideas of making fun of others' fics? If anything, I was frowning thru the last part. The beginning was alright, tho.

[NYC300Z]

I said i'd finish my slapstick by this weekend so here it is. Really just wanted to get it done because I have a lot of school work now.

Lex finally deciding that it was time to make his move called for his head of security. When the man reached Lex’s office he looked around and could not seem to find Lex so, he called out Mister Luthor where art thou? Lex was very irritated by this and quickly stood up and walked over to the man “what do u mean where am I? I was sitting behind my desk like always!” “ Sorry Mister Luthor,” replied the head of security “the sun light was so bright and combined with the glare from your head you blended in so well I did... n’.t” That’s enough! Shouted Lex I want a bag of Ma Ma Kent’s marshmallows and get my Mustang ready I need to go into town undetected! Lex needing a way to blend in with the townsfolk he needed a disguise so he went to his closet and pulled out a pair of jeans that were purposefully ripped in odd places, a real baggy white t-shirt, a brown vest, a pair of converses, and to top it off a cowboy hat to conceal his bald head. Lex looked in a mirror and thought to himself ‘there nobody will recognize me now!’ His head of security finally returned with the bag of marshmallows and informed Lex that his mustang was ready, and then he got a look at what Lex was wearing and burst out laughing! “I know u said to ready Ur mustang, but is their a reason your dressed like Marty McFly when he impersonated Clint Eastwood?
Lex looked at his head of security inquisitively “what are u talking about?”
Your Mustang sir it is tied up downstairs

Lex runs downstairs and out the front door of the mansion to see, an actual Mustang tied up to the mansion gate. Lex becomes quickly infuriated then decided to just ride the horse through the woods where he will have less chance of being spotted on his way to the Talon. Lex takes off through the woods, in the process looses his cowboy hat, and becomes very muddy. Lex finally arrives at the Talon dismounts and parks his horse.

In the mean time while Lex is, riding through the woods Clark arrives at the Talon to help his mom put away the previous nights delivery to the Talon. When Clark and his mom arrive, they begin to put away the delivery of marshmallows, since they do not use their own marshmallows in their world famous hot chocolate because then Clark could not drink any! Clark then hears someone approaching with his super hearing. He looks out the window to see a bald man dressed in brown approaching the Talon. He calls to his mom “Mom there seems to be a monk oh his way here.” Martha calls back “a monk dear?” “Yes mom a monk” Clark responds. Martha comes and looks out the window “oh that’s not a monk dear that’s Lex Luthor.” Quickly realizing what she just said she turns to Clark and says, “What could he be doing coming here? Oh no what are we going to do Clark?” Before she can finish speaking though Clark is out the door. Clark super speeds towards Lex, but before he gets there he is weakened. Clark falls to the ground in front of Lex who takes out a pair of Clark’s CK underwear filled with Kryptonite marshmallows. Lex puts the underwear over Clark’s head and runs off laughing now the Talon and the Pink Princess shall be mine!!

Clark struggling on the cold ground finally manages to get the CK underwear off his head and far enough away from him so he is no longer affected. He then super speeds into the Talon to find his mom tied up in a corner and Lex bouncing uncontrollably oh infected marshmallows trying to get to Lana’s tower. Clark quickly unties his mom and thinks about how he can defeat Lex and save Lana. Clark soon decides that he must face his fear of heights. Clark runs towards Lex and uses the marshmallow delivery to springboard him up towards Lex since he is weakened by the kryptonite marshmallows near Lana’s tower. Then in mid air, he pushes off Lex, knocks him out at the same time giving him enough clearance from the infected marshmallows to no longer be affected by them Clark flies to the top of Lana’s tower, and breaks in through the wall.


Lana looks at Clark aghast “how did u do that” she exclaims
Clark looks at her worried “I did it for you”
Lana very angrily “why didn’t you do it sooner?”
“The marshmallows make me weak and unable to….”
Before Clark can finish Lana pulls him in for a very passionate kiss when she finally lets go of Clark she says “You know what I don’t care I’m just glad u finally did it, now lets get out of here! I’ve been stuck with nothing to wear but pink for 15 years!”
Clark looks at her confused “what you don’t like pink?”
Lana exclaims, “I can’t stand it, I’d prefer black any day!”
Clark then scoops Lana up in his arms and the two of them fly away into the sunset and live happily ever after together 4ever.:p

okay people there is is and don't expecy anymore from me:p
quote "you wont have Richard Nixon to push around anymore!!"
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol:

[Kal-El & Me]

I liked it NYC. You should DEFINITELY write more!

[LuvClana]

great stories everyone! :D

[binkys711]

:rotfl: great ending NYC! loved it!:D

[SmallvilleMan]

The funny is over, i'm not posting another update.

[binkys711]

wha? why?:(

[Cardinal]

OMG, he even pimps the lack of a story!

[SmallvilleMan]

:lol: , he said pimp. It wasn't a pimp, it was an update, that it's over.

[LoisNClark]

why SVM!!???

HIlarious story NYC!!!:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

[ajfinn]

NYC!! Awesome ending!! I laughed out loud when Lex parked his horse at the Talon! And the underwear on Clark's head, and wearing pink for 15 years, and Lex as a monk. Oh, dear .... I'm sorry to say that you simply can't stop with ONE slapstick fic, you have fans, my man.

I hope you'll think of another one and post it soon!!!! It was awesome! :D :lol:

[LuvClana]

hahaha! NYC THAT WAS FUNNY! Goth Lana?

[itsallinthespelling]

Originally posted by LoisNClark
why SVM!!???

HIlarious story itsallinthespelling!!!:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

I wrote a story? where, i don't see it. :p

[NYC300Z]

:lol: I wanna read itsallinthespelling's story too! :lol:

oh and thanks everybody :o

[LoisNClark]

Originally posted by itsallinthespelling
I wrote a story? where, i don't see it. :p

ohh woops i was looking at itsallinthespelling's little box thing when i was typing, i ment to say awesome ending NYC!!!:lol:

i changed it in my above post now too!!!:D

[MOOman0618]

Nice update NYC! McFLY!! HA! :rotfl:

[linn]

that was a great update nyc!!

[itsallinthespelling]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
:lol: I wanna read itsallinthespelling's story too! :lol:

oh and thanks everybody :o

lol, no ya don't wanna read my story. the only one i ever wrote blows, lol, and i totally lost my voice and was dumb enough to plan the whole plot out before hand. lol, it was really bad.
The funny is over, i'm not posting another update. what what what. y? please continue the funny, i will miss the funnyness.

[SmallvilleMan]

No, the funny is gone. The funny is no longer allowed to explore it's infinite wisdom and thus is leaving. It's now becoming a chlark shipper.....yeah right:rotfl: No, it's really now going be shipping Lalois.

[Clana-follower06]

You should keep the funny coming because the funny was actually funny. And now here is my lame attempt at a slapstick story. I'm not a naturally funny person so don't blame me if this isn't funny... blame my parents.


Title: Lanerella part #1
Author: Clana-follower06
Rating: PG
Spoilers:none

Once upon a time in a faraway land lived Lanerella. Her mother and father had passed away when she was a little girl during the terrible meteor shower, and ever since she had been living with her wicked stepmother Lady Nell (Lady Tremaine from the story) and her two ugly stepsisters Lexastasia and Lionella (Anastasia and Drusella from the story). Lanerella works hard all day long, cooking and cleaning and washing the foul dishes of her family members. The only friends Lanerella has are two little mice named Chloe and Lois who never and I mean never stop talking, a horse named Henry, a dog with the name Jason, and the two little birds Jonathan and Martha. They always comfort her by reassuring her that they love her except for Jason who instead is always out searching for his ‘sacred’ bones and chasing the house cat, Genevier (Lucifer the cat).

One day the ugly stepsisters were invited to a ball at The Kent Farm where the prince would choose his wife. The prince is a very good-looking young man and all the women swooned over his godly body, but none of them knew of his secret that he kept from the world. The prince’s name is Prince Kent and he lives in the room overlooking the farm where he sits all by his self, wondering what would happen if he exposed his secret.

Lanerella wanted to go to the ball ever so badly, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to. Not when her evil stepsisters were around. So instead of getting ready for the ball herself she helped her sisters prepare. As she walked over to Lady Nell who was dressed in this god awful pinkish color dress that made her butt look like a circus tent she worked up the courage to ask if she could go along with her to the ball.

“May I come, too?” She queried while her heart felt like it was pounding rapidly in her throat.

“You can’t go to the ball,” answers her stepmother. “You don’t have a gown to wear.” She stuck her nose up high in the air and pranced away.

Lanerella ran up to her apartment above the Talon that her stepmother owned as fast as her little legs could carry her and she jumped head first onto her bed and cried her eyes out.

“Why did my parents have to leave me!?” She cried out through her sobs.

In the other room Lanerella’s friends Chloe and Lois and the birds were sewing light pink ribbons and bows onto one of her best dresses. They had overheard Lanerella’s conversation with Lady Nell and they wanted to help her get to the ball even though Chloe had a major crush on the prince. After they finished they asked Lanerella to follow them into the room and close her eyes, and only open them when they said so.

Jonathan and Martha flew over to the closet where they hid the dress and pulled open the doors. “Open your eyes.” Chloe announced while wiping her tears with a small hankerchief that Lois handed her. Lanerella opened her eyes and was amazed at her new dress.

“Oh my,” says Lanerella, “it looks so pretty in all of its pretty pinkness. Thank you so much my little friends.” She exclaimed as she flashed her brightest smile, which blinded her little furry friends.

She hurried down the stairs towards the front door of the Talon where she saw her two stepsisters waiting for Lady Nell.

“Wait!” cries Lanerella. “I’m coming too.” She caught up with the two um... girls and stood for a second to catch her breath. The cruel stepsisters became angry because Lanerella looked so lovely in her light pink dress that shimmered when she moved. So instead of being rational about things they tore at her beautiful dress until it hung in rags across Lanerella’s thin frame. They left Lanerella standing in dissaray as they left in their carriage to The Kent Farm where they would meet the prince.

Poor Lanerella. She cried and cried. Her friends cried with her too, but Chloe was only faking it for inside she was celebrating. Then out of thin air what appears to be a frail old woman appears in a cloud of sparkling smoke. Once the smoke clears Lanerella’s fairy godmother was standing in the fog.

Cough cough “I should really re-think that entrance.” The fairy godmother said while waving her hand trying to clear the smoke. ‘She lifted her light purple hood and walked towards Lanerella who was surprised to see her fairy godmother was not actually a godmother, but a godfather. “Hi, I’m Pete and I’ll be your fairy godmother this evening.”

“You mean fairy godfather? Right?” Lanerella watched Pete in a dazed shock. She really wasn’t expecting this.

“Whatever. That doesn’t matter right now. I’m just here to help you get to that ball thing at the Kent’s.” Pete moved slowly and finally sat down on a rock as he played with his wand.

“Really? You’re here to help me?” Lanerella became excited and jumped up and down clapping her hands.

“Sure. Now bring me a meteor rock so we can get this show on the road.” Pete jumped up and started waving his wand around once Lanerella brought the rock. “Smallvilledeedoodledeedoo!” Sang Pete as he waved his magic wand high in the air.

Almost instantly the meteor changed into a glowing green carriage, the mice into horses, the dog into a footman, and the horse into a coachman. He waved his wand again and Lanerella’s rags transformed into a beautiful gown. And on her feet were two tiny pink slippers.

Before Pete left he called out to Lanerella who was admiring her new dress. “Beware young Lanerella for the awesome magic spell I cast will end at midnight, and you have to leave the ball before then. So watch yo’ back homie!” When Pete finsihed reciting his words of caution he flicked his wand and vanished.


More to come soon. I hope you liked it. :D

[binkys711]

1st!

Oh wow! that was hilarious! I absolutely loved it!

:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

that was great! can't wait 'till you update it!

(btw you put in Cinderella there once instead of Lanarella;))

[NYC300Z]

Very funny!:lol: Yes I do like it! You know u typed Cinderella once.

Can't wait for the next part I want to see the twists

[Clana-follower06]

Oops! I just changed that so now it says Lanerella instead. NYC- I read your story and you should definately think about writing more. It was hilarious! :D

[SpeedyKate91]

OMG!! That was hilarius. I can't wait for the rest of it! PPMS!!

[itsallinthespelling]

hey, did you know it says cinderella in there once. lol , very funny fic
ah, guess ya did

[NYC300Z]

oh thankyou very much Clana-follower06! Since I really love ur fic Journey that means a lot to me!

[MOOman0618]

That was great! I laughed so hard when the fairy godmother turned out to be Pete!

[Clana-follower06]

Thank you everyone! *curtsies, but then trips and falls on face* And can someone tell me why everyone is giving me such a hard time about that one little typo I made? You all make it hard for a person to feel good about thier self. j/k. I want to see more comedy stuff from everyone here really soon!

[Cardinal]

I should have the finish to "Amnesia" done in an hour or so...after that, my next Smallville humorous story will be "Smallville Scooby-Doo." :p

[midnite_spark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: Pete as the fairy godmother...errr....father...:rotfl:

"so what yo back homie!"

:rotfl:

oh man...! my side hurts!

[Cardinal]

Clana-follower06, that fic rocks! That was funny! :rotfl:

[ajfinn]

Clana-folower - THAT was hilarious!! :lol:!! Thanks for sharing your amazingly funny, twisted mind with us.

I LOVE fractured fairytales, so this was a very special treat for me to read!!

ha ha hahahahahahaahhahhahah

Nice job!!!


Originally posted by Cardinal
I should have the finish to "Amnesia" done in an hour or so...after that, my next Smallville humorous story will be "Smallville Scooby-Doo." :p

Oh yeah!!! More to look forward to!! I'll be watching for tonight's post :D

And then, rubeedoobeedoooo!!!

[NYC300Z]

:lol: Cardinal and AJ! yeah can't wait for more!!

and where's the rest of the 1st story on this thread? did i miss it?

PPMS Everybody!!:p

[Cardinal]

Amnesia - Part III

Part I - Page 4, post #60
Part II - Page 9, post #125

“Clark…”

“Yes, Dear?”

“No superpowers in bed…especially no super-speed!”

“Oh, don’t worry, this is going to take a long ti…”

“CUT!” From off-camera the dynamic duo of Millar and Gough storm onto the set. “Dang it, you two. How many times do we have to tell you this isn’t an R/NC-17 story!”

“Sorry, Al/Miles,” said a contrite Clark.

“Yeah, we’re really sorry,” echoed Lana.

As Millar and Gough leave, Lana whispered, “Why do you always call them Al/Miles, Clark?”

“It’s ‘cause I still don’t know which one is which…now, where were we?”

--------------------

Later that night…

“Well, Clark, put that suit back on and we’ll go show it off to your folks. Your mom will want to see how well it fits you.”

“Are you sure about this Captain Flannel idea? I’m having a hard time believing I’d agreed to this before this most recent case of amnesia.”

“Of course, Clark, let’s get going.”

As he began to dress in his new superhero costume, Clark asked, “Aren’t you going to wear your plaid tankini?”

“Are you kidding? If I wear that outside of the environment of the store, your folks would think I was some kind of hoochie-mama! I’ll just wear jeans and a baby-T.”

Now finished dressing, Clark was eye-scorchingly resplendent in his plaid costume.

As Lana finished dressing herself, she said, “I’ll drive. After all, we don’t need the Man of Steel with the Foot of Lead to get another traffic ticket and lose his license, do we?”

“I can’t help it. I’m used to running faster than any car in the world can drive. How can I be expected to obey the speed limit?”

Minutes later, as they exited the car, Lana said, “Come with me to the barn for a second, I left my jacket up in the loft the last time we visited.”

“You just want to get me alone in the loft. After this afternoon, I though you might be satisfied, but you are insatiable, Wom…”

From off-screen came that voice again, “Knock it off you two or your next love scenes will be with Sheriff Adams.”

Shivering uncontrollably, Lana said, “That would be so terrible for you, Clark.”

As they approached the barn door, Clark replied, “I don’t think they were talking about me, Lana.”

Pushing the door open, Clark and Lana walked into the pitch-black barn. As they took two steps in, the darkness was pierced with a sudden flood of incandescent light.

All of Clark‘s family and nearest and dearest friends shouted out cries of, “Surprise,” and “Happy Birthday.”

Absolutely stunned, Clark said, “But it’s July, my birthday’s in late April. What‘s going on here?”

Having a few seconds for their eyes to adjust to the light, the assembled multitude took in Clark’s outfit and gasped. Then the comments began to roll in.

From Chloe, “Oh…My…God! Now we know why he’s called ‘Super’man.”

From Jonathon, “Lana, you’re a genius! How did you pull this off?”

From Pete, “Clark, you are a prize-winning doofus sometimes, but this one takes the cake.”

From Martha, “Well, at least it fits.”

As Clark’s confusion steadily mounted, Jonathon walked over to Lana as he reached for his wallet. “I can’t believe you made this work,” he said. Handing over a crisp Benjamin, he continued, “Here’s the one-hundred bucks I owe you.”

Perking up at that, Lana shouted, “Okay everyone, time to pony up. Not only did I get our guest of honor here without him suspecting a thing, but I get double the amount for pulling off the Captain Flannel charade.”

While everyone headed over to pay off their debts to Lana, Clark said, “What??? I’m not Captain Flannel? And what about Clark’s ‘House o’ Plaid?’”

At the mention of his fictitious business, everyone except Clark roared.

Pete managed to choke out, while gasping for breath, “Clark…you moron…you’ve been had!!! Lana…set you up…you chump!”

Lana went on to explain her brilliance, basking in the warm glow of everyone’s admiration all the while, “All it took was marking up the calendar through July, borrowing Lois’ slippers, having your mom make this god-awful plaid flannel suit, hiding your suit in my lead-lined chest in the attic, and, my biggest asset, making use of your unbelievable gullibility, Clark.

“It really is April, it is your birthday, you still work with Lois at the Planet, you never neglect me romantically, and you are still Superman.”

With a kiss on his, by now, flame-red cheek, Lana said, “Happy Birthday, Clark!”

As we pull back and start to fade out on this happy scene, Lana could be heard saying, “Guess what happens when you combine Clark’s two favorite things? You know, me and plaid. You get to see the Kryptonian symbol for Horny!”

The End

[MOOman0618]

HAHAHA!!:lol: :lol:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:


That was great! Poor Clark! I can't wait for your Scooby-Doo Fic!


Originally posted by Cardinal
“Knock it off you two or your next love scenes will be with Sheriff Adams.”

Shivering uncontrollably, Lana said, “That would be so terrible for you, Clark.”

As they approached the barn door, Clark replied, “I don’t think they were talking about me, Lana.”


:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Ketchup]

Cardinal, you are AMAZING!

“Guess what happens when you combine Clark’s two favorite things? You know, me and plaid. You get to see the Kryptonian symbol for Horny!”

THAT was priceless!

[clana4ev3r]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!! That was so Funny!

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[NYC300Z]

Cardinal amazing!! Really great! omg u killed me with that last one! :lol: L :lol: L that was great and Lana's last line! omg!! :lol::lol::lol::lol: fantastic slapstick! My 2800th post!
My hat's off to u Cardinal! :lol:

[linn]

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[SpeedyKate91]

that was so funny!!!!!!!!! to bad it was the end

[ajfinn]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

That was an EXCELLENT ending to a very funny story, Cardinal :D

I loved Al/Miles interrupting them. :lol:

[binkys711]

:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl: :lol:

OMG that was hilarious! I absolutely loved it! Lana rocks!:D:D:D

and that Sheriif Adams joke and the ending! HAHAHA!:lol:

great job dude!

[LoisNClark]

Cardinal that was hilarious
:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

sheriff Adams, Al/miles, the last line all hilarious!!!

:lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl:

awesome job!!!!!!!

[midnite_spark]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: oh man Lana's bad!! :rotfl: :rotfl:


“Guess what happens when you combine Clark’s two favorite things? You know, me and plaid. You get to see the Kryptonian symbol for Horny!”

that has got to be my favorite line!:rotfl: :rotfl:

[ajfinn]

Okay, guys! Who's turn is it to tell us a funny story??

I decided to finish my other story (This Time) before I work on my Wizard of El again.

Hmmmm ..... whom shall we pick on??? I think it's Lana Lang #1's turn, don't you?

:lol:

[clana4ev3r]

I AGREE!

[Shadowknight]

Cant Beleive I never saw this thread before. I got alot of catching up to do

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Shadowknight
Cant Beleive I never saw this thread before. I got alot of catching up to do

And what perfect timing it is for you to find it, Shadowknight :) I think YOU should write the next slapstick!!!

Can I hear a second for that, fellow clana lovers???

[Clana-follower06]

*eagerly waves hand in air* I second that!!! *trips over rock and face plants into the ground* Thinks to self.... 'I am such a random person' :D

[Shadowknight]

Originally posted by ajfinn
And what perfect timing it is for you to find it, Shadowknight :) I think YOU should write the next slapstick!!!

Can I hear a second for that, fellow clana lovers???

Lol Well, I suppose i could do one. Give me a little while and i will do one. Should have it up by today.

[clana4ev3r]

AWSOME!

[itsallinthespelling]

cool, but don't pull a "ketchup" and not post an update for 2 weeks. :p, btw, jk bout that ketchup :D

[Shadowknight]

Lord of The Kryptonite- Part One

Twas a very nice day in The Shire all the hobbits were buzzing about doing whatever Hobbits do. Lana Baggins was under the Old Oak reading up on Hot Hobbit-Pink Fashions when she heard a familer sound...

Just the Good ole Boys, Never meanin no harm...

She immediatly She knew what that was "Bodalf!"

The Surprisingly Thin Hobbit scurried to where she heard the familer song playing..

"Your Late" Lana said with a little smirk on her face

"Well, The General Lee needed some more gas so sue me" The also surprisingly young wizard said as his Bright red car pulled up

"Wha? wheres that cousin of yours, uhm, Lukedorf is it?"Lana said, confused

"Ahh, yes Lukedorf... well uh, he kinda went evil or something"

"Oh Ok, thats cool"

"Uh, yeeeeeah"

"So, what brings you to The Shire" She said while getting into the General Lee

"I have a grand quest for you! one that decides the fate of the world!"

"Oh, thats cool. Hey like my new pink cloak?"

"Uh, yes its very nice. But didint you hea-"

"Yes, yes i heard you save the world. Blahdy Blahdy Blahdy Blah"

"You know, I never would have picked you if you didint have that pink tatoo"

"Ahh yeah my ole tatoo, what does that have to do with anything?"

"I will tell you when we get back to your cave thing"

"Its a HOLE!"

"It sure is..."

Along the way they ran into some familer faces, such as Chloewise Gullivan. Lana's Best friend and Plumber.

"Ah yes here we are" Lana said as they pulled up

"Ok, lets get inside and i will tell you whats going on"Bodalf said as he opend the door to Lana's hole

"Not i find out first..." a Mysterious Voice from behind the bushes said



"Ok, lets get down to buisness"

"Right then."

"Wait, arent you gonna offer me some Cheese? Biscuits? Cookies? anything?"

"Eww no gross! why would i ever offer something like that!"

"Because your a hobbit! Its what you do!" Bodalf said, now quite anoyyed

"But that stuff is to fattening I got some low-cal foodstuffs if you want."

"...No thanks im quite alright"

"Then why did you ask?"

"How about you shut your little pink mouth and let me talk?"

"Fine...weird blonde wizard"

"Ok, now you bear the pink tatoo of the ancient art of Lana-fu"

"I do?"

"Yes, you do"

"Can do Lana-fu?"

"YES you can do Lana-fu"

"What about you?"

"ENOUGH!" Bodalf said his fake beard almost falling off his face

"Ok, ok sheesh"

"Now, as is said before. You bear the mark of Lana-fu"

"That must be why my name is Lana.."

Bodalf then muttered a few words of a strange language and Lana's mouth was sealed up by magic energy

"Now back to buisness. You can do Lana-fu, but thats not what i am getting at. Since you bear the mark of Lana-fu, you are the only one who can destroy this ring here."

Lana looked at this obviously confused, which caused Bodalf to sigh

"Ok, to make a long story short. This ring if put on 3 times. will free the evil Zauron from the Phantom Zone"

"BUT THATS WHERE MY AUNT NELL IS!"

"Yes, along with alot of other people who came on the show for a while and left for no good reason"

"I see... wait, how did i say that. If You put a spell on me that made me not able to speek?!"

Bodalf sighed and lowered his head "Sadly thats what i get from graduating from the Hazzard county school of Wizardry"

"Oh that explains it then."

"So, do you accept this task Lana?

"I guess, got nothing better to do..."

"Not without me she doesnt!"

"Who?!"

"Tis me kind sir, Chloewise Gullivan" She said while jumping through Lana's open window with her trusted Plunger, Lois

"Were you spying on us?" Lana asked

"Me? uh no...I was just..ya know...plunging the grass"

"Oh ok! thats cool! wanna come?"

"Wha? plunging the grass?"

"Yes, you know you should plunge your grass too-"

"Ok, enough fine you can come too now come on lets get going. oh before I forget. Here is the ring Lana, remeber NEVER PUT IT ON. Or you will attract The evil Freak Of The Weeks!"

"Freak of the weeks?" Lana and Chloe both said together

"Yes, and only one person can defeat the dreaded freak of the weeks. A Person we will meet in time"

"Well, lets get going"

"Me and Lois are ready!"

"Load up in the general lee, we head for the dancing duke inn at the village known as Smallville"

----------------------------------------------------


BTW, I am planning this to have 3 parts to this. Everyone else can post stories inbetween the story parts.

[itsallinthespelling]

lol, great start. look forward to the next update.

[LoisNClark]

:rotfl::lol::rotfl: great start, can't wait for more!!!:lol:

[NYC300Z]

good start shadownight! Please continue soon!

[Shadowknight]

Will most likely post another chapter tomorrow afternoon right now i gotta get some sleep.

[SpeedyKate91]

GREAT START. Cant wait for the next update!!
PPMS

[NYC300Z]

That's cool:cool: no worries!

[Cardinal]

Great fic, J. R. R. Shadowknight!

One word of warning, though. You have no idea what you've just done to yourself by writing such an exemplary first chapter to your humorous fic.

People will now be hounding you to turn that talent to writing a regular fanfic. It's like the old saying, 'What's the reward for a job well-done? Another job!'

Anyway, can't wait to read the next installment.

[binkys711]

:lol::rotfl: great start!

[ajfinn]

Shadowknight, dude, you answered my call!! thanks! And what a great fic you gave us too! I love Lois plunging the grass - that's the most important thing she's done since coming to Smallville :)

[NYC300Z]

:lol: Aj ur right though! Lois as an actual plunger!:lol:

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
:lol: Aj ur right though! Lois as an actual plunger!:lol:

Hadn't even thought of it that way!! :lol: Yeah, she does like to show certain part of her body a whole heck of a lot!!

Oh, but dare I say this . . . . I'd like to plunge all the sewage out of her mouth!

Or umm, sometimes, I'd like to flush her off of the show, too!!

[SmallvilleMan]

Alright the funny is making a return appearence, because there's something that MUST be made fun of.

[Shadowknight]

I'm writing up the next chapter right now

[Cardinal]

Just think.

As Sam threw away his trusty pots and pans as they neared Mt. Doom, so too will Chloewise throw away her trusty plunger as she and Lana come to the end of their adventure.

*A massive roar goes up from the Mountain Time Zone*

[Shadowknight]

Originally posted by Cardinal
Just think.

As Sam threw away his trusty pots and pans as they neared Mt. Doom, so too will Chloewise throw away her trusty plunger as she and Lana come to the end of their adventure.

*A massive roar goes up from the Mountain Time Zone*

Thanks alot, Cardinal. That WAS gonna be the ending and you had to go and ruin it like that....lol j/k But dont worry I will do something with the Lois Plunger

[NYC300Z]

Originally posted by ajfinn
Or umm, sometimes, I'd like to flush her off of the show, too!!

Wouldn't we all?:D:lol:;)

Yeah Cardinal I bet that happens!

[Cardinal]

Maybe she gets replaced by a brand-new pipe-snake! :D

[ajfinn]

*aj runs to get her Draino--that should erase that smirky grin off Lois' face*

More on topic . . . this quest should be fun, Shadowknight. I wonder who could possible be the one to fight the meteor freaks. *taps head . . . Martha?*

[Shadowknight]

Lord of the Kryptonite- Part 2

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there yet?

"No! we just left 5 minutes ago and your already asking that?!"

"Mr Bodalf"

"WHAT?"

"Lois wants to know if were there yet"

"OH DO YOU LOIS?" said Bodalf as he yanked the plunger out of Chloewises hand

"Yes, yes I do"

"Wha? you can talk?!"

"Well duh, Why would I name a plunger who cant talk?"

"She has a point you know"

"Fine so, you can talk. Lois? lets hear siome stuff then"

Words Bodalf would regret for the rest of his life

~~~5 Hours Later~~~

"So, thats how I came to be Chloewises prized plunger. You listening to me? you ignoring me? ANSWER ME !!!! You know what I think-"

Bodalf then grabbed the plunger and brought her right to his face and said" YOU KNOW WHAT LOIS? YOU CAN GO-"

"BODALF LOOK OUT!"

The General Lee then swerved and slammed right into 2 hobbits

"Holy crap you killed them!"

"You know what Bodalf? you could really use some driving lessons"

"I could think fo a few things you could use Lois.."

"Guys, hello you just killed 2 hobbits!"

Upon arriving at the bodies Lana found 2 strange broaches

"Ooooh pretty! not pink but I like them. Look there even engraved" "Merry"? This one says "Pippin" said Chloewise

"Well, whoever these guys are there dead. We will get rid of the bodies. And lets hope there not doing anything important" Said Bodalf

"Yuck I am not touching those bodies" Said Lana waving her hands

"Oh sure, i'll do it." Said Bodalf

About 5 minutes Later Bodalf came from wherever he put the bodies. And there was someone behind him

"Hey Bodalf who's your friend here?"

"I am Horned Lava Mutant. I have come for the ring"

"What? you dont have a name? what kinda of mutant doesnt have a name? Your not a very good villain if you dont have a name. Your not a cubscout out here soldier! wheres your denmother? baking-"

In that instant the Horned Lava Mutant shot out a Massive blast of whatever horn Lava Mutans shoot out. And blew Lois into oblivion

"Oh My God! they killed Lois!"

"YES! my plan worked!" In that instant Bodalf shot out a big blast of energy at the Lava Mutant and stunned him

"Quickly to the General Lee!"

Lana, Bodalf and Chloewise climbed into the General Lee and took off

"Why Lois? whhhhhhhy? wait, I needed a new one anyway"

"Ok, now that, that problem is taken care of lets have silence till we get to Smallville please?"

~~~2 Hours Later~~~

"Ahh, Smallville! now hurry we must get to my old friend, Clarkagorn"

"Ok Here we are The Daisy Duke Inn, Clarkagaorn will be in here"

"Clarkagorn!"

"Bodalf!"

The two old friends hugged and Bodalf introduced his friend to the 2 Youn hobbits

"This is Chloewise Gullivan"

"Pleasure to meet ya sir"

"And this one here is Lana the one his adventure is all about"

"WOW! Your hot for a Hobbit, I love that pink cloak"

"Thanks not so bad yourself there."

"Now, lets hurry surely the Horned Lava Mutant Will be catching up with us soon"

"Oh come on I would kick his butt all the way back to Mordor"

"Even so, we must not draw attenion to ourselves. We must make haste to Mordor

As they turned to leave Lana tripped and the ring flew out of her pocket. And she caught it with her finger all cool-slow-mo-like

LANA-FU ACTIVATE!!!

"HIYAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Get the ring off get the ring off!"

Clarkagorn then using super-human speed grabbed Lana's Hand and took the ring off

"Wow, was that cool or what?"

"Uhm, yeah it was but uhh... We kinda gotta get out of here now."

"Yeah this towns gonna be gone it a few hours"

*The Whole bar gasps*

Bodalf then yell's "But thats not a reason to be alarmed! stay where you are and no harm will come to ya!"

*The Whole Bar sighs*

"Now lets GO!"



"Hey Bodalf can this thing go any faster?"

"I'm glad you asked, super-duper rocket boosters activate!"

"The Wha?"

"Oh, um...I mean the flying machine...add-ons...yeah.."

"Oh, ok"

And with that the flew into the night sky towards Mordor



-----------------------------------------------

[Cardinal]

I'm trying to picture Lana and Chloewise with hobbit hairdos and big, hairy feet. (As women do they depilate those feet?)

aj is, of course, salivating over the concept of Clark in Aragorn's duds.

Finally, this whole passage had me :rotfl:.

"Fine so, you can talk. Lois? lets hear siome stuff then"

Words Bodalf would regret for the rest of his life

~~~5 Hours Later~~~

"So, thats how I came to be Chloewises prized plunger. You listening to me? you ignoring me? ANSWER ME !!!! You know what I think-"

Bodalf then grabbed the plunger and brought her right to his face and said" YOU KNOW WHAT LOIS? YOU CAN GO-"

"BODALF LOOK OUT!"

The General Lee then swerved and slammed right into 2 hobbits

"Holy crap you killed them!"

"You know what Bodalf? you could really use some driving lessons"

"I could think fo a few things you could use Lois.."

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
aj is, of course, salivating over the concept of Clark in Aragorn's duds.


I think the operative word is gulp. Gulp! Gulp!


Hilarious update, Shadow :)

[NYC300Z]

haha great update Shadownight! Can't wait to see the rest of their adventures!:D very funny with Lois!:lol::lol::lol:


haha AJ!:D

[LoisNClark]

omg the lois part was hilarious!!!!:lol::rotfl: can't wait for the rest!!!

[LuvClana]

GOOD NEWS! Prehistoric Smallville Part 2 coming sometime this week.

[NYC300Z]

yes that is good news!:D

[linn]

i just caught up on this page that was fonny......

[Cardinal]

Smallville Scooby-Doo

Chapter 1: The Gang’s All Here

Driving down Kansas Route 90 one Friday night in the garishly-painted Mystery Machine (the only real mystery being how they could afford to keep this eyesore running without any of them having a paying job), were four teenagers and a dog.

Fred, the unquestioned leader of the bunch (except when actual brains are required), is a strapping 6’3” tall young man with a shock of unruly black hair, pale blue eyes, and chiseled features. Wearing blue sans-a-belt slacks, a white, open-necked shirt, and a jauntily-knotted red scarf, Fred looks to be the likely Grand Marshal of Smallville‘s first, and probably only, Gay Pride Parade.

Daphne, Fred’s longtime girlfriend (though they’ve never so much as kissed), has long, dark brown hair, hazel eyes, a small, angelic face, and a petite frame that stretches to all of 5‘4“ tall. Her clothes say it all: she thinks purple is the new pink!

Velma is of a size with Daphne, though she has shoulder-length blonde hair and ample cleavage that’s always on display (she not-so-secretly pines for Fred). Her orange and red outfit has made eyes water for years.

Froey is of average height, somewhere close to 5’ 10” tall. As indicated by his name, his hair’s not shaggy, instead he’s got a ‘tight fro.’ Froey’s dark complexion only serves to set off his luminescent smile (which he uses on his very secret crush, Velma, every chance he gets). His green t-shirt and bell-bottomed brown jeans are the closest thing to normal fashions worn by any of the Mystery Machine crew.

Finally, comes Shelby-Doo. His lustrous golden coat hides the heart of a chicken. Always observant, Shelby barks out, “Knock it off with the parentheses already!” His only adornment is a dog collar. The tag reads, “SD.”

--------------------

“Hey, Fred,” said Daphne, “Froey is talking to Shelby-Doo again.”

“I hate it when he does that,” responded Fred. “Every time he eats those ‘special’ brownies, he starts up with that whole, ‘the dog can talk’ routine. Then he gets the munchies so bad that he starts fighting Shelby for his dog treats. It’s ridiculous!”

Pushing her glasses up her nose, Velma opined, “It’s not ridiculous Fred. What’s ridiculous is that you’re a guy wearing a bright red scarf.”

“It’s manly,” said Fred.

“What it really is, is an open invitation to get your butt kicked by the whole football team…are you gay, Fred?”

“No…after all, I’m dating Daphne, the hottest babe in Smallville. So I couldn’t be gay.”

Velma was then taken over by a coughing fit during which the words ‘beard’ and ‘poofter’ could clearly be made out.

“I wouldn’t be talking, Velma,” shot back an incensed Daphne. “You’re the one that’s never had a boyfriend in your life. You’d think by now, even Froey might start looking good to you, but noooooo, Velma can’t be bothered with boys.”

“Hey,” said a somewhat muzzy voice from the back of the van, “did I hear you say my name, Velma?”

“No, Froey,” said Velma. Reaching into her purse, she said, “Here, have another dog treat.”

While watching Froey and Shelby go tooth-and-nail for this newest treat, Daphne asked, “Where are we going?”

“To the Luthor Mansion,” replied Fred. “We’ve been given a mystery to solve.”

“Zoinks!” muttered Froey, “is the mansion haunted?”

“Aren’t they always?” said Fred. “Don’t worry, Froey, we’ll make sure to send you and Shelby-Doo off on your own like always.” ‘Cause it’s too creepy otherwise listening to him have an imaginary conversation with Shelby-Doo.

“Here we are,” said Daphne, “Luthor Mansion.”

“What was your first clue, Sherlock?” asked an exasperated Velma. “The massive stone building, or the big brass plaque back at the front gate?”

Piling out of the green and blue van, they headed for the forbidding front door.

TBC in Chapter 2

[itsallinthespelling]

lol, great start. love "froey instead of shaggy", ppms

[SpeedyKate91]

very funny Can't wait for chapter 2
PPMS!

[linn]

yea the story was great can't wait for the next chapter,...

[MOOman0618]

HA! :lol: :lol:

I can picture Clark in a red scarf! That would be a hell of a thing. Great stuff Cardinal! I do enjoy Froey and his 'special' treats. :)

[NYC300Z]

Isn't Fred's scraff really an ascoff or something like that?:lol:j/p

Nice start Card surprised Lois isn't scooby oh well :lol: j/p

keep it up! PPMS!:)

[itsallinthespelling]

here's my weak attempt at a comedy fanfic. its more rambles the a fic, but oh well.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a beautiful day in Smallville, and Clark and Lana were….inside on the computer. They were surfing their favorite website, Kryptonsite, and reading some of their favorite fics, such as ajfinn’s, “How ‘This Time’ Will Be Different”, Cardinal’s “Odds and Ends”, 4eversmallville’s “Emotional Detachment”, and Ketchup’s “The Last Setting of the Sun.”

“Gosh I wish 4ever and ketchup would update, it seems like we haven’t gotten one in a while now”, said Clark.
“Clark, you just have to be patient, High School can be tough, especially when you have a lot of honors and AP classes, and when you have to build a robot”, Lana responded.

“I guess your right Lana, it’s just they are so good I can’t stand it. I wish they would update soon.”

“Hey, I want them to update just as much as you do. What do ya say we get are mind of those stories by checking out some of the stuff itsallinthespelling does.”

“That sounds like a great idea Lana, itsallinthespelling is so cool. He is really nice, honest, intelligent, and kind hearted. He has a great sense of humor and I hope I can be more like him some day, he is simply amazing, don’t you think so?”

“Yea Clark, it would nice for you to be honest with me for once, and if you weren’t so good at playing awkward, you probably already would be honest with me. Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt for you to hold open the door for me every once in a while.”

“Well Lana, that’s not very fair, I don’t think we can all be as good as itsallinthespelling.”

“Well we can always hope, can’t we?”

“Yea, I suppose we can. Hey, why don’t we check out the fanart thread, I hear they have a fanart challenge we can vote on there.”

“That sounds like a great idea Clark, lets head over there and checkout some of the great stuff that they have there.”

After about 4 hours of surfing k-site, they had caught up on all their favorite fics and voted for their favorite fanart. They decided to turn in for the night, so Clark left for home, and Lana went to bed in her apartment above the talon.

The next day, Clark was back at the talon with Lana, and guess what, they were surfing k-site again.
“Hey Lana, has ketchup or 4ever updated yet?”
“No Clark, not yet, didn’t we just have a discussion about patience yesterday?”
“Yea yea, I know Lana, I just can’t wait. Oh well, I’m gonna go out, call me if one of them updates and I’ll be here in a flash.”
“Alright Clark, I’ll see ya later.”

Well this went on for about a month, with Clark stopping by the talon, wondering if there was an update, and always being lectured on the virtues of patience by Lana. Finally after about 30 of these days, a very special day occurred.

“Hey Lana, any updates today?”
“Hey Clark, guess what, I have some really really really great news.”

“Ketchup and 4ever updated there stories??? Oh thank god, I have been waiting forever for this day, oh I am so happy.”

“Uhhh, actually no they didn’t update, but I did save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”

……………………….

The end.
Lol, I know it’s completely random, but I figured I would give this slapstick thing a whirl.

[SmallvilleMan]

Hmmm, i don't think it's random at all;)

[linn]

haha that was funny

[NYC300Z]

yeah the ending caught me off guard!:D :lol: nice job

[LoisNClark]

:lol: nice ending:D!!!!!

[ajfinn]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by itsallinthespelling
“That sounds like a great idea Lana, itsallinthespelling is so cool. He is really nice, honest, intelligent, and kind hearted. He has a great sense of humor and I hope I can be more like him some day, he is simply amazing, don’t you think so?”

Why, yes . . . yes, I do!

“Uhhh, actually no they didn’t update, but I did save a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico.”

I believe that was the best slapstick ending I've seen! :rotfl:

Great fic, dude!

[MOOman0618]

HA :lol: :lol:

That was great itsallinthespelling! Isn't that funny that Lana wants Clark to be just like you? I always thought she would want him to be more like me. :p



Oh, and who is busy building a robot? When did I miss that?

[midnite_spark]

i think aj said Ketchup was building a robot....i think....

[SpeedyKate91]

all of these stories r funny.. now every body who started n didnt finish has to update soon!!

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by SpeedyKate91
all of these stories r funny.. now every body who started n didnt finish has to update soon!!

*aj looks around* Who me? :lol:

I'll be posting part 2 of the Wizard of El sometime soon. Have to recover from that other little story I've been writing. :D

[NYC300Z]

okay cool AJ! now that you've finished that "other little story you've been writing" :lol: we can get an update on the Wizard of El!:D:D

[SVsleuth]

Wow! I finally read the last several pages of stories. I laughed the hardest at itsallinthespelling's Geico punchline. :lol: That was terriffic!

I also got a kick out of Clarkagorn & Chloewise, Bodalf, etc - all the names in the LOTK fic were great, J.R.R. Shadowknight. Also i was :lol: at AJ running to get her Draino! :lol: And the idea of Clark in Aragorn's duds? Sweet!!!! I'm with you AJ!

Cardinal, your ending to Amnesia was sweet too - what a great trick Lana played on Clark. That was fantastic! :lol:

And all the others were great too, Lanarella, Scooby,etc. Everybody keep updating. This is a great thread for a good laugh. I won't be writing one here, though, since I have much awaiting my attention on my own 2 threads. So I'll keep reading yoursfor laughs in between writing my fics. Where DO you all get such great ideas for humor?
:lol:

[Cardinal]

Originally posted by ajfinn
*aj looks around* Who me? :lol:

I'll be posting part 2 of the Wizard of El sometime soon. Have to recover from that other little story I've been writing. :D

I'm sure your updates to this story will be Ellacious! :lol:

[Kal-El & Me]

i HAVE SO TOTALLY GOTTA CATCH UP ON ALL THESE STORIES *SAYS MADDY FLATLY*

DANG THE CAPS BUG MUST HAVE CAUGHTEN UP WITH ME.

MY TONE IS NOT AT ALL THE WAY IT LOOKS I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO FIX THIS.

[binkys711]

:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol:

i've just caught up with the slapsticks! great job you guys! they're all amazing!

[itsallinthespelling]

can't wait for the updates of these stories. they're all great.

[ajfinn]

Okay, I'm making an announcement so I'll make myself do this :) I'll be posting the next installment of the Wizard of El within the next few days. Now, make me stick to that, will ya?

aj :D

PS -- who else needs to update their slapsticks?? hmmm?

[Cardinal]

Not me, I don't think Smallville Scooby went over very well. There's not much of a market for a follow-up to a worst seller.

[Superboy2]

Can't wait AJ!!!

[NYC300Z]

oh come Card don't sell your self short...oh yeah AJ don't forget!:D

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Cardinal
Not me, I don't think Smallville Scooby went over very well. There's not much market for a follow-up to a worst seller.

Dude, Scooby was awesome!! I think it just got caught in the wake of all the new fics that came out that week. This thread has been on page two for a while. :D

[LoisNClark]

can't wait aj!!!:D

[Cardinal]

*Looks left, looks right*

Okay, aj, where in El is that update?

[ajfinn]

The Wizard of El - Part 2
Rated PG

You may want to go read part one again, on the first page of this thread, because it's been so long ago. :lol:

Part Two:

“There, Clarkie,” Alicia said, after turning Tina, the mighty morphing parasite, into a frog. “Now, after you speak with the Wizard, I’ll be waiting in Vegas for you.” She bounced her pink bubble over to Clark, and dangled a red necklace from her hand.

“Oh, pretty,” he said, not having a brain.

Lana huffed, then bumped Alicia’s bubble with her tiny hip—sending it rolling down a grassy slope, with Alicia screaming, “I promise I’m not a psychotic tramp anymore! Just put on this necklace and I’ll prove it!”

“Whatever!” Chloe said, rolling her eyes over and over, just as fast as Alicia’s bubble rolled down the hill. “This Wizard dude better have a cure for your bad habit of believing everything a girl ever tells you. We LIE all the time to you, Clark.”

“Huh?” Clark asked, scratching his itchy, straw-filled head.

“I do not!” Lana said, stomping the yellow brick road. “Watch this . . . Clark, sweetie,” he looked at her with his beautiful blue, erm, green eyes, “Do you remember when we danced in the barn when I was possessed by a witch and you were doing that fist pounding thing that you thought was sexy?”

Clark nodded, repeating the dance, “It’s the barn dance, baby!” he said.

Lana grabbed his arm, then stopped his hips from doing whatever they were doing. “Well, that is the only thing I can remember about that night, and it, umm, kinda grossed me out,” she said, putting her hand on his cheek (ahem, Kristin, other cheek, please. No I mean, on his face!)

Clark smiled, and gave her a very gentle kiss. “No more secrets, no more lies,” he said, in a loving whisper.

“And no more dancing,” Lana said, tipping her head ever so slightly.

“Oh, gag me with a toilet plunger,” Chloe said, busting them apart and linking her arms with theirs.

“Weeerrrrrrrrrreee . . . off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of El,” they all sang, skipping down the yellow brick road. They all knew every word to the same song because that’s always how it is in musicals. “We hear he is a pain in the butt, if ever a pain there was . . . ”

Soon enough, they were in a very scary forest. “Oh, look, apples!” Lana shouted. “GREEN apples!”

Lana and Clark each picked one, but Chloe screamed, “Stop! They’re Luthor Corp apples—fertilized with meteor rock.”

“What makes you think that?” Clark asked, grabbing his stomach in pain as he held the glowing fruit.

Chloe pulled her laptop out of thin air and typed a bunch of bogus letters, just to show off how fast her fingers could move. “Because I know everything, Clark,” she said. “I never make illogical leaps when I solve a mystery.”

“Oh, no! Nothing illogical at all! I’d say it’s more like leaping one hundred story skyscrapers in a single bound,” Lana said.

“Hey, I love that line!” Clark said, dropping the green apple, then plucking the entire tree from the ground—roots and all, and hurling it far, far away. “There. That ought to keep us safe from those apples.”

Chloe didn’t bat a lash at the heroic display of masculinity, but Lana gasped. “How did you do that, Clark?”

Clark’s eyes widened. “Do what? Oh, umm, throw the tree?” he asked. “Well, it was made out of prop foam for one thing, and well, I had a rush of adrenaline.” He cleared his throat, and Lana swooned from his sweet voice. “Yea, adrenaline, that’s right. I’d do anything to protect you, Lana.”

“Ahh, you protected me from apples,” Lana said, touched beyond measure.

Chloe slammed her laptop shut. “What about me, Clark? Would you protect me from anything too?”

Clark coughed.

“Somebody saaaavvvveeeee me,” they all heard. The moaning was coming from the apple orchard.

Toto, or Lois, as she’s better known, ran ahead on all fours to find the moaner. “Arf!” she barked. “It’s a nearly naked bald man!”

“Lex!” Clark said, helping his friend-slash-enemy out of the dirt. If he’d had a brain, he would’ve left him there. “What are you doing out here? In nothing but a tin garbage bin?”

“I’m broke,” he said. “I spent all of my money on pearl earrings for my one night stands.”

“I thought you were through with that lifestyle,” Clark said, shaking his head.

Lex placed a hand on Clark’s shoulder, looking into his eyes with a sinister . . . I mean, sincere, stare. “Clark, I promise you, I won’t do it any longer,” he said. “Because I’m out of money, and that was the only way I got chicks.”

Clark nodded, then super-sped off to get some clothes for Lex. When he got back, seconds later, Lex was in shock.

“What, Lex? Why do you look so surprised?” Clark asked, avoiding eye contact as he held out the bundle of clothing. “I didn’t do anything amazing. I, uhh, always carry an extra set of clothes in my pocket.”

“It’s not that, Clark,” Lex said, his hand on Clark’s shoulder again. “It’s just that this shirt is flannel. And if you were my friend, you would’ve brought me a silk Armani.”

“Oh, sorry,” Clark said, speeding off again and returning with a full outfit by Armani—with Macy’s tags still dangling from them.

Lana would’ve asked how Clark did all these unexplainable things, but she and Chloe were off in the trees, trying to find a bathroom. They found one, but the line was too long to wait.

And thank heaven they were gone until they were, or they would’ve been blinded by Lex’s bright white skin as he dropped the tin can, and put on his new suit.

They arrived just in time to hear Lex say, “Why did you help me, Clark? I wouldn’t have helped you. Not without expecting something in return.”

“That’s because you don’t have a heart,” Clark said sadly, squinting at Lex’s chest.

“How do you know that, Clark?” Lana asked, noticing Clark’s intense stare.

Clark thought that was a fair question, so he answered it honestly. “Well, you see. All you’ve got to do is squint really hard at something and you can see right through it,” he said, directing Lana to take a peek into Lex’s chest. “Give it a try.”

Lana squinted. “All I see is a scrawny, sleezy, slime ball,” she said.

“Clark, you’re the only one who can see through him, you idiot!” Chloe said. “Because you have x-ray vision!”

Clark scratched his head, thinking, I do? “Well, anyway, Lex,” he said, turning away from Lana’s look of impatience. “The reason you’re such a jerk is because you don’t have a heart.”

“Which means you’re not even human!?” Lana screeched.

“What’s wrong with not being human?” Clark asked, hurt. “I uhh, well, I mean, look at Lois, she’s not human and . . . Lois!” He had to shake her off his leg again.

“Exactly,” Lana said, trying to shoo Lois away with her pink sequin stiletto. “I’m the only one who gets to hug Clark’s hulky leg!”

“ARF! I’m going to bite you!” Lois barked, chasing Lana around the apple trees. “My daddy is a general, so that means I know everything there is to know about life and combat. Being a military brat automatically makes me a black belt and a Kung-fu master! Arf! Arf!”

Lana halted and picked Lois up by her sparkly pink collar. “Are you sure you don’t mean, BARF?” she asked, swallowing. “Because you just made me throw up in my mouth.”

Clark’s huge grin got bigger, then he super-sped off, and was back with some Tic Tacs before Lana noticed. “You’re gonna need these, Lana,” he said, holding out the little box of breath mints. “There’s a patch of flowers up ahead that we’re gonna want to romp around in.”

Chloe stomped off. “Why don’t I ever get to romp in the flowers with you, Clark?” she mumbled under her breath.

“I’m not doing anything right now, Chlo,” Lex said, anxiously trailing after her.

“Yeah, but you’re out of money for pearl earrings, so get lost,” she said. “I’d rather romp around with a geeky photographer from the Daily Planet!”

Lana giggled. “You already did!” she said, then threw her hand to her mouth. “Whoops! That slipped!”

KEEP READING BELOW

[ajfinn]

CONTINUED FROM ABOVE
When they reached the patch of flowers, Lana cried, “Poppies, and lilacs, and iris, oh my!”

Clark nodded, then patted himself on the back. “I knew they were your favorites,” he said. “That’s why I flew all over the world to find them . . . I mean, I had them flown in from the florist . . . yep . . . that’s what I did!”

Lana took his hands, facing him with all her gentle angelic features. “Clark, no more secrets, no more lies,” she said. “Remember that part?”

“Oh, yeah, okay,” Clark said, squirming. “So here’s the truth—”

“Hheeeeehhaaaahheeehhaaaheeeee,” a voice cackled from above them.

“Phew,” Clark said, wiping his brow. “Thank heaven something always interrupts me when I’m about to tell Lana the truth.”

Lana smacked his arm. “Clark!”

“Oh, did I say that out loud?” he asked, but didn’t have the chance to get smacked again because Tina was swooping down on them on her broomstick.

“I’ll get you my pretty,” she said to Lana. “And your little Clark, too!”

Clark scooped up Lois from the ground, and held her high—as an offering. “How about settling for her little dog instead. She’d make a lovely fur coat.”

Lois used all her doggie strength to bite Clark’s hand, breaking off all of her teeth. She yelped and fell to the road.

In all the fuss, Chloe had whipped out her laptop, and was doing some speedy typing again. “There!” she said, hitting the return button.

Tina suddenly disappeared like a fuzzy television going out, her broomstick falling to the ground.

“How did you do that?” Lana asked Chloe.

“The same way I fix all of our freak of the week problems,” she said, giving her famous I did it grin. “I search under cliché ways to get rid of meteor freaks, and then the appropriate information containing everything about that particular person pops up out of nowhere. Including their sealed medical records, their past aliases, their bank statements, their divorce records, their criminal files, their weaknesses, how they got their powers, who their ancestors were . . . ” She went on and on, then finally said, “And then all I have to do is push enter and whaalaaa! The freak disappears!”

“Oh, okay,” Clark said. “That makes sense.”

(The Last Installment Coming Soon!)

[LoisNClark]

that was hilarious!!!!!!!!!:rotfl::lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl:: lol:
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol::lol:
:rotfl:

[Cardinal]

It was an El of an update.

It receives Lois' highest fic rating: one finger up!

Yeah, I know, I'm beating a dead horse with the El jokes.

[SpeedyKate91]

that was awsome!!!!
Can't wait for the last installment!!!

[Kal-El & Me]

Can't wait for the next installment ajfinn. It really cheered me up since I'm sick today.

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by Kal-El & Me
Can't wait for the next installment ajfinn. It really cheered me up since I'm sick today.

Hope you feel better soon :D

[ClarksGirl21]

HAHAH!! that was Great!
Chloe:Because I know everything Clark! ... hahahH! I laughed so hard on that.. lol.. great update on the wizzard of el.. Bravo Ajfinn! Bravo!

[MOOman0618]

HAHAHA:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

That was a great update!

No more dancing!

Lois sucks.


:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Kal-El & Me]

Originally posted by ajfinn
Hope you feel better soon :D

Thanx.:D :D :D

[NYC300Z]

:lol: great update AJ! Can't wait to read the rest! lol how you shouted out Kristin!:lol: oh well PPMS!:D

[LuvClana]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AJ! I was laughing so hard. Specialy with the cheek thing :P

[LuvClana]

Prehistoric Smallville Part Two:

Clark: Heeeeeeeeeeya! (Good morning father, mother. What a lovely day it is)

Martha: Grooom (-cough-You slept with Lana -cough-)

Clark: ...o.O...(huh?)

Jonathon: Kama Kama Lamma (It's ok son, your a man now. You are allowed to erm...zug zug)

Clark: -gasp- COOMA! (-inhale deeply- I never did!)

Jonathon: hehaho! (laughing)

-Clark runs to Lanas cave to hang out-

Lana: Hunk! (CLARK!)

Clark: vooga Sexy! (hey Lana!)

Lana: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhoooooooooooollllllllyyyyyyy cccccrrrrraaaaaapppppoooommmooolliiieee!!! (i love you)

Clark: goo (me too)

Lana: horseradishka?(Want you go to the Talon to see chloe and rub it in her face that we are together?)

Clark: he (yea!)

-Clark and Lana walk into the talon holding hands-

Lana: vooga Youdigforstoriestoomuchwhycan'tyoujustacceptpeople forwhotheyare! (hey Chloe!)

Chloe: vooga!

Clark: -points at Lana- kissy

Chloe: arg (w/e)

Lana: -picks ups a paper that says 'kissy hunk and sexy' on it and wipes it on Chloes face-

Chloe: hey! (why did you rub that strange paper on my face)

Clark: fwee! (we are rubbing it in your face!)

Chloe: ef yoo! (-say it outloud and you'll no what it means :P)

Lana:-gasp- (inhale deeply.)

Clark: mmm (come on Lana, lets leave and go take a bubble bath with our t-rex friends)

Lana: k (cool)

-Clark and Lan take a bubble bath. Its fun. Then they are in lanas cave-

Clark: hoochimama? (you know what I remember most about you?)

Lana: ...eh? (huh)

Clark: gah (when you let my mother make a wish the day of the meteor shower with your princess wnad. Hey, wasn't a meteor shower suposed to make the dinosaurs extinct?)

Lana: como lammmmmoooo! (i think so. Hey I still have that wand, want to make a wish?)

Clark: -nods vigorously-

-Lana picks up the wand and Clark makes a wish-

Lana: dah (what did you wish for my sweetie?)

Clark: LANA ZUG ZUG!!!

[ajfinn]

hhahahaahahahhaha :rotfl:


Oh, you naughty, naughty girl .... you used Zug Zug ..... which I guess is entirely appropriate now in our little Smallville universe!!

Great laughs!!

[LuvClana]

haha thanks. Hopefully I can write smallville meets oc soon :P

[MOOman0618]

HAHA!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: I was laughing sooo hard while reading that!


Absolutely wonderful!!!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Kal-El & Me]

That was extremely funny Luv Clana. Especially the way Lana said hi to Chloe.

[ClarksGirl21]

HAhAH! that was great! haha.. that was hilarious.. bravo!

[midnite_spark]

oh man oh man luvclana i was cracking up!!! my sides hurt!!! :rotfl: :rotfl:

lana zug zug!! :rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:

[NYC300Z]

:lol: :lol: very funny Luv Clana! Lana zug zug!:D

[SpeedyKate91]

that was great. So funny!!!!

[LoisNClark]

that was hilarious LuvClana...:lol::rotfl::lol:
zug zug...:lol::rotfl::lol:

[linn]

LMAO.......LuVClana...hell, that was funny..

[SVsleuth]

originally posted by ajfinn in the Wizard of El

Soon enough, they were in a very scary forest. “Oh, look, apples!” Lana shouted. “GREEN apples!”

Lana and Clark each picked one, but Chloe screamed, “Stop! They’re Luthor Corp apples—fertilized with meteor rock.”

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
I was laughing SOOOO hard when I got to that. My son even commented how funny it is to see his Mom rolling in stitches like that! :lol:

[binkys711]

OMG! aj your Wizard of El update was hilarious! OMG! Clark offering Lois!:rotfl: everything was just hilarious!:rotfl::rotfl::lol:

and thje prehistoric SV is so funny! The way they talk!:rotfl::lol::rotfl:

you guys are doing and amazing job!

(ok guys I have written a story called "The bunny war" it's written all on paper finished and all, and have already typed around half of it on computer, coming back from my trip I'll finish typing it up and have it proof-read;) thanxz aj for all your help!)

[ajfinn]

Yeaaaa!!!!!!!!! Binkys announced her "secret" fic :D I can't WAIT!!!!!!

[NYC300Z]

That's cool Binkys! Can't wait for you to post it!

[ajfinn]

Okay, calling all SLAPSTICK WRITERS!! We need something new on this thread!! Who hasn't done a slapstick yet? Supernes, Rosewolf, alm .......... hmmmmmm, our eyes are on you, we know you like to write :) Anyone else want to take up the challenge?

And don't look at me! I was one of the last writers to post here. But I'll finish my Wizard of El sometime soon, I promise.

Mythos ...... haven't heard from you for a while. Enlighten us, please. :D

Ketchup, now that Setting Sun if done, you've got to have some funny in you somewhere!!

Mooman - Cliche was forever ago! SVSleuth .... hello, I know you're funny, bring it on!!

Card, been a while for you too!

Binkys should be back soon, are you out there, Binks?! :D

[Cardinal]

Card's done 4 updates on this thread. The first 3 worked pretty well.

The fourth, the start of a new story, apparently sucked eggs.

With his ego crushed, Lance the Libretto Lasher sits at his candelabra-bedecked computer desk and ponders retirement.

Besides, I've got to finish my wedding story before I start anything else.

[ajfinn]

Card ........ hmmmmmmmmm, that was just a funny post all by itself! Your writing never sucks :)

And LUVCLANA ..... I know you wrote last, but I just reread your last installment of Prehistoric Smallville and laughed even harder this time. So, I'd love another update from you, too!!! :lol:

[Cardinal]

Lean on SV to exercise her funny bone. She claims she's not funny.

[MOOman0618]

HA!! I forgot about Lance! I dubbed you that a long time ago!

But excuse me…Mrs. AJ…you are telling other writers to post when you have a two month old story on this thread yet to be completed?!?! For shame! :p

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by MOOman0618
HA!! I forgot about Lance! I dubbed you that a long time ago!

But excuse me…Mrs. AJ…you are telling other writers to post when you have a two month old story on this thread yet to be completed?!?! For shame! :p

Grrrrrrrrrrr. :lol: But I just updated it, didn't I? And don't tell me you used up every cliche' we've heard on Smallville. So, Moo, now you've made me open up a can of w/a! :D You're up next!

But I'll give 10 cyber high fives to anyone who can post a slapstick before Moo does :D

[Cardinal]

I think Pete Ross will return to Smallville before MOO posts another Slapstick.

[MOOman0618]

OOOOOOO Thems fightin' words!


BRING IT ON!!! :mad:


wait...should I be scared that AJ just opened a can of w/o on me??

...I think I should be :(


CARD NO!! I thought you would be on my side!! AM I ALONE IN THE CLANA WORLD!?!?



EDIT: Ok, AJ changed it to w/a so I am not as scared as I was...but still a little bit scared. :)

[Cardinal]

What's that? White Out? :p :p :p

Cause it sure ain't Whup Ass! They don't sell that where aj lives.

[ajfinn]

Well, well ......... ummm, I picked me up a bottle of Lana-fu, so that's close enough.

So Cardinal, what you're saying is that you want to show Mooman up, so go ahead, you're not writing enough stories, you can throw us a bone, can't ya?

Just one little slapstick story?!

[Cardinal]

I'm too busy writing my own regular story, something you no longer have as an excuse.

PLUS, I'm reading a story someone sent me this morning. You know, checking for typos, stuff like that.

I'm booked solid! ;)

[MOOman0618]

Originally posted by Cardinal
PLUS, I'm reading a story someone sent me this morning. You know, checking for typos, stuff like that.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
:rotfl:

no comment :)


YEA POST #900!!

[SVsleuth]

Originally posted by Cardinal
Lean on SV to exercise her funny bone. She claims she's not funny.

I have absolutely NO ideas for a funny story. Maybe someday I'll get help from my kids & husband. They're all a lot funnier than me. But I am good at :rotfl: at 2 a.m. when some of you post in here! I have three stories going at the moment, so don't look at me for any slapstick any time soon. Maybe I'll get around to it after 4Ever does one, okay? :lol: That's about as funny as I can be.

[Cardinal]

I'm glad to hear you admit that "Hidden" has become a full-fledged fic.

YAY! ;)

[NYC300Z]

:lol: @ you guys!

[SVsleuth]

Originally posted by Cardinal
I'm glad to hear you admit that "Hidden" has become a full-fledged fic.

YAY! ;)

Still no promises beyond the Clana talk which will be in the next update - if I can ever find time to write it.

[binkys711]

I still haven't cauht up on your fics SVsleuth....I am working extra hard on it though! you can count on it!;)

ok guys as a plead from aj I wrote my slapstick and I have to admit it's been written on paper for a while now, I promise that as soon as I catch up on the stories here I can finish typing up the story;)

as mentioned before it's called "The bunny war" and that's all you sickers are getting from me! :p

but if ya all want a laugh I set up an introduction per say in page 58 of 4ever's thread "Emotional Detachment (it's 2nd bottom of the page) of a CAPS WARS 2

[ajfinn]

Yippee, it's getting closer!! *hides from the bunnies*

[SVsleuth]

SV also hides from the bunnies...... Post soon, binks!

[ClanaLover]

You Know It To Be True

--------------------

This is a story that MarikLover666 and I came up with. She came up with the name…Here it is. :D

--------------------

We find Clark and Lana trying to ride cows. Lana took the phrase “cowboy” or “cowgirl” to literally. Lana gets trampled by a cow and Clark picks her up and supers-speeds her to the hospital. At the hospital, Lana meets another guy and Clark gets jealous and blows him up with heat vision. But that’s ok. Because he turned out to be a psychopath meteor freak. :D Then Lana yells at Clark for trying to kill Fred because she didn’t think that he was bad. Fred’s power is to blow up half of anything. So he decided to blow up half of Wyoming. Why? Because nobody cares about Wyoming. This is why Lana is dumb. :D (I bet that you are all wondering why Fred is not blown up, aren’t you? Well, you know what, I’m not gonna tell you so mleh. So anyway, since this is supposed to be Clana, I have to do something Clana…) Lana then forgives Clark and then they make-out. The end…For now…Mwahahahaha!

--------------------

So, what do you think? MarikLover666 is too lazy to type anything herself, so I did it for her. :D

MarikLover666: I am perfectly capable to type my own Stupid Clana junk, k?

Me: Aww, I wanted to type that for her. Oh well.

[MarikLover666]

So.. What do all yall think of my funnyness? *see post above*

[NYC300Z]

wow ummmm...yeah

CLANA!:D

Wyoming that reminds me of that sign in Deleware on route 13 that just has an arrow pointing west and says Wyoming!:lol::lol::lol:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[ClanaLover]

lol Nobody knows about Wyoming. It is the secret state.

[ajfinn]

Wow, I can't believe you guys thought of a meteor freak power that the SV writers hadn't dreamed up yet!!! ha ha :D

Nice job guys! Or YA'll ---- since this is a cowboy story!!

[ClanaLover]

lol yes. ML666 came up with the power, but I came up with the name Fred. And the cow thing.

[binkys711]

hehehe:rotfl: nice job guys!:lol: Wyoming! :rotfl:

[ClanaLover]

Yay for Wyoming! I knew that binks would read it. She reads everything! :D

[binkys711]

;)(smilies say a lot:p)

[rosewolfe87]

lol, I thought about posting a slapstick fic, but, I already have too many fics...hmm...*thinks*

[ClanaLover]

It's true! binks, smilies do say a lot. :D I love them :p

[sandy]

Hey everyone! All the funny in this thread has inspired me! I might post a fic here later

It will be called "The Fresh Prince of Smallville"
And no, Will Smith won't be making a surprise visit!
If you want to see it happen, just tell me, cuz i have no idea what i'm doing!

[NYC300Z]

I want to see it happen! It doesn't matter if you don't know what your doing! :lol:

PPMS!

[rosewolfe87]

I think the whole point of humor is to NOT know what you are doing. Why do you think saying "cracker" in Nes' thread is an inside joke!

[LoisNClark]

:lol:Wyoming:lol:

[sandy]

Ok, here is my funnyfiction. The only difference in this one and the show is that Krypton never blew up. It still exists.
*********************************
On a sunny evening, Clark Kent was walking home from school, because he didn't feel like superspeeding home. Then a flash of light burned his eyes, and he staggered to the ground, where he was instantly transported to the caves. Jor-el called out to him. "Hello, Kal-el, I'm glad to meet you again," Jor-el greeted in a nice manner.

"Yeah, well that makes one of us," Clark told him, rudely, folding his arms to his chest. "What did I do wrong now? Did I eat something at school that wasn't part of my destiny?" Clark said with a sarcastic tone.

"No, but since you have mentioned it, you may not eat any slim-jims. They will cause you to have extremely horrible flatulence that may interfere with the plan I have for you," Jor-el replied.

Clark tried to contain his laughter. "Ok, what did you call me here for, other than forbid me to eat food that will make me a human whoopie cushion," he asked as seriously as he could.

"Well, I have never told you this before, but you have a brother here in Krypton.
His name is Gar-El and he has been dying to visit your planet. So, I plan to transport him to earth for a week," Jor-el explained.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Clark.

"Well, like I have told you, he wants to come. But another reason is that he is somewhat of a rebel. Kal-el, he knows I favor you more, because you are my firstborn. And I don't particularly care for him. All he does in Krypton is goes off gallivanting for the females, or "honeys" as he calls it. I'm afraid that in Krypton, he is the equivalent to, I believe is called, "gangsta" on your planet," Jor-el informed him.

Clark couldn't contain his laughter. A gangsta? And what was funnier, to hear Jor-el say it? It was more than he could bear!

"I do not see any humor in this matter, my son. He is your only sibling, and I plan for him to stay for a week. Please do me this favor and let him stay. Your mother and I cannot take it anymore. We are both exhausted beyond belief. Do you know how he wakes us up every morning? He burns us with his heat vision, and says
"that is straight-up, word." I have no idea what he says half the time," Jor-el said angrily.

Clark couldn't take it anymore. He was on the floor, unable to contain his laughter. It was like hearing a senior citizen 'from da hood.'

"Okay, okay," Clark told him. "Just don't hurt yourself and speak gangsta," Clark laughed in between words.

"Thank you, Kal-el. I will send him tomorrow. In human measurement, he is 16 years of age. Please, try to teach him good manners, if you can, " Jor-el pleaded.

And with that, Clark left the cave still laughing, unable to stop.

Ok, if u wanna see more of the Fresh Prince of Smallville, then 'holla' at me! sorry, couldn't resist! anyway, if it sucked then i'll stop, cuz like i said, i have no idea what i'm doing!

[akuma]

I like it, the thought of Jor-El saying gangsta is hilarious!! Keep the Fresh Prince of Smallville comin

[linn]

lolzzzz....that was funny,more...

[NYC300Z]

YOOO post the next part! :lol:

[ClanaLover]

I'm hollaing! lol Continue! Continue!

Oh yeah, I typed a random thing when I was bored so here it is.

--------------------

The beans from the outside live in the grape fruit hair web stretched out. Or prospect, as did the quail. Little did I know, sheep lay eggs. As do cows, but do we know that? No. So that's why I didn't tell you that cows lay eggs. I don't know. So, this means that paper is made of tuna, not trees. This is bad for the world because what happens when we run out of tuna? We'll have to make paper out of trees. This will change our lives. I know this because I don't know that you don't know. So I'm not telling you. Here, fresh jet skis fly in the sky while Pro-Hair commities do projects to work on a plan to rule the world of wigs for people who have no hair. Take Lex Luthor for example, he's got PLENTY of hair. This is why we need ex-rays. This is where Guy, my best buddy, comes in. He is going to shave Clark's head. Why? Have you ever heard of Wario The Fatty Cake? I bet you have. He is Luigi's brother and he's very fat. He has a big red nose and a yellow hat. He is the reason Guy has to shave Chloe, the super powered alien named Kal-Elmo's head. This is the case of the Inthglinth. He loves Shmeral the female, girl, woman that Jill fell in love with. Jill was a girl, so Shmeral didn't love Inthglith or Shmeral. Because of this, Inthglinth had to drink a bottle of blue fire because the fairy princessince had a deal with Inthglinth that if he didn't make Shmeral fall in love with him then he had to drink blue fire. Then, it was so hot and yet, so cold, that Shmeral had to take Inthglinth to the hospital. There, she fell in love with him and Inthglinth was healed. Meanwhile, Jill kissed a frog (who knows what gender the frog was) and turned into a man. So Jill, who is now Dillan, goes to the hospital and finds Inthglinth and Shmeral there together holding hands. Dillan is shocked to see such a thing.

--------------------

Inthglinth = Clark
Shmeral = Lana
Jill/Dillan = Chloe

[NYC300Z]

wow first you should have put the translation of names in the begining and even after I figured that out it was mad confusing!

oh well keep up the randomness! lol;)

[sandy]

I'm not really sure when I'll update The Fresh Prince of Smallville, but I promise I will!

[cufcchic]

these are hilarious! keep it up! PPMS

[LoisNClark]

Fresh prince of smallville was hilariious!!!!:lol::lol::lol:...Jor-El saying Gangsta:lol::lol:

[ajfinn]

Fresh Prince, oh GOSH that was funny!!!!!

And ClanaLover, that's like the 50 degrees of separation!! ha ha!!

:D Great you guys!! Glad to see this thread hoppin again!! I've got to catch up on the index on the first page now!

[NYC300Z]

yeah catch the index up and then get working on the conclusion of the Wizard of El! :lol::D;):p

[Cardinal]

I'm mad as El and I'm not gonna take it any more!!!!!

Where's our El-lacious conclusion?

El hath no fury like a reader scorned (especially if the writer is 4Ever).

Even Sesame Street wants a finish to your fic...all over we see signs for Elmo, which obviously means: El - mo, as in more El.

Did I mention the fact that, as the founder of this thread, it behooves you to finish what you start?

[NYC300Z]

Yes good point Cardinal! How about you don't you have something to finish Cardinal??

[Cardinal]

I've already finished something. Scooby sucked eggs judging from the response he got, so I decline to waste my writing time on that when I could be working on "The Wedding" and "Bless the Broken Road."

aj, on the other hand, needs more Clana to write when she has to take a break from writing and editing her books. :p

[NYC300Z]

:lol: true u finished your first story which was very good, but you never finished scooby but I guess if you don't like it then well can't make you...

[binkys711]

Fresh Prince was funny!:lol::rotfl: can't wait 'till the next part!
and ClanaLover, that slapstick was so random! I thought it was hilarious! I don't know why!:rotfl:

[sandy]

Fresh Prince of Smallville- updated!
---------------------------------------------------
The next day, Clark was walking to school because he had missed the bus. He couldn't get his alarm clock to shut up, so in the end he smashed it with a sledgehammer. Shelby always liked to eat electronical appliances, so he had to dig a hole and put the remains of the alarm clock in it so the dog wouldn't choke. This is how he missed the bus.

Anyways, while he was walking along, a light blinded his eyes, and he was immediately transported to the cave.

"Kal-el, I'm glad you could make it," Jor-el said.

"I guess I didn't have a choice. Now send Gar-el and let's get this over with. I'm going to be late for school," Clark replied impatiently.

"Ok, I will collect him in a week. I need to warn you, he's a bit on the slow side. And please, don't let him get into any trouble. And try to keep him into little contact with females. He tends to salivate heavily around them, which makes him look like a rabid beast."

Clark laughed. "Ok."

A strong light shot up from the ground, and in in its place, a tall man in his teens stood. He had brown hair, brown eyes, and a heavy chain around his neck.

"Yo, man. It smells like old people in here," Gar-el said, with a disgusted expression on his face.

"Is that how you usually greet people on Krypton?"

"Dude, lighten up, it was just a joke," he said, drawing Clark into a 'manly' hug. "It's good to see you, bro," he greeted, and then patted Clark on the back.

Clark began to yell in pain. "Geez, do you have arms of steel or something?"

"No. I work out. Gotta impress the honeys, you know what I'm saying?" Gar-el winked to Clark, punching his arm lighter this time. "Speaking of honeys, do you have one of your own?"

"Yea, I do. Her name is Lana. What do you care anyway?"

"Oh no, I just wanted to see if girls on this planet are idiots or not."

"What are you talking about?" Clark asked confusedly.

"Well, any girl would have to be an idiot to date the Saint of Plaid! Look at you, you look like a Catholic schoolgirl...except you're a...dude," Gar-el said, a blank expression on his face. He looked like he was in deep concentration when he said it.

"Wow, nothing gets past you," Clark said sarcastically. "Listen, I need to go to school, and since there's nowhere I can stash you, you have to come with me. You're going to stay in the janitor's closet. Oh, and if anyone asks you, your name is Gary. Is that clear or do I need to use smaller words?" Clark replied, smiling smugly.

"Nah, I gotcha," Gary said.

"Good, let's go. You have superspeed, right?" Clark asked.

"Yeah, got the whole power package."

"Well, on this planet. You don't tell anyone about your abilities, ok? They'll experiment on you like a lab rat if you tell anybody," Clark warned him.

"Hey, if hot chicks are the ones experimenting on me, then I don't see the problem. Like I always say, you can't stop your curiosity, you know what I'm saying," Gary said, nudging Clark with his elbow and winked at him.

"Fine, go ahead and tell. But don't be surprised when it's a bald, overweight man with bad breath that's leaning over you, smiling with yellow teeth."

"Fine, I got your point. Well, let's both superspeed to your school. But you can't keep me locked up. I need to show off my bling!" he said proudly, holding his prized siver chain.

"Man, no one cares about your bling. Now let's go." Clark and Gary speed off to school. As soon as they got there, Clark led Gary to a closet and closed the door. He made it just in time for the tardy bell to ring. He sat down next to Lana in their Communication Skills class.

"Welcome class. Glad everyone is here and on time. Today, I want to start off by.." The teacher was interrupted by a man standing in front of her door.

"Yes, may I help you, young man," the elderly teacher politely asked.

"No, it's just...your skin. It's so...wrinkly," Gary said in amazement at the woman's features. The class opened their mouths in unison. Some tried to hold down their laughter. Others were shocked at the man's bluntness. And still others kept saying, "true that, true that!"

Clark immediately stood. "Mrs. Davis, I need to go talk to him for a second." Before she could even open her mouth, Clark walked out and closed the door behind him.

"What do you think you're doing? I told you not to leave the room!" Clark scolded his brother.

"Dude, you try staying in a room for five seconds that smells like a mix of vomit and dead people! I can't even breathe in there!"

Clark sighed before continuing. "Fine, you can stay in the bathroom. But don't leave this time. And you know what? I'll let you out as soon as lunch starts, ok?"

"Aight, aight..you got it."

"Good, now I got to go. And don't talk to teachers like that. They think it's rude. Do you know what rude is?"

"Yeah, it's like my father," Gary replied.

"Jor-el? What brought him into this?" Clark asked, a confused look on his face.

"Well, every month Jor-el is a little cranky and irritable. He's always rude to everyone. It didn't take that long for me to pick it up," Gary explained.

"Really? What's this phase called?"

"PMS," Gary bluntly stated.

Clark instantly burst with laughter. He was laughing, while Gary could not see the humor in his words.

"What's so funny, man? It's PMS. Don't the men have that on this planet?"

"No! Women on this planet get it, not men," Clark said in between breaths. He was still laughing very hard.

"Weird how Jor-el didn't tell you. On Krypton, men get pregnant. Why do you think Jor-el's always the one who comes and talks to you and not Lara? Since Jor-el's the one who gave birth to you, he cares for you more than mom does," Gary explained. "And I thought you were the smarter brother."

"I am," Clark said, smiling. "Now go to the bathroom and don't come out this time. You got that, or should I say it a little slower?"

"Ha, very funny. At least I know who gave birth to you," Gary said, grinning. "I'll see you later, man." And with that Gary left to the boys' bathroom.
******************************
Not as funny as I wanted it to be, but I hoped you enjoyed it anyways!

[Cardinal]

The first part of this piece of crap is posted on page 24, post #347.

Smallville Scooby-Doo, Part II

Entering the front door, the fearful fivesome followed their instructions and made their way to the library, Lex Luthor’s inner sanctum, where they were to learn about their new case.

As they bunched together at the entrance to the library, Froey got too close and bumped Velma, who stumbled into Daphne and Fred, losing her glasses in the process. “Stupid stoner can’t watch where he’s going,” Velma muttered, while on her hands and knees searching for her glasses.

“Hey,” Froey said, as he got down on his knees, “let me help you there.”

Hearing Froey speak from floor level, but not hearing Velma, Fred said, “Froey, for the last time, quit talking to that dog.”

“Watch who you’re calling a dog, Freddy Boy,” Velma said, “or I’ll break every single one of your Donny Osmond CDs.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Fred hissed.

“Or,” Velma said, musing out loud, “I might replace your hair mousse with Daphne’s Nair depilatory cream. Then you’ll be as bald as Lex.”

Fred’s hands shot to his head as he said, “Not my glorious hair!”

“Then don’t call me a dog again, Fred. Got it?”

Velma finally found her glasses and it was safe for them to move on into the library.

“Well,” Lex said, “if it isn’t the precocious, post-pubescent pursuers of truth.”

Wow, Daphne thought, Lex has been reading too much bad poetry again. He can’t stop alliterating.

Fred said, “Were here, Lex, just like you asked. What’s our mission?”

“Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to discover why a man with my intelligence and vast resources can’t figure out Fred’s secret, while a borderline moron like Richard Nixon can bumble into Smallville armed with a bomb and a camcorder and figure it out in less than a week.”

“Umm…Lex?” Velma said, “That’s ROGER Nixon.”

“Shut up, B*tch,” Lex said, “when I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”

B*tch? Velma thought, that’s what you call a female dog! Oh, it is so on!

Velma leapt at Lex, first kicking him where it counts most, then knocking him to the ground. The fight ended with Velma laying on top of Lex and holding him in a headlock while she gave him an Indian burn on the top of his shiny head.

“Say my name, Lex. SAY IT!!!”

“Oww…it’s Velma, VELMA I say.” When Velma let him up, he said, “Where is my security?”

“Oh please, Lex,” Velma said, “you’ve been assaulted in this room more times than Fred can count without taking off his shoes and socks. Your ‘security’ people are probably in the kitchen eating some of those brownies that Froey likes so much.”

“Hear that, Shelby-Doo?" Froey asked. "Let’s go off by ourselves and find the kitchen.”

As the two pals left in search of food, Lois appeared on Lex’s library balcony to help out.

“It’s easy to solve, Lex,” Lois said. “You don’t know because you’re smart, not because you’re stupid. Anyone that learns Fred’s secret dies. Do the names Phelan and Nixon mean anything to you? How about Agent Loder? All of us who realize that have decided ignorance is bliss and have quit trying to figure it out because we don’t want to die.

“I mean, Fred kept showing off his abilities to me at the beginning of his senior year in high school, but I believed every excuse he told me ‘cause I didn’t want to die. Daphne keeps buying his lame, ‘I just got lucky’ excuses for the same reason, and Velma’s the one that warned me about this special rule of life here in Smallville.”

“What about Froey?” Fred asked. “He knows my secret.”

Hearing that, both Daphne and Velma shook their heads, already mourning the loss of their close friend Froey.

“I think he’d already be dead except he’s too stoned to remember that he knows,” Lois replied.

--------------------

The exciting conclusion to Smallville Scooby-Doo coming up whenever I feel like writing it!

[NYC300Z]

:lol: two great story updates to revive the Slapstick thread!:D

Both you guys PPMS!!

[sandy]

Oh gosh, Scooby-doo needs to be updated, and soon! It's hilarious!

[SVsleuth]

Pretty good, Card. I never watched Scooby-Doo, though my younger brother was a big fan of it, so I probably didn't get the best jokes you intended. :\

[SmallvilleMan]

It's back! The funny!

The Funny, Part 3.

*Clark and Lana are sitting infront of their computer, still on the k-site.*

"Okay, i've read enough about us. Let's see what's going to happen next on Smallville, go to the spoliers." Lana told Clark.

"Fine." Clark says, as he goes to the spolier section of Smallville. They see Lexmas and read about it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I HAVE TO MARRY LEX." Lana screams.

"It's just a dream, geez, control yourself woman." Clark said annoyed.

"You know I don't like it when you call me woman." Lana said, now settled down.

"I know." Clark says grinning.

"But imagine it, marrying lex, ewwwww. That's not a dream, it's a nightmare. Quick get out of this section." Lana told Clark as he laughed.

"Hahaha, poor Lana." Clark said mocking her.

"hahahhah....Well guess what, while your off being superman Lex is making me pregnant." Lana said as Clark's eyes widened.

"IT'S ONLY A DREAM, it's not real........it's not real." Clark said, quickly getting out of that section.

"How about the character section?" Lana suggested as Clark went to the Lana section of the board.

"Let's go to the do you or do not like Lana thread." Clark said as he clicked on it.

"Wow, they hate me." Lana said.

"Yeah, geez, they really hate you. What do you think of that Mrs. Popular?" Clark asked.

"The only who defends me is this SmallvilleMan, what a sweet person." Lana said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah......I bet he doesn't have close to the body I have." Clark said flexing his muscles.

"Probably not, but at least he's not a BDA." Lana said sticking her tongue out.

"What's a BDA?" Clark asked.

"Nothing dear." Lana said, turning her attention from him.

"WHAT'S A BDA? Tell me, come on." Clark begged.

"Alright, only if you beg." Lana said as Clark got down on his knees and put his hands together.

"Please, pretty please." Clark asked, giving her the puppy dog eyes.

"Ummm, no." Lana said sticking her tongue out.

"Why not?" Clark asked getting off his knees.

"Because i'd rather show you." Lana said clicking to the Clark section of the board and clicking on a thread.

"Why is Clark a BDA?" He reads.

"Big dumb alien." Lana told him.

"I'm insult, i go out every day and save these people's lives and this is how they repay me? They call me a big dumb alien? That's it a refuse to save anyone else." Clark said folding his arms.

"If that's the way you feel Clark." Lana said.

"It is, yeah, it is." Clark said, trying to convince her.

"Alright.....LOOK ROBBERS ARE HOLDING UP A BANK." Lana screams.

"WHERE? WHERE?" Clark said alerted going to the window as Lana laughs at him.

"Hahahhaha, I knew it." Lana laughed at him.

"You got me, happy now?" Clark asked sarcastically.

"Why yes, yes I am." Lana said satistfyed.

"Let's go see what they think about Chloe." Clark says as Lana nods and they click toward the Chloe character section.

"This is crap, not one bad thing." Lana said frustrated.

"I know, maybe they should make the show about her." Clark said rolling his eyes.

"I lived with her and she sure as hell isn't perfect. You should see her toenail clippings, ewwww." Lana said shivering.

"Not to mention she's allergic to men. How many boyfriends has she had?" Clark asked.

"Let's see, one? But what about you?" Lana asked.

"No, i only went with her to the dance, because you weren't there. If you were there, i would have taken you and we have been kissing all night. Instead, I went with Chloe and did nothing." Clark told Lana.

"Sorry honey, they made me go with Whitney to the bus station." Lana said.

"It's okay, we made up for it. In fact, we still do have some making up to do." Clark said seducetively as swept Lana off her feet and kissed her passionately.

"Mmmm, save some for later." Lana said smiling.

"I always do, my love." He said kissing her again, before lifting her back up.

"Okay, now on to Lois." Lana said, clicking on the Lois section.

"The future wife of Superman?" Clark said wideyed.

"Hahahha, you have to marry Lois." Lana said as Clark had his mouth wide open.

"NOOOOOOOO, she never shuts up, maybe that's why I became superman. That why, i would never have to come home and i'd have a good reason." Clark suggested.

"Sucks for you though." Lana said grinning.

"No it doesn't, because we're getting married right now." Clark said picking up Lana and taking her to a Vegas quick wedding place. 10 minutes later they come to the computer.

"Wow, take about a quick wedding." Lana said in awe.

"Damn right, now i'm married to you and no one can change that. Heheheh, suckers." Clark said smiling.

"When can we start the honeymoon?" Lana asked.

"Right now." Clark said throwing down the computer and superspeeding him and Lana to their bedroom.

"Was that necessary?" Lana asked referring to the computer.

"Yes, that thing is evil." Clark said before he and Lana started making love on the bed, until Lana looks out at the posters reading this.

"This is kind of private." She said pulling the blinds down.

[sandy]

HHAHAAHAH! The funny is hilarious! more coming up? I hope so..great continuation of the past Funny stuff.

[akuma]

Hey, put those blinds back up:mad: hahaha this was great slapstick, loved it!!

[LoisNClark]

:lol: the funny was hilarious!!!!!!!:rotfl::lol::rotfl:

[cufcchic]

that was hilarious! i was laughing so hard i think i just saw a tear come down my face!

[rosewolfe87]

Okay, well, I have these posted in the "Things they would never say" thread, but, their funny, so I'll post them here too. This series is called the "Mauve Kryptonite" series. So far I have 9 updates written.

Mauve Kryptonite Part 1!

Chloe: Oh no!

Lana: What?

Chloe: Clark has found a peice of mauve colored Kryptonite!

Lana: Mauve?

Chloe: It's like purple.

Lana: Then why didn't you just say purple?

Chloe: uh...

Lana: GOD CHLOE! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE REST OF US FEEL STUPID?

Chloe: uh....

Lana: So what does this PURPLE Kryptonite do?

Chloe: It makes Clark tell the truth.

Lana: Really? *evil grin*

Chloe: What are you thinking?

Lana: Oh Lois!!

Lois: *walking in* Yeah?

Lana: There's something I want you to hear.

Lois: What is it?

Lana: Oh Clark! Can you come here for a second?

Clark: Yeah?

Lana: I hear that the purple Kryptonite affects you.

Clark: Purple? OH! You mean mauve?

Lana: What is it with you people?

Lois: It affects you?

Clark: Yes.

Lana: So, what do you think of Lois?

Clark: She's a skanky hoe.

Chloe: Lana! I can't believe you would manipulate Clark like that! It's not his fault his under the influence of mauve Kryptonite!

Clark: Ummm...Chloe...

Chloe: What?

Clark: I left the mauve Kryptonite in the barn.

Lois: EXCUSE ME!?!

[sandy]

OMG, I want some more mauve K! that was hilarius!

[rosewolfe87]

I'm posting again because I'm bored.

Mauve Kryptonite Part 2!

Lex: *running into the Talon* Oh Clark! Thank God you're here, my scientists have found something!

Clark: *looking concerned* What is it?

Lex: Oh nothing.....

Lana: Lex....wtf?

Lex: I just remembered that uh.....umm....hmm....I don't have anything to tell...but I'm doing everything in my power to find a cure!

Clark: A cure for what Lex?

Lex: I'm not hiding anything from you Clark, you have to trust me. *walks out*

Clark: What the hell....

Lex: *walking back in* Lana, I have to tell you something. It's about the mauve Kryptonite that my scientists found.

Clark: You found Mauve Kryptonite?

Lex: Oh sh*t. You heard me.

Clark: I'm standing right here!

Lana: Wait....what's mauve again?

Chloe: Like purple.

Lana: WTF!?!

[NYC300Z]

:lol: great slapstick Janna!:D Very funny! Please continue!:lol::lol:

[SVsleuth]

Oh, I loved the continuation of the Funny, SVM - and Rose, the Mauve-K story is awesome too. More! More!

[rosewolfe87]

Mauve Kryptonite Part 3!!!

Lana: Why can't there be a pink Kryptonite?

Chloe: What is it with you and pink?

Lana: What is it with you and purple?

Chloe: It's MAUVE!

Clark: And what effect would THAT Kryptonite have on me?

Lana: It'll give you an incredibly tight tush.

Clark: Oh geez.

Lex: I'm up for that.

Clark: OH GOD!!!

Lois: If I said 'me too', would I sound like a hoe?

Everyone: Yes!

Lois: Okay....

Clark: I don't think that would be such a bad Kryptonite.

Lana: *getting excited* And it wouldn't just be pink! It would be HOT pink!

Chloe: That's IT! I'm officially the pink Nazi!

Lois: Me too! *Everyone looks at her* Oh...right, I can't say that can I?

[NYC300Z]

:lol: NO she can't!

[SVsleuth]

I agree with NYC! :lol:

[LoisNClark]

:lol::lol::lol:

[LuvClana]

haha that was funny. I think i'll write another slapstickks oon. Noones posted here is MONTHS!

[NYC300Z]

Yeah I know it's been forever and Aj still hasn't finished the wizard of el!;) lol

[LuvClana]

lol i just read the mauve kryptonites series and it's hilarious. We want the other 6 parts!

Smallville Meets the OC : Part I

-Lana and Clark are sitting on the couch....it is fluffy-

Clark: I'm bored

Lana: don't you have a life to save or somthing?

Clark..erm..no! I take that personally!

Lana: -ppfftt-

Clark: OMG!

Lana: WHAT?

Clark: A distress call!!!

Lana: I don't hear anything.

Clark: Oh go wear pink!

Lana: ....

Clark: It's coming from Orange County CA!

Lana: Awesome! I'll get my bikini!

Clark: ...0.o...

-Clark speeds them to the Cohen household in the OC, CA.-

Mr. Cohen: OMG. THERE ARE NO BAGLES! WHAT WILL WE EVER DO!?!?!

Clark: I'm here to save the day.

Summer: like, oh my god. Ewwww!

Lana: what?

Summer: -pointing to Clark- SPANDEX! That is SO last month!

Clark: This is in style

Lana: Sorry honey, but I agree with the phsyco cheerleader, its a little creepy

Clark: Ok fine I won't save the day.

Mr. Conhen: -on his knees- PLEASE!!

Clark: fine. But, I am being nice!

Summer: I have to pee. Vaminos!

Lana: I don't think I want to come with you.

Summer: Oh my god are you on drugs?

Lana: What?

Summer: You are SO on drugs! I have to pee

Clark: Enough! You're reminding me of peeing and I can't wet this suit, it's new!

Mr. Cohen: PLEEEASSE!

-Seth walks in-

Seth: SUPERMAN! This is a dream come true! I've read every single one of your comic books! OMG!

Summer: Cohen! Are you on drugs?

Seth: No -cough- i'm lying -cough-

Summer; Vamious!

Lana: Wow, what a strange family

Mrs. Cohen: Anyone have any alchohol? I feel like starting a new addiction

Mr. Cohen: -on the floor crying-

Clark: Enough! No one is on drugs and i'm going to run for bagels!

Seth: That isn't true. The drugs part.

Summer: Like, oh my god!

Lex: Hello everyone.

Marissa: OOO you're hot! I mean...i like older men...

Ryan: I'm the hero in this town. I'll get the bagels

Lana: Too late

-Clark arive with bagels-

Ryan: I'm a good guy. I really don't want to hurt you, Clark. But I will if I have too

Marrissa: OH you're hott!

Lana: Clark, can we go now?

Summer: I have to pee

Mrs. Cohen: I miss my stupid father

Julie Cooper: Me too. He had good cash

Clark and Lana: .... we better be going

Ryan: I'm a good guy

Marissa: I feel drunk

Mrs. Cohen: Me too

Summer: Ewww!

Julie: I'm trailer trash

Mr. Cohen: I NEED BAGELS!

Clark: You have them

Mr. Cohen: ..... NOOOO!

-Clark and Lana speed back to the couch-

Lana: That was scary.

Clark: I'm in the mood for bagels

----------------

This isn't funny at all if you don't know the oc so i'll give you a history

Summer: a cheerleader who always says 'eww' 'i have to pee' and 'vaminous'
Seth: Summers boyfriend. He loves comic books and is on crack
Mr. Cohen: Is obsessed with bagels
Mrs. Cohen: an alchoholic whos rich father died
Marrissa: A trashy alchoholic who loves men...a lot
Ryan: a 'good guy' and Marrissas boyfriend
Julie Cooper: Had two husbads (Marrisas mom) and married them all for money. She now lives in a trailor because her rich husband (Mrs. Cohens dad) died and left her nothing

[linn]

haahhahah....thats so funnny...

[Kal-El & Me]

LOL! Even though I don't watch the O.C. that much I still found it funny. *Runs off to pee.*

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by NYC300Z
Yeah I know it's been forever and Aj still hasn't finished the wizard of el!;) lol

HEY!! I read that! :lol:

Awesome slapstick, LuvClana!! I'm SO glad you wrote it, we need to get this thread up and running again, we need some serious humor!!

The only joke in Smallville anymore is the writing!! :rolleyes:

Thanks for taking the time to make us laugh!!

[LuvClana]

your welcome :D lol

[goldylocks_k]

Hehe, I just happened to read this and the O.C is on right now in England!! How weird is that? Anyways, that was really funny!!

[NYC300Z]

Originally posted by ajfinn
HEY!! I read that! :lol:

Awesome slapstick, LuvClana!! I'm SO glad you wrote it, we need to get this thread up and running again, we need some serious humor!!

The only joke in Smallville anymore is the writing!! :rolleyes:

Thanks for taking the time to make us laugh!!

Well good you should have read it!;)

:lol:

[thmallville]

Bwah ahahahahhaha I love the O.C., that was hilarious!! Anyhoo.... Here's my lame one:

Once upon a time, there lived a beautiful princess named Lanapunzel. She was imprisoned in the highest room of the tallest tower of a turret guarded by a fiery dragon named Clois. Clois was a very scary, ugly, crusty, fat, oozing, unkempt, dirty dragon. Lanapunzel wanted nothing more than to be rescued from her tower and Clois by the gorgeous Prince Clarking. By day and by night, Lanapunzel waited by her window, hoping she would hear the sound of his white stallion’s hooves. She could just imagine it now; Prince Clarking would arrive on his stallion, take off his helmet, give his hair a shake, and slay Clois. Then he would climb up her long long hair and take her home to his palace far far away from here. Every night Lanapunzel fell asleep dreaming about his journey to her. I’m sure he’s coming right now she thought every waking moment. Lanapunzel never lost hope that one day, Prince Clarking would come.

The very next day, as Lanapunzel was leaning out her window as usual, she heard the clomp-clomp of horse hooves. “Yea!!” she cried, sure that her Prince Clarking had finally arrived. She was so excited, Lanapunzel ran over to her dresser to put a few more sparkly pink ribbons in her hair. She ran back over to her window to greet her prince. On top of a beautiful white stallion was –not Prince Clarking- but Chloe. Lana stamped her foot in disappointment, but said hello to Chloe anyway. “Hello, Chloe.” said Lanapunzel. “Salutations, Lanapunzel, Ma’am.” said Chloe. Lanapunzel sighed. Chloe was always so formal. Chloe took off her silver helmet and shook out her platinum-blond hair. Lanapunzel noticed that Chloe’s roots were showing, but she didn’t say anything, eyeing the sword on her belt warily. Chloe tied the horse to a nearby tree, and climbed up the stairs to Lanapunzel’s room.

“Chloe, how did you get past Clois?” asked Lanapunzel. Clois had always killed every person who tried to reach Lanapunzel. “Oh, Clois was munching on another helpless soul when I came. I just snuck around her, being careful not to step in the puddles of pus, and came to your room! Of course, the journey around Clois, being fat as she was, took several weeks. I almost ran out of food once, and I was about to resort to eating of one Clois’s scabs, but then I found a magical loaf of bread in my pocket. It kept me going until I arrived.” Chloe explained. “Oh, that sounds just horrible! Would you care for a Frappacino? Or how about a nice banana-blueberry muffin? There’s a lovely coffee shop nearby, and my bird friends give me treats every once in a while.” Lanapunzel offered. “Why thank you, dear, that sounds just lovely. A muffin would make a delightful bedtime snack!” said Chloe. “Nighttime? It’s night already?! *sigh* Oh, another day passed without being rescued by my handsome Prince Clarking.” said Lanapunzel, beginning to cry. She took her special pink ribbons out of her hair, afraid that her tears might wash the pinkness out of them. “There, there. I’m sure he’ll come tomorrow, Lanapunzel, Ma’am.” comforted Chloe.

Lana sniffed and pulled out the trundle bed. “Chloe? Do you want to have a sleepover? It would make me feel lots better.” she said, sticking out her lower lip. “Of course. Let me just put in my rollers and night cream, and we can have pillow fights and tell stories!” replied Chloe. Lana gasped, thinking about the possibility of one of her pink fluffy pillows ripping. Quickly, while Chloe was in the bathroom, she covered all her pillows with 72 layers of pink duct tape. That should do it she thought. Chloe returned and picked up a pillow. “I’m gonna get you!” she cried, with all her formal manners rolling away. “Not if I get you first!” squealed Lanapunzel, striking Chloe with her duct-tape covered pillow. THUNK “OW!” screamed Chloe, covering her nose. Poor Chloe’s snout was covered in blood, and was all crooked. It appeared to be broken. “Whoops. Maybe the duct tape made my fluffy pillow a little too hard.” said Lanapunzel. Chloe started to cry, while Lanapunzel ran and got a basin- Chloe couldn’t drip red blood on her pink shaggy carpet! Everyone knew pink and red clashed. Duh. Chloe, after her nose had clotted sufficiently, went to sleep. Chloe dreamed of cream puffs, bamboo trees, and baklava, while Lanapunzel dreamed of Prince Clarking dressed in pink at their wedding.

While the girls were sleeping, Prince Clarking was on a frightful journey. He was many leagues away from civilization, and was almost out of heat-n-eat bacon. Prince Clarking didn’t want to think about breakfast without his pig meat…breakfast without bacon was worse than facing Clois, the very scary, ugly, crusty, fat, oozing, unkempt, dirty dragon. So he pushed on, dreaming about his beautiful Lanapunzel dressed in plaid, waiting for him.

Many days had passed since Prince Clarking had left his home; he knew he must be getting close. To prepare for his first meeting with Lanapunzel, Clarking deep-conditioned his hair at every stream he passed. That was one thing he wasn’t short on was conditioner. Clarking was hitched up to a wagon, filled with 100 slices of cornbread, 1000 pounds of heat-n-eat bacon, 15,000 bottles of high-quality shampoo and conditioner, and 25 combs. Right now, Clarking’s hair was perfect, with just the right amount of bounce and luster. His stain-resistant plaid shirt had held up well; there were no rips or worn spots in sight. Clarking felt ready to meet Lanapunzel.

So Clarking ran, for days at a time. He never tired, being of Kryptonian race. Finally, as he was munching on his second to last piece of heat-n-eat bacon, Lanapunzel’s tower came in sight. But first Clarking had to slay Clois, the terrible dragon. Clarking was smart enough to know that if he didn’t think of something fast, Clois would sniff him out and devour his soul. Soon, the horrible stench of Clois reached Clarking’s nose. He drew his sword, and dropped the drawing on the ground, knowing it would be of no use in the fight ahead. So he took out his rapier and kissed it, apologizing ahead of time to the blade because soon there would be poisonous Clois gunk on it. Clarking spread mud on his face for camouflage and his in a nearby bush.

“Ahhhhh!!!” he yelled, charging at the dragon. Clois looked up from the child’s soul she was eating and nonchalantly blew a fiery ball of death at Clarking. Then Clois, thinking Clarking was dead, went back to eating. But Clarking, being invincible, silently got up and charged at the Clois’s neck. His heat-vision would be to no use, as Clois was completely fireproof. Duh, that’s how her nose never got burned from breathing fire! But Clarking misjudged his stab of victory and hit a boil. Pus gushed from Clois’s neck, swallowing his sword and nearly drowning Clarking. By now, Clois had obviously noticed she was under attack. She picked up the sputtering Clarking and threw him into the nearby river. Clarking got up and used his heat vision to burn Clois’s eyeball- the only spot that wasn’t fireproof. Clois roared and reared up, snot dripping from her monstrous nostrils. Clarking took this opportune moment to punch her with his fist right in the gut. Scabs and dandruff fell from Clois’s head and body, causing an avalanche that squished an innocent rabbit and chipmunk. Clarking super-jumped to Clois’s head and beat it until Clois fell to the ground, dead. Clarking had defeated the very scary, ugly, crusty, fat, oozing, unkempt, dirty dragon.

But Clarking knew he couldn’t meet Lanapunzel without some sort of animal to ride on. Clarking used his yet-to-be developed animal talking ability to call Chloe’s stallion to him. The stallion refused to let him ride her, so Clarking was forced to ride up to the castle on a little gray donkey.

“My Prince Clarking is here! My Prince Clarking is here!” Lanapunzel screeched, looking out the window. “I wanna see! I wanna see!” said Chloe, but she was too short to reach the window, so she climbed up on it. Lanapunzel kicked her off, and Chloe fell into the nearby icy rushing river and drowned. Clarking took out his bottle of mousse for one last touch up before he met his beautiful princess. “Lanapunzel, Lanapunzel, let down your hair!” called Prince Clarking. “There’s stairs!” Chloe tried to say, but a big chunk of rotting fish got stuck in her mouth and she choked and re-died. Prince Clarking climbed, not as gracefully as Lanapunzel had hoped, up her hair. By the time he got to the top, Lanapunzel had a large bald spot. However, if she did the comb over no one could tell. Oh, how long she had waited for this moment! Next, Prince Clarking would recite a poem declaring his everlasting love for her. Prince Clarking opened his stubbled lips and said “Hey, do you have any handi-wipes? My hands got pink glitter all over them.”

Lanapunzel decided he was good enough for her, and the two walked down the stairs. Lanapunzel gave Prince Clarking a little kiss on the cheek, happy she had finally been rescued. And as the last rays of the golden sun disappeared, the only thing that could be seen was Lanapunzel, on a white stallion, and Prince Clarking, on a gray donkey, riding off together. And the only thing that could be heard was Prince Clarking, humming the radio jingle for Herbal Essences hair care.

The End

[Kal-El & Me]

1st! Now let me go read it.

[LuvClana]

2nd! omg that was hilarious! Great job! Especially the donkey and Herbel Essence part!

[Kal-El & Me]

LOL! That was really funny. I feel bad for Clois having to always be stuck with Him/Herself. Wait what am I saying I feel bad for CLOIS????????? Yeah right!

[SpeedyKate91]

That was hilariously funny

[thmallville]

Thank you, thank you *bows* Actually, I had already written almost the same story about my friend and this kid she likes (who also has hair we obsess over) called Merepunzel and Cory Charming. So it's basically copy and pasted with all the named changed.

[ajfinn]

Oh my gosh, thmallville ....... that is such a freaking hilarious story!!!!!

I have a million favorite parts, but to sum it up ...... Clarking had defeated the very scary, ugly, crusty, fat, oozing, unkempt, dirty dragon. :lol:

I never knew someone could describe Clois so beautifully! :D Thanks for making my day!!!

[Kal-El & Me]

^LOL!

[smallvilleobsessor17]

Hahaha!!! Even though you read it to me earlier, I'm printing a copy out!!! I LOVE it!!! :)

We need more of the Fresh Prince story!!!!

[NYC300Z]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Chloe re-died

[thmallville]

this is from page 23 and it's a long part of it but I think it's soooooo funny I had to re-post it.......


Originally posted by Shadowknight

"Mr Bodalf"

"WHAT?"

"Lois wants to know if were there yet"

"OH DO YOU LOIS?" said Bodalf as he yanked the plunger out of Chloewises hand

"Yes, yes I do"

"Wha? you can talk?!"

"Well duh, Why would I name a plunger who cant talk?"

"She has a point you know"

"Fine so, you can talk. Lois? lets hear siome stuff then"

Words Bodalf would regret for the rest of his life

~~~5 Hours Later~~~

"So, thats how I came to be Chloewises prized plunger. You listening to me? you ignoring me? ANSWER ME !!!! You know what I think-"

Bodalf then grabbed the plunger and brought her right to his face and said" YOU KNOW WHAT LOIS? YOU CAN GO-"

"BODALF LOOK OUT!"

The General Lee then swerved and slammed right into 2 hobbits

"Holy crap you killed them!"

"You know what Bodalf? you could really use some driving lessons"

"I could think fo a few things you could use Lois.."

"Guys, hello you just killed 2 hobbits!"

Upon arriving at the bodies Lana found 2 strange broaches

"Ooooh pretty! not pink but I like them. Look there even engraved" "Merry"? This one says "Pippin" said Chloewise

"Well, whoever these guys are there dead. We will get rid of the bodies. And lets hope there not doing anything important" Said Bodalf

"Yuck I am not touching those bodies" Said Lana waving her hands

"Oh sure, i'll do it." Said Bodalf

About 5 minutes Later Bodalf came from wherever he put the bodies. And there was someone behind him

"Hey Bodalf who's your friend here?"

"I am Horned Lava Mutant. I have come for the ring"

"What? you dont have a name? what kinda of mutant doesnt have a name? Your not a very good villain if you dont have a name. Your not a cubscout out here soldier! wheres your denmother? baking-"

In that instant the Horned Lava Mutant shot out a Massive blast of whatever horn Lava Mutans shoot out. And blew Lois into oblivion

"Oh My God! they killed Lois!"



that has to be the best part of a fic I have ever read.....Lois is a plunger!!!!!! And she DIES!

[ajfinn]

Originally posted by thmallville
that has to be the best part of a fic I have ever read.....Lois is a plunger!!!!!! And she DIES!

*cough* AMEN! *cough*

[LuvClana]

Prehistoric Smallville- The Final Installment
'The Trilogy Ends'

Four years have passed since we last saw our jurrassic friends and their families. Much has happened in the lives of these heroes. Zug zug is no longer foreign in these parts. Neither are the mischeivous acts of Lex and Lionel Luthor, the raptors of the town. The Talon is no longer a dark cave...the early lightbulb was created. The wheel modernized the once cave-man atmosphere and releiving oneself is now done in one corner rather than many. As you can see, times have changed....if only for the better...

Clark: mole-y mole-y mole-y (what a sunny day. I think i'll head on downstairs for breakfast)

-Martha and Jonathon are sitting at the Kitchen table)

Lana: vooga hunk! (hey Clark!)

Clark: vooga! age hamos old! (Dad, I never noticed how old you look!)

Martha: ugg youthinkyou'reyoungbutyouarenot (Yes, dear. And you're only 40!)

Jonathon: -growls- (Give me a break, this isn't the twenty first century)

Lana: Hunk, almo? (Clark do you have to go to work now?)

Clark: Oui (yes)

Lana: geovooga Hunk. Breeeeww! (Bye, Honey! Have fun!)

At The Daily Paleosaurous

Perry: ......woo..... (Here at the Daily Paloesaurous, we not only find the stories, but we touch people with them. We beleive in the individuals right to know about technology these days. after all, who first let the public know that a round rock could roll? Well it wasn't the Dew York Slimes!)

All workers: all hail balding man! (yes, we agree)

Perry: woa nelly, Hunk! (Clark, please send this package to the Dew York Slimes)

Clark: no way, jose! (okay)

-Clark attempts to mail the package-

Clark: large gooma bird kamahoochiman eaten! (Package didn't make it)

Perry: llama? (Did you use FedEx?)

Clark: ..... (no)

Perry: hunk byebye (Then, you're fired)

Clark: kamma llama hoomi no no! (But, FedEx doesn't exisit yet!)

Perry: .... no ma Bald (Not my problem)

Clark: erg! Bald est groobbby! (ERG! Perry is @#$#$%^$#$)

-at the Kent farm-

Lana: vooga hunky! (Hey now-fired-husband!)

Clark: hhhhuuuu (-sigh-)

Martha: kan yoo doo da kan kan? (Hey....Neanderthals aren't suposed to live as long as we are)

Clark: ooooooo (I know. You're disturbing the force)

Lana: shhh, hunk. llama vortex! (Be quiet! Star Wars hasn't been made yet! )

Clark: grumpy rex (I know a dinosaur we can hire to balence our society. He's a tall one named rex. He'll show them the reason why Neanderthals only live to be 30. MUAHAHAHA!)

-10 minutes later-

Lana: yummy! (Glad that's over with)

Clark: quesadia (same here)

Chloe: vooga! (Hey!)

Lana: vooga whydoyoudigforstoriessomuchwhycan'tyouacceptpeople forwhotheyare (Hey Chloe!)

Clark: vooga!

Chloe: boom bald! (How is the Daily Paleosorous treating you?)

Clark: like you (like crap)

Chloe: saaa (Sorry that it didn't work out)

Clark no you aren't ( Thanks :-D)

-Chloe, Lana, and Clark take a walk outside. Clark falls to the ground when a large pile of triceratops dropping begin to glow-

Chloe: hhuh gremble? (wtf is going on?)

Clark: hoo jaa megoft er (Kryptodroppings. Only from the intestines of the dinosaurs infected by the meteor shower)

Lana: gootenberg? (You mean the one that was suposed to kill them?)

Clark: oui (yes)

Lana: boo pretty? (But why doesn't it glow pink?)

Chloe: oh brother ( I dunno)

-Lana and Chloe help Clark get away from the Kryptodroppings-

Clark: meee tomba! (I have somthing to confess)

Chloe: huh (what is it)

Clark: mee no like you (I'm not a Neanderthal)

Lana: -gasp- (-inhale deeply-)

Clark: me like future you (I am a Cromagnon)

Lana: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (You mean like the ones coming from Europe and Africa?)

Clark: Oui (yes)

Lana: ewwwww! ( I can't fall in love with a Cromagnon!)

Chloe yess! (I'm so sorry for you guys)

Lana: notachance! (nevermind. I love you no matter where you come from!

Chloe: -cries-

Lana and Clark: ......0.o.......

-silence for a few moments-

Clark: kaama shrimp? (Still got that magic wand of yours?)

And so our story ends. Clark and Lana finally married and her accepting him for who he was. He may not be Neanderthal, but hey. We all know Cromagnons are better! Soon dinosaurs became extinct. Modern theories are not correct, for it was Kryptodroppings that were used as fertilizer for the Luthors that wiped them out. As for Jonathoon and Martha, hey weren'treally eaten by rex. He just used them as man servants. If only they were able to live a longer life but soon the Cromagnons invaded the area and the population of Neanderthals grew dangerously low. But that's another story. Ours is done

[basketballstar23]

*cough*right with ya'*cough* looks at angery clois fans...What? Is it my fault i had something in my thoat? starts to run away, but laughs and continues running....."WAIT FOR ME!!!!!"

[akuma]

LOL that was hilarious, i loved how u used that fed ex commercial too, that thing is hilarious!

[ajfinn]

Oh my gosh ...... I'm dying laughing!! That was your best ever, LuvClana, and I didn't think you could get any funnier!!!!!!!! Here are 4 of my 50 favorite parts :D

Perry: llama? (Did you use FedEx?)

Clark: ..... (no)

Perry: hunk byebye (Then, you're fired)

Clark: kamma llama hoomi no no! (But, FedEx doesn't exisit yet!)

Perry: .... no ma Bald (Not my problem)

Clark: erg! Bald est groobbby! (ERG! Perry is @#$#$%^$#$)

***
Clark: ooooooo (I know. You're disturbing the force)

Lana: shhh, hunk. llama vortex! (Be quiet! Star Wars hasn't been made yet! )
***
Lana: vooga whydoyoudigforstoriessomuchwhycan'tyouacceptpeople
forwhotheyare (Hey Chloe!)
***

Clark: hoo jaa megoft er (Kryptodroppings. Only from the intestines of the dinosaurs infected by the meteor shower)

***

[basketballstar23]

hahahahahaha!!!! i am cracking up!!!!! that was hilarious....really just..*wipes eyes from laughing so hard* hilarous....:lol:

[thmallville]

LOL I LOVE IT!!!!!!!! TOO BAD IT'S THE LAST INSTALLMENT. WHOOPS CAPS IS ON? i'M TOO LAZY TO RE-TYPE.... :D:D:D:D:D BUT I LOVE THE STORY!

[thmallville]

Hey ajfinn, is there gonna be a third part to the Wizard of El story? Cuz that is one of my favorites, it's so funny!

[LuvClana]

Well it's April Fools day (the day after, so waht?) and I'm surprised no one took a shot on the slapstick board today. So I thought I'd have a go. It's like that 'Things you'll never hear on smallville, but you do hear it! For April Fools'

April Fools Day in Smallville-The cruel jokes of the day

The sun was very bright. April Fools. It was actually night time. There was no sun. The sky was very dark. Clark was in the loft....again. Watching the sky hoping maybe he'd understand it better one day. Suddenly, Lana appeared.

Lana: Hi, Clark.

Clark: Hi Lana

Lana: You wanted to see me?

Clark: Yea. Lana, despite what I said the other day, my feelings have not changed. I'm sorry. I thought that if I said it, I'd believe it. But, I don't. I love you.

[Lana began to tear up. She was so happy. Clark grinned]

Clark: April fool's!! Haha! You should have seen your face! HA!

Lana: ....so funny.... [stomps out crying. Clark sighs and smiles]

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Pete: Hey Clark, my man! Where were you last night?

Chloe: Geeze, pete. Clark has a life, you know!

Clark: Thanks

Chloe: April Fool's!! Ha. Like you have a life, come on!

Pete: Heehee right. Clark-a life? Good one.

Clark: For your information, my mother was in the hospital.

Chloe-choking on her lattee-: Oh my gosh, Clark. I didn't mean it.
What happened?

Clark: Jor-el Happened!

Pete: Gosh, what did he do?

Clark: He...he...-clark covered his eyes- ...it's too horrible!

Chloe: What? What did he do??

Clark: He .... replaced her small intestine with a peice of barbed wire. She almost died.

Pete: Oh my god!

Clark: April Fools! Hahaha!

Pete: -slaps clark but breaks his wrist-

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Lana [screaming out to the Talon] : I don't like Pink anymore

Everyone dropps their coffee cups.

Lana: Ha! Yea right!

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Jonathon: Clark, son. I'm selling the farm.

Clark: Why?

Jonathon: I'm buying a casino in New mexico

Clark: WTF?!?!

Jonathon: April Fool's!

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Lex: I like pink fluffy bunnies! -rips of bunnies head- Ha, right! April Fool's you rodent!!!

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Clark: Flannel? I can't stand that stuff!

Jonathon: ......o.0......

Clark: Pfft! April Fool's!

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Clark: I haven't been to the gym in a while.

Chloe: Well That's Obvious!

Clark: Hey!

Chloe: Bad April Fool's joke, Clark. I think it may have melted your buns of steel.

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Lionel: I'm dying my hair pink.

Lex: Very funny, dad.

Lionel: No really!

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Lex: I shave my head

Lana: No duh! You can soo see the little hairs on television. You can't fool us Mr. 'i'm sick!!'

Lex: .....>.<.....

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This was a good Slapstick. April fools!
Happy April Fool's Day Everyone!