Lines you will never hear on Smallville [Archive] - Page 9

TampaVille

06-13-2006, 09:19 AM

Originally posted by Soline Yayire
One day when clark comes home after his done with his... eh... chores, whatever, he sees a big basket of flowers in the kitchen.

Clark: Yay *jumps up and down* Flowers. I have a secret admirer.

Martha: Who is it from?

Clark: *finds a card* it says 'L.L'

Martha: Great, that could be anyone, exept for Chloe or Pete.

Clark: Pete:confused:

Martha: Pete Ross, your best friend.

Clark: But Chloe is my best friend.

Martha: His father used to own the old creamed corn factory, until your father tricked him in to selling it to Lionel.

Clark::confused:

Martha: He moved to Whichita after almost getting killed protecting your secret.

Clark: Mom, you and Chloe are the only ones knowing about my secret.

Martha: I give up *leaves*

Clark: Oh well... Now i have to find out who gave me theese flowers. *superspeeds off*

At the masion

Clark: Hi Lex.

Lex: What??? I haven't done anything... *looks extremly guilty*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lex: *looks relived* No. Why?

Clark: The card says 'L.L'

Lana: *walks in*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lana: *starts to cry and runs away*

Clark: Shes got issues..

At the talon

Clark: Hi Lois did you send me flowers?

Lois: Why aren't you wearing pants?

Clark *blushes and runs outside then superspeeds home*

Clark: Mum, why didnt you told me that i wasnt wearing pants?

Martha: I must have forgotten...

Clark: Call Lionel and ask if he sent me the flowers.

Martha: Call him yourself, Im making dinner.

Clark: But Im not wearing pants.

Martha: *sigh* Ill call him.

a few minutes later

Martha: Nope he didnt send them.

Clark: Mum, your pie is on fire.

Martha: You were suppose to watch it.

Clark: I got bored, arent we gonna eat soon, im hungry.

Martha: Didn't you wanna find out who sent you the flowers?

Clark: Flowers???:confused:

The end

LOL... wow. I think xrayvision has a competitor for funniest SV comedian.

Soline Yayire

06-13-2006, 12:15 PM

Originally posted by TampaVille
LOL... wow. I think xrayvision has a competitor for funniest SV comedian.

awww... stop :o

xrayvision

06-13-2006, 07:49 PM

Hahaha, that was really good!! I'm looking forward for some more.

Lex'sLover

06-25-2006, 01:32 PM

Chloe: I have to tell you something Lana.. me and Lex are inlove!
Lana:WHAT!!!!!
*Clark enters*
Clark: Thank God your hear Lana, i have to tell you something, im inlove with Lex!
*Lex walks in*
Lex: Hey guys, whats up?
*they all stare at him.*
Lex: Ill just leave
*turns to walk away, Whitney is there*
Lex,Chloe,Clark,Lana:Whitney?!?
Whitney: I love you Lex!
Lex: I thought you were dead!
Whitney: Oh yeah
*falls dead on the floor, and all old cast members who are dead and were lined up behind whitney to tell Lex they love him all fall dead.*
Lionel: I guess you dont need my love son.
Lex:*turns to all alive people inlove with him*:Whos up for an ORGY

random but.. ya.. lol

Originally posted by Soline Yayire
One day when clark comes home after his done with his... eh... chores, whatever, he sees a big basket of flowers in the kitchen.

Clark: Yay *jumps up and down* Flowers. I have a secret admirer.

Martha: Who is it from?

Clark: *finds a card* it says 'L.L'

Martha: Great, that could be anyone, exept for Chloe or Pete.

Clark: Pete:confused:

Martha: Pete Ross, your best friend.

Clark: But Chloe is my best friend.

Martha: His father used to own the old creamed corn factory, until your father tricked him in to selling it to Lionel.

Clark::confused:

Martha: He moved to Whichita after almost getting killed protecting your secret.

Clark: Mom, you and Chloe are the only ones knowing about my secret.

Martha: I give up *leaves*

Clark: Oh well... Now i have to find out who gave me theese flowers. *superspeeds off*

At the masion

Clark: Hi Lex.

Lex: What??? I haven't done anything... *looks extremly guilty*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lex: *looks relived* No. Why?

Clark: The card says 'L.L'

Lana: *walks in*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lana: *starts to cry and runs away*

Clark: Shes got issues..

At the talon

Clark: Hi Lois did you send me flowers?

Lois: Why aren't you wearing pants?

Clark *blushes and runs outside then superspeeds home*

Clark: Mum, why didnt you told me that i wasnt wearing pants?

Martha: I must have forgotten...

Clark: Call Lionel and ask if he sent me the flowers.

Martha: Call him yourself, Im making dinner.

Clark: But Im not wearing pants.

Martha: *sigh* Ill call him.

a few minutes later

Martha: Nope he didnt send them.

Clark: Mum, your pie is on fire.

Martha: You were suppose to watch it.

Clark: I got bored, arent we gonna eat soon, im hungry.

Martha: Didn't you wanna find out who sent you the flowers?

Clark: Flowers???:confused:

The end

that is the best f-ing thing EVER lol.

kryptonson

06-25-2006, 03:40 PM

clark: I'm bored. Let's kill people

Welling_is_pretty

06-25-2006, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by Soline Yayire
One day when clark comes home after his done with his... eh... chores, whatever, he sees a big basket of flowers in the kitchen.

Clark: Yay *jumps up and down* Flowers. I have a secret admirer.

Martha: Who is it from?

Clark: *finds a card* it says 'L.L'

Martha: Great, that could be anyone, exept for Chloe or Pete.

Clark: Pete:confused:

Martha: Pete Ross, your best friend.

Clark: But Chloe is my best friend.

Martha: His father used to own the old creamed corn factory, until your father tricked him in to selling it to Lionel.

Clark::confused:

Martha: He moved to Whichita after almost getting killed protecting your secret.

Clark: Mom, you and Chloe are the only ones knowing about my secret.

Martha: I give up *leaves*

Clark: Oh well... Now i have to find out who gave me theese flowers. *superspeeds off*

At the masion

Clark: Hi Lex.

Lex: What??? I haven't done anything... *looks extremly guilty*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lex: *looks relived* No. Why?

Clark: The card says 'L.L'

Lana: *walks in*

Clark: Did you send me flowers?

Lana: *starts to cry and runs away*

Clark: Shes got issues..

At the talon

Clark: Hi Lois did you send me flowers?

Lois: Why aren't you wearing pants?

Clark *blushes and runs outside then superspeeds home*

Clark: Mum, why didnt you told me that i wasnt wearing pants?

Martha: I must have forgotten...

Clark: Call Lionel and ask if he sent me the flowers.

Martha: Call him yourself, Im making dinner.

Clark: But Im not wearing pants.

Martha: *sigh* Ill call him.

a few minutes later

Martha: Nope he didnt send them.

Clark: Mum, your pie is on fire.

Martha: You were suppose to watch it.

Clark: I got bored, arent we gonna eat soon, im hungry.

Martha: Didn't you wanna find out who sent you the flowers?

Clark: Flowers???:confused:

The end
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
allow me to also express my admiration for this comedy tidbit. kudos!

KryptonX81

06-25-2006, 07:25 PM

Clark and Chloe are sitting around at the kent household. bored out of thier mind.

Clark: So, what do you want to do?

Chloe :I dont know, what do you want to do?

Clark: Want to see me use my superspeed to remove Lionel's pants while hes making a speech?

Chloe: Nah, we did that last week.

Clark:Want me to go take potshots at cars on the highway with my heat vision?

Chloe: Nah, we better not do that for awile. Atleast until the FBI stop investigating.

Clark: I got it! Ask me how the president of mexico is doing.

Chloe: Um.. ok. How is the president of mexico doing?

*Clark instantly superspeeds away and back. When he comes back he is wearing a sombrero.

Clark: Hes fine.

Chloe: Oh. Thets call Pete!

Clark: Pete?

Chloe: Nevermind. Hey, I bet you five bucks that you can't use your heat vision to write "Clark Rules" on the moon!

Clark; Chloe do you know how dangerous that is? That would be one of the biggest news stories in history and would almost certainly expose my secret. I would be locked away in a lab where experiemtns would be performed on me for the rest of my natural life. Lana would prolly never talk to me again. My whole life would be ruined.
....
....... Make it ten bucks.

Chloe: Youre on!

TampaVille

06-26-2006, 01:14 AM

Originally posted by Soline Yayire
awww... stop :o

Alright, I've now probably read your bit about Clark and the flowers about 7 times in other people's responses to you. And just about every time it cracks me up. I must restate how incredibly hilariously funny it is. Well done!

Originally posted by KryptonX81
Clark and Chloe are sitting around at the kent household. bored out of thier mind.

Clark: So, what do you want to do?

Chloe :I dont know, what do you want to do?

Clark: Want to see me use my superspeed to remove Lionel's pants while hes making a speech?

Chloe: Nah, we did that last week.

Clark:Want me to go take potshots at cars on the highway with my heat vision?

Chloe: Nah, we better not do that for awile. Atleast until the FBI stop investigating.

Clark: I got it! Ask me how the president of mexico is doing.

Chloe: Um.. ok. How is the president of mexico doing?

*Clark instantly superspeeds away and back. When he comes back he is wearing a sombrero.

Clark: Hes fine.

Chloe: Oh. Thets call Pete!

Clark: Pete?

Chloe: Nevermind. Hey, I bet you five bucks that you can't use your heat vision to write "Clark Rules" on the moon!

Clark; Chloe do you know how dangerous that is? That would be one of the biggest news stories in history and would almost certainly expose my secret. I would be locked away in a lab where experiemtns would be performed on me for the rest of my natural life. Lana would prolly never talk to me again. My whole life would be ruined.
....
....... Make it ten bucks.

Chloe: Youre on!

Lol... silly BDA

Daddylion

06-26-2006, 02:38 AM

Yeah :lol: ten bucks!

Daddylion

06-26-2006, 08:31 AM

In Unsafe. The Jana scene. Lana was gonna give her virginity up

Jason: This can't happen, not like this
Lana: But, i thought this was what you wanted.
Jason: Lana it's just...
Lana: There's someone else?
Jason: *sighs* Yes. My mother. She is my one and only love.

LionelLuthor

06-26-2006, 10:43 AM

Clark to Chloe:

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you the time that Lionel and I switched bodies?"

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you that when I ran away to Metropolis, I was on Red K?"

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you that Alicia dosed me with Red K? How did she know about that any way??"

Just a few examples of things that are pretty important that will never be brought up.

KryptonX81

06-26-2006, 04:57 PM

This takes place before John died.

Clark runs into the barn.

Clark: Dad, I think that the mailman may be being posessed by Zod!

John: Son, iv put up with alot of this stuff before, and most of the time you are right, but have you been smoking Red K? That is just stupid.

Clark: But dad he had that evil look to him.

John: I know that you may be going thorugh some tough times right now, but you have to stop this. In the last week youv thought that the milkman, the banker, Lois, your mom, and Shelby are being posessed by Zod.

Clark: You saw the way he chewed that bone. It wasn't natural. And you can't balme me for being cautious. There are alot of people out to get me.

John: Cautious? No yout have gone beyond that. Iv seen freaking conspiracy theorists that are less paranoid then you. You think everyone and everything somehow relates to you. You, you, you. Everything is always about you. Why is it that the universe makes the whole damn planet revolve around your life! Besides the fact that you are the only one you can have powers without becoming a homicidal psychopath, every week you go on some groovy adventure kicking the living snot out of bad guys while I stay on this crappy farm picking up cow s*^t!
And every time you manage to come out of it consequence free dispite all the property damage you cause while the bad guy convieniently has no memory of it. And not once do I get to do that. Always the criminal targets you or that whiney creep Lana. The one time that I get involved I wind up in jail for attempted murder and hit in the head with a gun by the guy on LOST.
Oh and then there was that time that I had to make a deal with your sociopathic dad to get you back after you thought it would be a fun idea to become a criminal for the summer. While I admit is was cool getting to look through girls clothing, now I have a bad ticker.
And none of this would have happened if you didnt decide to blow up your space ship instead of just ignoring it, killing my child in the process. But no, even then you get away with it and 2 weeks later everyone forgives and things are back to normal.
Damn, its a wonder I havnt had a stroke by now!

t.ko

06-27-2006, 12:31 PM

clark: lex is a good person!
Lex: Im a good person!
lionel: lex is a great son!
johnathan's ghost: I loved Lex like a son!
martha: why can't you be more like lex clark?!!
chloe: sometimes the only person i can trust is lex!
milton fine: lex is the greatest thing that has ever happened to humans kal-el!

Jephael

06-27-2006, 06:19 PM

Originally posted by KryptonX81
This takes place before John died.

Clark runs into the barn.

Clark: Dad, I think that the mailman may be being posessed by Zod!

John: Son, iv put up with alot of this stuff before, and most of the time you are right, but have you been smoking Red K? That is just stupid.

Clark: But dad he had that evil look to him.

John: I know that you may be going thorugh some tough times right now, but you have to stop this. In the last week youv thought that the milkman, the banker, Lois, your mom, and Shelby are being posessed by Zod.

Clark: You saw the way he chewed that bone. It wasn't natural. And you can't balme me for being cautious. There are alot of people out to get me.

John: Cautious? No yout have gone beyond that. Iv seen freaking conspiracy theorists that are less paranoid then you. You think everyone and everything somehow relates to you. You, you, you. Everything is always about you. Why is it that the universe makes the whole damn planet revolve around your life! Besides the fact that you are the only one you can have powers without becoming a homicidal psychopath, every week you go on some groovy adventure kicking the living snot out of bad guys while I stay on this crappy farm picking up cow s*^t!
And every time you manage to come out of it consequence free dispite all the property damage you cause while the bad guy convieniently has no memory of it. And not once do I get to do that. Always the criminal targets you or that whiney creep Lana. The one time that I get involved I wind up in jail for attempted murder and hit in the head with a gun by the guy on LOST.
Oh and then there was that time that I had to make a deal with your sociopathic dad to get you back after you thought it would be a fun idea to become a criminal for the summer. While I admit is was cool getting to look through girls clothing, now I have a bad ticker.
And none of this would have happened if you didnt decide to blow up your space ship instead of just ignoring it, killing my child in the process. But no, even then you get away with it and 2 weeks later everyone forgives and things are back to normal.
Damn, its a wonder I havnt had a stroke by now!

That was friggin hilarious!!!

msw44

06-27-2006, 08:58 PM

Originally posted by LionelLuthor
Clark to Chloe:

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you the time that Lionel and I switched bodies?"

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you that when I ran away to Metropolis, I was on Red K?"

"Hey Chloe, did I ever tell you that Alicia dosed me with Red K? How did she know about that any way??"

Just a few examples of things that are pretty important that will never be brought up.

I always wondered about that too! Think of all the explanations he could give Chloe.

"Hey Chloe, did you know we made out the day after the rave?"

"Hey Chloe, did you know that Lex really did hit me at 60 miles an hour on that bridge?"

"Hey Chloe, did you know that I've been reborn? Been shot with a kryptonite bullet? Been stabbed by a mythical daggar?"

The stories are endless.

Jephael

06-28-2006, 05:47 AM

Well, I don't think he would cause Clark's not the type to go bragging about stuff like that. Plus it might make Chloe feel alienated, knowing how much went on before she knew the truth about Clark. Remember how bad she flipped out when Clark mentioned that Pete already knew after seeing the spaceship?

CHLOE: "Gee, Clark, thanks for telling me all those wonderful stories about what happened when I had my back turned or I was under a hypnotic trance!"

Smokethatkryptonite

06-28-2006, 10:58 PM

Clark:The truth is Lana I'm from a planet called Krypton my name is Kal-el and I was sent in a spaceship to earth right before my planet exploded my ship landed along with the meteor shower from 1989.

t.ko

07-01-2006, 01:05 PM

clark: and so i shall wear a spider costume and call myself the incredible SPIDER-MAN!
*As clark says this a Marvel superhero called the "Sentry" comes, faster than flash and punches clark so hard that he gets knocked out. Then the Sentry drops off a letter of copyright infringement from the good ol folks at Marvel.*
Clark: *as he wakes up* what the hell? what is this? *he reads the letter* "Mr. CLark Kent, you have been hit with a warning by Marvel comics. If you wish to keep pursuing this copyrighted name, you shall be sued and beat within an inch of your life. Our newest hero, The Sentry is more powerful than you Mr. Kent. Maybe not as well known, but nonetheless. Please refrain from using our copyrighted names. If you wish to discuss the matter please join us in a meeting at our new york headquarters. The address is on the envelope (we know how your brain works like uh DUUUUUUUH). And yes the Sentry will be here at the headquarters 24/7. So please do not try to superspeed and take our copyrighted Spider-man papers."
wow i cant believe these bastards down at Marvel....and since when has there been a superhero stronger than me? damn well i better go stalk lex and lana...

cdietric

07-01-2006, 01:33 PM

Clark: Lana! I'm one hungry extra terrestrial. Now get me a sandwich before I have to smack you faster than a speeding bullet!

Welling_is_pretty

07-01-2006, 04:28 PM

Originally posted by t.ko
clark: and so i shall wear a spider costume and call myself the incredible SPIDER-MAN!
*As clark says this a Marvel superhero called the "Sentry" comes, faster than flash and punches clark so hard that he gets knocked out. Then the Sentry drops off a letter of copyright infringement from the good ol folks at Marvel.*
Clark: *as he wakes up* what the hell? what is this? *he reads the letter* "Mr. CLark Kent, you have been hit with a warning by Marvel comics. If you wish to keep pursuing this copyrighted name, you shall be sued and beat within an inch of your life. Our newest hero, The Sentry is more powerful than you Mr. Kent. Maybe not as well known, but nonetheless. Please refrain from using our copyrighted names. If you wish to discuss the matter please join us in a meeting at our new york headquarters. The address is on the envelope (we know how your brain works like uh DUUUUUUUH). And yes the Sentry will be here at the headquarters 24/7. So please do not try to superspeed and take our copyrighted Spider-man papers."
wow i cant believe these bastards down at Marvel....and since when has there been a superhero stronger than me? damn well i better go stalk lex and lana...
:rotfl:
:rotfl:
:rotfl:
:rotfl:

t.ko

07-02-2006, 12:24 AM

Lex: They see me rollin'
They hatin'
Patrollin'
and tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
My music so loud
I'm swangin'
They hopin' that they gonna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
tryna catch me ridin dirty
Clark: thats cause you drive like a little biatch
Lex: lana SIC 'IM!
Lana: Huh, Clark you whine and cry worse than a little biatch
Clark: oh so you lex's biatch now?
lana: nah im MY own biatch, biatch.
chloe: y'all are biatches im out. 1.
Lois: werd lets bounce cuz.
martha: damn these clowns be acting a fool up in this b*tch
lionel: damn right, they got no respect for you and me martha. we the O.G.s of this ISH right here.
Professor milton fine: have we finally crossed over to the BET network now or what?

Daddylion

07-02-2006, 12:38 AM

:lol: :lol: :lol: I love Dr. Fine's last line

DWBSR620

07-02-2006, 02:48 AM

Minister: "Let us remember Lana for her unselfish giving with no expectations in return. A person whose trust, and loyalties lead her to a life of non confrontation, or false accusations, truly meek, mild mannered, an example for us all. May she rest in peace."

Take care.

Peace To All.

KryptonX81

07-02-2006, 11:58 PM

Lex: Iv gotten sick of all of these lies Clark, I want to know the secret that I know you are hiding!

Clark: Fine. I guess that it is time that I tell you. I am an alien. I have a whole bunch of cool powers including strenth, speed, heat vision, and x-ray vision.

Lex: Wait, you mean thats the secret?

Clark: Um... yea?

Lex: Oh. I figured that out a long time ago

Clark: You did?

Lex; Yea, the saving people, the dissapearing, the incredible stregnth, you suddenly getting sick around meteor rocks. You would have had to been an idiot not to figure that one out. Haha

Clark: Oh, um.. ok. So what did you think was the secret that I was hiding?

Lex:......:\

Clark: No really, tell me..

Lex: I kinda thought that you were gay.

TampaVille

07-03-2006, 02:18 AM

Originally posted by KryptonX81
Lex: Iv gotten sick of all of these lies Clark, I want to know the secret that I know you are hiding!

Clark: Fine. I guess that it is time that I tell you. I am an alien. I have a whole bunch of cool powers including strenth, speed, heat vision, and x-ray vision.

Lex: Wait, you mean thats the secret?

Clark: Um... yea?

Lex: Oh. I figured that out a long time ago

Clark: You did?

Lex; Yea, the saving people, the dissapearing, the incredible stregnth, you suddenly getting sick around meteor rocks. You would have had to been an idiot not to figure that one out. Haha

Clark: Oh, um.. ok. So what did you think was the secret that I was hiding?

Lex:......:\

Clark: No really, tell me..

Lex: I kinda thought that you were gay.

LOL:lol:

Daddylion

07-03-2006, 02:43 AM

Continue from KryptonX81's post...

Clark: What??? I'm not gay!!

Everyone in Smallville: You're not??!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

Whitney: B-but you told me you loved me!

Jason: You told him you love him??? But you said you loved me!!!!

Clark: I was only saying that and pretending to like you to lure you away from Lana and have her all to yourself

Everyone: *gasp*

Suddenly Chloe and Lana walks out together holding hands. Chloe gives Lana a long passionate kiss on the lips. She sees Clark and gives him an evil smile.

Chloe: Mwahahaha! She's all mine sucker!

Clark: OMG! Chloe! How could you?

Chloe: How could i? I've been planning it from the start, i only befriended you to confuse you and make you think i like you so you wouldn't worry about me stealing lana away from you.

Clark: but you befriended me in 8th grade!

Chloe: It was long term planning.

Lana: yeah. Chloe's SO smart *smiles* That's why i don't have to think so much when i'm with her. She can think for me. Not like with Clark, cause there i have to think for both of us and that's a lot of work. And he's so gay as welll

Clark: I AM NOT GAY!!!!

Chloe: Yes he is guys. He's just in denial. Trust me, I know cause I'm very very smart. And you can get him to stop denying that he's gay if you all just start molesting him.

Half of the 15+ years old male population of SV: Ok! *start molesting clark*

Clark: NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Meanwhile Chloe and Lana goes off into the sunset and lives happily ever after.

Smokethatkryptonite

07-03-2006, 12:14 PM

ROTFLMFAO

goldylocks_k

07-03-2006, 02:06 PM

Clark: Chloe, do you think there is anyone stronger than me in the world?

Chloe: Actually, yeah.

Clark: WHAT!! Who?

Chloe: The jolly green giant, that's who!

Clark: He doesn't count. He's a giant.

Chloe: And he's stronger than you.

Clark: No he's not!!

Chloe: Ho ho ho! Green giant!

RESIDENT EVIL

07-03-2006, 04:50 PM

Clark: I didn't love Lana!!!!
I don't love Lana!!!!
I won't love Lana!!!!
And I hate Lana

Clark:I love u Chloe u are the most beautiful girl in Smallville
OR
Clark:U are as beautiful as Lana

mxlegend99

07-03-2006, 05:19 PM

Lana: Clark, i love you... and whatever your secret is, i don't care. You will tell me when you're good and ready.

Clark: Lana, i'm sorry... but i love Chloe. I've just been using you to make her jealous and test her loyalty to me... plus she's so much nicer then you. And doesn't constantly whine.

Lana: *crying*

Chloe: Clark, did you really mean that?

Clark: No. BURN!!!! *laughing*

t.ko

07-03-2006, 06:10 PM

(Superman Returns/Smallville Crossover)

Clark: Who the hell are you?
Superman: I am Superman.
Clark: Wow you look gay.
Superman: And you look a little to old to be playing a high school and college student.
Clark:....shut up.
Superman: Seeing as how im only 27....and to that fact that i look younger than you...
Clark: DIE! *uses heat vision*
Superman: you are laughable *uses his superior superman heat vision and clark gets torched and sent flying 500 feet away*
Clark: Man, i should have taken that Superman Returns role...
Superman: you really should have. i mean come on you're like a cat fighting a pit bull seriously...
Clark: I know....i'll go to the WB and go destroy the contract with Superman Returns and since my Superspeed effect is 1000 times better than your superspeed effect im technically faster than you!
Superman: NOOO!!
Clark: *uses his superspeed at full speed and destroys the contract*
Superman: GYAAH! *gets obliterated*
Clark: HA sucker....and now to negotiate the new Superman with the WB...hehehe and ill still be able to finish Smallville because the next superman movie comes out in 2009. MUWHAHAHAHAHAH!!

mxlegend99

07-03-2006, 06:50 PM

Lana: Clark... you HAVE to be honest with me. If you want this to work, tell me the truth.

Clark: Ok Lana, here's the thing. I'm not actually a human. I'm not even real. You're going crazy, and you have created a perfect guy.

Lana: Clark, what are you talking about.

ClarK: Think about it... I'm always saving your life, i'm bulletproof... explosion proof. Can appear and dissapear in an instant... my hair is always perfect, i have eyes only for you. You made me up... i don't really exist.

Lana: Are you serious?

Clark: Sure i am. Put your hands behind your back and ask me how many fingers tour holding up

*Lana does this*

Clark: 3 fingers.

Lana: How did you know?

Clark: Because you know... and i'm part of your imagination

*Lana Faints*

*Clark laughing*

afro_maestro

07-03-2006, 10:35 PM

Chloe: I wonder where Pete is these days.........i should've hit that back in sophomore year.

Smokethatkryptonite

07-03-2006, 11:49 PM

Lana: I've got it Clark must be an alien!

Daddylion

07-04-2006, 02:50 AM

Originally posted by mxlegend99
Lana: Clark... you HAVE to be honest with me. If you want this to work, tell me the truth.

Clark: Ok Lana, here's the thing. I'm not actually a human. I'm not even real. You're going crazy, and you have created a perfect guy.

Lana: Clark, what are you talking about.

ClarK: Think about it... I'm always saving your life, i'm bulletproof... explosion proof. Can appear and dissapear in an instant... my hair is always perfect, i have eyes only for you. You made me up... i don't really exist.

Lana: Are you serious?

Clark: Sure i am. Put your hands behind your back and ask me how many fingers tour holding up

*Lana does this*

Clark: 3 fingers.

Lana: How did you know?

Clark: Because you know... and i'm part of your imagination

*Lana Faints*

*Clark laughing*

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Nice one

Jephael

07-04-2006, 06:20 AM

That one was pretty good if I say so myself. Very original!

khufu

07-04-2006, 12:20 PM

I got one...

"Lois, that's a brilliant idea!"

Smokethatkryptonite

07-04-2006, 02:08 PM

Clark: *says something intelligent*

space invader

07-05-2006, 11:18 AM

Lana singing to herself: I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky lucky lucky. I should be so lucky in love.

(Kylie Minogue)

lilkoolmaria

07-05-2006, 01:11 PM

Lana: It's ok Clark. Just tell me your secret when you're ready.

Smokethatkryptonite

07-05-2006, 04:23 PM

*After Lois dies from Liquor poisoning*

Chloe (singing) I know! I'll dye my hair and change my name to Lois Lane! Now I'll finally be with the guy who pays no attention to me what so ever!

xrayvision

09-03-2006, 06:47 PM

xrayvision

09-03-2006, 08:54 PM

This is continued from:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2202132#post2202132

Lionel: This week on Dumb-ass & Bad-ass, we have our very own Clark Kent exposing his deepest & darkest secret.

Audience: CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE!

Clark: Today I will be exposing my deepest & darkest secret, but first let's meet our guests.

Chloe: Hi Clark. I don't think you should be doing this. It's too dangerous.

Lionel: There is nothing dangerous about his secret.

Lana: LIAR!!! Secrets & lies have ruined my life!!

Clark: No, being cut off from Secret & Lies has ruined your life.

Lois: I have to agree. That Secret sure is big.

Clark: Thanks, the Twins look good too.

Lionel: I must say you've had it in you all along son. Too bad I didn't use that Secret like you did when I was in your body.

Lana: Enough already!! What is his deepest & darkest secret?!?

Clark: Patience! We will first expose Lana Lang's deepest secret.

Lana: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

<Some crewmen wheel in a cart of food for Lana>

Clark: For you, Lana.

Lana: This is my secret? Well, at least I get food. What is this, shish kabob with ketchup?

<She eats them>

Lana: Mmmm....they're yummy!

Clark: No, they're Genevieve Kabobs dipped in her blood courtesy of the Justice Teague. BURRNNNNNNNN!!!!

Lana: YEEEUUUUUCKK!!! How dare you accuse me of killing her and feed her to me. You have no proof.

Lionel: Oh yes, we do. Watch this.

<Lionel plays a doctored up tape of her murdering Genevieve>

Lana: How'd you do that? Where'd you get that? It's all lies!!

Clark: No, I got it when I was playing Stalkerman. Thanks to the camera attachment to my telescope that my daddy Lionel got me.

Lana: Nooooooooo!!!!!!

Lionel: The police has surrounded the studio and are coming to arrest you Ms. Lang.

Lana: My boyfriend will stop you.

Zodex: Welcome Planet Houston. I am your new ruler Zod.

Clark: No, you're Lex!

Zodex: Lex is dead. Kneel before Zod.

Clark: Uh, OK.

<Clark kneels & pulls out a box>

Clark: Will you marry me, Zod?

Audience: <GASP!!!!!>

Lana: THIS IS YOUR SECRET!?!?!

Chloe: I think I always had a feeling.

Lois: C'mon Smallville, get real.

Zodex: This is an insult to Zod. How can you do this when you know I will kill you for it?

<Clark puts a kryptonite ring on Zod>

Zodex: Arrghhh!! I will never ask anyone to kneel before me again.

Lionel: Get up Clark, you're not gay.

Clark: I'm not??? Are you joking?

Lionel: No your not.

Clark: Are you sure?

Lionel: Yes. It's my son Lex. Hanging around him does that to you. Why do you think I sent him to Smallville?

Clark: He must have been messing up your action.

Lionel: Yes, and I better get rid of him before he messes up the action I have planned with your mom. That kryptonite wedding ring was a good idea...it neutralized him.

Clark: I'm not good with ideas. Thankfully I had my main brain Chloe take care of that.

Zodex: Faithful pink follower...please remove this ring at once and you will rule Planet Houston with me.

<Clark puts a Stompy the Horse mask on Zodex>

Lana: Aieee!!!!! <she runs into the audience>

Clark: C'mon Zoddy baby, did you really think you can get one up on the Clarkster?

<Does the Robot dance>

Chloe: You look like a dancin' fool.

Lois: I'd agree on the fool part.

Zodex: What a cruel planet this Planet Houston is. When I get this ring off, I will make this planet so small that your solar system will lose another planet.

Clark: Blah blah blah. You're all talk & no action Zoddy. I mean look at you. Out of all the vessels there were, you chose Cueball. Cuestick & the boys don't even compare to Secret & Lies. Just ask Lana.

Lana: It's true. I would never have hung around so long if I didn't love Secret & Lies.

Clark: Speaking of "hung around" would you happen to be a long lost brother of mine, Zod? Next time I go to the FOS, I gotta ask Jor-El if you're real name is Squirr-El because Zod baby, you sure are hung like one.

Audience: WHOA-HO-HO, BURRRRRNNNNNN!!!!! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE!

Lionel: That was out of the ballpark, son!! Now to get rid of Zodex.

<He opens a PZ portal that sucks Zod out of Lex along with all his clothes>

Lex: Ahhhh!! Why am I naked!!

<They put a pink Speedo on him and give him bunny slippers & a derby to wear while putting a cigar in his mouth>

Clark: It's true....you are Squirr-El!!!!!!!!!

Lionel: Now to expose your deepest & darkest secret.

Clark: I'm an alien.

Lana & Lex: STOP IT WITH THE LIES ALREADY DAMMIT!!

Clark: OK, here is the real truth. My red jacket gives me powers.

Lana: I knew it!!!! Where can I buy one? I want one!!

Lionel: I bought all the material and own the factory and supply exclusively, hehehe.

Lex: You bastard!! Raaarrrggh. Ahhhhrrrrr!!!!!!!

<Lionel throws a pie at him>

Lex <sobbing>: Wahhhhhh!!!!!!

Clark: Red jackets for everybody!!!!

Audience: CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE! CLARK-IE!

Lana: Hey mine doesn't work!!

Clark: You must have broke it.

<Clark superspeeds across the set>

Lex: Hey you're not wearing the jacket and you still have powers!! You liar!!

Lionel: He's hypnotized Lex.

Lionel (to Clark): Take this, eat it, shut up & let me do the talking.

Clark: Mmmm....pie!!!!

Lex: Ah, that explains it.

Lionel: Take that annoying, whiny little pink biyach away!!

Lana: Hey, who are you calling whiny?

<Nell shows up>

Nell: It's time for some radical electroshock therapy missy.

Lana: Who are you?

Nell: My mistake. Electroshock therapy only works if you have a brain.

Clark & Lionel: Stay tuned next week for "What I would do for mommy's pie"

krpto

09-03-2006, 09:35 PM

Lex: its the numbers they're evil

Daddylion

09-04-2006, 01:42 AM

Nice to see this thread up again :D

The real reason behid clark and lex becoming enemies.

Lex: My little pony! My little pony!

Clark: Oh please. Carebears are way cooler.

Lex: *gasp* Blasphemy!!! *attacks clark*

Welling_is_pretty

09-04-2006, 07:24 PM

Originally posted by Daddylion

The real reason behid clark and lex becoming enemies.

Lex: My little pony! My little pony!

Clark: Oh please. Carebears are way cooler.

Lex: *gasp* Blasphemy!!! *attacks clark*
Ha! That's great Lee! And Clark so would be a Carebear boy too.
And is Lex's favorite My Little Pony a purple one? ;) :lol:

Daddylion

09-05-2006, 04:28 AM

I know! I can so imagine Clark playing with a blue carebear, and ofcourse we already got a picture of Lex on his purple My Little Pony :lol: :lol: ofcourse it's his favourite!

laughingjellybean

09-05-2006, 10:14 AM

right on daddylion, blasphemy is an awesome word lol.
here's one:

clark: chloe, will you marry me?
chloe: oh, my gosh, Clark...

NO!

Welling_is_pretty

09-05-2006, 05:48 PM

Originally posted by laughingjellybean

here's one:

clark: chloe, will you marry me?
chloe: oh, my gosh, Clark...

NO!
:rotfl: :lol:
funny!

Chloe: Lana, stop being such a witch.
Lana: But I'm no longer possessed by Isobel!
Chloe: Sorry, I was off by one letter.

Oooooooooo, burn!

Daddylion

09-06-2006, 02:17 AM

How things are in Smallville when we are not watching...

Lana: *looks at the script "the creators" sent everyone* God! I have to stick my tongue down Clark's throat AGAIN? Gross! I don't care if they're gods, they are disgusting! Why do we even have to put on these little shows for them every week? It's annoying and rediculous! Why can't they just leave us alone.

Chloe: Because the AlMiles Gods created us and if we don't follow the exact order of everything in the holy script that falls from the sky every week they'll either smite us or cause something bad to happen to us.

Lana: I HAVE MY TONGUE DOWN CLARK'S THROAT FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME SINCE I WAS 15! HOW IS THAT NOT SOMETHING BAD???!!!

Chloe: Oh honey, clark's not that bad?

Lana: how could you possibly say that chloe? You've had your tongue down his alien throat too? it tastes like mold in there but grosser... not that i know what mold tastes like or anything cause i really do NOT put mold in my mouth, ever.

Chloe: *looks at lana suspiciously* right. Well yeah it's a little weird, but he can't help it if he's from another planet and the inside of his mouth is different from ours, Lana.

Lana: yeah, but still, he could at least take a breath mint every now and then. And god, i can't believe they are still making you pretend to pine after clark after all these years, shouldn't they have figured out by now that there are literally no straight people in smallville except Pete who already left cause he couldn't ever get a date?

Chloe: Yeah but they wanna see us going after him, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Lana: chloe, this is oppressive! We need to fight against this!

Chloe: Lana, i don't think that's such a good idea.

Lana: come on chloe, please, do this with me! The next time we make a performance for the gods, we make out right in front of them! show them who we really are, and screw their strange ideas about me and clark, or you and clark.

Chloe: I'm sorry Lana, but i can't, i don't want to be punished. They'll send me to Hellsville and you too!

Lana: oh but then we could rule Hellsville together Chloe! I will be Lanacifer and with you by my side we will rule over all those tormented ex-smallvillian souls condemned by the AlMiles! And then, when the time comes, and there are enough of us damned to that land, we will rise up and defeat AlMiles! MWahahahahahha!!!

Chloe: *looks scared* *picks up her cell and makes a call* Umm Hello Belle Reeve, I think my girlfriend's taken one too many hits to the head *mumbles on the other end* Her name's Lana Lang *mumbles on the other end* What do you mean you can't pick her up? *mumbles on the other end* Oh so keeping the gods happy is more important than having a a lunatic running around hurting people?*mumbles on the other line* Fine! *hangs up* Dammit! The people at Belle Reeves said you have to make out with Clark again.

Lana: NO! I said no! What happened to taking over Hellsville together?

Chloe:*sighs in defeat* *starts banging her head against a pole*

I'm sorry if i offend anyone, i dunno if i did or not but it kinda just came to me and i couldn't typing.

Crusader

09-06-2006, 01:59 PM

Clark to Lex...

Lex i just saw an add on TV for spray on hair...

Crusader

09-07-2006, 01:53 PM

Chloe: I only want to use my computer for games from now on........

Kat_Halliwell

09-07-2006, 04:28 PM

Chloe: I hate computers! Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper!

Lana: I miss Pete... *sobs*
Clark: who...? :confused:

Naman is 1#

09-07-2006, 06:24 PM

Clark: Chloe, I love you.

Lex: I miss Pete, he was my best friend.

Lana: I never wine about anything.

Chloe: I hate Journalism.

Martha: I love Lionel more than I've ever loved Jonathan.

Lois: The superhero thing doesnt turn me on.

Loinel: ?

TampaVille

09-07-2006, 06:33 PM

Originally posted by Kat_Halliwell
Chloe: I hate computers! Gimme a pencil and a piece of paper!

Lana: I miss Pete... *sobs*
Clark: who...? :confused:

Haha, except the Clark one probably WOULD show up :)

Jephael

09-07-2006, 08:05 PM

CLARK: "Lana, I've been unfair to you all these years and I want to make it up to you. I'm about to tell you a deep dark secret that I've never told anyone... not even my parents."

LANA: "I'm all ears. What's this secret you've kept from everyone?"

CLARK: "I'm Homer Simpson's illegitamate son from the affair he had with his female co-worker Mindy Simmons."

LANA: "Okay, Clark, that's nuts! One, The Simpsons is a cartoon series and second, I know for a fact that episode aired like five years after you showed up! As a matter of fact, it was also five years after the meteor shower!"

CLARK: "Exactly! Where do you think those radioactive rocks came from? Springfield's been dumping their nuclear waste on Smallville! Also, they changed the storyline on the show to cover up what really happened between Homer and-"

LANA: "Clark, I've had enough of your crap!" ::storms off::

::Clark's cell phone rings::

CHLOE: :: on the phone :: "Did she buy it?"

CLARK: "No, and I told you having me dress up like Bart was a bad idea!"

CHLOE: "Don't have a cow, man!"

Crusader

09-08-2006, 10:56 AM

Clark: Hey lana

Lana: Hey Clark

Clark: Ever heard of someone called kal el???

Lana: No who's that????

Clark...ok then....ever heard of superman???

Lana: No no no who are these strange people?

Clark: Oh forget it Lana you disapoint me. * Clark then turns and superspeeds out of the barn smashing through an titanium steel door on way to lex's mansion. Burning a meteor from the sky and then kryptonian symbols burning into the ground across his path of destruction.

Lana: hmmm, something doesn't smell right here... hmmmm

black-onyx

09-08-2006, 11:50 AM

Lionel: "I don't care about knowledge or power any more...I just want a hug, son."

Lana: "Lex is too sexy for his shirt."

Crusader

09-08-2006, 03:06 PM

Ryan: Hmmm clark your now thinking about...THE COLOUR GREEN!!!!
Clark: Well that's what im thinking about 'now'
Ryan: HAHA i am psychic mwahahahahah

Doomsday04

09-08-2006, 05:55 PM

Lana: Clark tell me your secret

Clark: ok i will (waves hand) these arent the droids your looking for

Spirit Detective

09-08-2006, 05:57 PM

Jor-el: "Kal-el, Your a BDA!"
Clark: "What's a BDA?"
Jor-el: "It has something to do with the way you've been acting in season 5"

Welling_is_pretty

09-09-2006, 06:14 PM

Chloe, staring at Clark one day: "Clark, you ever feel like Dorothy?"
Clark: "Who?"
Chloe: "Dorothy. In the Wizard of Oz?"
Clark: "No."
Chloe: "I do. And you are so the Scarecrow."
Clark, wincing at the memory of Whitney stringing him up: "Are you saying I don't have a brain?"
Chloe: "If the ruby slipper fit..."
Clark: "And who are you then?"
Chloe: "Dorothy, of course." Chloe thinks. "Pete's the cowardly Lion, and Lex is the Tinman."
Clark: "and Lana?"
Chloe, grinning wickedly: "The Wicked Witch of the West?"

black-onyx

09-09-2006, 06:30 PM

ROFL

Paul Satanic

09-10-2006, 11:36 AM

Originally posted by sexaytom
2. Lana: Instead of me and my problems, lets talk about you.

So true.

How about:

"I'm happy being single."

Spirit Detective

09-10-2006, 06:46 PM

Lana, "C'mon, Let me hear you say it."
Lois, "Superman will never-"
Lana, "WRONG!"

Daddylion

09-10-2006, 11:29 PM

hahahahhaha I love that Spirit Detective! Lana as the villian of the story! I love it!

Balauru

09-11-2006, 12:25 PM

Clark: you can't kill me idiots i am invincible

Doomsday04

09-11-2006, 05:08 PM

Lana: Where are you from?
Clark: I'm from the future
Lana: Who are you?
Clark: I'm a cybernetic organism sent from the future to kill John Connor

xrayvision

09-11-2006, 08:52 PM

Chloe: Clark, why the hell are you running around naked?

Clark: I'm running in the 3-legged race tomorrow at the Smallville town fair.

Chloe (looks puzzled): But why don't you have clothes on?

Clark: C'mon Chloe, do I have to explain everything? It's a 3-LEGGED RACE. How else would I get a 3rd leg?

Chloe: Clark, I'm your racing partner.

Clark: Chloe, I know I have to rely on you to do everything for me, but I think this is one department you can't help me in if you know what I mean. For once I'll have to use my own brain.

Chloe: This time, indeed you will. (whacks her own forehead with her fist)

Daddylion

09-12-2006, 01:43 AM

3 legged race :lol: :lol: Looks like clark's a tripod :lol: :lol:

boywithbluehanger

09-12-2006, 08:44 AM

Clark: Lana i know we're over and you're with Lex...but let me hit it one last time!! Girl, you know I luuuuv you!!

xrayvision

09-12-2006, 07:36 PM

Clark: Hey Chloe, who's this nerdy looking dude with the sweater & bow-tie?

Chloe: This is Jimmy Olsen.

Jimmy: Hey dude, I was Chloe's first. What's your name man?

Clark: I'm Clark. You can call me by my street name, BDA.

Jimmy: What does that stand for...Big Dumb-Ass?

Clark: Yeah, something like that. Hey, when do you switch with your twin?

Jimmy: Huh? What twin? What the hell are you talkin' about dude?!?

Clark: I know you and your twin switch and play the role of your life.

Jimmy: Seriously dude, are you on drugs? Or have you been kicked in the head one too many times by your horse?

Clark: Nah, you're mistaking me for my ex-girlfriend. But when do you and your twin switch? C'mon you can tell me.

Jimmy: Chloe, you actually had the hots for this airhead?

Chloe: Clark, seriously...shut up. You're acting like an ass.

Clark: C'mon Chloe, don't tell me this guy wasn't on Full House. I know all about the Olsen twins.

<Chloe & Jimmy are rolling on the floor laughing & pass out due to their hysterical state>

<Later>

Chloe: Clark, why are you giving me mouth to mouth?

Clark: Well, some guys named TPTB told me I had to get in our one Season 6 kiss in. <wink, wink>

Chloe: Wait a minute, are you telling me you do these stupid things so you can get in a kiss here & there?

Clark: Well, I guess you can't call me BDA anymore. I think I'm now the Big Smart Alien.

Chloe: You certainly are a BSA, but the type that is an artist of a certain bovine matter.

Clark: Bovine? What does that mean?

Chloe: You work on a farm you moron!!! Look it up!

Clark: Oh you mean look up at it with my telescope? How is that going to tell me what that means?

Chloe: Argghhhh!!! At least Jimmy's OK. I would have loved to have seen you give him mouth to mouth.

Clark: Sorry Chloe, but I had Lex give him that.

<Chloe pukes>

Clark: What's the matter?

Chloe: Thanks a lot Clark. You just cost me a boyfriend. And you know how rarely I get one of those.

Clark: What did I do?

Chloe: I'm not putting my lips on something that had Lex's mouth on it.

Clark: Uh-oh. I should have never given you mouth-to-mouth.

Chloe: What!!!!! You kissed Lex?

Clark: Well it was back when we were friends. He suggested that I practice with him so I would be ready when it came time to suck face with Lana.

<Chloe faints>

Clark: Gee, did I do that?

MattFoley

09-12-2006, 09:07 PM

deleted

Omegacronos

09-13-2006, 01:12 PM

Clark : Lana's in trouble?! Quick someone light the Bat signal !!!!

Kat_Halliwell

09-13-2006, 07:11 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Chloe: You certainly are a BSA, but the type that is an artist of a certain bovine matter.

Clark: Bovine? What does that mean?

Chloe: You work on a farm you moron!!! Look it up!

Clark: Oh you mean look up at it with my telescope? How is that going to tell me what that means?
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Hilarious!

xrayvision

09-13-2006, 08:02 PM

Personally, I'd love to see Clark mistake Jimmy Olsen for the Olsen twins. It would be the funniest thing that would ever happen on the show. I don't think I would be able to stop laughing if that would ever happen.

Lana: That was a wonderful dinner Lex.

Lex: Thanks Lana. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Lana: Where is the pie?

Lex: Pie? What pie?

Lana: The pie we're supposed to have for dessert.

Lex: We don't eat pie in the Luthor mansion.

Lana: But I always had pie at Clark's.

Lex: This is not the Kent farm. Over here, we serve Cueball Cake.

Lana: I want pie!! I will hurt you if I don't get pie.

Lex: I'll send Darius Jr. over to the local supermarket to get some.

Lana: How could I have ever loved you.

Lex: Alright...I'll call Clark to deliver some homemade pie over.

Lana: Thank you Pookie-kins. Lana wuvs her wittle wight bulb head.

Lex (on the phone): Clark, yes it's Lex....can you bring over some of your mom's famous pie?

Clark (on the phone): Well, my mom's away, but I'll see what I can find.

Lex (on the phone): Thanks Clark. I'll see you soon.

<a few minutes later>

Lionel: What are you looking for son?

Clark: I can't find any pie!!

Lionel: Let daddy Lionel take care of everything.

Clark: OK. Might as well watch TV.

<Clark turns on the TV and sings along>

Lionel: You're watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur?!? What will I do with you Clark? I'll change the channel to something better.

Clark: Hey, it's the Pink Panther!! Hey, he's painting that guy's house pink!! Haha, look how he's driving him crazy!! This is cool.

Lionel: Why do you think I put it on?

Clark: Hey, maybe I can paint the Luthor Mansion pink and drive Lex nuts. I bet Lana wouldn't mind though.

Lionel: You're finally learning son. Leave me alone. I gotta go out and get the pie that you will deliver.

<later>

Lionel: OK Clark, I remember your mother said it was in the barn. I found it & left it out for you. Go get it and bring it over to those 2 fools.

<in the barn>

Clark: Hmm, this smells funny. Not like mom's usual pies. Ah well, at least I won't be eating it.

<Clark zooms to the Luthor mansion>

Lex: That was fast. How did you do it?

Clark: It must be a side effect of the runs I got from meteor rock infected food. I sure "runs" fast!

Lex: Ah, here's the pie. Come inside and lets play some pool while Lana has her pie.

<moments later>

Lex: Here's your pie Lana. Eat up!!

Lana: Mmmmmm.....pie!!!!!!!!!!!!

<She eats a big piece>

Lana: THIS IS DISGUSTING!!!!!! YUCK!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!!

Lex: It's Martha Kent's pie.

Lana: This is the worst and most horrible pie I ever had.

<Lionel suddenly enters>

Lex: What are you doing here dad? Is this pie tainted?

Lionel: Well, if by tainted, you mean it came from a cow's taint, then you're 100% correct!!

Lex: What kind of pie is this?

Lionel: Well, it's a flavor called Cow-pie!!

<Lana pukes and passes out in a puddle of it>

Lex: How can you do this to me Clark?

Clark: But Lex, I just went to the barn and got it like my daddy said.

Lex: If you're "daddy" told you to jump off Luthorcorp Tower, would you do it?

Clark: Yes, of course. He told me the tooth fairy will save me.

Lex: I want your mother's recipe for the pie now dammit!!

Lionel: You want the recipe now, do you? Always want what is out of your reach don't you Lex.

Lex: I want it!!

Lionel: I'm the only one here who knows.

Lex: Give it to me!!

Lionel: Well OK. Take one cup of Lionel, 2 Jugs of Martha, add lots of heat & stir till nice & sweaty and there you go.

Lex: Ahhhhrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! Raaaahhhhrrrrrrrr!!!!!

Lionel (on the phone): ....yes, at the Luthor Mansion. Bring a team of white coats and a nice jacket. I had one tailor made for him at Brooks Brothers.

Clark: You don't really do that with my mommy do you?

Lionel (grinning & winking): Of course not Clark.

Shadow116

09-14-2006, 04:34 AM

Clark:Hey Lex.

Lex:Clark,I didn't no you came to this gym.

Clark:Well hey a farmboy has to keep in shape too.

Lex:Guess so.

Clark:I hear your going out with Lana now...good for you.

Lex:Clark you know you were draggin that relationship on too long.

Clark:I guess our right but looks like I'm single again. Oh but I wantedf to tell you I get my own Mastercard commercial.

Lex:Ah,nice job Clark.

Later.......

plaid shirt:$15

pie:$10

superpowers: priceless

and for everything else there's Mastercard.

xrayvision

09-15-2006, 04:08 PM

<Back when Clark was a highschool freshman>

Clark: Mommy, daddy, it's dark!! I can't see anything and am afraid!!

Martha: Oh Clark, c'mon you're 15 already.

Clark: The Boogeyman is out to get me!!

Jonathan: And why are you afraid of him? Lex hit you with his Porsche at 90 mph, you can obviously take him on.

Clark: The Boogeyman is chasing me with his meteor rock Porsche!!

Jonathan: Go to bed now son.

<a few hours later>

CCCRRRRAAAASSSHHH!!!!!!!!!

Jonathan & Martha: What the hell happened!?!

Clark: Owww. I told you the Boogeyman was out to get me.

Martha: Clark, you fell through the stairs. What were you doing?

Clark: The Boogeyman forced me to get a piece of pie for him.

Martha: Jonathan, we better get him something that helps him see in the dark before he destroys the house.

<the next day>

Martha: I picked this up at a store today. Do you think it will work?

Jonathan: An Elmer Fudd nightlight? Are you kidding me?

Martha: What's the matter?

Jonathan: He's 15 years old Martha. Plus it reminds me too much of that cueball Lex. Take it back.

Clark: Oh goody, you got me a nightlight. It's Elmer Fudd. Neat-O!

Jonathan: I know how much you want it son, but you can't keep it.

Clark: Why not?

Jonathan: Because the Luthors commissioned Elmer Fudd in Lex's image.

Martha: Now that's crazy. Fudd has been around for much longer than Lex. And I don't see Lex being the hunter type.

Jonathan: Very well, he can keep it as long as I don't see it.

<The next day>

Clark: Hey Lana, you'll never guess what I got. Not even Whitney has it.

Lana: Is it VD?

Clark: No, I'd have to do more than spy on girls with my telescope to get that.

Lana: Well what is it then?

Clark: An Elmer Fudd nightlight!!!

Lana: Oh goody. We should have a sleepover soon. It turns me on.

<later>

Pete: I think Lana's into Lex.

Clark: Why would you say that?

Pete: Because your Elmer Fudd nightlight turns her on.

Clark: C'mon Pete, Lex has as much of a chance getting a date with Lana as I have wearing plaid for the next 5 years.

Crusader

09-16-2006, 03:18 AM

lol excellent!!! :D

Clark: Hey Lana Lang!!

Lana: Clark i've told you a million times don't call me by my full
name...

Clark: Did you? Well i wasn't listening, anyway i heard a joke today it pretty funny...

Lana: Ok tell me

Clark: Well theres a meteor shower and all these people die right, then theres these people called Mr and Mrs Lang, and guess what happens to them??

Lana: * in tears* " What happens"*??

Clark: They die!!!!!

Lana: Clark i don't know what's gotten into you but i hate you right now!!!! * runs away*

Clark: Hey you wont get away that easily, your going to laugh at my joke wether you like it or not!!!
*Clark getting a custered pie from his mums kitchen*
" MUM it's time to put these pies to good use!!!!

Martha: OO NO MY PRECIOUS PIE!!

Clark: No time to explain mum, picks her up and throws her into a cow.
* Clark then superspeeds to where Lana in running down a road where she is crying hysterically.
Clark: Hey Lana!!!
Lana: *looking behind her*

SPLAT!!! " clark throws the pie into her face at full strenght casuing the pie to smear all over her face"

Lana: argh my face!!! my beautiful face!!!

Clark * rolling around on the floor in a fit of laughter"

NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL FUN!!!

* Clark then turns round to the camera with a huge smile on his face and his thumbs up.

* caption reads below..
" Pick up a Martha Kent Pie today, they come in great uses!!**

xrayvision

09-16-2006, 05:37 AM

Hahahahahaha, that was good.

Red K 5

09-16-2006, 10:06 AM

Originally posted by xrayvision
<Back when Clark was a highschool freshman>

Clark: Mommy, daddy, it's dark!! I can't see anything and am afraid!!

Martha: Oh Clark, c'mon you're 15 already.

Clark: The Boogeyman is out to get me!!

Jonathan: And why are you afraid of him? Lex hit you with his Porsche at 90 mph, you can obviously take him on.

Clark: The Boogeyman is chasing me with his meteor rock Porsche!!

Jonathan: Go to bed now son.

<a few hours later>

CCCRRRRAAAASSSHHH!!!!!!!!!

Jonathan & Martha: What the hell happened!?!

Clark: Owww. I told you the Boogeyman was out to get me.

Martha: Clark, you fell through the stairs. What were you doing?

Clark: The Boogeyman forced me to get a piece of pie for him.

Martha: Jonathan, we better get him something that helps him see in the dark before he destroys the house.

<the next day>

Martha: I picked this up at a store today. Do you think it will work?

Jonathan: An Elmer Fudd nightlight? Are you kidding me?

Martha: What's the matter?

Jonathan: He's 15 years old Martha. Plus it reminds me too much of that cueball Lex. Take it back.

Clark: Oh goody, you got me a nightlight. It's Elmer Fudd. Neat-O!

Jonathan: I know how much you want it son, but you can't keep it.

Clark: Why not?

Jonathan: Because the Luthors commissioned Elmer Fudd in Lex's image.

Martha: Now that's crazy. Fudd has been around for much longer than Lex. And I don't see Lex being the hunter type.

Jonathan: Very well, he can keep it as long as I don't see it.

<The next day>

Clark: Hey Lana, you'll never guess what I got. Not even Whitney has it.

Lana: Is it VD?

Clark: No, I'd have to do more than spy on girls with my telescope to get that.

Lana: Well what is it then?

Clark: An Elmer Fudd nightlight!!!

Lana: Oh goody. We should have a sleepover soon. It turns me on.

<later>

Pete: I think Lana's into Lex.

Clark: Why would you say that?

Pete: Because your Elmer Fudd nightlight turns her on.

Clark: C'mon Pete, Lex has as much of a chance getting a date with Lana as I have wearing plaid for the next 5 years.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Originally posted by Crusader
lol excellent!!! :D

Clark: Hey Lana Lang!!

Lana: Clark i've told you a million times don't call me by my full
name...

Clark: Did you? Well i wasn't listening, anyway i heard a joke today it pretty funny...

Lana: Ok tell me

Clark: Well theres a meteor shower and all these people die right, then theres these people called Mr and Mrs Lang, and guess what happens to them??

Lana: * in tears* " What happens"*??

Clark: They die!!!!!

Lana: Clark i don't know what's gotten into you but i hate you right now!!!! * runs away*

Clark: Hey you wont get away that easily, your going to laugh at my joke wether you like it or not!!!
*Clark getting a custered pie from his mums kitchen*
" MUM it's time to put these pies to good use!!!!

Martha: OO NO MY PRECIOUS PIE!!

Clark: No time to explain mum, picks her up and throws her into a cow.
* Clark then superspeeds to where Lana in running down a road where she is crying hysterically.
Clark: Hey Lana!!!
Lana: *looking behind her*

SPLAT!!! " clark throws the pie into her face at full strenght casuing the pie to smear all over her face"

Lana: argh my face!!! my beautiful face!!!

Clark * rolling around on the floor in a fit of laughter"

NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL FUN!!!

* Clark then turns round to the camera with a huge smile on his face and his thumbs up.

* caption reads below..
" Pick up a Martha Kent Pie today, they come in great uses!!** :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: ... that was soooo wrong but funny :lol:

President_Luthor

09-16-2006, 07:56 PM

Here are a few from the main characters that we'll never hear from them:

Lana: I'm not alone after all. Perhaps I can rekindle a relationship with my biological father, Henry Small. And, I still have my Aunt Nell ...

Chloe: I should give my dad, Gabe, a call. I miss him.

Clark: Lana, I am truly sorry for using your emotions like a yo-yo, stringing you along with my half-truths, misleading statements and bold-faced lies. You don't want to confide in me -- and that's because I got the ball rolling. I never let myself trust you, and for that I am sorry.

Lex: It's a waste of time to constantly grind this axe I seem to have with my father. I should simply forgive him and shed this burden I've been carrying. It should shave a few points off my blood pressure, at least. Mercy is the sweetest revenge.

Pete: Straight up, Clark, your family screwed my family over with that crooked underhanded deal with Lionel Luthor. Now help me get the deed back to my family's land -- or I report yo' sorry illegal alien a$$ to Homeland Security. That's right, Kal-El, step up to the integrity plate. You're in the majors now.

Lois: Everyone's been giving me grief about not pursuing journalism -- but what about 'Smallville' over here? When's the last time Clark's ever written anything?

Martha: I'm still in mourning, Lionel. Thank you, but I'll pass on the cup of coffee after the charity gala. We should just be friends.

Chloe: Wow, Clark you're taking extra-credit at CKU: non-fiction writing. You'll have the street cred to work at the Planet soon enough!

Lionel: Lex, stop acting like a spoiled rich kid and start planning world domination. You're taking almost as long as Clark in seizing your destiny.

Clark: Chloe, let's just be friends. Lana -- I don't love you, not any more. I only love one person ... Nell Lang, your hot aunt. She was only flirting with my dad to get to me.

Lois: So 'that's' how you have such amazing computer skills, Chloe: you've been getting a programming certificate from DeVry these past two years.

Oliver Queen: You realize, Clark, that once I bring my girlfriend Dinah Lance into Smallville ... Lana won't be the hot girl any longer.

Luthor Security Guard: I caught Clark Kent red-handed trying to enter Luthor Mansion, Mr. Luthor. Don't worry, I've got krypto-cuffs on him. I'm booking his a$$ for trespassing: it's been five m-@#$%^&%#-ing years due, if you ask me.

Lex: Lana, talk to the hand. It's over. You can't dump me first, since I just dropped you, 'sister'. Don't you *shush* me, honey! We're toast like Sunday morning at Denny's, cupcake. Don't you wag your finger at me like some Park Avenue diva, princess! There's the road -- hit it.

Clark: I know my destiny. Finally. And I'm going to claim it right away: get degree in journalism ... intern at Smallville Ledger ... travel the world with Bruce Wayne to understand global issues ... become a reporter at the Planet ... save the world. Wow, it's that simple!

Kat_Halliwell

09-16-2006, 08:08 PM

Originally posted by President_Luthor
Clark: Chloe, let's just be friends. Lana -- I don't love you, not any more. I only love one person ... Nell Lang, your hot aunt. She was only flirting with my dad to get to me.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

Originally posted by President_Luthor
Lex: Lana, talk to the hand. It's over. You can't dump me first, since I just dropped you, 'sister'. Don't you *shush* me, honey! We're toast like Sunday morning at Denny's, cupcake. Don't you wag your finger at me like some Park Avenue diva, princess! There's the road -- hit it.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
*There's the road... hit it* I LOVE it!

xrayvision

09-17-2006, 02:32 PM

Clark: Hey Shelby, catch the ball.

Shelby: Woof woof!!

Clark: Good dog.

Shelby: Woof woof!!

Clark: You know Shelby, you're my only true friend. I love you buddy.

Shelby: Woof, I love you, woof!!

Clark: Hey did you just talk?

Shelby: Woof, No I didn't, woof!!

Clark: Yeah you did!

Shelby: Woof, dogs can't talk you moron, woof!!

<later>

Clark: Hey mom, look what Shelby can do?

Martha: What can he do?

Shelby: Woof woof!!

Clark: C'mon Shelby....talk.

Shelby: Woof woof!!

Martha: I think you're losing it Clark.

<Clark & Shelby go outside>

Clark: I know what I heard.

Shelby: Dude, I think you're coked up.

Clark: I knew it.

Shelby: C'mon Kal-El, lets go hunting fo' some b--ches.

Clark: I never knew you were from the hood Shelby.

Shelby: I've been all over the world.

<later>

Shelby: There's Lana. Leave me here and hide around the corner.

Clark: OK.

Shelby: Woof, Woof!

Lana: Hey what a cute doggy. Hey aren't you Clark's dog?

Shelby: And weren't you Clark's b--ch?

Lana: (speechless)

Shelby: What the hell are you looking at ho'?

Lana: I must be going insane. Dogs just don't talk.

Shelby: And telescopes just don't get used on humans like you. It's a crazy world.

Lana: Clark used his telescope on me?

Shelby: My master should have looked at actual black holes instead of the one in your mind.

Lana: Excuse me?

Shelby: Hey honey, clean out the cue chalk from your ears. I know Cueball and you put the pool table to new uses. You heard me.

Lana: How dare you talk to me like that.

Shelby: Hey, there's a dog whistle. How come you aren't running away?

Lana: I am not a dog!! I'm pretty....Lex told me.

Shelby: If you believe that, then show me the deeds to the bridges he's sold you. Oh, I forgot you don't own any property....you only do the deed.

Lana (horrified): You are truly from the gutter!

Shelby: Hey, if that's true, maybe we're related.

Lana: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<later>

Lex: I'm glad you came quickly.

Clark: What is it? And why did you ask me to bring my dog?

Lex: Your dog has been harassing Lana. She told me of the things he told her.

Clark: Dogs can't talk Lex.

Lex: Yours does. Leave him with me for the day.

Clark: OK, whatever.

Lex: Hey!! Hey!! Don't piss on the pool table.

Clark: He's just marking his territory.

<Clark leaves>

Lex: Stupid dog...peeing on my pool table.

Shelby: At least I don't pee on society.

Lex: I knew it!!!

Shelby: Relax Cueball...thanks to me you and da ho' will have a waterbed next time you use the table.

Lex: I'm going to make you pay for a new table. You will be strapped to a metal table until I get a new pool table.

Shelby: I'm not into that kinky stuff Lex. Now be a good boy and install my personal hydrant at the Kent Farm.

Lex: What's in it for me?

Shelby: I'll do your taxes.

Lex: You can't do taxes.

Shelby: Who do you think does Clark's taxes? That goofball can't tie his shoes without me.

<weeks later at a Luthorcorp board meeting>

Lex: I want you to all meet the new president of Luthorcorp I just hired.

Shelby: Woof Woof!!

Board Members: I think he's totally lost it.

Lex: Talk dammit!! You do my taxes. Why don't you talk?!!?

Shelby: Woof!!

<Clark is let into the boardroom>

Clark: It's OK Lex. I have a plaid straightjacket for you.

<Ties him up>

Lex: Get off me you big goofy hick!! Tell Lana to bring my custom fitted straightjacket.

Clark: I can't. She's on Oprah telling the world how my dog put her life in the crapper.

Lex: Arrrrhhhhhhhh!!!!! Is there nobody who can help me?

Lionel: I can.

Lex: What do you have in the box dad? Scissors, so I can get out of this straightjacket?

Lionel: No, a brand new red jacket courtesy of Fashion Union of Clark Kent, otherwise known as......

Lex: Raaaaarrrrr!!!!!!!!

<Back in Smallville, Shelby morphs into Brainiac>

Shelbiac (as coined by someone else on this forum): Stupid Earthlings.

<Shelbiac turns to the camera>

Shelbiac: Remember boys & girls....the lesson of this episode is...dog is a man's best friend...until he starts talking.

future-reporter

09-17-2006, 04:59 PM

lionel: I ate my pet fish

Clark Kent777

09-17-2006, 06:18 PM

Chloe: I think I'll start a cooking class.

Spirit Detective

09-17-2006, 06:53 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
<Shelbiac turns to the camera>

Shelbiac: Remember boys & girls....the lesson of this episode is...dog is a man's best friend...until he starts talking.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :lol: :lol: :lol:

How about:

Solitude (episode)

Shelbiac: "Clark, jam my tail into the console, it'll start a chain reaction"

Clark Kent777

09-17-2006, 07:01 PM

Lex: Clark, your family is kind of weird.

xrayvision

09-17-2006, 07:19 PM

At the FOS:

Jor-El: Louise is mine, how dare you sleep with her!

Jonathan: Well, you certainly helped me get to where I am now, so too bad Joe baby! She wants me now.

Jor-El: Is this true Louise?

Louise: (doesn't say anything)

Jor-El: But what about me...your lovable cup of Joe?

Jonathan: Just another example of Kent men winning over Lang women. Hear that son?

Clark: Yes dad. But I thought you always said that Lang women were bad.

Jonathan: Not the dead ones son. And since yours refuses to die, you're a s--t out of luck.

Spirit Detective

09-17-2006, 07:29 PM

Lana: "I'm a barbie girl, in Lexod's world"

xrayvision

09-17-2006, 07:47 PM

Chloe: Hello, GeekSquad? Yes I need someone to stop by. I'm having trouble with my computer.

<30 minutes later there is a knock on the door>

Chloe: Hi, are you the GeekSquad guy?

Eric: Yes.

Chloe: Hey, aren't you Eric Summers, the Super Nerd?

Eric: At your service. What can I do for you today?

Chloe: How'd you get out of Belle Reve anyway?

Eric: There was a Super Geek with a bowtie & vest who came to visit a friend of his today and since he kinda looked like me, I beat him up, transferred his geek powers to myself and switched clothes.

Chloe: Jimmy?!? So Jimmy is in Belle Reve?

Eric: Who cares about him. For some reason, I have photography powers now. My eyes can go off like flashbulbs.

Eric: I can also do video feed loops, track signals, and do all sorts of stuff with high tech gadgets.

Chloe: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! What a nerd! You must have no life!!

Eric: And you do?

Chloe: Yup, I'm about to go out on a date with Clark while I have geeks like you fix my PC problems.

Eric: Hmmm, how is Kent these days? I miss his powers.

Chloe: Stay away from him. I don't want you to transfer your geek powers in exchange for his. Who knows what it may do. He could like.........start wearing plaid every single day and wear some awful red jacket I saw in the men's department.

<there's a knock on the door>

Clark: Hey Chloe. Ready?

Eric: Say cheese!

Chloe & Clark: What?

FLAASSSHHHH!

<Eric eyes go off like a flashbulb>

And so we have the origin of plaid shirts & red jackets.

Spirit Detective

09-17-2006, 07:50 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Chloe: Hello, GeekSquad? Yes I need someone to stop by. I'm having trouble with my computer.

<30 minutes later there is a knock on the door>

Chloe: Hi, are you the GeekSquad guy?

Eric: Yes.

Chloe: Hey, aren't you Eric Summers, the Super Nerd?

Eric: At your service. What can I do for you today?

Chloe: How'd you get out of Belle Reve anyway?

Eric: There was a Super Geek with a bowtie & vest who came to visit a friend of his today and since he kinda looked like me, I beat him up, transferred his geek powers to myself and switched clothes.

Chloe: Jimmy?!? So Jimmy is in Belle Reve?

Eric: Who cares about him. For some reason, I have photography powers now. My eyes can go off like flashbulbs.

Eric: I can also do video feed loops, track signals, and do all sorts of stuff with high tech gadgets.

Chloe: HAHAHAHAHA!!!! What a nerd! You must have no life!!

Eric: And you do?

Chloe: Yup, I'm about to go out on a date with Clark while I have geeks like you fix my PC problems.

Eric: Hmmm, how is Kent these days? I miss his powers.

Chloe: Stay away from him. I don't want you to transfer your geek powers in exchange for his. Who knows what it may do. He could like.........start wearing plaid every single day and wear some awful red jacket I saw in the men's department.

<there's a knock on the door>

Clark: Hey Chloe. Ready?

Eric: Say cheese!

Chloe & Clark: What?

FLAASSSHHHH!

<Eric eyes go off like a flashbulb>

And so we have the origin of plaid shirts & red jackets.

We also have the origin of Clark as a super geek (aka: bumbling Clark).

xrayvision

09-17-2006, 08:28 PM

Lex: What are you doing here dad?

Lionel: I'm taking a dip in your hottub son.

Lex: Well get out. Lana & I are going to use it soon.

Lana: What's he doing here?

Lex: Don't worry he's leaving soon.

<phone rings>

Lex: Hello?

Clark: Hey Lex. Is Lionel there?

Lex: Yeah, come get him.

Clark: Thanks. We have some father-son bonding to do.

Lex (clearly annoyed): Son of a b--ch!! Just a few months and he's doing stuff with you when I have waited all my life.

Clark: Well don't blame me. Make sure he's ready in 15 minutes.

Lana: Look what I bought you Lex.

Lex: A battery operated toy Energizer Bunny?

Lana: Yeah. Isn't it cute?

Lex: Why didn't you just buy me a hammer or something like that? You know what a tool I am.

Lana: Shush Snookums. Lets turn it on.

Lionel: Hah, it's about time you turn something on. The roles are finally reversed.

<She puts in the battry and turns it on>

Lex: Hey is that wire supposed to be sticking out?

Lana: That's how it came in the box.

Lex: Why is it going so fast? It looks like it's running on a high voltage source.

Lionel: Hey!! Hey!!

ZZZZZZAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!

Lionel: Ahhhhhhhh!!!!

Lana: Hey, that's my line.

Lex: I guess it was faulty.

<Clark shows up>

Clark: Thanks a lot Lana. You just killed another father I had. That's 2 in a matter of months.

<Just then Pete shows up>

Clark: Hey Pete at least your family can get its land back.

Pete: Will you buy Ross Creamed Corn?

Clark: Nah, I like the Quaker brand.

Pete (turns to the camera): Nothing outlasts Energizer. It keeps going & going & going........

Fred the Man

09-17-2006, 09:41 PM

Lana: Lex dear, the reflection of your bald head is blinding me, I think it is time you considered getting a toupee.

Lex: :(

Lana: I saw a movie the other day with Gene Hackman in it and he was wearing a toupee and he looked fabulous. So I think you should get one just like it.

Lex: :mad: :mad: :mad: (Lex slowly reaches for the samurai sword hanging on his wall........)

Lana: You know Chloe, I really should of started dating Pete Ross after Whitney, instead of wasting my time on Clark Kent.

firywynter

09-18-2006, 04:00 AM

Lex: Clark, I've been having these feelings for quite some time..

Clark: I know.. Lana is beautiful, you..

Lex: No! They are.. for... your mother Clark.. And I know you have been looking at my father funnily..

Clark: Its his hair.. It makes me want to.. do things :o

Clark Kent777

09-18-2006, 04:18 AM

Clark: I think I'll buy a lama.... and I shall call him,...um... Fuzzy.

Lana: Thats a really dorky name.

Clark: And Lana isnt!? Shut up! *crys*

Hero Complex

09-18-2006, 08:48 AM

ANYONE IN SMALLVILLE: CHLOE is wrong.

thats about it since Chloe knows everything apparently

Red K 5

09-18-2006, 10:02 AM

Clark: SHUT UP LANA, AT LEASE YOU REMEMBER YOUR PARENTS, MY PARENTS DIED WHEN I WAS AN INFANT!

Lana: SO I'M A PINK PRINCESS! EVERYONE LOVES ME!

Clark: I DON'T, I HATE YOUR GUTS!

Daddylion

09-18-2006, 09:23 PM

Originally posted by firywynter
Lex: Clark, I've been having these feelings for quite some time..

Clark: I know.. Lana is beautiful, you..

Lex: No! They are.. for... your mother Clark.. And I know you have been looking at my father funnily..

Clark: Its his hair.. It makes me want to.. do things :o

hehehe I agree with Clark.

xrayvision

09-19-2006, 08:03 PM

Dean of Central Kansas A&M: Graduating with honors in Journalism is Clark Kent!!

DracuLana (showing fangs): Hhhhhaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Clark: Lana, you're disLexic; I think you meant Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Spirit Detective

09-19-2006, 10:08 PM

Lionel: "Lex, you'll never guess where I've been hiding Julian all these years"

xrayvision

09-19-2006, 10:29 PM

Hahahahaha!!!!! That would be another incredibly funny line from the MB, who would show us how far ahead he is from everyone else.

Actually, I think they should really do a storyline like that now that I think of it. It would be the ultimate Luthor family coverup and truly give Lex a reason to hate Lionel and kill him.

Red K 5

09-19-2006, 10:35 PM

Clark: Ewwww!

Lana: What?

Clark: Your face.

President_Luthor

09-20-2006, 12:03 PM

Luthor Security Guard: Let's see some ID kid, you can't just walk into Luthor Mansion unannounced. Do you have an appointment with Mr. Luthor, Mr. Clark ... Kent? No, huh. Is he expecting you? Oh, I see. So you figured you could just drop by at 11PM -- just like that? I'm sorry I can't allow you onto the premises. Does your mom know where you are? Oh, you didn't tell her, eh. How about I call her and let her know you were about to trespass onto private property? Oh, you're going now? Good choice, Mr. Kent -- for your sake. Don't come back without an appointment. I'll let Mr. Luthor know you came by.

Clark Kent777

09-20-2006, 08:16 PM

^^^ Thats a gr8 one President Luthor!
I alwasy laugh at the way everyone in Smallville just walks into the Luthor mansion. :) *claps*

xrayvision

09-20-2006, 08:41 PM

Lex: You know Clark, you may be the hero of this town, but you're nothing like the hero in this comic book I'm reading.

Clark: And what may that be?

Lex: Superman. The guy is a reporter by day and a superhero whenever anyone is in trouble. He actually protects the world than let it fall into disarray like this town always happens to be in May-June every year. I wonder why that is Clark?

Clark: Well, I doubt he has a bastard for a father and he is probably gay since to be straight he would have to give all his attention to the girl he's stalking.

Lex: Actually, his father & entire race are dead Clark. I never knew you thought Jonathan Kent was a bastard. Also, he gets more action from his hot reporter girlfriend than you get with your nightly telescope workout.

Clark: No, that's what I think of my real father.....Papa.....John. Yeah, that's right, the pizza guy.

Lex: You're the son of the Papa John's pizza guy? Aw hell....you're a millionaire then. All that money wasted on Lana when you could have spent yours.

Clark: Well, if you want to get her back, order a 100 pizzas in her name to her dorm and I'll have Papa send 'em over.

Lex: Now you're talking.

<later>

Clark: Mmmm Chloe, this is good pizza.

Chloe: Yeah, too bad Lana is out of town and can't enjoy it.

Clark: Haha, and too bad Lex doesn't know that her charge account is under his name, so he'll be the one paying for all of this.

Chloe: Hey Clark, there's a whole lotta pizza over here. How are we gonna finish it?

Clark: Well, we can work up an appetite. Hmmm?

Chloe: Mmm hmmm........Clark not on my bed.....let's mess up Lana's bed.

Clark: Delivery time......30 hours or more :cool:

Red K 5

09-20-2006, 10:56 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Lex: You know Clark, you may be the hero of this town, but you're nothing like the hero in this comic book I'm reading.

Clark: And what may that be?

Lex: Superman. The guy is a reporter by day and a superhero whenever anyone is in trouble. He actually protects the world than let it fall into disarray like this town always happens to be in May-June every year. I wonder why that is Clark?

Clark: Well, I doubt he has a bastard for a father and he is probably gay since to be straight he would have to give all his attention to the girl he's stalking.

Lex: Actually, his father & entire race are dead Clark. I never knew you thought Jonathan Kent was a bastard. Also, he gets more action from his hot reporter girlfriend than you get with your nightly telescope workout.

Clark: No, that's what I think of my real father.....Papa.....John. Yeah, that's right, the pizza guy.

Lex: You're the son of the Papa John's pizza guy? Aw hell....you're a millionaire then. All that money wasted on Lana when you could have spent yours.

Clark: Well, if you want to get her back, order a 100 pizzas in her name to her dorm and I'll have Papa send 'em over.

Lex: Now you're talking.

<later>

Clark: Mmmm Chloe, this is good pizza.

Chloe: Yeah, too bad Lana is out of town and can't enjoy it.

Clark: Haha, and too bad Lex doesn't know that her charge account is under his name, so he'll be the one paying for all of this.

Chloe: Hey Clark, there's a whole lotta pizza over here. How are we gonna finish it?

Clark: Well, we can work up an appetite. Hmmm?

Chloe: Mmm hmmm........Clark not on my bed.....let's mess up Lana's bed.

Clark: Delivery time......30 hours or more :cool:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Clark is mean and evil... that would be so cool if he did that on the show:lol:

xrayvision

09-21-2006, 08:10 PM

Lana: Clark, why don't do have a Halloween costume on?

Clark: I do.

Lana: But you're wearing your usual plaid and jeans.

Clark: That's because that's what your dad probably wore.

Lana: You're dressed as my dad?!? Are you insane?

Clark: No, I'm your dad before the meteor strike. I like the costume. It doesn't have a mask.

Lana: And you now took up smoking? Look at all that cigarette ash on the floor!!

Clark: No silly, that's your dad after the meteor strike!

Lana (crying): I'm telling Lex what you did you heartless ape!!

Clark: No Lana, I'm saving the Gorilla Grodd costume for next year.

kryptonguy

09-22-2006, 11:12 AM

Its kind of funny, I just found the tread, and have noticed that some of the quotes from the beginning have actually happened in the last season or two. :-)

Daddylion

09-22-2006, 11:25 AM

lol, yeah, it's like the thing with K-site's old april fool's page.

xrayvision

09-22-2006, 02:49 PM

Chloe: Hey Clark! Where'd you get that suit?

Clark: Oh you mean this red, blue and yellow suit with the red cape?

Chloe: Yeah?

Clark: Henry Small made it for me using his sweatshop.

Chloe: I thought he would be against those shops?

Clark: Not anymore. He had a change of heart after Lana left him like a plate of salad at a truckstop diner.

Chloe: Well you look like a superhero.

Clark: I am.

Chloe: What does the HL on your chest stand for?

Clark: Well, remember after I broke up with Lana when Simone was killed how I told you I had one power that was stronger than all the rest?

Chloe: Yeah?

Clark: Well....I'm HurtLana-Man!! The HL is part of my El family symbol, but on the symbol it's not as specific and instead stands for Hurt Lang.

Chloe: So your career will now be to hurt Lana in extraordinary ways?

Clark (flying): My first mission is to put her parents in her bed and cover them up with a blanket to surprise her.

Chloe (trying to yell): Remember that my bed is the one by the window, so it's the other one.

Clark: Chloe, I can't hear you....you're gonna have to talk louder...what do you think I have....superhearing??

Chloe: Oh damn!! This is not what I meant when I said I want a stiff in my bed.

Kat_Halliwell

09-22-2006, 04:35 PM

Oh my! :lol:
xrayvision I'm taking you're not a Lana fan, right? :p

Lana: And you now took up smoking? Look at all that cigarette ash on the floor!!

Clark: No silly, that's your dad after the meteor strike!
That's so wrong but so funny! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

xrayvision

09-22-2006, 05:54 PM

I don't really care one way or another. I used to like her a lot more in seasons 1-2. Then I started liking her again in season 5 up to Void. After that, I don't really care anymore. The character is horribly written. There is no way someone who was once portrayed smart or with decent intelligence would be so stupid as they are currently portraying her. At least now that they've gone in this Lexana direction, let them play it out (as long as they don't have Clark playing Stalkerman or pining after her). Making her evil would be interesting, but I would rather see her get in deep doo-doo with Lex blackmailing her once she starts to realize how is really is and wants to leave.

Lex: Hey Lana, I want to take you downstairs to a part of the mansion you've never seen before.

Lana: OK.

<moments later>

Lana: My, it's dark in here.

Lex: Let me open the lights.

Henry Small, Nell, and Jason (all gagged): Mmmpphhhhh!!!! Lmmempphhh!!!!

Lana: You tied up Nell, Henry Small, and Jason? Why would you do this Lex?

Lex: Because they all hurt you in the past. Nell didn't let you move here when you were younger and didn't buy you a pink pony like I did. Henry Small didn't even know you existed until you hunted him down. And Jason fantasized about his mother while he was with you. I have been torturing them for years now. Now, it's your turn to torture them.

<he gives her a whip>

Lana: I am Lana Lang, and you will pay!!!! WHIPPPPP!!!!!!!

Nell: Owww!!! Lana honey, I never did anything to you.

Lana: You gave me a birthday party!!!!! One with many balloons and friends!!!! I only wanted my horsies!!! You made me be a cheerleader and didn't submit to my absolute authority when you moved without my permission. How DARE you!!!! WHHIIIPPPPP!!!

Henry Small: Please, stop this Lana. Only you can stop this insanity.

Lana: You didn't dump your previous family for me. Me!! ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You cared more for Clark's caves than for me. You expect me to care about you? You like caves so much?? Lex, put him in a 3x3 box and lock him up!!!

Henry Small: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lana: And as for you, Mr. Mommy-fantasizing-pervert!!!!! I have something special for you!! Lex taped me killing your mommy, and now you will be chained to a wall with a TV in front of you playing an endless loop of that video!!!

Jason: You stupid b--ch!!!! He's gonna use that video to blackmail you.

Lana: No he's not. My Lexy-poo loves me. He even has a spot in the corner there that says "Reserved for Lana Lang".

<Lex has an evil smirk on him>

Theshadow129x

09-22-2006, 07:29 PM

lmao

Clark : I'm officially over lana and dont love her any more

President_Luthor

09-22-2006, 09:19 PM

Clark: Now that we're on another network, we can finally leave behind all the angst-ridden mush we had to do on The WB ..... I'm "Free to claim my destiny"

Lana: That's not free, Clark! You're free to do whatever you want.

Chloe: Yeah, Clark. I'm "Free to develop advanced computer skills spontaneously".

Lois: And I'm "Free to date the next JLA superhero who gets a story arc this season"

Clark: So I'm not "Free to claim my destiny"?

Chloe: Don't you get it, Clark? You're "Free to choose whatever destiny you want". Great Scott, no one cares about canon 'round these parts.

Brainiac: Yes, Kal-El. If you wish, you are "Free to bow to Zod" if you like.

Clark: Nice try, buddy. That would prompt me to do the whole Man of Steel-becomes-a-hero thing. That's not fun ... that's work!

Lana: Exactly, Clark. I'm "Free to stall Lex's fall from grace with yet another love triangle".

Clark: You see, now 'that's more fun.

Jimmy Olsen: Yeah, and I'm "Free to make Clark jealous by dating his best friend who used to have a crush on him".

Clark: He's not right for you, Chloe. I just want to protect you.

Chloe: See? That's the spirit. You're "Free to do your high-and-mighty sanctimonious routine" this whole season if you'd like.

Clark: Cool! Then I'm "Free to take a pass on being the Last Son of Krypton and pursue my dream of becoming a pro motocross racer"!

Lex: If that's the case, then I'd be "Free to be the driving force behind this entire series".

Lana: But Lex -- you already are, aren't you?

Lex: Technically -- yes. But the show is about Clark's evolution into a hero ...

Brainiac: :lol: Sorry, Lex -- I thought you said Clark was evolving into a hero.

Chloe: Well, Lex is "Free to be sarcastic about Clark's heroic behaviour", you know. No offense, Clark.

Clark: None taken. I'm too busy being "Free to not be super" -- unless you mean as a super-fantastic motocross racer!

Lana: Clark Kent is "Free to be clueless"

Lex: Precisely, Lana. (Clark is making motorbike sounds with his mouth, circling them with his imaginary motorbike). Precisely.

xrayvision

09-23-2006, 03:25 PM

Haha, I always wondered why we never saw Clark doing any dirt biking after Skinwalker. Though we have seen a lot of dirt-bagging from Lex. I guess Pete is free to be forgotten by TPTB.

<Night time---Luthor Mansion---Lana is sleeping>

BAAANNNGGGG!!!!!

Lana: Huh!! What was that!!

<All of a sudden the windows break>

Lex: What's going on in here?!!?

Lana: I dunno. The windows are breaking, the doors are closing. I'm scared Lex.

<A table in the room catches on fire>

Lex: Let's get out of here now.

<The door closes along with the latch of the lock>

Voice: You're not going anywhere.

Lana: We're trapped!! We're gonna die!!!!!!

Voice: It's all your fault. No aunt......nothing........

<Just then Clark superspeeds through the door>

Lex & Lana: Clark!!!

<Everything goes back to normal>

Lex: How'd you know we were in trouble?

Clark: Who cares about that. The important thing is that you're safe.

Lex: No it matters. How did you know?

Clark: I saved your life and you can't let this go?

Lex: You know that the both of us can never accept anything and we nag on our issues until there's nothing left.

Clark: Well if you have to know, the tripod for my telescope is loose and needs to be tightened, so when it slid, I got a glimpse of the Luthor mansion and saw a fire and broken glass.

Lana: Was your telescope there when Lex and I were on our moonlight walk on the beach last night too?

Clark: Well, you know what they say....stars are most visible at the beach.

Lana: Liaarrr!!!!

Lionel (after entering): You two must stop these paranoid tendencies. You will miss out on what's really important.

Clark: So what the hell happened here?

Lex: We heard voices. I think this place is haunted again. What are we gonna do? Who are we gonna call?

Clark: Ghostbusters!!!!! I'm surprised Lana hasn't called them by now. Just like the theme lyrics go, there is something strange sleeping in her bed that don't look good.

Lex: Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!!! Be serious for once you clown!!!!!!

Clark: Why should I be? It's not like I'm going to be a hero one day.

Lex: Can we stay at the farm tonight?

Lionel: Hmmm.....I don't know about that.....there isn't too much room.

Clark: Yes there is....I know exactly where.

<They go to the farm>

Lex & Lana: The horse stables!!!!!!!!!!

Clark: It's perfect. You got all this nice cozy hay. And just like at home in the Luthor Mansion Lana, you get to wake up next to a pile of turd.

Lex: You son of a b--ch!!!! This is actually my farm!!! I bought the farm for your parents.

Clark: No my dad bought the farm.

Lionel: Isn't that true. You put the Kents' names on the deed son. It's too late.

Lex: Those 4 cows....are they gonna be here with us?

Clark: Oh, you mean the Farmtastic Four? Tomorrow at dinner they will be the Farmtasty Four.

Clark: Go to sleep and we'll figure this out in the morning.

<In the morning...>

Clark: Rise and shine!! Hey Lex, you grew hair.

Lana: That's not hair!! Ewwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Lionel: It's all over your face son.

Lex (very annoyed): I'm taking a shower.

Clark: No, Lois just jumped into it. It will be free in an hour and a half.

Lex (extremely annoyed): Well how am I gonna clean this crap off from me?

Clark: I'll hose you down behind the barn. If it's good enough for the cows, then it's good enough for a dirtbag.

Lex: Raaaaarrrr!!!!!!

Clark: You know Lex, that "Ahhhhrrrr" and "Raaaaarrrrrr" reaction of yours is inevitable. It's just like Kenny dying in every episode.

Lana: No, he doesn't always die. I saw some where he lived.

Lex: Just shut up you morons and hose me down.

<Later>

Martha: So the Luthor mansion is haunted?? How will you solve this?

Clark: Well mom, I already called Ghostbusters last night, and they're flying down today.

Lex: Somehow, I think you're involved in this Clark.

<There's a knock on the door & Martha opens it>

Egon Spengler: Hello. I'm Egon Spengler from the Ghostbusters. I'm here to meet Clark, Lex, and Lana.

Martha: Come in.

Clark: Hey dude, cool glasses.

Egon: Thanks.

<Takes his glasses off to clean them>

Clark: Whooaaaa!!!

Clark (a light bulb goes on above his head): I can't even recognize you man!! Can I try them on?

<Lex & Lana enter the living room>

Lex: Who are you?

Lana: Yeah, you look kind of dorky? Do we know you?

Clark: It's me....Clark!!

Lex and Lana: No way!!

Clark: Way...dude!!

Egon: I will need my glasses back young man.

Lex: So you're the guy who's gonna inspect my mansion and rid the apparition?

Egon: No. I have a more serious job to attend to. My proteges will handle it.

<The door opens>

Proteges: Hey everyone. We're Sam & Dean Winchester.

Clark: Hey, your face. It looks familiar. Have I seen you here before?

Dean: No. I may have passed through here last season, but I doubt I met you.

Clark: Hmmm....last season. I can't remember anything from before August-September. It's really weird. It happens to me every year.

Sam: Well, where's this mansion that we have to check out.

<At the mansion>

Dean: Everything seems normal. It looks like there is no ghost here.

Lana: Are you calling me crazy? I'm normal!!!

Dean: Yeah, I know. It's the people dating you who would have to be on meds.

Lana: Lex is normal.

Sam: Well, that remains to be seen.

Dean: Anyway, we'll always have Paris...baby.

Lana: What? I vaguely remember going to Paris and meeting a guy, but I got hit in the head so many times, I can't remember anymore. Why did you say that? Are you the guy?

Sam: He said it because Casablanca is his favorite movie.

Lana: Oh.

Dean: There is no sign that any ghost was ever here.

Lex: Then how do you explain what happened last night?

Sam: I'd say the butler did it.

Lex: Butler?? That bastard!!

Dean: Just look at the tape.

Lex: What tape?

Dean: You have all this stuff in this mansion and you have no surveillance?

Lex: Whuh.....surveillance? What's that?

Sam: What a MORON!!!!!!

<Just then Dean's EMF transmitter goes wild>

Dean: We got something here.

Sam: It looks like it's coming from the east wing in the third floor.

Lex: Uhhhhh......I doubt it's in there.

Dean: Look Mr. Luthor, do you want to stop this thing or not? The closer we walk towards the east wing, the stronger the EMF gets.

Lana: Let them do their job Lex.

Lionel: Or is there something you don't want us to see in there Lex?

Lex: No, of course not....

<Moments later>

Sam: This is the room it's coming from. We're lucky because from the distance between the doors, it looks like this is a big room and we'll have plenty of room to maneuver.

<Lex presses a hidden button that kills the lights to the mansion>

Dean: Damn! It must know we're close. It cut off the lights. We'll have to use our flashlights now.

Lex (thinking): Haha, Clark will never see the stuff in the room now. He'll never know I lied to him.

<They open the door>

Voice: You....can't hide anything anymore Lex......

<The lights go back on>

Sam: Dean, it's talking.

Clark: Hey, what is all this stuff? I thought all this was destroyed?

Dean (to Lex): Dude, you're a sick bastard.

Voice: Yes he is....

Lana: What is all this Lex? Why do you have all this stuff about Clark? Are you in love with him? I thought I was the only one you cared for?

Lex: Well, you know how I call you My Tender Little Chicken as a pet name.

Lana: Yeah?

Lex: Well....Clark is what I consider the other white meat.

Clark: Awww, you're a sick dude Lex. Get away from me.

Dean: Wait----there's the ghost!!! Shoot him with rocksalt Sam!!

Voice: Wait.........

<The ghost uses his powers to move the shotgun into his hands>

Clark: Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lex: Mr. Kent....is that you?

Voice: I'm holding a shotgun...you else would it be you moron?

Dean: Reveal yourself.

<Jonathan reveals himself>

Lana: Why are you doing this to us?

Jonathan: Because it's all your fault. Death was so unsuccessful keeping you with him that he came for me.

Lana: But, I'm too pretty....too beautiful to die. You on the other hand...well let's just say it doesn't have to be Halloween for you to scare off any kids.

Jonathan: Hmmm....well I guess we'll have to fix that.

<He shoots her in the face with rocksalt>

Lana: Ahhhhhh.......my face!!!!!!

Lex: Lana are you OK?

Jonathan: She'll live....unlike me. But let's see you wake up with her next to you from now on.

Lana (in great pain): Lex is not shallow like your son.

Jonathan: Oh...isn't he.....

Lex (on his cell phone): Yes....Smallville Sanitation.......yeah I'd like to have some trash picked up from the Luthor Mansion, 3rd floor East wing. Meet me in the hallway. Her face is kinda bloody so bring gloves.

Lana: Noooooo!!!!!! Why meeeeee?

Clark: Why are you doing this dad?

Jonathan: A dead guy's gotta have some fun Clark. What else am I gonna do? You Big 3 members of Smallville all had a hand in my death, so I gotta have some fun.

Lex: So you'll never leave my house???

Jonathan: Well, I'll be busy skinnydipping tomorrow night with your mom Lex, so you'll be free then. And the next night, Lana's great aunt Louise will go with me to a clothing optional limbo party. And on Friday Nell and I are going to try a cross-dimensional date. We're gonna need a bed, so I think yours will do fine.

Dean & Sam: Well Mr. Luthor, I hope you have a nice life.

lilkoolmaria

09-23-2006, 06:10 PM

Lex: Lana...It's over.
Lana: What? *Hyperventalating* Need...boyfriend...quick....
Pete walks by.
Lana: Ohhh, Pete!

Welling_is_pretty

09-23-2006, 06:27 PM

Originally posted by lilkoolmaria
Lex: Lana...It's over.
Lana: What? *Hyperventalating* Need...boyfriend...quick....
Pete walks by.
Lana: Ohhh, Pete!
:rotfl: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

i love u tom

09-23-2006, 08:22 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Haha, I always wondered why we never saw Clark doing any dirt biking after Skinwalker. Though we have seen a lot of dirt-bagging from Lex. I guess Pete is free to be forgotten by TPTB.

<Night time---Luthor Mansion---Lana is sleeping>

BAAANNNGGGG!!!!!

Lana: Huh!! What was that!!

<All of a sudden the windows break>

Lex: What's going on in here?!!?

Lana: I dunno. The windows are breaking, the doors are closing. I'm scared Lex.

<A table in the room catches on fire>

Lex: Let's get out of here now.

<The door closes along with the latch of the lock>

Voice: You're not going anywhere.

Lana: We're trapped!! We're gonna die!!!!!!

Voice: It's all your fault. No aunt......nothing........

<Just then Clark superspeeds through the door>

Lex & Lana: Clark!!!

<Everything goes back to normal>

Lex: How'd you know we were in trouble?

Clark: Who cares about that. The important thing is that you're safe.

Lex: No it matters. How did you know?

Clark: I saved your life and you can't let this go?

Lex: You know that the both of us can never accept anything and we nag on our issues until there's nothing left.

Clark: Well if you have to know, the tripod for my telescope is loose and needs to be tightened, so when it slid, I got a glimpse of the Luthor mansion and saw a fire and broken glass.

Lana: Was your telescope there when Lex and I were on our moonlight walk on the beach last night too?

Clark: Well, you know what they say....stars are most visible at the beach.

Lana: Liaarrr!!!!

Lionel (after entering): You two must stop these paranoid tendencies. You will miss out on what's really important.

Clark: So what the hell happened here?

Lex: We heard voices. I think this place is haunted again. What are we gonna do? Who are we gonna call?

Clark: Ghostbusters!!!!! I'm surprised Lana hasn't called them by now. Just like the theme lyrics go, there is something strange sleeping in her bed that don't look good.

Lex: Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!!! Be serious for once you clown!!!!!!

Clark: Why should I be? It's not like I'm going to be a hero one day.

Lex: Can we stay at the farm tonight?

Lionel: Hmmm.....I don't know about that.....there isn't too much room.

Clark: Yes there is....I know exactly where.

<They go to the farm>

Lex & Lana: The horse stables!!!!!!!!!!

Clark: It's perfect. You got all this nice cozy hay. And just like at home in the Luthor Mansion Lana, you get to wake up next to a pile of turd.

Lex: You son of a b--ch!!!! This is actually my farm!!! I bought the farm for your parents.

Clark: No my dad bought the farm.

Lionel: Isn't that true. You put the Kents' names on the deed son. It's too late.

Lex: Those 4 cows....are they gonna be here with us?

Clark: Oh, you mean the Farmtastic Four? Tomorrow at dinner they will be the Farmtasty Four.

Clark: Go to sleep and we'll figure this out in the morning.

<In the morning...>

Clark: Rise and shine!! Hey Lex, you grew hair.

Lana: That's not hair!! Ewwwww!!!!!!!!!!

Lionel: It's all over your face son.

Lex (very annoyed): I'm taking a shower.

Clark: No, Lois just jumped into it. It will be free in an hour and a half.

Lex (extremely annoyed): Well how am I gonna clean this crap off from me?

Clark: I'll hose you down behind the barn. If it's good enough for the cows, then it's good enough for a dirtbag.

Lex: Raaaaarrrr!!!!!!

Clark: You know Lex, that "Ahhhhrrrr" and "Raaaaarrrrrr" reaction of yours is inevitable. It's just like Kenny dying in every episode.

Lana: No, he doesn't always die. I saw some where he lived.

Lex: Just shut up you morons and hose me down.

<Later>

Martha: So the Luthor mansion is haunted?? How will you solve this?

Clark: Well mom, I already called Ghostbusters last night, and they're flying down today.

Lex: Somehow, I think you're involved in this Clark.

<There's a knock on the door & Martha opens it>

Egon Spengler: Hello. I'm Egon Spengler from the Ghostbusters. I'm here to meet Clark, Lex, and Lana.

Martha: Come in.

Clark: Hey dude, cool glasses.

Egon: Thanks.

<Takes his glasses off to clean them>

Clark: Whooaaaa!!!

Clark (a light bulb goes on above his head): I can't even recognize you man!! Can I try them on?

<Lex & Lana enter the living room>

Lex: Who are you?

Lana: Yeah, you look kind of dorky? Do we know you?

Clark: It's me....Clark!!

Lex and Lana: No way!!

Clark: Way...dude!!

Egon: I will need my glasses back young man.

Lex: So you're the guy who's gonna inspect my mansion and rid the apparition?

Egon: No. I have a more serious job to attend to. My proteges will handle it.

<The door opens>

Proteges: Hey everyone. We're Sam & Dean Winchester.

Clark: Hey, your face. It looks familiar. Have I seen you here before?

Dean: No. I may have passed through here last season, but I doubt I met you.

Clark: Hmmm....last season. I can't remember anything from before August-September. It's really weird. It happens to me every year.

Sam: Well, where's this mansion that we have to check out.

<At the mansion>

Dean: Everything seems normal. It looks like there is no ghost here.

Lana: Are you calling me crazy? I'm normal!!!

Dean: Yeah, I know. It's the people dating you who would have to be on meds.

Lana: Lex is normal.

Sam: Well, that remains to be seen.

Dean: Anyway, we'll always have Paris...baby.

Lana: What? I vaguely remember going to Paris and meeting a guy, but I got hit in the head so many times, I can't remember anymore. Why did you say that? Are you the guy?

Sam: He said it because Casablanca is his favorite movie.

Lana: Oh.

Dean: There is no sign that any ghost was ever here.

Lex: Then how do you explain what happened last night?

Sam: I'd say the butler did it.

Lex: Butler?? That bastard!!

Dean: Just look at the tape.

Lex: What tape?

Dean: You have all this stuff in this mansion and you have no surveillance?

Lex: Whuh.....surveillance? What's that?

Sam: What a MORON!!!!!!

<Just then Dean's EMF transmitter goes wild>

Dean: We got something here.

Sam: It looks like it's coming from the east wing in the third floor.

Lex: Uhhhhh......I doubt it's in there.

Dean: Look Mr. Luthor, do you want to stop this thing or not? The closer we walk towards the east wing, the stronger the EMF gets.

Lana: Let them do their job Lex.

Lionel: Or is there something you don't want us to see in there Lex?

Lex: No, of course not....

<Moments later>

Sam: This is the room it's coming from. We're lucky because from the distance between the doors, it looks like this is a big room and we'll have plenty of room to maneuver.

<Lex presses a hidden button that kills the lights to the mansion>

Dean: Damn! It must know we're close. It cut off the lights. We'll have to use our flashlights now.

Lex (thinking): Haha, Clark will never see the stuff in the room now. He'll never know I lied to him.

<They open the door>

Voice: You....can't hide anything anymore Lex......

<The lights go back on>

Sam: Dean, it's talking.

Clark: Hey, what is all this stuff? I thought all this was destroyed?

Dean (to Lex): Dude, you're a sick bastard.

Voice: Yes he is....

Lana: What is all this Lex? Why do you have all this stuff about Clark? Are you in love with him? I thought I was the only one you cared for?

Lex: Well, you know how I call you My Tender Little Chicken as a pet name.

Lana: Yeah?

Lex: Well....Clark is what I consider the other white meat.

Clark: Awww, you're a sick dude Lex. Get away from me.

Dean: Wait----there's the ghost!!! Shoot him with rocksalt Sam!!

Voice: Wait.........

<The ghost uses his powers to move the shotgun into his hands>

Clark: Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lex: Mr. Kent....is that you?

Voice: I'm holding a shotgun...you else would it be you moron?

Dean: Reveal yourself.

<Jonathan reveals himself>

Lana: Why are you doing this to us?

Jonathan: Because it's all your fault. Death was so unsuccessful keeping you with him that he came for me.

Lana: But, I'm too pretty....too beautiful to die. You on the other hand...well let's just say it doesn't have to be Halloween for you to scare off any kids.

Jonathan: Hmmm....well I guess we'll have to fix that.

<He shoots her in the face with rocksalt>

Lana: Ahhhhhh.......my face!!!!!!

Lex: Lana are you OK?

Jonathan: She'll live....unlike me. But let's see you wake up with her next to you from now on.

Lana (in great pain): Lex is not shallow like your son.

Jonathan: Oh...isn't he.....

Lex (on his cell phone): Yes....Smallville Sanitation.......yeah I'd like to have some trash picked up from the Luthor Mansion, 3rd floor East wing. Meet me in the hallway. Her face is kinda bloody so bring gloves.

Lana: Noooooo!!!!!! Why meeeeee?

Clark: Why are you doing this dad?

Jonathan: A dead guy's gotta have some fun Clark. What else am I gonna do? You Big 3 members of Smallville all had a hand in my death, so I gotta have some fun.

Lex: So you'll never leave my house???

Jonathan: Well, I'll be busy skinnydipping tomorrow night with your mom Lex, so you'll be free then. And the next night, Lana's great aunt Louise will go with me to a clothing optional limbo party. And on Friday Nell and I are going to try a cross-dimensional date. We're gonna need a bed, so I think yours will do fine.

Dean & Sam: Well Mr. Luthor, I hope you have a nice life.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Spirit Detective

09-23-2006, 08:49 PM

Clark: Lana, you look rather pleased.

Lana: Hehehehehe (cackling loudly)!

Clark: What's so funny?

Lana: Unlimited Power!

Clark: Oh, so now you're Sith Lordana!

Lana: Now you will experience the FULL power of the dark side!

Clark: I don't think you were suppose to eat Lex's halloween candy.

Lana: (drooling) unlimited power... gahhhddaaaagnh

daffodil_elel

09-23-2006, 08:56 PM

Clark: i'm going to kill Lana

Red K 5

09-23-2006, 09:41 PM

Lana: I'm swearing off all men... from now on I'm a lesbeain

Clark: Cool, how do you feel about threesomes

thehenry89

09-23-2006, 09:51 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
I don't really care one way or another. I used to like her a lot more in seasons 1-2. Then I started liking her again in season 5 up to Void. After that, I don't really care anymore. The character is horribly written. There is no way someone who was once portrayed smart or with decent intelligence would be so stupid as they are currently portraying her. At least now that they've gone in this Lexana direction, let them play it out (as long as they don't have Clark playing Stalkerman or pining after her). Making her evil would be interesting, but I would rather see her get in deep doo-doo with Lex blackmailing her once she starts to realize how is really is and wants to leave.

Lex: Hey Lana, I want to take you downstairs to a part of the mansion you've never seen before.

Lana: OK.

<moments later>

Lana: My, it's dark in here.

Lex: Let me open the lights.

Henry Small, Nell, and Jason (all gagged): Mmmpphhhhh!!!! Lmmempphhh!!!!

Lana: You tied up Nell, Henry Small, and Jason? Why would you do this Lex?

Lex: Because they all hurt you in the past. Nell didn't let you move here when you were younger and didn't buy you a pink pony like I did. Henry Small didn't even know you existed until you hunted him down. And Jason fantasized about his mother while he was with you. I have been torturing them for years now. Now, it's your turn to torture them.

<he gives her a whip>

Lana: I am Lana Lang, and you will pay!!!! WHIPPPPP!!!!!!!

Nell: Owww!!! Lana honey, I never did anything to you.

Lana: You gave me a birthday party!!!!! One with many balloons and friends!!!! I only wanted my horsies!!! You made me be a cheerleader and didn't submit to my absolute authority when you moved without my permission. How DARE you!!!! WHHIIIPPPPP!!!

Henry Small: Please, stop this Lana. Only you can stop this insanity.

Lana: You didn't dump your previous family for me. Me!! ME, ME, ME, ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You cared more for Clark's caves than for me. You expect me to care about you? You like caves so much?? Lex, put him in a 3x3 box and lock him up!!!

Henry Small: Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lana: And as for you, Mr. Mommy-fantasizing-pervert!!!!! I have something special for you!! Lex taped me killing your mommy, and now you will be chained to a wall with a TV in front of you playing an endless loop of that video!!!

Jason: You stupid b--ch!!!! He's gonna use that video to blackmail you.

Lana: No he's not. My Lexy-poo loves me. He even has a spot in the corner there that says "Reserved for Lana Lang".

<Lex has an evil smirk on him>

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: o my god i think i just had an asthma attack you rock!!!!!!!!

xrayvision

09-23-2006, 10:04 PM

Lana: What's going inside the Talon?

Bystander: I heard there's a new band inside playing some music.

Lana: Are they any good?

Bystander: You should check it out.

<Lana opens the door to the Talon>

Lois: Hey Lana!

<A band is singing>

Lana: What's going on here?

Lois: I discovered Smallville's first boy band and booked them immediately.

Clark (singing): .....I am a telescope........TELE-SCOPE, TELESCOPE..........

Lana: Clark started a boy band? What else am I gonna see?

Lois: Yeah, isn't it cool?

Clark (singing): I am, I am......a telescope!

Lana: I love boy bands, but I'm not sure of this.

Clark (singing): I am, I am......a telescope!

Lana: I wonder if the lyrics mean anything.

Clark (singing): When I, see you, I'm a tripod!!

Lois: He said he was motivated by life events.

Clark (singing): La-na, La-na, I'm a tripod!!

Lana: He ripped off that Yes song, Into the Lens.

Lois: Actually, it's a cover with altered lyrics.

Clark: Thank you everybody!!!! That was our new song, Into the Lana Lang Lens. Thanks for joining us.

Lex: Let's get some sodas boys!

<At the front by the cash register>

Clark: Whew, it's nice to have a nice Coke straight up on the rocks after that performance.

Lex: Yeah, damn straight.

Pete: Hey Lex, you're the gay one of our boy band.

Lex: Why do I always have to be the gay one.

Clark: I got dibs on being the alcoholic!!!

Pete: Damn, I should have called it sooner.

Lionel: How were my keyboard skills?

Clark: They were magnificently bastardtastic!!

Lex: Dad, you are truly bastardlicious.

Pete: Today Smallville, tomorrow Wichita!

Lana: What's your group's name?

Clark: The Union of Broken Promises.

Lana: How appropriate.

Lois: UBP is selling out all the coffee in this place. You guys gotta come back here next week.

Pete: We got other places to be.

Lois: No, you have to come back. C'mon Smallville!!

Clark: Let's put it in lyrics you can understand: "Girl, I gotta leave ya, and never ever grieve ya....."

Lana: Fine, leave me again!!!!

Clark: What the hell???

Lois: Lana is turned on by boy bands and doesn't want Smallville's original and only boy band to leave.

Lana: You made a song about me and don't want to stay here Clark?

Clark: I also made a version of Into the Lana Lang Lens based on Chloe. It's called Into the Chloe Sullivan Screen. I replace the "tripod" in the lyrics with "hard drive".

Lana: I think I'm gonna hurl.

Lionel: Hey CK, that was pervalicious!!

Pete: Time to get the hell outta here.

Clark (grabs a microphone): UBP is leaving the building!!!

Lex: No you idiot, someone else should be making that announcement after we have already left!

Clark: Big deal Lex. What's the problem?

Pete: All those teenage girls are rushing towards us. They wanna rip off parts of our clothes and take pieces of our hair.

Lex: Well, at least I'm lucky in that department!!

Lionel: You're purple shirt will be a goner.

Lex: Noooooo!!!! Let's get outta here!!

Clark: Hahahaha!!! I can easily outrun everyone here. So long suckers!!

Teenage Girls: Come back!!!!! You're ours!!!!!

Clark: Hey.....how come they're running as fast as I am?

<Lois puts the Benny Hill theme on the Talon sound system>

Clark: No fair!! Now I have no advantage over them!!! How will I outrun them??!!

Lois: I guess life's a b--ch even if you're in a boy band.

Kat_Halliwell

09-23-2006, 10:21 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Lana: What's your group's name?

Clark: The Union of Broken Promises.

Lana: How appropriate.
No kidding! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
La-na, La-na, I'm a tripod!! Hilarious! :lol:

Spirit Detective

09-23-2006, 10:28 PM

Lois to Ollie: "You know, I was able to seduce the other Aquaman and I bet I can get to you just as easily"
________

Cellular Phone Conversation in Smallville, Kansas

Lana: Clark?

Clark: Who is this?

Lana: Don't tell me you've already forgotten.

Clark: Lana? I saw you fall from a building.

Lana: You know that wasn't very nice. Let me speak to your father.

Clark: I don't know where he is.

Lana: Clark, It's time for the grown ups to talk (he hands the phone over).

Jonathan Kent: This is John.

Lana: Howdy John, I'm Lana. I'm here in Grandville visiting Jack Jennings. We know you have the colt John, word travels fast.

Jonathan: I don't know what you're talking about.

Lana: Oh? Well listen to this (sounds of Lana slitting Jack's throat)
Do you hear that? That's the sound of your friend dying. Now Let's try this again. We know you have the colt John, so as far as we're concerned you just declared war. And this is what war looks like, it has casualties.

Jonathan: I'm gonna kill you

Lana: Please. Mind your blood pressure. Now we're going to keep doing what we're doing and everyone that you've ever known, anyone that's every helped you, gave you shelter, will all die, unless you give us the gun.

Jonathan: Okay

Lana: Sorry, I didn't quite catch that

Jonathan: I'll bring you the Colt.

Lana: There's a warehouse in Luthorcorp plant 4. Meet me there tonight. If you do decide to come, come alone.

Jason Teague: You know it's a trap. That's why Lana wants you to go alone.

Jonathan: I can handle her.

Jason Teague: You're gonna hand Lana a fake gun and hope she doesn't notice.

Jonathan: Besides a couple of Tri Psys, no one has actually seen the gun. I've been waiting for this fight a long time, and now I'm going to help play my part and buy you boys some time.

<7 hours later>

Lana: You came. From everything I've heard about you, I was hoping that you'd be...taller

Jonathan: ...

Lana: Well aren't you the chatty type. You want to get to business, fine.

Jonathan: If I give you the colt, how do I get out of here?

Lana: Well, if you're as good as they say you are, then you'll figure something out

Jonathan: Maybe I'll just shoot you

Lana: Go ahead, there's more where I came from.

(Lex enters)

Jonathan: Who the hell is that?

Lana: Someone not nearly as fun as I am. Now give us the gun.

(Jonathan hesitating)

Lana: Now! (not f-ing around)

(Jonathan hands over the gun)

Lana: This is the colt? (hands gun over to Lex) What do you think?

(Lex shoots Lana)

Lana: You shot me! I can't believe you just shot me!

Lex: It's a fake!

Jonathan: I never used the gun, how was I suppose to know that it wouldn't work?

Lana: I am so not in the mood for this, I've just been shot!

Jonathan: Well then I guess it's a good thing the gun wasn't real.

Lana: That's funny! We're going to rip the skin off your bones, but that was funny.

(chases starts)

Lex: ahhh

Lana: Holy water John! Real Cute!

(Jonathan Kent grinning)

<10 min later>

(cellular phone beeping)

Jason Teague: Dad?

Lana: You boys really screwed up this time.

Jason Teague: Where is he?

Lana: You're never going to see your father again.

Spirit Detective

09-24-2006, 09:48 AM

Zod/Vessel's Trap: the conclusion to Salvoracle

Jason Teague: They got dad! We gotta go, The Zod is probably coming for us next.

Clark: I don't care, let it come.

Jason Teague: Look we're no good to anyone dead!

<driving on the road to Lionel's house>

Jason Teague: Thanks for helping us out Lionel.

Lionel: No problem. Your dad needs help.

Jason Teague: Well we were kinda worried. You did threaten to shoot him the last time you saw him.

(Lionel chuckles)

Lionel: This is some serious crap you boys stepped in! Normally, I hear of 2 or 3 Phantom Zone escapees. This month, there have been over 20! The storms comin. More and more freak of the weeks are walking among us and you boys are smack in the middle of it.

Clark: Hey Lionel, what is this?

Lionel: The Tome of Isobel Thoreaux? That's the real deal. You get a disciple of Zod in there and they're trapped. Kind of like a Zodanic roach motel.

Shelby: woof woof woof ! ... (Shelby is heard no more)

(Doors come crashing down)

Lana: No more crap! (she forces Jason Teague aside)
I swear after everything I've heard about you Kents, I've gotta say that I'm a little underwhelmed! First Johny tries to pawn off a fake gun and then he leaves the run gun with you two chuckle heads. Lackluster men! Now where is the colt! (Lana not f-ing around)

Clark: We don't have it.

Lana: Did I not say, "no more crap!". Where is the gun?

Jason Teague: Gotcha!

(Lana looks up and sees the mark of Isobel Thoreaux)

Lana: Sh--!

<break>

Lana: If you wanted to tie me up, all you had to do was ask.

Jason Teague: Where's our father, Lana?

Lana: You didn't ask nicely!

Jason Teague: Where's our father, witch!

Lana: You kiss your mother with that mouth? Oh, I forgot you don't!

Jason Teague: What, do you think this is a freakin game?

(Jason Teague slaps Lana in the face twice)

Lana: That's kind of a turn on, you hitting a girl!

Jason Teague: You're no girl!

Lionel: Jason! You gotta be careful with her! Don't hurt her!

Jason Teague: Why?

Lionel: Because she really is a girl! That's a witch possesing a girl, can't you tell?

Jason Teague: Well that's actually good news!

(Clark pulls out the Isobel's spellbook)

Lana: Are you going to read me a story?

Jason Teague: Something like that. Hit it Clark!

Clark: regna terrae, cantate deo, psallite domino.

Lana: Uh, Hah! I'm gonna kill you!

Jason Teague: No, you're gonna burn, unless you tell us where our father is. Well, at least you'll get a nice tan!

Clark: tribute virtutem deo exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio ... benedictus deus gloria patri!

Lana: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

(Black clouds of smoke come out from Lana's mouth)

xrayvision

09-24-2006, 10:34 PM

<At a pharmacy>

Pete: Hi. I cut myself pretty bad last night and used up my last Band Aid. Can you show me where they are?

Cashier: They should be in aisle 4.

<Pete checks aisle 4>

Pete: I didn't see any there.

Cashier: Well, I'm sure we have some generic brands.

Pete: NO, NOT THE STORE BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xrayvision

09-25-2006, 07:54 PM

Lines you'll never hear in season 6:

Clark: Ready to go out to dinner mom?

Martha: Yes. You should go up to your room and put on your father's watch.

Clark: Huh? What are you talking about? What father?

Martha: Your father, Jonathan Kent.

Clark: Jonawho?

Martha: How can you forget the great man who raised you all these years?

Clark: I faintly remember seeing a guy working outside who looked like Bo Duke. I think he was a farmhand.

Martha: No, he was your father.

Clark: Really? Bo Duke was my father?

Martha (annoyed): Yes.

Clark: Cool!!! When do I inherit the Dodge Charger....you know.....the General Lee?

Martha: Clark!!!

<Clark is pretending to drive the car>

Clark: Vroomm!! Vrooomm!!!! Errrrrrrk!! Weeeehaaa!!!!!

Red K 5

09-25-2006, 07:59 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Lines you'll never hear in season 6:

Clark: Ready to go out to dinner mom?

Martha: Yes. You should go up to your room and put on your father's watch.

Clark: Huh? What are you talking about? What father?

Martha: Your father, Jonathan Kent.

Clark: Jonawho?

Martha: How can you forget the great man who raised you all these years?

Clark: I faintly remember seeing a guy working outside who looked like Bo Duke. I think he was a farmhand.

Martha: No, he was your father.

Clark: Really? Bo Duke was my father?

Martha (annoyed): Yes.

Clark: Cool!!! When do I inherit the Dodge Charger....you know.....the General Lee?

Martha: Clark!!!

<Clark is pretending to drive the car>

Clark: Vroomm!! Vrooomm!!!! Errrrrrrk!! Weeeehaaa!!!!!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Clark Kent777

09-26-2006, 06:06 AM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Lines you'll never hear in season 6:

Clark: Ready to go out to dinner mom?

Martha: Yes. You should go up to your room and put on your father's watch.

Clark: Huh? What are you talking about? What father?

Martha: Your father, Jonathan Kent.

Clark: Jonawho?

Martha: How can you forget the great man who raised you all these years?

Clark: I faintly remember seeing a guy working outside who looked like Bo Duke. I think he was a farmhand.

Martha: No, he was your father.

Clark: Really? Bo Duke was my father?

Martha (annoyed): Yes.

Clark: Cool!!! When do I inherit the Dodge Charger....you know.....the General Lee?

Martha: Clark!!!

<Clark is pretending to drive the car>

Clark: Vroomm!! Vrooomm!!!! Errrrrrrk!! Weeeehaaa!!!!!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Thats a gr8 one xrayvision!!!!:rotfl: :rotfl:

Red K 5

09-26-2006, 07:12 AM

Clark: I'm not fat, I'm pregnant

Lana: Does anyone want icecream?

Clark: Did you hear me I'M PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lana and Chloe: Yeah, we heard you the first time.

Clark: It's your fault you know

Lana: My fault? How is this my fault? Nothing ever's my fault.

*Lana runs away crying*

Chloe: How is this her fault?

Clark: It's not. I just felt like making her cry. You wanna make out?

Chloe: What about the baby?

Clark: He won't mind.

*Clark and Chloe make out, standing up of course*

Clark Kent777

09-26-2006, 05:44 PM

Clark to Lex: DIE BALDY!!!

Red K 5

09-26-2006, 06:43 PM

Clark: Will you marry me?

Chloe: What????!!!!

Clark: We can live at the Fortress and take care of the baby together. Pleeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee.

*Clark gives her the saddest puppydog face ever*

*Chloe nods*

Clark: Cool, lets make out

3 days later

Lois: OMG! Clark is pregnant and is married to my cousin.

*Lois rans away crying*

Kat_Halliwell

09-26-2006, 07:11 PM

Originally posted by Red K 5
Clark: Will you marry me?

Chloe: What????!!!!

Clark: We can live at the Fortress and take care of the baby together. Pleeeeeaaaaaaasssssssseeeeee.

*Clark gives her the saddest puppydog face ever*

*Chloe nods*

Clark: Cool, lets make out

3 days later

Lois: OMG! Clark is pregnant and is married to my cousin.

*Lois rans away crying*
That is just so wrong! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Omegacronos

09-26-2006, 08:36 PM

Lois: What's wrong smallville?
Clark: I keep having these weird nightmares.
Lois: What about?
Clark: I'm not sure, all I know is they always have Teri Hatcher and Margot Kidder in them.
Lois: Let me guess, sex dreams right.
Clark: No, not at all. In the dream i'm wearing a red cape, and they keep telling me i'm not as hot a some guy named Dean Cane.
Lois; Very profound
Clark: What do you think it means?
Lois: I'm no Freud, but I think the meaning is obvious
Clark: Really
Lois: Yep, your gay, fruitier than a bowl of pebbles.
Clark: Wow maybe your right. That's it, I'm leaving the farm, getting my nipples pierced, and changing my name to peaches!!! Look out world, HERE COMES PEACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
( Clark goes running off screaming at super speed )
Lois: God, I was just kidding. Farmboys are so wierd.

xrayvision

09-26-2006, 09:59 PM

Haha, that was pretty good.

Daddylion

09-27-2006, 08:50 AM

Originally posted by Omegacronos
Lois: What's wrong smallville?
Clark: I keep having these weird nightmares.
Lois: What about?
Clark: I'm not sure, all I know is they always have Teri Hatcher and Margot Kidder in them.
Lois: Let me guess, sex dreams right.
Clark: No, not at all. In the dream i'm wearing a red cape, and they keep telling me i'm not as hot a some guy named Dean Cane.
Lois; Very profound
Clark: What do you think it means?
Lois: I'm no Freud, but I think the meaning is obvious
Clark: Really
Lois: Yep, your gay, fruitier than a bowl of pebbles.
Clark: Wow maybe your right. That's it, I'm leaving the farm, getting my nipples pierced, and changing my name to peaches!!! Look out world, HERE COMES PEACHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I REALLY couldn't resist.

alternate version continuing from that.

Lex: *pops in out of nowhere* Peaches huh?
Clark: yeah. You like it?
Lex: oh yeah, I could eat peaches for hours.
Jimmy: Not if i get to it first!
*Lex and Jimmy fights for clark*

thehenry89

09-27-2006, 12:51 PM

clark: FLAVA FLAAAAAAAV!!!!!!

Red K 5

09-27-2006, 01:40 PM

Post #188 of 188

*Clark is eating pie in the kitchen*

Clark: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm... pie is good. Pie is my friend...

Lois: No it's not. Pie is your enemy. I mean look at you. You're fat.

Clark: So. You can't cook.

*Clark continues to eat*

Lois: Step away from the evil pie, NOW!!!

Clark: No, and you can't make me.

*Lois throws the pie on the floor*

Clark: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lois: Clark, I think you have a serious problem

30 minutes later

*Clark stand in front of a crowd*

Clark: Hi, I Clark Kent and I'm a pieoholic

xrayvision

09-27-2006, 01:54 PM

^^As a followup:

<Police sirens are heard>

Clark: Was I doing something wrong officer?

Sheriff: Yeah, you were eating pie while driving Mr. Kyiint.

Clark: There is no law against that.

Sheriff: You obviously nyever heard of DUPI - "Driving Under Pie Influence". Step away from the vehicle Mr. Kyiint.

Towlie: Towlie always says bring your towel when eating pie!!

Sheriff: Alrightee!!

Towlie: Wanna get high on pie?

Red K 5

09-27-2006, 02:45 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
^^As a followup:

<Police sirens are heard>

Clark: Was I doing something wrong officer?

Sheriff: Yeah, you were eating pie while driving Mr. Kyiint.

Clark: There is no law against that.

Sheriff: You obviously nyever heard of DUPI - "Driving Under Pie Influence". Step away from the vehicle Mr. Kyiint.

Towlie: Towlie always says bring your towel when eating pie!!

Sheriff: Alrightee!!

Towlie: Wanna get high on pie?
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

xrayvision

09-27-2006, 07:38 PM

Thanks, but you're the one who made that pieaholic post.

thehenry89

09-27-2006, 08:16 PM

i'll admit that clark has added quite a bit of girth since season one.but TW is pushing 30 he cant stay nice and trim forever. i say he should have his pie and eat it to.

Clark Kent777

09-27-2006, 08:29 PM

:lol:

xrayvision

09-27-2006, 08:41 PM

In 2006 a meteor shower visitor and his crew were sent to the Phantom Zone and riot scenes by an alien mass murderer for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Smallville underground. Today, still wanted by Zod, they survive as soldiers of secrets & lies. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the BDA-Team.

<Theme plays>

Colionel: Thank you for calling Gabe. I am Colionel Smith, and this is my team TemPeteton Faceman Ross, Howling Lex Luthor, and B.D.A. Baracus. What is the problem you're having?

Gabe Sullivan: My daughter, Chloe has been kidnapped by the Lang Crime Syndicate. I need you to retrieve her and bring her back.

BDA Baracus: What? Those foo's are messin' with my main desirer?

Gabe: Yes Mr. Baracus.

TemPeteton: No worries Mr. Sullivan. I think I can distract Ms. Lang with my good looks and Corvette while the rest of the BDA Team executes Colionel's master plan. Just gotta spray on some Axe body spray and she'll be baited faster than Howlin' Lex can be admitted to Belle Reve.

Howlin' Lex: All we gotta do is fly on over to Metropolis in my chopper and the rest is a piece of cake.

BDA Baracus: What!! You know I'm afraid of heights foo'!! We ain't doin' nothin' like that.

Howlin' Lex: Why are you afraid if you can fly and are invulnerable?

BDA Baracus: Some fools named TPTB can answer that!!

Howlin' Lex: Would it help if I said the rest is easy like a piece of pie?

BDA Baracus: Now you're talkin' foo'!!

<later>

Colionel: Hey, BDA, smell this bottle of Face's Axe and let him know if you think it will work on the head of the Lang syndicate.

<BDA smells it & passes out>

TemPeteton Faceman Ross: I knew we could trick him and knock him out that way. Krypto-body spray always works. Get him into the chopper before he wakes up.

<Later>

Colionel: There is Lang Headquarters. We will need a vehicle to break through the gates and get to Ms. Lang.

BDA Baracus: Let's make a high-powered spaceship!!

<5 minutes pass by where shots of the arms & hands of the BDA team are seen putting together a spaceship that can demolish the entire headquarters>

TemPeteton: That was fast as always. We should blow those clowns away from American Chopper.

Colionel: And blow our cover? Never.

Howlin' Lex: Are you ready for action Face?

TemPeteton: 'course. Let's do it.

<The BDA team's ship blasts a giant hole through Lang headquarters>

Security: Ms. Lang, we're under attack by aliens!!! Aaaahhhhh!!!!

<Lana runs out to the front of the headquarters to see what's going on after no more responders from security>

Lana: What in the world is that? Hey, it's shiny like a mirror. I can see my beautiful face.

TemPeteton: No!!! Don't look at your reflection!!!!! You will want to kill yourself!!

Lana: Oh, I want me so bad. Must.....stop....myself......from killing.......me.

Colionel: Hehe, never fails. I love it when a plan comes together! Go for it Face!!

TemPeteton: Ms. Lang <wink, wink>, lets say you and me go out for some dinner at Chez Magnifique Bastard.

Lana: Sounds promising, lets go.

<BDA climbs out of the ship>

Lana: I knew you were an alien!!!!

BDA Baracus: Whatcha talkin' about foo'!!! I converted my pickup truck into this ship.

BDA Baracus (winking): Henry Small's No Conversion is too Small Body Shop did it for me.

Lana: Ok, it must be true then. You know if you shaved that mohawk off and pledged to give me all your gold chains, you would be a sexy Cueball.

Howlin' Lex (inside the ship): Arrghh!!

BDA Baracus (whispering): Psst! Face....just use secrets & lies...look how well it just worked.

<Lana leaves with TemPeteton and the ship continues inside to where the internal security team is located>

Howlin' Lex: Ahhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! Raaaaahhhhhrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! You did this to me!!!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Security team: We have a wild one here. Alert Belle Reve immediately.

<Howlin' Lex starts kicking and fighting them>

Security team: I'll need the whole team!! Hurry!! Ow!!!!

BDA Baracus: The team is busy. Time to rock and get Ms. Sullivan out of her cell.

<moments later>

Chloe: Who are you?

BDA Baracus: I'm BDA Baracus of the BDA-Team foo'!!. Your dad called us here to get you out. Move it!!!

Chloe: OK.

BDA Baracus: Damn!!!!

Chloe: What's the matter?

BDA Baracus: I forgot how to work this contraption.

Chloe: Just turn the knob, push the door and it will open.

BDA Baracus: Dammit. Maybe I'm da foo'!!!

<Chloe is brought back to the ship unharmed and a machine gun fight ensues>

BLAMM!!! KRRRTTTTTT!!!!!!!

<Bodies fly through windows in slow-motion after BDA Baracus throws them through & various security vehicles flip out and overturn>

<Moments later>

Howlin' Lex: How come Face is never involved in these gun fights?

Colionel: How come there are never any fatalities when we have these gun fights?

BDA Baracus: Who cares foo'!! I'm late!! I gotta get over to my telescope so I can spy on & stalk Ms. Lang's date with Face.

<Later>

Gabe Sullivan: Thank you so much BDA-Team. I don't know how I can repay you.

Colionel: Just have your daughter pine over BDA Baracus and not go out on any dates for the next several years until he either becomes attracted to her or moves on to her cousin.

Gabe Sullivan: Will do! Thanks again!!

Omegacronos

09-28-2006, 08:19 AM

Wow, that sounded just like something off of Robot Chicken. Xray, you should forward that post to Seth Green, because I would kill to see that.

xrayvision

09-28-2006, 09:58 PM

<Martha makes Clark a new dish called Jimmy-Surprise Pot Pie>

Clark: Mmmm....it's extra meaty mom!! Whatcha put inside?

Martha: Some Slim Jimmy's.

Pete (popping in): Snap into a Slim Jimmy.

Smallville's version of Pulp Fiction:

The MB: You guys look like... What do they look like, Jimmy?
Jimmy: Dorks. They look like a couple of dorks.
Clark: Ha-ha-ha. Look at your clothes, motherf----r.

Pete: Get into the zone....Phantom Zone!!! We carry all the BDA parts you need. This week...a yellow solar ray recharger for only 3 pies down.

Doomsday04

09-28-2006, 10:17 PM

Clark: Kneel before Cal!

Clark Kent777

09-28-2006, 11:48 PM

Lionel to Clark: Marty, I mean Clark! I have invented a time machine!

Clark: Wow! Doc, I mean Lionel, are you telling me you invented a time machine!?

Lionel: Thats what I said!

Clark:This is heavy! Do you know what this means? Now we can go back in time and stop Lex from becoming evil!

Lionel: Great Scott!!!!

--------------------
This will only make sence if you have seen "Back to the future" lol:)

Red K 5

09-29-2006, 12:01 AM

Clark: I love you so much. I can't live without you. You complete me.

*Clark's stomach growls loudly. He eats the pie*

Clark: (Crys) And now you're gone. I feel so sad

xrayvision

09-29-2006, 12:06 PM

Martha: Hi Jor-El. I made you some of my famous pie to make up for all the trouble Clark...er...Kal-El as you call him caused you.

Jor-El: Thank you Martha Kent.

Clark (yelling as usual): Sorry father!! I want to embrace my destiny!!

Jor-El: Martha, is someone talking? I don't see anyone.

Clark: That's very mature father....the silent treatment.

Lex: Lana, I just got a new job today and have something very important to ask you.

<He's getting ready to grab an object causing a bulge in his pocket>

Lana (excited): Yes Lex!?!

Lex (putting a ring on her finger): Would you like fries with that?

Lana: An onion ring!!! What happened to all your money? Why are you working at McDonalds?

Lex: My dad castrated me again. Luthorcorp go BOOM!!

Lana: Goodbye Lex!!!!

smallvilleaddict15

09-29-2006, 02:25 PM

Here's my lame contribution to this thread...

*Lionel walks in on Lex*

Lionel: Lex, what are you doing!?
Lex: Dad it's not what it looks like!
Lionel: It looks like youv'e been lying to me for a long time! Why didn't you ever tell me that it grew back?
Lex: Well, I dunno. I just thought that it attracted the ladies to me.
Lionel: Son, I don't know what to say.
Lex: Sorry pops, but I just thought I looked better being bald.

~

Clark: Hey Chloe you wanna hang out tonight?
Chloe: Sure what do you want to do?
Clark: Oh I don't know, something really fun and exciting!
Chloe: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Clark: Hope so.*Clark gets a big grin on his face*
Chloe: What time should we start?
Clark: Pretty soon, Jepordy should be starting in about half an hour.

xrayvision

09-29-2006, 02:59 PM

<Lex & Lana are having a hot & steamy night>

Lex: I'm glad we decided to do this Lana.

Lana: Me too.

<Just then, Clark zooms in for some action & leaves after a split second before anyone realizes>

Lana: Lex, you were wonderful...like an animal.

<Some months later>

Lana: Lex, the stork will be paying us a visit soon.

Lex: What!!! We were so careful!!

Lana: I know, but somehow it happened. I always tell you to chalk up Cuestick so this doesn't happen.

<7 years later>

Lana: Lex honey, Lex Jr. is playing with his telescope. He seems to be spying on Lisa Logan, a girl in his class.

Lex: He's a weird kid. I went to his room and he wet the bed, but there was a river of piss. I needed my snorkeling gear just to get into the room.

Lana: And he's always defying you around mid May of every year and winds up getting in severe trouble for it.

Lex: He seems to have a strange affinity for pie.

Lana: That's ridiculous Lex. Next you're going to tell me he constantly lies to you and keeps secrets from us.

Lex: He does. He said he needed a closet full of plaid shirts and red and blue jackets for a class project, but I spoke with his teacher and there was no such thing. I think the boy is on drugs Lana.

Red K 5

09-29-2006, 03:28 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
<Lex & Lana are having a hot & steamy night>

Lex: I'm glad we decided to do this Lana.

Lana: Me too.

<Just then, Clark zooms in for some action & leaves after a split second before anyone realizes>

Lana: Lex, you were wonderful...like an animal.

<Some months later>

Lana: Lex, the stork will be paying us a visit soon.

Lex: What!!! We were so careful!!

Lana: I know, but somehow it happened. I always tell you to chalk up Cuestick so this doesn't happen.

<7 years later>

Lana: Lex honey, Lex Jr. is playing with his telescope. He seems to be spying on Lisa Logan, a girl in his class.

Lex: He's a weird kid. I went to his room and he wet the bed, but there was a river of piss. I needed my snorkeling gear just to get into the room.

Lana: And he's always defying you around mid May of every year and winds up getting in severe trouble for it.

Lex: He seems to have a strange affinity for pie.

Lana: That's ridiculous Lex. Next you're going to tell me he constantly lies to you and keeps secrets from us.

Lex: He does. He said he needed a closet full of plaid shirts and red and blue jackets for a class project, but I spoke with his teacher and there was no such thing. I think the boy is on drugs Lana.
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

brother_of_krypton

09-29-2006, 05:12 PM

yes, that was good...

Clark: Golly jeepers JO! What are you up to today?
Jimmy: Nothing Clark, now go do something productive...I'm sorting pictures to be copied...
Clark: But JO!
Jimmy: but NOTHING Clark...go bug Chloe.

Also:

Clark: Mom!!!!!!! Where's the pie!
Martha: Up your @$$, sweetie :)

And:
Chloe: Golly gee whiz, Clark, you're so big, and strong, and handsome...(SWOON)
Clark: Uh-Thank you...Uh-thank you very muh-ch...

Red K 5

09-29-2006, 05:17 PM

Originally posted by brother_of_krypton
Clark: Mom!!!!!!! Where's the pie!
Martha: Up your @$$, sweetie :)

:lol:
Clark: Please... I need my pie

Martha: No way, Clark. You too fat

xrayvision

09-29-2006, 08:06 PM

Originally posted by brother_of_krypton
Clark: Mom!!!!!!! Where's the pie!
Martha: Up your @$$, sweetie :)

Hahaha. I would have loved to see this in an episode like Spirit or Hypnotic where Martha was "not herself".

Continued from post 2162

Lex: Lana, I just got a new job today and have something very important to ask you.

<He's getting ready to grab an object causing a bulge in his pocket>

Lana (excited): Yes Lex!?!

Lex (putting a ring on her finger): Would you like fries with that?

Lana: An onion ring!!! What happened to all your money? Why are you working at McDonalds?

Lex: My dad castrated me again. Luthorcorp go BOOM!!

Lana: Goodbye Lex!!!!

<The next day>

Lex (on the phone): I'm sorry I offended you with the onion ring yesterday Lana, but my father cut me off and that's the only job I could find.

Lana: Have it your way.

Lex: Actually, that's Burger King, not McDonalds.

Lana: Lex, you promised me diamond rings & French cuisine, not onion rings and French fries.

Lex: Well, I wanted a big rack but had to settle for a Big Mac.

Lana: That's it Lex, I'm leaving.

Lex: No Lana wait!! A lot of things can change in 24 hours, and they indeed did.

Lana: What are you talking about Lex?

Lex: I got a new job that pays me millions every year. At least I'll be a millionaire.

Lana: Oh really Lex!! That's great!!

Lex: No more secret onion rings, no more fries.

Lana: That would be a fresh start.

Lex: This time, I really I have an important question to ask you--the most important ever.

Lana: Before you ask yours, let me ask you one. Why are you wearing an earring?

Lex: Oh that...well it's part of my job.

Lana: Well....OK. Go ahead.

Lex: Lana?

Lana (at the edge of her seat): Yes Lex?

Lex: Deal or No Deal?

<The Belle Reve team and coroner are called to take away Lana and Lex respectively....ENTER: Howie Mandel>

THE END

Red K 5

09-29-2006, 08:13 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Hahaha. I would have loved to see this in an episode like Spirit or Hypnotic where Martha was "not herself".

Continued from post 2162

Lex: Lana, I just got a new job today and have something very important to ask you.

<He's getting ready to grab an object causing a bulge in his pocket>

Lana (excited): Yes Lex!?!

Lex (putting a ring on her finger): Would you like fries with that?

Lana: An onion ring!!! What happened to all your money? Why are you working at McDonalds?

Lex: My dad castrated me again. Luthorcorp go BOOM!!

Lana: Goodbye Lex!!!!

<The next day>

Lex (on the phone): I'm sorry I offended you with the onion ring yesterday Lana, but my father cut me off and that's the only job I could find.

Lana: Have it your way.

Lex: Actually, that's Burger King, not McDonalds.

Lana: Lex, you promised me diamond rings & French cuisine, not onion rings and French fries.

Lex: Well, I wanted a big rack but had to settle for a Big Mac.

Lana: That's it Lex, I'm leaving.

Lex: No Lana wait!! A lot of things can change in 24 hours, and they indeed did.

Lana: What are you talking about Lex?

Lex: I got a new job that pays me millions every year. At least I'll be a millionaire.

Lana: Oh really Lex!! That's great!!

Lex: No more secret onion rings, no more fries.

Lana: That would be a fresh start.

Lex: This time, I really I have an important question to ask you--the most important ever.

Lana: Before you ask yours, let me ask you one. Why are you wearing an earring?

Lex: Oh that...well it's part of my job.

Lana: Well....OK. Go ahead.

Lex: Lana?

Lana (at the edge of her seat): Yes Lex?

Lex: Deal or No Deal?

<The Belle Reve team and coroner are called to take away Lana and Lex respectively....ENTER: Howie Mandel>

THE END :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

xrayvision

09-29-2006, 08:36 PM

<Back after the tornado passed and Chloe went to Metropolis between season 1 & 2>

Chloe: Hey Superboy, wanna grab a bite to eat?

Jimmy: Uh.......oh....sure, let's go.

<Later after dinner and a long night>

Jimmy: I'm glad I..uh...ran into to you Chloe. So how was I?

Chloe: Pretty disappointing. I expected much more from someone who once had superpowers.

Jimmy: Huh?

Chloe: What did they do to you in Belle Reve, Eric?

Jimmy: Eric?

Chloe: Did they erase your mind?

Jimmy: I have never been to Belle Reve. I'm just your average normal photographer.

Chloe: Eric, that abusive father of yours would never let you use a camera.

Jimmy: My name is Jimmy dammit, not Eric!!

Chloe: What!! You're not Eric Summers?

Jimmy: No, I'm Jimmy Olsen.

Chloe: So you just pretended to be someone you're not just to sleep with me?

Jimmy: Uh, hello...like I said, I'm an average typical guy. Seriously Chloe, do you think I'll ever get another chance to get some action with this dorky, geeky, nerdy body?

Chloe: Hahaha, I guess not. You're pathetic!!! I was your only chance, me...the Chlo-ster!!

Jimmy (crying): How can you be so cruel!! Mommy!!!

Chloe: Go, just go ahead and get on out of here. You're mommy called and said the prune juice she poured & warm bath she ran for you are waiting.

Jimmy: Waaahhhh!!!

Chloe: You call yourself a man. I'll shoot you the next time I see you!!! Now git!!!!

<Larry the Cable Guy pops in>

Larry: Now he certainly didn't git 'er done!!

Chloe: Hey Larry....are you ready for some Chloevage?

Larry: Git 'er done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And so we have the origin of how and why Chloe had sex with Jimmy Olsen between seasons 1 & 2.

Spirit Detective

09-30-2006, 07:55 PM

Scene at the Phantom Burger

Lana: "I'll have one Phantom Burger with extra Zone rings."

Zod: "Zod doesn't take orders, he gives them."

Lana: "Okay, what would you like"

Zod: "It seems I underestimated the females of your species"

Lana: "So are you going to order anything"

Zod: ""Zod doesn't take orders, he gives them."

Lana: "I'll just give you an order of KFC chicken"

Zod: "Chicken? When I consumed Lex Luthor's essence, his affinity for chicken left a bitter aftertaste"

Lana: "Lex would never choose KFC over me"

Zod: "Are you sure?" (Zod seperates from Lex)

Lex: I'm so happy to see you.

Lana: Me too

Lex: There were times when I thought I would never taste the original recipe of the Colonel.

Lana: Lex, I want you to choose between the chicken and me.

Lex: Lana, I'm not an idiot! I choose the chicken

Lana: Well then it's time for you to leave (Lana pulls out Black K remerging Lex with Zod)

Zod: It's time for you to sire me an aire

Lana: Now that's more like it!

Zod: I was talking to the chicken.

Lana: sniff, sniff, Why won't anybody notice me.

(Zod grabs the KFC bucket and enters the Black Ship)

Zod: The mission to find the KFC was a success!

Brainac: Now we shall rule the fast food industry!
Create McDonalds on Earth!

Lana: sniff, sniff, Why won't anybody notice me. I know! Clark is probably peeping at me right now!

(Lana goes over to the Kent barn)

Lana: Hey, where is he? And why is Eric Summers tied up?

Jimmy: mmmmm

Lana: Alright, I'll free you if you tell me where Clark is.

Jimmy: Why does everyone keep calling me Eric? My name is Jimmy.

Lana: Please, I may be conceded, but I'm not stupid enough to not recognize a person when I see them.

Jimmy: Whatever, Clark kidnapped Chloe and took her to Lionel's penthouse.

(Lana enters the penthouse)

Clark: I can't believe I'm getting some tonight!

Chloe: Clark, come back into the water.

Clark: Chloe, that birthmark on your cheek is so cute!

Chloe: You noticed.

Lana: OMG!

Chloe: I'm so glad that you toke care of that stalker Eric Summers.

Clark: Yeah, who does he think he is trying to impersonate Jimmy Olsen.

Lana: Clark, I can't believe you're cheating on me

Clark: Lana, it seems the peeped has now become the peeper. Security!

Lionel and Marhta: You called

Lana: Mrs. Kent?

Martha: Oh no, It's Mrs Luthor now!

The end.

Zod: The moral of the story is: "Don't give Zod a bucket of chicken!"

Kat_Halliwell

09-30-2006, 08:08 PM

Love it! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Spirit Detective

09-30-2006, 08:15 PM

Originally posted by Kat_Halliwell
Love it! :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

what part?

xrayvision

09-30-2006, 09:25 PM

Hahaha!!!!! That was great!! I liked the moral and Lana's reaction (Please, I may be conceded, but I'm not stupid enough to not recognize a person when I see them) the best.

Kat_Halliwell

09-30-2006, 09:32 PM

Originally posted by Spirit Detective
what part?
Your post, all of it :p
But if I have to choose...

Lana: Lex, I want you to choose between the chicken and me.
Lex: Lana, I'm not an idiot! I choose the chicken

Zod: It's time for you to sire me an aire
Lana: Now that's more like it!
Zod: I was talking to the chicken.
Those two had me rolling :lol:

Spirit Detective

09-30-2006, 09:38 PM

Originally posted by Kat_Halliwell
Your post, all of it :p

Those two had me rolling :lol:

Thanks

:p

xrayvision

09-30-2006, 09:53 PM

Out of the ones I posted, my favorites are:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2450137#post2450137

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2457903#post2457903

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2448384#post2448384

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2202132#post2202132

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2428495#post2428495

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2190819#post2190819

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2177389#post2177389

And my 2 all time favorites:

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2157782#post2157782

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2163998#post2163998

This is maybe my favorite thread out of all of them.

Spirit Detective

09-30-2006, 10:50 PM

xrayvision, you are too good!

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/s...137#post2450137
Loved it

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/s...495#post2428495
Go Secrets and Lies!

http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/s...819#post2190819
Really Loved it

My Favorites:

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2470241#post2470241

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2471058#post2471058

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2470050#post2470050

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2462422#post2462422

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2490049#post2490049

Omegacronos

09-30-2006, 11:22 PM

Post #2171 of 2178

Scene at the Phantom Burger

Lana: "I'll have one Phantom Burger with extra Zone rings."

Zod: "Zod doesn't take orders, he gives them."

Lana: "Okay, what would you like"

Zod: "It seems I underestimated the females of your species"

Lana: "So are you going to order anything"

Zod: ""Zod doesn't take orders, he gives them."

Lana: "I'll just give you an order of KFC chicken"

Zod: "Chicken? When I consumed Lex Luthor's essence, his affinity for chicken left a bitter aftertaste"

Lana: "Lex would never choose KFC over me"

Zod: "Are you sure?" (Zod seperates from Lex)

Lex: I'm so happy to see you.

Lana: Me too

Lex: There were times when I thought I would never taste the original recipe of the Colonel.

Lana: Lex, I want you to choose between the chicken and me.

Lex: Lana, I'm not an idiot! I choose the chicken

Lana: Well then it's time for you to leave (Lana pulls out Black K remerging Lex with Zod)

Zod: It's time for you to sire me an aire

Lana: Now that's more like it!

Zod: I was talking to the chicken.

Lana: sniff, sniff, Why won't anybody notice me.

(Zod grabs the KFC bucket and enters the Black Ship)

Zod: The mission to find the KFC was a success!

Brainac: Now we shall rule the fast food industry!
Create McDonalds on Earth!

Lana: sniff, sniff, Why won't anybody notice me. I know! Clark is probably peeping at me right now!

(Lana goes over to the Kent barn)

Lana: Hey, where is he? And why is Eric Summers tied up?

Jimmy: mmmmm

Lana: Alright, I'll free you if you tell me where Clark is.

Jimmy: Why does everyone keep calling me Eric? My name is Jimmy.

Lana: Please, I may be conceded, but I'm not stupid enough to not recognize a person when I see them.

Jimmy: Whatever, Clark kidnapped Chloe and took her to Lionel's penthouse.

(Lana enters the penthouse)

Clark: I can't believe I'm getting some tonight!

Chloe: Clark, come back into the water.

Clark: Chloe, that birthmark on your cheek is so cute!

Chloe: You noticed.

Lana: OMG!

Chloe: I'm so glad that you toke care of that stalker Eric Summers.

Clark: Yeah, who does he think he is trying to impersonate Jimmy Olsen.

Lana: Clark, I can't believe you're cheating on me

Clark: Lana, it seems the peeped has now become the peeper. Security!

Lionel and Marhta: You called

Lana: Mrs. Kent?

Martha: Oh no, It's Mrs Luthor now!

The end.

Zod: The moral of the story is: "Don't give Zod a bucket of chicken!"

-----------------------------

Later on, Back at the black ship.
Zod: This Bucket of the KFC has my heart reeling. Zod has never felt such a thing.
Brainiac walks outside the ship to where Zod is standing, looking lustily at the chicken
Brainiac: General, might I have a piece of that wonderful smelling chicken?
Zod: Your nothing but a computer program, you could'nt possibly know how to enjoy, something such as this, besides, I have more to offer it than you do.
Brainiac: I have plenty to offer!
Zod: DIE!!! ( Shoots Brainiac with heat vision so strong he shatters instantly )
Just then Zod takes flight as soft orchestra music begins to play. Flying over Metropolis
Zod: I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me chicken, when did you last let your heart decide.......
In the Disney building ( Metropolis Branch ) Michael Eisner standing at the window watching the flying figure getting smaller as it drifts into the distance.
Eisner: COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!!!!!! COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!!!! I"LL SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crusader

10-01-2006, 04:04 AM

Clark in english class, a boy behind him throws a paper aeroplane at clark's head.

Clark: What the f*** hell do you think your doing!!!

Boy: haha chill out man it was just a prank

Clark: superspeeds over to his desk and lift him up with one arm " now you shall feel the wrath of a true kryptonian...
* burns his face with heat vision" * the boy drops to the floor dead*

Teacher: CLARK!!!! DETENTION!!!

Clark: awww come on i never touched him!!!!

xrayvision

10-01-2006, 09:32 AM

Scenes from My Cousin Clarky:

Clarky Gambini: My sources...
Perry White: What are you wearing?
Clarky Gambini: Huh?
Perry White: What are you wearing?
Clarky Gambini: [wearing plaid with a red jacket] Um, I'm wearing clothes.
[Perry stares ominously]
Clarky Gambini: I... I don't get the question.
Perry White: When you come into my office looking like you do, you not only insult me, but you insult the integrity of this newspaper.
Clarky Gambini: I apologise, sir, but, uh... this is how I dress.
Perry White: The next time you appear in my office, you will look reporterly. And I mean you comb your hair, and wear a suit and tie. And that suit had better be made out of some sort of... cloth. You understand me?
Clarky Gambini: Uh yes. Fine, Mr. White, fine.

Originally posted by Spirit Detective
My Favorites:

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2470241#post2470241

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2471058#post2471058

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2470050#post2470050

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2462422#post2462422

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2490049#post2490049

I'll check these out soon and get back to you. I went to bed earlier than I wanted to last night, otherwise I would have checked them all out by now.

i love u tom

10-01-2006, 10:10 AM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Scenes from My Cousin Clarky:

Clarky Gambini: My sources...
Perry White: What are you wearing?
Clarky Gambini: Huh?
Perry White: What are you wearing?
Clarky Gambini: [wearing plaid with a red jacket] Um, I'm wearing clothes.
[Perry stares ominously]
Clarky Gambini: I... I don't get the question.
Perry White: When you come into my office looking like you do, you not only insult me, but you insult the integrity of this newspaper.
Clarky Gambini: I apologise, sir, but, uh... this is how I dress.
Perry White: The next time you appear in my office, you will look reporterly. And I mean you comb your hair, and wear a suit and tie. And that suit had better be made out of some sort of... cloth. You understand me?
Clarky Gambini: Uh yes. Fine, Mr. White, fine.

haha i love that movie... good job! :D

lilkoolmaria

10-01-2006, 03:12 PM

Clark: Lois, you're so hot. Oh, oh! I know!! Let's get married!

Kat_Halliwell

10-01-2006, 07:04 PM

Originally posted by Omegacronos
Zod: I can show you the world. Shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me chicken, when did you last let your heart decide.......
In the Disney building ( Metropolis Branch ) Michael Eisner standing at the window watching the flying figure getting smaller as it drifts into the distance.
Eisner: COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!!!!!! COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!!!!! I"LL SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Just the thought of Zod singing! :lol:

Spirit Detective

10-01-2006, 07:15 PM

(After Zod knocks Clark into the field...)

Zod: Kneel before Zod!

Clark:....

Zod: Kneel!

(Clark kneels)

Zod: Take my hand

(Clark takes Zod's hand)

Brainiac: I now pronounce you Zod and wife

Zod: No!

Brainiac: Master?

Zod: It's Zod and chicken.

(Zod pulls out his secret stash of KFC)

Brainiac: That wasn't part of the plan!

Zod: You think that I wouldn't find out?

Brainiac:...

Zod: That stuff that Nam-Ek gave you, it's not used to ward off phantoms, it's used to summon one. You care more about vessels than you do about Aethyr.

Brainiac: I have a plan!

Zod: That's exactly my point! Aethyr is dying and you have a plan!

Brainiac: That thing killed your body, trapped you in the Phantom Zone. You begged me to be a part of this fight. Now if you had killed that damn thing when you had the chance, none of this would've happened.

Zod: The phantom was possessing the Black Ship! I would've killed you too!

Brainiac: You know what, I should've never released you! I knew this would happen!

Zod: Go back to the Honduras!

Clark: Alright stop it!

(Clark knocks over Zod's bucket of chicken)

Clark: "Dude, I full on Swayzed that mother!"

_______

(In Argentina)

(Brainiac chanting Kryptononian morphs into Lex)

Helen Bryce: Lex! Is that you!

Brainiac: Do you really think I'm that stupid?

(Helen Bryce morphs into a phantom)

Phantom Helen: I never pictured you as the suicidal type.

(Lucas Luthor and Henry Small approach Brainiac from behind)

Phantom Helen: Did you really think you could trap me?

Lucas Luthor: Grrr!

Henry Small: Grrr!

Brainiac: I'm not here to trap you, I'm here to make a deal.

(Phantom Helen grinning)

Phantom Helen: It's a bit unseemly. Making deals with phantoms.

Brainiac: I've give you the hard drive, but you've gotta bring Aethyr back.

Phantom Helen: Alright, but you've gotta sweeten the pot. There's something else that I want as much the disk. Maybe more...

(In the Phantom Zone)

Aethyr: So I'll be a spirit stuck here?

Raya: Yes

(Helen Bryce possesses Raya)

Helen-Raya: Today's your lucky day!

(Aethyr descends into Earth)

So now we have the REAL reason as to why the Black Ship disappeared.:)

_______

Zod: Aethyr! Nam-ek! My loyal disciples!

Disciples: Master, with the KFC bucket by your side, we will create a utopia on this planet

Zod: For that to work, we need the BrainInterActive Construct to reshape this planet's crust into that of my precious KFC!

Helen Bryce: Sorry, but you won't be seeing your computer ever again!

Zod: NOOOOO! I wanted to create Popeyes on Earth!

Zod: Alright, then it's time for plan B. I want Oliver Queen imprisoned in kryptonite! He robbed some cargo and was suppose to deliver me some spice shipments for the KFC, but he dumped them the moment he caught sight of LuthorCorp customs agents!

(3 months later)

Lois: Chloe, are you sure the info is acurate and he's being held here?

Chloe: No Doubt!

(Lois enters the strip club in "Exposed" and gets ambushed by the Disciples. Zod captures Lois and forces her to become a stripper slave to Jaba the Hutt)

(Clark enters)

Clark: Amber Waves?

Lois: What are you doing here? I'm here to find Ollie.

Clark: Me too, but I'll think I'll stick to my method.

Lois: Listen. If you keep looking at me like that. I'm going to be fed to Jabba the Hutt.

Clark: what?

Lois: Just stick me $2O!

(Clark wakes up)

Clark: Uh AAAAAHHHHH, It was all a dream!

Shelby: No it isn't Kal-El!

xrayvision

10-01-2006, 09:35 PM

These were pretty funny. I like the Jabba one with Clark waking up and Shelby talking.

Now here's one I just thought of:

<In "Vessel">

Clark: You can't stay with him. He's not what you think!

Clark: Fine would not give him powers unless he wanted something in return.

Lana: If you have ever really cared about me, tell me what's happening to Lex.

Clark: Lana, please.

Lana: You don't trust me. You've never trusted me, have you? I don't know how I could have ever loved you.

<After the events of "Zod">

Lana: Oh Clark, I should have listened to you. I didn't and now I have a hole in my hand.

Clark: I'm sorry to hear that Lana.

Lana: Please....not another Clark Kent apology.

<Several months later>

Clark: Lana, Lana!!!!!

Lana: What is it Clark?

Clark: I just found out that Lex was possessed by another evil alien....Zod's gay decorator/follower, Sexchangerello.

Lana: Clark, please!

Clark: Lana, don't you realize something strange about Lex lately?

Lana: Well, he has a better sense for fashion, so what? It doesn't mean anything.

Clark: Haven't you noticed that his purple shirts have gotten a few shades lighter?

Lana: Big deal. Doesn't mean anything.

Clark: Lana, you've got to listen to me...Sexchangerello is going to turn everything upside down. He will cause havoc & confusion on Earth like never before.

Lana: Not another word Clark, not another word!!!

<Several months later>

Clark (talking to Lionel at a party): ...yeah, I just came back after getting sucked into the Phashion Zone. It's even worse than the Phantom Zone.

<just then someone taps him on his shoulder and pulls him aside>

Clark: Excuse me, do I know you?

Person: It's me Clark?

Clark: Me is a strange name for a person to have.

Person: No, don't you remember? Concentrate.

Clark: Nope, I'm drawing a blank.

Person: Still telling secrets and lies, huh?

Clark: LANA!!????!!!!!!?!?!?!!?!

Lana: Well, it's Lance now...Lance Lang. I should have listened to you Clark. Sexchangerello did what you said he would to me right before he was defeated and Lex came back.

Clark: Well Lance, I have nothing else to say. Please get away from me.

Lance: Please help me. I was never given a manual on the new "equipment" I received.

Clark: Is this my brain on drugs talking? This is just too weird...too bizarre. No way.

Lance: What am I gonna do? I can't wear pink anymore, and I find myself attracted to Chloe. The dorm's RA won't think of allowing me to be her roommate anymore.

Clark: I've got an idea, but after I fix this up, you'll have to promise me never to bother me again.

Lance: Deal.

<A few days later>

Clark: OK, Lance. I spoke to your dorm's RA. And it's settled.

Lance & Chloe: Really?

Clark: Yup.

<Clark opens the door>

Clark: Come in Lex.

<Lex enters>

Clark (talking to Lance): I told your RA, Mr. Groper, that Chloe is a lesbian, that you're straight, and that Lex is gay, so now all 3 of you can live together.

Clark (walking away, singing): ....where the kisses are Hers and His and His...in room 2-2-2!!

These were really good & very creative to combine the 2 together.

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2470241#post2470241

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2471058#post2471058

These 2 are my favorites:

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2462422#post2462422

http://www2.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?postid=2490049#post2490049 [/B][/QUOTE]

I also liked your latest one very much.

Red K 5

10-01-2006, 09:50 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
These were pretty funny. I like the Jabba one with Clark waking up and Shelby talking.

Now here's one I just thought of:

<In "Vessel">

Clark: You can't stay with him. He's not what you think!

Clark: Fine would not give him powers unless he wanted something in return.

Lana: If you have ever really cared about me, tell me what's happening to Lex.

Clark: Lana, please.

Lana: You don't trust me. You've never trusted me, have you? I don't know how I could have ever loved you.

<After the events of "Zod">

Lana: Oh Clark, I should have listened to you. I didn't and now I have a hole in my hand.

Clark: I'm sorry to hear that Lana.

Lana: Please....not another Clark Kent apology.

<Several months later>

Clark: Lana, Lana!!!!!

Lana: What is it Clark?

Clark: I just found out that Lex was possessed by another evil alien....Zod's gay decorator/follower, Sexchangerello.

Lana: Clark, please!

Clark: Lana, don't you realize something strange about Lex lately?

Lana: Well, he has a better sense for fashion, so what? It doesn't mean anything.

Clark: Haven't you noticed that his purple shirts have gotten a few shades lighter?

Lana: Big deal. Doesn't mean anything.

Clark: Lana, you've got to listen to me...Sexchangerello is going to turn everything upside down. He will cause havoc & confusion on Earth like never before.

Lana: Not another word Clark, not another word!!!

<Several months later>

Clark (talking to Lionel at a party): ...yeah, I just came back after getting sucked into the Phashion Zone. It's even worse than the Phantom Zone.

<just then someone taps him on his shoulder and pulls him aside>

Clark: Excuse me, do I know you?

Person: It's me Clark?

Clark: Me is a strange name for a person to have.

Person: No, don't you remember? Concentrate.

Clark: Nope, I'm drawing a blank.

Person: Still telling secrets and lies, huh?

Clark: LANA!!????!!!!!!?!?!?!!?!

Lana: Well, it's Lance now...Lance Lang. I should have listened to you Clark. Sexchangerello did what you said he would to me right before he was defeated and Lex came back.

Clark: Well Lance, I have nothing else to say. Please get away from me.

Lance: Please help me. I was never given a manual on the new "equipment" I received.

Clark: Is this my brain on drugs talking? This is just too weird...too bizarre. No way.

Lance: What am I gonna do? I can't wear pink anymore, and I find myself attracted to Chloe. The dorm's RA won't think of allowing me to be her roommate anymore.

Clark: I've got an idea, but after I fix this up, you'll have to promise me never to bother me again.

Lance: Deal.

<A few days later>

Clark: OK, Lance. I spoke to your dorm's RA. And it's settled.

Lance & Chloe: Really?

Clark: Yup.

<Clark opens the door>

Clark: Come in Lex.

<Lex enters>

Clark (talking to Lance): I told your RA, Mr. Groper, that Chloe is a lesbian, that you're straight, and that Lex is gay, so now all 3 of you can live together.

Clark (walking away, singing): ....where the kisses are Hers and His and His...in room 2-2-2!!

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

xrayvision

10-01-2006, 11:03 PM

Thanks.

ravincroft89

10-02-2006, 11:33 AM

Clark: I love you lionel.

thehenry89

10-02-2006, 12:19 PM

Originally posted by Spirit Detective

Clark: Lana, it seems the peeped has now become the peeper. Security!

!"

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Spirit Detective

10-02-2006, 05:32 PM

Behind the Scenes Look at "Vessel":

Chloe Sullivan: Hello viewers, today I'm here to discuss what really happened in the Smallville Season 5 finale. Now we have this special footage of the writer's collaboration with Al Miller and Miles Gough (the producers of the show).

Writer: I think we should show BrainIAC releasing Zod like he did in Solitude.

Al Miller: I think that idea is stupid. We need to have Zod inhabit a Lex because that will complicated his love life.

Miles Gough: I think we need a hidden ad where Zod's promoting Popeyes.

Writer: KFC!

Miles Gough: POPEYES!

Al Miller: We need a Hoodoo priest to lay some mojo on Lana

Writer: Aren't we promoting to much sex?

Al Miller: Miller Al doesn't take orders!
(Sends Writer into the Phantom Zone)

(Writer trapped in an invisible box)

Writer 2: Dude, you full on Swazeyed that mother!

Al Miller: Alright, who should we put into the next sex scene?

Writer 2: Zod and a bucket of KFC!

Miles Gough: POPEYES!

Al Miller: Stop obsessing over Popeyes! Gough Miles, not knowing who you're in bed with can make for a very uncomfortable awakening.

Miles Gough (drooling): Popeyes..

Al Miller: Apparently my counterpart is laying some mojo on fast food. He must have spent too much time with Shelby.

(Clark and Chloe watching the video)
Chloe: Oh you gotta be kidding me.

Clark: I feel like I'm at a slumber party.

(Continue to video feed)

Writer 2: Dude. I swear there have been times that the dog has been talking to me.

Al Miller: Were you the one on Oprah jumping on the couch raving like a mad man?

(Clark and Chloe watching the video)

Clark: Funny, I vagually remember showing up on tv complaining about sweet shelby.

(Video)
Miles Gough: Shebly (whistling) here girl

Shelby: woof woof!

Miles Gough: There you are! I missed you.

Shelby: Woof! I rove you!

(The video suddenly changes to a feed at the Luthor Mansion)

Lex Luthor: These balls keep clicking.

Lana Lang: Hey what are you doing?

Lex Luthor: Just trying to grab some nuts.
(Lex grabs a handful of peanuts into his mouth)

Meanwhile... Unbeknownst to Clark and the Scooby Gang....

Brainiac: Our scientists have learned of a white nector that grants the power of bone strength and calcium

Zod: Can we access this ..miracle elixir?

Brainiac: An expedition is already underway

Disciples: Da ...Iri. It is the supreme one!

The End

or is it

The Sheriff: Mrs Kyyiint?

Martha: Oh no, its Mrs Luthor III, Lionel's mistress.

Lionel: The Magnificent Bas--- is back!

Clark: Wow!

Lionel: See, I caught us a big sea bass and called it magnificent!

xrayvision

10-02-2006, 08:56 PM

Clark: C'mon boy, let's go for a walk in the park.

Shelby: Woof, you suck, woof!!

Clark: Huh?

Shelby: Don't you get tired of feeding me your bones?

Bystanders: Hahaha, you feed him your bones? Hahaha.

Clark: OK, then I'll walk you to some fire hydrants. They're red like my sexy jacket...that will bring Lana back to me.

Shelby: Oh what a great idea.....for me to POOP on!!!!

Clark: Wait a minute, Shelby...you're the vessel of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!!!

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: You make me sick. I mean look at you....what are you supposed to be....some kind of super nerd?

Clark: I'm a Kryptonian hero.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And what are the principles of being a Kryptonian hero?

Clark: To lie, to try and get a bunch of hot girls, to wear plaid and red jackets...

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And to eat a lot of mommy's pie!

Clark: I'm taking you to the FOS to be exorcised.

<He takes him and zooms to the FOS>

Clark: My father left these crystals for me.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And...hah...and which of these crystals calls your parents to pick you up?

Clark: Stop it!! It's not like that.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: You are even a bigger dork than the half Merlin half Urkel dude I call Merkel that I saw back at the Star Wars premiere in Manhattan.

Clark: Does Merkel get wild with hot chicks when he's on red-k?

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Oh yes. Oh yes. You have your pick of the litter of all sorts of hot chicks you have no idea how to please.

Clark: But I did it with Lana.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: That was the last time you saw female genitalia.

Clark: I am the undisputed chick magnet of Smallville and don't you forget it.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And don't you forget to finish your bucket of KFC!!

Clark: I will banish you to the Phantom Zone.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Seriously man...have you ever talked to a woman without eating some pie?

Clark (licking pie residue off his hands): Take this <Clark thrusts his arm up and down>

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Quite an imagination, huh? By thee way...it's KFC that is finger licking good, not pie!!!

Clark: Well I'm tired of you. I don't want any spoilers about my future with Lana.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Spoilers? Spoilers huh? I'll give you spoilers straight from Kryptonsite baby. You will die alone!!!

Clark: I have no time for this. I gotta go to Chloe's wedding.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: I'm coming with you.

<Clark & Shelby the Insult Comic Dog go to the wedding>

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Can I ask a question about the couple?

Clark: Sure.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Where are they spending their honeymoon....which Best Buy?

Priest: You may now kiss the bride.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: The groom has now kissed the bride after years of practice on his blow-up Lex doll.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And now we have the ceremonial banging of the plastic laptops.

Clark: You gotta stop this Shelby.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: I'm going to eat some undercooked KFC chicken and will be back to poop on you all!!!! And trust me...oh yes...it will not be a solid poop!!!!

By the way, for those who don't know, I patterned this spoof based on the classic & hilarious appearance from Conan O' Brien seen below (among others he also had). It had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV (was laughing for a good 10 minutes after seeing it; one of the funniest things was the storm trooper guy after he unmasked, and the stuff he said to Vader with the buttons on his chest). Here it is:

http://www.sickjokes.net/index.php?disp=watchvideo&filename=conan-sketch-triumphstarwars2.wmv

thehenry89

10-02-2006, 09:03 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Clark: C'mon boy, let's go for a walk in the park.

Shelby: Woof, you suck, woof!!

Clark: Huh?

Shelby: Don't you get tired of feeding me your bones?

Bystanders: Hahaha, you feed him your bones? Hahaha.

Clark: OK, then I'll walk you to some fire hydrants. They're red like my sexy jacket...that will bring Lana back to me.

Shelby: Oh what a great idea.....for me to POOP on!!!!

Clark: Wait a minute, Shelby...you're the vessel of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!!!

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: You make me sick. I mean look at you....what are you supposed to be....some kind of super nerd?

Clark: I'm taking you to the FOS to be exorcised.

<He takes him and zooms to the FOS>

Clark: My father left these crystals for me.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And...hah...and which of these crystals calls your parents to pick you up?

Clark: Stop it!! It's not like that.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: You are even a bigger dork than the half Merlin half Urkel dude I call Merkel that I saw back at the Star Wars premiere in Manhattan.

Clark: Does Merkel get wild with hot chicks when he's on red-k?

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Oh yes. Oh yes. You have your pick of the litter of all sorts of hot chicks you have no idea how to please.

Clark: But I did it with Lana.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: That was the last time you saw female genitalia.

Clark: I am the undisputed chick magnet of Smallville and don't you forget it.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And don't you forget to finish your bucket of KFC!!

Clark: I will banish you to the Phantom Zone.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Seriously man...have you ever talked to a woman without eating some pie?

Clark (licking pie residue off his hands): Take this <Clark thrusts his arm up and down>

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Quite an imagination, huh? By thee way...it's KFC that is finger licking good, not pie!!!

Clark: Well I'm tired of you. I don't want any spoilers about my future with Lana.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Spoilers? Spoilers huh? I'll give you spoilers straight from Kryptonsite baby. You will die alone!!!

Clark: I have no time for this. I gotta go to Chloe's wedding.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: I'm coming with you.

<Clark & Shelby the Insult Comic Dog go to the wedding>

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Can I ask a question about the couple?

Clark: Sure.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: Where are they spending their honeymoon....which Best Buy?

Priest: You may now kiss the bride.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: The groom has now kissed the bride after years of practice on his blow-up Lex doll.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: And now we have the ceremonial banging of the plastic laptops.

Clark: You gotta stop this Shelby.

Shelby the Insult Comic Dog: I'm going to eat some undercooked KFC chicken and will be back to poop on you all!!!! And trust me...oh yes...it will not be a solid poop!!!!

By the way, for those who don't know, I patterned this spoof based on the classic & hilarious appearance from Conan O' Brien seen below (among others he also had). It had to be one of the funniest things I've ever seen on TV (was laughing for a good 10 minutes after seeing it; one of the funniest things was the storm trooper guy after he unmasked, and the stuff he said to Vader with the buttons on his chest). Here it is:

http://www.sickjokes.net/index.php?disp=watchvideo&filename=conan-sketch-triumphstarwars2.wmv

freakin awsome i love that dog and i love conan.:lol:

xrayvision

10-02-2006, 09:04 PM

Thanks. I added a few more lines after the supernerd comment.

thehenry89

10-02-2006, 09:23 PM

clark and lois talking in the loft

lois: whats up smallville you seem down
clark: o hi lois. it's nothin
lois: come on kent if you can't tell your friends your troubles then whats the point in having them
clark:true. alright lois i'll tell you but you have to promis me somthing
lois:sure clark what?
clark:never ever tell anyone what im about to reveal to you
lois:...ok spill
clark: (opens shirt and pulls off over stressed girdle) i have a pie problem
lois: (looks horrified) o clark i had no idea what can i do to help
clark: (sniffles) nothing no one can help me i'll be a freak for the rest of my life who could love me now when i look like this.
lois: that explains all the hostess fruit pie wrappers i found in the truck and the kitchen and under your bed.
clark: (crys hystericaly)
lois: don't worry clark we'll find you someone who can't cook pies or even afford hostess fruit pies who will love all of you.
clark: (sniffs) really?
lois: HAHAHAHA NO NOT REALLY who could love a pie gorged freak like you!?!?!!?!!?!?! if you'll excuse me i have a date with oliver (leaves)
clark: (opens another fruit pie) WHYYYYYYYY (SOBS stuffs pie in his mouth)

xrayvision

10-02-2006, 10:36 PM

Hah, that was good!!!!

Originally posted by thehenry89
lois: don't worry clark we'll find you someone who can't cook pies or even afford hostess fruit pies who will love all of you.

After I read this part, I thought Clark's next line would have been, "I got it....Lana!!".

Spirit Detective

10-02-2006, 10:39 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Hah, that was good!!!!

After I read this part, I thought Clark's next line would have been, "I got it....Lana!!".

Why do you think she works at the Talon?

Red K 5

10-02-2006, 10:43 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
clark and lois talking in the loft

lois: whats up smallville you seem down
clark: o hi lois. it's nothin
lois: come on kent if you can't tell your friends your troubles then whats the point in having them
clark:true. alright lois i'll tell you but you have to promis me somthing
lois:sure clark what?
clark:never ever tell anyone what im about to reveal to you
lois:...ok spill
clark: (opens shirt and pulls off over stressed girdle) i have a pie problem
lois: (looks horrified) o clark i had no idea what can i do to help
clark: (sniffles) nothing no one can help me i'll be a freak for the rest of my life who could love me now when i look like this.
lois: that explains all the hostess fruit pie wrappers i found in the truck and the kitchen and under your bed.
clark: (crys hystericaly)
lois: don't worry clark we'll find you someone who can't cook pies or even afford hostess fruit pies who will love all of you.
clark: (sniffs) really?
lois: HAHAHAHA NO NOT REALLY who could love a pie gorged freak like you!?!?!!?!!?!?! if you'll excuse me i have a date with oliver (leaves)
clark: (opens another fruit pie) WHYYYYYYYY (SOBS stuffs pie in his mouth)
I feel sorry for Clark but it was also funny:lol:

xrayvision

10-02-2006, 10:51 PM

Originally posted by Spirit Detective
Why do you think she works at the Talon?

I guess to bring home food since she can't cook. Then again she doesn't work there anymore. I would love to see a pie bake-off that ends in the way the one on Three's Company did (everyone getting pied).

Spirit Detective

10-02-2006, 10:55 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
I guess to bring home food since she can't cook. Then again she doesn't work there anymore. I would love to see a pie bake-off that ends in the way the one on Three's Company did (everyone getting pied).

I always thought it was because Lana could never afford coffee.

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 12:30 PM

<The Cyborg Superman is sent back in time as a Cyborg Clark Kent to kill Martha Kent in order to stop the future production of her pies, which will feed the human resistance in the future war against machines>

Punks (seeing Cyborg Clark walking naked through the Smallville streets): What's wrong with this picture?

Punks: Hahahahaha.

<Cyborg Clark walks up to them, as they smash a beer bottle against the lens of a pay-telescope>

Cyborg Clark: You shouldn't do that. Those are perfect for spying on future girlfriends.

Punk: Nice night for a walk.

Cyborg Clark: Nice night for a walk.

Punk: Wash day tomorrow, no clean plaid...right?

Cyborg Clark: No clean plaid right.

Punk #2: I think this guy's a couple of can's short of a Coke straight up on the rocks.

Cyborg Clark: Your red jackets & plaid shirts....give them to me, NOW.

Punks (flicking their switchblades open): F--k you a--hole!!

<Cyborg Clark kills all but 1 punk>

<Punk gives him his red jacket, jeans, and plaid shirt>

serenitybliss383192

10-03-2006, 02:51 PM

anyone: i wonder how pete's doing?...:p

thehenry89

10-03-2006, 04:01 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
<The Cyborg Superman is sent back in time as a Cyborg Clark Kent to kill Martha Kent in order to stop the future production of her pies, which will feed the human resistance in the future war against machines>

Punks (seeing Cyborg Clark walking naked through the Smallville streets): What's wrong with this picture?

Punks: Hahahahaha.

<Cyborg Clark walks up to them, as they smash a beer bottle against the lens of a pay-telescope>

Cyborg Clark: You shouldn't do that. Those are perfect for spying on future girlfriends.

Punk: Nice night for a walk.

Cyborg Clark: Nice night for a walk.

Punk: Wash day tomorrow, no clean plaid...right?

Cyborg Clark: No clean plaid right.

Punk #2: I think this guy's a couple of can's short of a Coke straight up on the rocks.

Cyborg Clark: Your red jackets & plaid shirts....give them to me, NOW.

Punks (flicking their switchblades open): F--k you a--hole!!

<Cyborg Clark kills all but 1 punk>

<Punk gives him his red jacket, jeans, and plaid shirt>

:lol: :lol: :lol: what the heck ever happend to his tan jacket i know he had one.

father son chat

jonathan:clark it's time we talk about the facts of life
clark:sure pop
jonathan:lets start with first base now thats were...
clark:you go after you hit the ball to outfieild right dad
johnathan:uhh no clark you see im using a sports metaphor to try and explain the birds and the bees
clark:but i already know all that i took biology
johnathan: son im using another metaphor i'm trying to talk to you about sex
clark: oooo right (winks) sex the latin word for six gee dad if you wanted me to teach you some latin all you had to do was ask.
johnan:f*** this clark go to the barn and look under the cow feed you'll find an assortment of tapes and informatinal magazines read them and get back to me. if you'll excuse me i have to not feed shelby and watch him beg for food.

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 05:01 PM

Dead Man's Thirst (The Prequel to Salvoracle):

JONATHAN KENT: (approaching Clark) What the hell was that?

CLARK: We need to talk.

JONATHAN KENT: About what?

CLARK: About everything. Where we goin’, Dad? What’s the big deal about this gun?

JASON TEAGUE: Clarkie, come on, we can Q and A after we kill all the vampires.

JONATHAN KENT: Your brother’s right, we don’t have time for this.

CLARK: Last time we saw you, you said it was too dangerous to be together. Now, out of the blue, you need our help. Now, obviously, something big is goin’ down, and we wanna know what!

JONATHAN KENT: Get back in the car.

CLARK: No.

JONATHAN KENT: I said get back in the damn car.

CLARK: Yeah. And I said no.

JASON TEAGUE: All right, you made your point, tough guy. Look, we’re all tired. We can talk about this later. Clarkie, I mean it, come on. (He pushes Clark back to the car.)

CLARK: (under his breath) This is why I left in the first place.

JONATHAN KENT: What’d you say?

CLARK: (turning back to Jonathan) You heard me.

(Jonathan kent referring to S3 "Exile")

JONATHAN KENT: Yeah. You left. Your brother and me, we needed you. You walked away, Clark, you walked away! (He grabs Clark by his shirt.)

JASON TEAGUE: Stop it, both of you!

CLARK: You were the one who said “Don’t come back”, Dad. You’re the one who closed that door, not me! You were just pissed off you couldn’t control me anymore! (Jason Teague tries to pull the two of them apart.)

JASON TEAGUE: All right, stop it, stop it—stop it, that’s enough! (He breaks them up. He turns to his father.) That means you, too. (Clark and Jonathan angrily get back in their cars. Jason Teague looks around.) Terrific. (He gets in the car.)

____________

CLARK: It shouldn’t be taking this long. I should go help.

JONATHAN KENT: Jason’s got it. (Clark doesn’t say anything.) Clarkie….(Clark stops pacing.)

CLARK: Yeah?

JONATHAN KENT: (after a brief pause) I don’t think I ever told you this, but….the day you were born, you know what I did?

CLARK: (confused) No.

JONATHAN KENT: (smiling slightly) I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month, I’d put in another hundred dollars, until….(He trails off.) Anyway, my point is, Clark, that….this is never the life that I wanted for you.

CLARK: Then why’d you get so mad when I left?

JONATHAN KENT: You got to understand something. After your mother passed, all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you prepared—ready. So, somewhere along the line, I, uh….I stopped being your father. And I—I became your drill sergeant. (Clark comes to sit down across from him.) So, when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about—my only thought was that you were gonna be alone….vulnerable. Clarkie, it just—it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn’t accept the fact that you and me….we’re just different. (Clark, with tears in his eyes, laughs.) What?

CLARK: We’re not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Chloe….we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.

JONATHAN KENT: (smiling) I guess you’re right, son. (Clark smiles half-heartedly.)

CLARK: Hey, Dad? Whatever happened to that college fund?

JONATHAN KENT: I spent it on Martha pies. (They both begin laughing. Jason Teague enters.)

____________

LANA: Car trouble? Let me give you a lift. I’ll take you back to my place.

JASON TEAGUE: Nah, I’ll pass. I usually draw the line at necrophilia.

LANA: Ooh. (She punches him, causing him to fall to the ground. Adam Knight, another male vampire behind LANA, smiles. Lana grabs Jason Teague by the cheeks and lifts him up off the ground.)

JASON TEAGUE: Well, I don’t normally get this friendly ‘til the second date, but….

LANA: You know, we could have some fun. I always like to make new friends. (She lowers him down and kisses him. After a few seconds, they break apart.)

JASON TEAGUE: Sorry. I never really stay with a chick that long—definitely not eternity. (Suddenly, Lana and Adam Knight are shot through the chest with arrows. Lana lets go of Jason Teague.)

LANA: Damn it. (Jonathan and Clark come out from behind the trees, holding their weapons.) Barely even stings.

JONATHAN KENT: Give it time, sweetheart. That arrow’s soaked in dead man’s blood. It’s like poison to you, isn’t it? (Lana’s smile fades. Her eyes glaze over and she falls backwards into Jason’s arms.) Load her up. I’ll take care of this one. (Jason, who is carrying Lana, walks away to Jonathan’s truck, followed by Clark. Jonathan walks over to Adam Knight, who has sunk to his knees. Jonathan raises his knife and beheads Adam Knight, splattering blood everywhere. The screen goes black.)

JASON TEAGUE: Dad, you can’t take care of them all yourself.

JONATHAN KENT: I’ll have her and the Colt.

CLARK: But after—we’re gonna meet up, right? Use the gun together, right? (JONATHAN KENT remains silent.) You’re leaving again, aren’t you? You still want to go after the ZOD alone? You know, I don’t get you. You can’t treat us like this.

JONATHAN KENT: Like what?

CLARK: Like children.

JONATHAN KENT: You are my children. I’m trying to keep you safe.

JASON TEAGUE: Dad, all due respect, but that’s a bunch of crap. (Clark and Jonathan are surprised.)

JONATHAN KENT: Excuse me?

JASON TEAGUE: You know what Clarkie and I have been huntin’. Hell, you sent us on a few huntin’ trips yourself. You can’t be that worried about keeping us safe.

JONATHAN KENT: It’s not the same thing, Jason.

JASON TEAGUE: Then what is it? Why do you want us out of the big fight?

JONATHAN KENT: This ZOD? It’s a bad son of a b***h. I can’t make the same moves if I’m worried about keeping you alive.

JASON TEAGUE: You mean you can’t be as reckless.

JONATHAN KENT: Look….I don’t expect to make it out of this fight in one piece. Your mother’s death—it almost killed me. I can’t watch my children die, too. I won’t.

JASON TEAGUE: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die and we could have done somethin’ about it? You know, I’ve been thinkin’—I think maybe Clarkie’s right about this one. I think we should do this together. (Clark nods.) We’re stronger as a family, Dad. We just are. You know it.

JONATHAN KENT: We’re running out of time. You do your job, and you get out of the area. That’s an order. (He walks away.)

____________

LEX LUTHER: Get out! (JONATHAN KENT gets out of the truck.) Who are you?

JONATHAN KENT: The name’s Kent.

LEX LUTHOR: Where are your friends?

JONATHAN KENT: Cleanin’ out your nest.

LEX LUTHER: Where’s Lana?

JONATHAN KENT: Come here, sweetheart. (He pulls a rope and drags Lana out of the truck. Her hands are bound together. Jonathan holds a knife in his hand as he brings her closer to Lex Luthor.)

LEX LUTHER: Lana, you all right?

LANA: Dead man’s blood.

LEX LUTHER: You son of a b***h.

JONATHAN KENT: We want the Colt— Earl Jenkin’s gun. Trade.

LEX LUTHER: Is that what this is all about? I mean, you can’t shoot us all, right? We’ll kill you.

JONATHAN KENT: Oh, I don’t need it for you. I’m savin’ it for somethin’ else. Put the Colt down, or she goes first.

LEX LUTHER: All right. Just don’t hurt her. (He takes the Colt out of his pocket and sets it down on the ground.)

JONATHAN KENT: Back up. (Lex Luthor takes a few steps backwards.) Further. (He backs up even more. Jonathan then steps forward and kneels down on the ground with Lana. She is able to grab the gun.)

LEX LUTHER: That’s a nice move. You almost made it. (Lana hits Jonathan with the gun and throws him into the front of the truck. The gun falls to the ground. Lex Luthor walks over to Jonathan and hits him. Jonathan goes sailing into the door of the truck and falls to the ground, seemingly unconscious. Suddenly, one of the vampires is shot in the chest with an arrow. The others turn to see Jason Teague and Clark running towards them. Another vampire gets shot with an arrow. Lex Luthor hits Clark, who falls to the ground. Lex Luthor gets him up and begins choking him. Jason grabs a knife.) Don’t! I’ll break his neck. Put the blade down. (Jason is completely still, holding the knife in midair. Clark is desperately gasping for breath. Jason gives in and puts the weapon on the ground.) You people—why can’t you just leave us alone? We have as much right to live as you do.

JONATHAN KENT: I don’t think so. (Lex Luthor and Clark turn. JOHN, holding the Colt, shoots Lex Luthor in the middle of the forehead. Luthor lets go of Clark, who runs to Jason. A trickle of blood runs down Luthor’s nose. Everyone watches as Luthor sinks to his knees.)

_________

JONATHAN KENT: So, boys….(They walk towards each other.)

CLARK: Yes, sir?

JONATHAN KENT: You ignored a direct order back there.

CLARK: Yes, sir.

JASON TEAGUE: But we saved your ass. (Clark is surprised.)

JONATHAN KENT: You’re right.

JASON: I am?

JONATHAN KENT: It scares the hell out of me. You two are all I’ve got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So….we go after this damn thing—together.

CLARK and JASON: Yes, sir.

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 05:20 PM

Very good. I think when you had "JONATHAN KENT: But we saved your ass. (Clark is surprised.)" you meant to say JASON:...". There are also a few Sam & Deans that have to be swapped with Clark & Jason. But that was a very good Smallvilliation of Supernatural.

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 05:26 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Very good. I think when you had "JONATHAN KENT: But we saved your ass. (Clark is surprised.)" you meant to say JASON:...". There are also a few Sam & Deans that have to be swapped with Clark & Jason. But that was a very good Smallvilliation of Supernatural.

Thanks, I just finished editing out those bugs.

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 06:03 PM

At a party:

Clark: Lana, you're on fire.

Lana: I know I'm hot Clark. I'm Lana Lang.

Clark: No Lana, you're on fire.

Lana: Clark, don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Clark: Lana listen!! The fire, it's gonna...

Lana (cutting him off): Listen Clark! I know you're jealous of the fire, but you can't have me!!

Clark: Well, OK.

<Moments later>

Lana: Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!

Chloe: Haha, you look horrible Lana.

Lois: What happened to her?

AC: Clark bro, what happened to your girlfriend? She looks like Cueball with her hair burned off.

Clark: Actually, Cueball is Lex. We call her Cueballerina.

Lana: You're just jealous because now I'm as sexy as Lex.

Clark: Hey Lana, should I dig up my dad's body and prop him up at a political rally so you can shoot him?

Chloe: Hey, I always wanted to see Weekend at Johnnie's meets the Manhungrychurian Candidate.

thehenry89

10-03-2006, 06:19 PM

^^countinued from above

lana: (drives up to luthour mansion) lex will love me he has to i'm lana everyone loves me
security guard at gate: do you have an appointment miss...
lana: lang. lana lang open this gate at once and bare witness to my pinkness
guard: (laugs out loud) your not lana lang you look like that pshyco chick we let in here when mr. luthor was running for senator
lana: no really i'm lana lang the lana lang. the most important person in smallville, just put lex on the video phone
guard: (sigh) fine.... hello mr. luthour we have a young lady down here who claims to be lana lang she'd like to speak to you
lex: (drools) lana put her on
lana: lexipoo they won't open the gate for me to come in and see you
lex: (is repulsed by her lack of hair) uhhhgg...thats that crazy chick from my senatorial campaign get rid of her (hangs up)
lana: lex? LEX??? don't hang up on me darling lexipoo
guard: she's losin it hand me the tazer...(shocks lana. she passes out) crazy bald chick
martha kent drives up to the gate
guard: howdy mrs.kent got some more of your delicious pies for mr. luthour
martha: you know it (starts laughing)
lex and his security team show up out of no where and start laughing

lana thankfully is uncoscious

the end.

Lex'sLover

10-03-2006, 06:22 PM

Lana: Lionel... i think im pregnant.

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 06:46 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
^^countinued from above

lana: (drives up to luthour mansion) lex will love me he has to i'm lana everyone loves me
security guard at gate: do you have an appointment miss...
lana: lang. lana lang open this gate at once and bare witness to my pinkness
guard: (laugs out loud) your not lana lang you look like that pshyco chick we let in here when mr. luthor was running for senator
lana: no really i'm lana lang the lana lang. the most important person in smallville, just put lex on the video phone
guard: (sigh) fine.... hello mr. luthour we have a young lady down here who claims to be lana lang she'd like to speak to you
lex: (drools) lana put her on
lana: lexipoo they won't open the gate for me to come in and see you
lex: (is repulsed by her lack of hair) uhhhgg...thats that crazy chick from my senatorial campaign get rid of her (hangs up)
lana: lex? LEX??? don't hang up on me darling lexipoo
guard: she's losin it hand me the tazer...(shocks lana. she passes out) crazy bald chick
martha kent drives up to the gate
guard: howdy mrs.kent got some more of your delicious pies for mr. luthour
martha: you know it (starts laughing)
lex and his security team show up out of no where and start laughing

lana thankfully is uncoscious

the end.

That was a great followup. It would have been cool to hear Lex say "Shoot her". Or if they got Shelby to give her mouth to mouth.

thehenry89

10-03-2006, 07:31 PM

i was gonna have them haul her arse off to bell revee but it was time for more kfc.

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 08:09 PM

Promo for Sneeze

Lana: You can't keep secrets when Lex's life is in danger.

Clark: Hell yeah I can! Lana, the days of you accusing me of secrets is over. Were not a couple anymore remember.

Lana: This is not about us, it's about Lex.

Clark: Since when did you care about about some guy who put holes into your hand.

Lana: That was not Lex!

Clark: How would you know? You can't even tell that Jimmy Olsen is Eric Summers in disguise!

Lana: Are you saying that I'm stupid?

Clark: Well you did say "Free to be retarded!" for the CW ads. And you can't make a cup of coffee if your hair depended on it.

Lana: Wanna bet?

(10 minutes laters...)

Lana: My precious hair! It just caught on fire out of nowhere.

Clark (under breath): Heat vision is good!

Clark: Don't worry Lana, I'll dose you off with your cup of coffee.

(10 minutes later, Lana is carried out of the Talon in a straightjacket)

Orderly: Okay miss, we got an anonymous tip that you were the one who laid an assassination attempt on Lex Luthor and Jonathan Kent last year. The suspect had a description of being female, bald, and obssessed with secrets.

Lana: But that wasn't me! Tell them Clark.

Clark: I'm sorry Lana, but I'm just a figment of your imagination. I don't exist. You really are crazy! Cuehead!

Lana: NOOOOOO!

Clark::lol:

______

Deleted Scene for Sneeze Promo

(At Belle Reeve)

Lana: Clark, save me! I'm so sorry that I didn't listen to you!

Lionel: Lies and secrets? Miss Lang, Clark Kent doesn't exist!

Lana: No, I just spoke to him ten minutes ago...

(Lionel nods to a specialist) (electricity on)

Lana (frothing at the mouth): Frshshshshshshssssssh!!!!!!!!!!!!

<suddenly Lionel has his own specialists hold Lana down>

Lana: Don't do this, mister luthor!

Lionel: Be strong.

Lana: Aah!

Lionel: Be strong.

Lana: Aah! Aah!

Lionel: Be strong. I'm sorry, b***h. I didn't think it would have to come to this. If it were your brain, we could always do radical electroshock therapy, but your Cuehead is is infinitely less complex. We will have to amputate.

Lana: No, don't do this!

Lionel: Do it.

(sounds of chainsaws fill the hallways)

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 09:16 PM

Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Whoa man, that was a good one. Lana at the mercy of Lionel----I like it.

I like the "I'm sorry b**ch".

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 09:17 PM

Originally posted by xrayvision
Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Whoa man, that was a good one. Lana at the mercy of Lionel----I like it.

I like the "I'm sorry b**ch".

Thanks, though I really have you to thank for that one!

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 09:20 PM

No problem. I like to add Lionel because of his morbid sense of humor.

President_Luthor

10-03-2006, 09:43 PM

Clark: I've had it!

Chloe: What's wrong, Clark?

Clark: I'm sick and tired of being part of everyone's silly love triangles. This year, I'm part of three: the Clark/Lana/Lex one, the Clark/Lois/Ollie ... and even the Clark/Chloe/Jimmy one. Any more triangles, and I should switch my major to math due to all the frickin' geometric shapes I'll be dealing with!

Chloe: But this is a big triangle for me. Finally I get to be part of a major love triangle.

Lana: Yeah, Clark -- don't be so selfish.

Lex: Don't impede my fall into darkness by walking away from our triangle. It's the biggest one of all!

Lois: And let's not forget about ours.

Clark: But Lois -- we're not supposed to hook up yet. I'm getting an internship at the Gotham Gazette.

Chloe: You're running away from the love triangles?

Clark: No, I'm walking away. Let's cut to the chase, Lois: *goes down on one knee* Lois Lane, will you marry me?

Lois: Oh ... *shrugs* all right. As long as it's a long engagement.

Chloe: No! You can't! What about Ollie Queen?

Lois: That wouldn't work out anyway. And I'm sure Bruce Wayne would disapprove with his whole thing against "civilians dating superheroes". What a prude!

Lex: :confused:

Lana: :( ... but our big love triangle.

Clark: You just got a ticket to Dumps-ville, ladies. Except for Lois, who gets my undying love somewhere down the line.

Lois: I guess I'll break the news to Aquaman -- umm, I mean Ollie Queen.

Pete: Am I too late to participate in the Pete/Lana/Lex triangle?

Clark: Too early, Pete. Return to Wichita for at least 24 months.

Pete: Cool. Yeahhh Depeche Mode!

Lex: Thanks for the blatant product placement.

Pete: Hey, I gotta give my props to the Metropolis Mix, right. *mouths to Lana: I'll call you, baby*

Chloe: So what are we going to do now that the triangles have been broken?

Lex: Umm ..... carry out riveting, plot-driven storylines every ... single ... week ...?

Lana: Great Scott that sounds like a whole lot of work! What is this: Prison Break?

Chloe: Wait -- we still have the untested Lex/Chloe/Lana triangle.

Lana: Pete is mine!

Lex: Lana --- you're two years too early.

Lana: I mean -- Lex is mine!

Chloe: But Lex and I have this undeniable chemistry ...

Lex: Lois is mine, Superman!

Lois: Lex! Now you're, like, a decade too early!

Lex: Stupid Kal-El ... throws wrench in perfectly aligned love triangles ... have to improvise clumsily to compensate ...

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 09:47 PM

(At Belle Reeve)

Ian: Eric, let's get the hell out of here!

Jimmy Olsen: Who's Eric.

Ian: C'mon, I got the boy hooked up already, leech his powers.

(Sees Clark's body)

Jimmy Olsen: Whoa! They grow big in Kansas don't they!

Clark: Help

Ian: Shut up! (Smacks his face with green k)

Eric Summers: Ian, where have you been? I've finally found the jumper cables.

(Jimmy Olsen faints at the sight of Eric Summers)

(Ian "gets rid" of Jimmy)

Eric Summers: Clark, It's time for you to give me back those powers!

(the Electricity causes a power transference)

(at the specialists room, thee power is turned off)

Specialist: What's going on?

Lana: Aah!

Lionel: Be strong! Where's the damn power I bought to fry this b**ch!

(power comes back on)

Lana: Aah! Aah!

Lana (frothing at the mouth): Frshshshshshshssssssh!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Specialist turns the power off)

Lionel: again.

Specialist: Mr. Luthor?

Lionel: AGAIN!

(Electricity on)

Lana (frothing at the mouth): Frshshshshshshssssssh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lana: ...

Lionel: It's okay! (He strokes her hair) Daddy's here to protect you from your cuehead.
_____

Chloe: Jimmy? Where have you been?

Eric: Right, uh, Jimmy.

Chloe: are you feeling okay?

Eric: Never better!

Chloe (thinking): kryptonite

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 09:51 PM

Originally posted by President_Luthor
Pete: Cool. Yeahhh Depeche Mode!

Lana: Pete is mine!

Lex: Lois is mine, Superman!

Lois: Lex! Now you're, like, a decade too early!

:) Hehehe, these were the best line. That Depeche Mode one by Pete had me really laughing good.

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 09:55 PM

Pete: Cool. Yeahhh Depeche Mode!

Lex: Thanks for the blatant product placement.

hahahahaha!:rotfl:

glen78

10-03-2006, 09:56 PM

Lex: clark will you marry me

Clark: Yes you bald hunk, i do.

Spirit Detective

10-03-2006, 10:26 PM

Pete: Have 7 up yours!

(Commercial: Drink 7-up !)

(Lex Luthor fires 7 rounds of his gun at Pete)

Lex: There! I gave you 7 and they were up yours!

xrayvision

10-03-2006, 10:41 PM

<Lana, Jimmy & Chloe walk into KFC>

Lana: Clark, what are you doing here?

Clark: I work here...I'm running this place.

Lana: Really?

Clark: Yeah. Thanks Lana. You inspired me with running the Talon.

Chloe: What about the hero business?

Clark: Lionel decided to take care of that since I'm too unreliable.

Chloe: What?

Clark: Yeah, he made this dark blue costume with funny pointy ears...calls himself MBatman. He grabbed Lex and put him in really short pants as his boy wonder.

Jimmy: Well, I'd like to order something.

Clark: What'll it be small fry?

Jimmy: Yeah, I'll take a family-sized bucket for the 3 of us.

Clark: Why are you making those 2 your wives?

Jimmy: I expected to hear another question Clark.

Clark: Errrrr....alright....would you like fries with that?

Jimmy: Naw, the fat goes straight to Lana's head.

Clark: There's space up there with all the air?

Jimmy: C'mon girls lets sit down with our tasty bucket.

<They eat and finish their lunch>

Jimmy: Clark dude, I got a question. Out of all restaurants, why did you pick Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Clark: Kentucky Fried Chicken? Oh no, that's not what this restaurant is. I did research, thanks to Chloe leaving me, and found some bootleg KFC chains, like the Kennedy Fried Chicken in NYC.

Jimmy: So what does the K stand for here?

Clark: Kent.

Jimmy: Ah that makes sense.

Clark: Well the K is not the only thing different about my KFC.

Jimmy: Really? What does the F stand for?

Clark: Well, we kill our chickens a whole lot different than the regular KFC.

Jimmy: What does the F stand for?

Clark: F--ked.

Jimmy: Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chloe: Clark, how could you?

Clark: C'mon Chloe! With you gone and no more Lana or Lois, or some funny dude who used to like Lemon Pledge, I'm a lonely guy.

Clark (whispering to Chloe): The underground name is Kryptonian F--ked Chicken or Kal-El F--ked Chicken. That helps us capture the Zod disciple market. They love this stuff.

Lana: Yeah, but they tasted surprisingly tasty.

Clark: Finger licking good, eh? I stuff 'em chickens CK style!!

Lana_wana_be

10-04-2006, 02:22 AM

Spirit Detective smallville and supernatural are my 2 fav shows! so that was really cool!

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 05:49 AM

Originally posted by xrayvision
<Lana, Jimmy & Chloe walk into KFC>

Lana: Clark, what are you doing here?

Clark: I work here...I'm running this place.

Lana: Really?

Clark: Yeah. Thanks Lana. You inspired me with running the Talon.

Chloe: What about the hero business?

Clark: Lionel decided to take care of that since I'm too unreliable.

Chloe: What?

Clark: Yeah, he made this dark blue costume with funny pointy ears...calls himself MBatman. He grabbed Lex and put him in really short pants as his boy wonder.

Jimmy: Well, I'd like to order something.

Clark: What'll it be small fry?

Jimmy: Yeah, I'll take a family-sized bucket for the 3 of us.

Clark: Why are you making those 2 your wives?

Jimmy: I expected to hear another question Clark.

Clark: Errrrr....alright....would you like fries with that?

Jimmy: Naw, the fat goes straight to Lana's head.

Clark: There's space up there with all the air?

Jimmy: C'mon girls lets sit down with our tasty bucket.

<They eat and finish their lunch>

Jimmy: Clark dude, I got a question. Out of all restaurants, why did you pick Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Clark: Kentucky Fried Chicken? Oh no, that's not what this restaurant is. I did research, thanks to Chloe leaving me, and found some bootleg KFC chains, like the Kennedy Fried Chicken in NYC.

Jimmy: So what does the K stand for here?

Clark: Kent.

Jimmy: Ah that makes sense.

Clark: Well the K is not the only thing different about my KFC.

Jimmy: Really? What does the F stand for?

Clark: Well, we kill our chickens a whole lot different than the regular KFC.

Jimmy: What does the F stand for?

Clark: F--ked.

Jimmy: Ewwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chloe: Clark, how could you?

Clark: C'mon Chloe! With you gone and no more Lana or Lois, or some funny dude who used to like Lemon Pledge, I'm a lonely guy.

Clark (whispering to Chloe): The underground name is Kryptonian F--ked Chicken or Kal-El F--ked Chicken. That helps us capture the Zod disciple market. They love this stuff.

Lana: Yeah, but they tasted surprisingly tasty.

Clark: Finger licking good, eh? I stuff 'em chickens CK style!!

OMG SO WRONG!!!!!:lol: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

xrayvision

10-04-2006, 09:48 AM

Clark: Kent F---ed Chicken, we definitely *do* chicken right...and left...and top & bottom.

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 01:23 PM

clarks sittin in his truck listenin to the radio

clark: (singing) i'll take you to the candy shop...i'll lick ya like a lolipop...(cell phone rings) clark here.

lana: clark i need your help im in...trouble yeah thats right trouble.

clark: (sighs) really. you mean like the trouble you were in yesterday. i belive you wanted me to take the top off your touth paste.

lana: how can i be the pink warrior without shiny white teeth?

clark: whatever. what do you want

lana: come over quick thers a uhhhh...meteor freak in my closet destroying all my pink cardigans

clark: lana i already told you it's over between you and me why do you insist on calling me...

lana: but clark...

clark: no lana. i've had enough you call me 100 times a day you email'd me 700 pictures of you holding a pink unicorn. you text me hearts and smiles and now you're making up meteor freaks for me to come and kill.

lana: but...

clark: (getting angry) do you realise i've had to change my phone number 13 times in the past month. by the way how did you get it this time

lana: i was rifling through chloe and lois's stuff looking for evidince of secrets and lies.

clark: look lana im through playin games with you next time you do this to me i'm callin that new sheriff that likes to make me dress up as a french maid. and he'll cart you right off to belle revee. good day

lana: but...

clark: i say good day (hangs up. turns up radio and sings) dirty babe you see these shackles baby i'm your slave i'll let you whip me if i misbehave...

back at lana's place

meteor freak: hahahahaha soon all the pink cardigans in the world will be destroyed and the resurgence of the old navy pull over fleece will be complete

lana: (sigh)

the end?

TampaVille

10-04-2006, 01:38 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
clarks sittin in his truck listenin to the radio

clark: (singing) i'll take you to the candy shop...i'll lick ya like a lolipop...(cell phone rings) clark here.

lana: clark i need your help im in...trouble yeah thats right trouble.

clark: (sighs) really. you mean like the trouble you were in yesterday. i belive you wanted me to take the top off your touth paste.

lana: how can i be the pink warrior without shiny white teeth?

clark: whatever. what do you want

lana: come over quick thers a uhhhh...meteor freak in my closet destroying all my pink cardigans

clark: lana i already told you it's over between you and me why do you insist on calling me...

lana: but clark...

clark: no lana. i've had enough you call me 100 times a day you email'd me 700 pictures of you holding a pink unicorn. you text me hearts and smiles and now you're making up meteor freaks for me to come and kill.

lana: but...

clark: (getting angry) do you realise i've had to change my phone number 13 times in the past month. by the way how did you get it this time

lana: i was rifling through chloe and lois's stuff looking for evidince of secrets and lies.

clark: look lana im through playin games with you next time you do this to me i'm callin that new sheriff that likes to make me dress up as a french maid. and he'll cart you right off to belle revee. good day

lana: but...

clark: i say good day (hangs up. turns up radio and sings) dirty babe you see these shackles baby i'm your slave i'll let you whip me if i misbehave...

back at lana's place

meteor freak: hahahahaha soon all the pink cardigans in the world will be destroyed and the resurgence of the old navy pull over fleece will be complete

lana: (sigh)

the end?

LOL. The last three lines made that perfect.

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 05:59 PM

MANHUNT

At the Smallville Graveyard

Chloe: We made it! Alright, what do we do know?

Clark: We dig!

Lois: Mr Kent's grave?

Clark: Just dig!

Pete (digging): I swear to Zod, we're going to the Zone for this.

Lois: You're one sick cat smallville.

Jason Teague: Keep digging!

________

(At Belle Reeve)

Special Agent Magie Sawyer: Let me hear those names again.

Special Agent Nancy Adams: Let's see...

Clark Kent: farm boy, 5 years for armed robbery

Lois "Muffin Peddler" Lane: former US army, 8 years for possession of stolen goods.

Chloe Sullivan: Don to crime family of the same name. Life without parole for conspiracy to commit murder.

Jimmy "Eric Summers" Olsen: 60 years for second degree murder.

Pete "Product Placement" Ross: 5 years for aggrevated robbery.

Alexander "Lex-Bag" Luthor: Life for 6 counts of kidnapping, rape, and first degree murder.

Witney "Tina" Fordman: 5 years for grand larceny.

Jason Teague: ... Scheduled to die next week for the murder of President Swann's Bridgette Crosby.

Magie Sawyer: I would encourage everyone to take a good look at these faces. These people are now the 8 most wanted people in America.

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 06:30 PM

lana should be number nine 25 to life for aggravated whining.

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 06:33 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
lana should be number nine 25 to life for aggravated whining.

Lana Lang: Professional Whiner, Life for 6 counts of kidnapping, rape, and first degree murder.

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 06:53 PM

:lol: you rock :rotfl:

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 06:59 PM

Lana Lang
ALIAS: Leucthe Bag
BACK NUMBER: 89632
LOCATION: General Population, A-Wing, Cell 16
CRIME: Six counts of Kidnapping, Rape and First Degree Murder
SENTENCE: Incarceration for the rest of her natural life
TIME LEFT ON SENTENCE: The rest of her natural life
ELIGIBLE FOR PAROLE IN: Inmate is not eligible for parole

NOTES:
Lana Lang is one of the most dangerous predators at Fox River Penitentiary. Not surprisingly, she has barely known a life outside of confinement. After multiple citations for vandalism and cruelty to animals, a ten year old Lang was caught attempting to burn down the home of her fourth grade teacher and was sent to juvenile hall. It was there that Lang was first introduced to a white supremacist gang, known as the Alliance for Purity.

As Lang grew up, her crimes grew more serious, including assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder. For these crimes, Lang was sentenced to Alabama’s Donaldson maximum-security prison where she immediately assumed a leadership position in the Alliance for Purity.

Upon Lang’s release four years ago, she immediately returned to a life of crime, and embarked on a rape and murder spree across Alabama that included several teenage victims and landed her on America’s Most Wanted, the popular television series. Once captured, Lang’s attorney petitioned for Lang to be incarcerated out of state, for fear of re-establishing power in the Alliance for Purity. When Lang landed in Fox River ten months ago, its chapter of the Alliance was non-existent. Thanks to the charismatic “ Leucthe Bag,” it is now one of the most powerful gangs in the prison.

Here's the original description:
http://www.kryptonsite.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=62146

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 07:37 PM

oz smallville style

prison guard: lights out people (inmates turn out their lights)

in lex and clark cell

lex: i get to be the man today
clark: no me

pete and jason across the hall

pete: will you two shut up some of us are tryin to get some sleep
jason: yeah but you know it's funny...
clark: what's funny
jason: that all of lana's ex's end up in federal prison and she on the outside.
pete: (whines) i never got to be lana's boyfriend
lex: you did'nt miss much. i'll give you a recap "lex stop watching me while i'm asleep. lex quite saying clarks name in your sleep." "lex i'm tired of all the secrets and lies" god the woman was like a broken record right clarkie
clark: yup lexipoo just like that.

jason: eww. anyway we were all in on that heist her lois and chloe got the martha stewart treament and are only spendin 3 months in camp cupcake women's prison.
pete: so what's your point

lex: he wants revenge sweet revenge.
clark: sweets i want sweets i miss pie i miss shelby i miss my moma and papa lionel.
lex: lionel's my papa not yours clark
clark: no jor-el my krypton daddy has control of his body so he's...

everyone but pete:...........
pete: good job clark lets just tell the whole world your an alien.

clark: o s***

to be countinued.

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 08:01 PM

Reckoning

Clark: My life is brilliant

My love is pure.

I saw an angel.

Of that I'm sure.

She smiled at me on the subway.

She was with another man.

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause I've got a plan.

Lana: What are you talking about Clark? ... Well, I brought gloves and a scarf just like you asked.

Clark: You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

Lana: I already know that.

Clark: I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Lana: Crowded place? Listen Clark, I only work at that strip club to make extra money. And what were you doing there?

Clark: Yes, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by.

She could see from my face that I was,

F**king high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

Lana: Listen, that whole scene with Lex in the strip joint was not what it looks like!

Clark: You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw your face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Lana: Clark, I'm so sorry. But why did you call me hear?

Clark:

La la la la la la la la la

Lana: I don't think a mystery date is exactly what our relationship needs right now!

Clark: You're beautiful. You're beautiful.

You're beautiful, it's true.

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you.

Lana: You can't keep keeping your lies and secrets from me.

Clark: But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

Lana: Damn straight!

(Clark falls off the side of the barn with a piece of Kryptonite in
his hand)

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 08:06 PM

^^^ lol so random i love it

smallville oz part 2: the escape

jason: say what!?!?!?!?
pete: (sigh) clarks an alien blah blah he has superpowers blah blah tell em clark
clark: uhhhhhhhhhhh.....
lex: if you have powers clark what the duce are we still doing in this hell hole and why aren't we seeking (does zod voice) revenge.
clark: chloe told me not to break us out.

everyone does collective eye roll

jason: listen clark you like pie right
clark: yeah yeah yeah yeah
jason: if you break us out then lex will buy you 1000 of those delicious mini pies the sell at wal-mart
clark: pecan i want the pecan ones
lex: fine pecan. will you just get us out of here!!!
clark: well...ok
rips bars off his and lex's cell. then releases pete and jason

pete: freedom
jason: yeah right lets just get the heck outa here

clark tucks all three of them under his arms and superspeeds out of the prison.

meanwhile at the talon

chloe: a toast to succesfully ridding ourselves of those silly boys
lana: i'll drink to that
lois: me too

the all drink deeply of their carmel frappachinos. chloe and lois exchange a glance.

lana: wow that was some great coffe lois i could taste the almonds....(starts to choke) you you poisend me.
chloe: as if we were gonna share the loot with you
lois: yeah 300 mill spits better down the middle don't you think chloe.
chloe: gotta agree lo
lana: know this you may strike me down but i shall return even more powerful the before.
lois and chloe: hahahahahahaha
lana: i'll be back...
chloe: only in a rerun

lana dies

lois: looks like its just you and me cuz
chloe: (raises her glass) to the pink warrior may she forever rest in peace.

to be continued.

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 08:30 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
^^^ lol so random i love it

smallville oz part 2: the escape

jason: say what!?!?!?!?
pete: (sigh) clarks an alien blah blah he has superpowers blah blah tell em clark
clark: uhhhhhhhhhhh.....
lex: if you have powers clark what the duce are we still doing in this hell hole and why aren't we seeking (does zod voice) revenge.
clark: chloe told me not to break us out.

everyone does collective eye roll

jason: listen clark you like pie right
clark: yeah yeah yeah yeah
jason: if you break us out then lex will buy you 1000 of those delicious mini pies the sell at wal-mart
clark: pecan i want the pecan ones
lex: fine pecan. will you just get us out of here!!!
clark: well...ok
rips bars off his and lex's cell. then releases pete and jason

pete: freedom
jason: yeah right lets just get the heck outa here

clark tucks all three of them under his arms and superspeeds out of the prison.

meanwhile at the talon

chloe: a toast to succesfully ridding ourselves of those silly boys
lana: i'll drink to that
lois: me too

the all drink deeply of their carmel frappachinos. chloe and lois exchange a glance.

lana: wow that was some great coffe lois i could taste the almonds....(starts to choke) you you poisend me.
chloe: as if we were gonna share the loot with you
lois: yeah 300 mill spits better down the middle don't you think chloe.
chloe: gotta agree lo
lana: know this you may strike me down but i shall return even more powerful the before.
lois and chloe: hahahahahahaha
lana: i'll be back...
chloe: only in a rerun

lana dies

lois: looks like its just you and me cuz
chloe: (raises her glass) to the pink warrior may she forever rest in peace.

to be continued.

Thanks!

I loved it when Lex said "revenge" in Zod's voice.

I also like the Chloe comment about Lana returning in a rerun.

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 08:37 PM

Originally posted by Spirit Detective
Thanks!

I loved it when Lex said "revenge" in Zod's voice.

I also like the Chloe comment about Lana returning in a rerun.

yeah i just watched the running man that's were the rerun line came from. and lexzod saying revenge in the episode was so cute i had to add it.:)

smallvillle oz part 3: reunion

kent farm 3 day's later

jason: so has anyone come up with a plan for gettin back at lana
lex: me me pick me
jason: (sighs) lex what's your plan
lex: we sneak into her dorm room at night and put shaving cream on her hands then we tickle her face with a feather...
jason: does anyone have an actual plan for revenge

clark raises his hand

jason: yes clark?
clark: i don't know i was thinkin maybe we should just like kinda kill her and stuff. (eats three mini pies at once)

stunned silence

lex: thats not a bad idea
pete: yeah not bad at all
jason: so we all agree lana should die

unanimous agreement

jason: so she dies. how do we do it.
pete: baseball bat. simple and to the point
jason: to messy
lex: i can use my sexy charlies angels gun and waste her with that
jason: they'll just trace it back to you
clark: we could use the portal in the cave and send her to the middle of the artic to freeze to death.

more stunned silence

jason: that could work
lex: yeah
pete:sure

jason: alright here's the plan we write her a letter that promises a soultion to all those secrets and lies she's always whinin about and lure her to the kawatche caves
pete: then lex will grab her and drag her to the portal
lex: clark will put the key in the hole, and shelby will be our lookout
clark: (rubs shelby's head) did you hear that boy you get to be part of our evil scheme...yes you do yes you do. whos a good boy shelby is.
jason: (mutters to himself) im surronded by idiots.
pete: so lets do it
lex: yeah its time for our reveange
jason: lana will pay
clark: sit shelby sit. good boy good boy. who wants a beggin strip does shelby whelby want a bacon strip.
shelby: woof

jason: idiots

to be continued.

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 09:19 PM

Tempest

Clark: Hey, who is this band?

Remy Zero: Somebody save me! I don't care how you do it. Just stay. Stay. C'mon.

Pete: Yah, Remy Zero! You Rule!

Chloe: Thanks for another blatant product placement pete.

Pete: With clean and clear cleanser, say goodbye to acne and breakouts.

Lana: Hey! No one steals my commercial

(Lana and Chloe advance on Pete)
Pete: Oh s**t! Well. make sure you use Old Spice High Endurance or you'll end up like meeeee...

thehenry89

10-04-2006, 09:30 PM

Originally posted by Spirit Detective
Tempest

Clark: Hey, who is this band?

Remy Zero: Somebody save me! I don't care how you do it. Just stay. Stay. C'mon.

Pete: Yah, Remy Zero! You Rule!

Chloe: Thanks for another blatant product placement pete.

Pete: With clean and clear cleanser, say goodbye to acne and breakouts.

Lana: Hey! No one steals my commercial

(Lana and Chloe advance on Pete)
Pete: Oh s**t! Well. make sure you use Old Spice High Endurance or you'll end up like meeeee...

lol i miss pete's random product placement:lol:

xrayvision

10-04-2006, 09:39 PM

Hahahaha clean and clear cleanser!!!!!

Spirit Detective

10-04-2006, 09:43 PM

Originally posted by thehenry89
yeah i just watched the running man that's were the rerun line came from. and lexzod saying revenge in the episode was so cute i had to add it.:)

smallvillle oz part 3: reunion

kent farm 3 day's later

jason: so has anyone come up with a plan for gettin back at lana
lex: me me pick me
jason: (sighs) lex what's your plan
lex: we sneak into her dorm room at night and put shaving cream on her hands then we tickle her face with a feather...
jason: does anyone have an actual plan for revenge

clark raises his hand

jason: yes clark?
clark: i don't know i was thinkin maybe we should just like kinda kill her and stuff. (eats three mini pies at once)

stunned silence

lex: thats not a bad idea
pete: yeah not bad at all
jason: so we all agree lana should die

unanimous agreement

jason: so she dies. how do we do it.
pete: baseball bat. simple and to the point
jason: to messy
lex: i can use my sexy charlies angels gun and waste her with that
jason: they'll just trace it back to you
clark: we could use the portal in the cave and send her to the middle of the artic to freeze to death.

more stunned silence

jason: that could work
lex: yeah
pete:sure

jason: alright here's the plan we write her a letter that promises a soultion to all those secrets and lies she's always whinin about and lure her to the kawatche caves
pete: then lex will grab her and drag her to the portal
lex: clark will put the key in the hole, and shelby will be our lookout
clark: (rubs shelby's head) did you hear that boy you get to be part of our evil scheme...yes you do yes you do. whos a good boy shelby is.
jason: (mutters to himself) im surronded by idiots.
pete: so lets do it
lex: yeah its time for our reveange
jason: lana will pay
clark: sit shelby sit. good boy good boy. who wants a beggin strip does shelby whelby want a bacon strip.
shelby: woof

jason: idiots

to be continued.

lex: i can use my sexy charlies angels gun and waste her with that

clark: (rubs shelby's head) did you hear that boy you get to be part of our evil scheme...yes you do yes you do. whos a good boy shelby is.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

They need to bring back Jason Teague(I don't care if he was written out) and Pete.

thehenry89

10-05-2006, 11:30 AM

smallville oz part 4: the plan

the talon 9:45 the next day

lois: i know we went along with lana's plan to get rid of the boys but i really miss them

chloe: yeah me too. oh i've got an idea lets break them out of prison.

lois: i don't know chlo.

chloe: don't be so chicken. we've got 300 million dollars with that kinda green we can do anything.

lois:...well...alright but i get to keep clark.

chloe: fine i'll take pete.

at that moment the mailman walks in and hands lois a letter adressed to lana

lois: i wonder who sent this.

chloe: open it

lois opens letter and reads to chloe the following aloud:
*author note words are misspelled on purpose*

deer lona, wee hafe thee answors yove beeen louking fore all thiese yearse. youe know the ones. iff you wante to no wat hapen to youre parents and y thene come to the kawatchee caves at midnight. come alon and tel nobodie aboout this.

PS. DRESSS WARM HAHAHAHAHA

lois: this handwritting looks really familar

chloe: yeah i know. (studies letter carefuly. spots some fruit filling on the bottom) it's clark

lois: how do you know

chloe: (shows lois the filling) i know

lois: so what do we do?

chloe: i say we go to the caves and get some explanations.

lois: lets go cuz.

kawatchee caves 11:52 pm

clark: na na na na na na na na batman na na na na na na na na batman. batman batman batman.

lex: SHUT UP!!!

clark:.......

pete: when the heck is she gonna be here

jason: calm down man

lex: i hear somethin

they all hide behind rocks

lois: (see's shelby sleeping on the cave floor) what's shelby doing here

chloe: like clarks gonna go anywere without that dog

jason looks out from behind rock

jason: lois..chloe what are you guy's doing here.

clark: yeah were's lana.

chloe: oh lana we killed her

lois: yeah yesterday

jason: o well that's cool
pete: yeah fine with me
clark: (rubbing shelby's tummy) good boy. shelby whelby's a good boy.
lex: o come, when do i get a chance at revenge. if the pink one's dead then who are we supposed to kill for revenge.

jason: we could kill lois
clark: no she's to hott
all the boys: yeah...
pete: we can't kill chloe she's hot too

lex: i have no problem killing chloe
jason: me neither

clark: no me like chloe. chloe friend
pete: yeah. chloe's our friend we can't kill her

lois: can i make a suggestion
jason: sure.
lois: how bout we just go back to the kent farm and split the money 6 ways

jason: that could work
pete: woo remy zero...i mean yeah that's cool
lex: ok
clark: does shelby get a cut
chloe: shelby can split your money with you
clark: alright!!!

the end.