Lines you will never hear on Smallville

[justice league]

Jor-el:Clark i am your father
Clark:thats cool

[xrayvision]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:: rotfl:
Now I can go to sleep laughing LMAO!

Thanks, glad you enjoyed it.

[justice league]

mikail: go f@£$ yourself
clark doing that
mikail: that looks hard

[justice league]

clark:im so pretty so pretty so pretty and pretty and gay

[MetroGirl06]

Tess: I am actually... Lex in drag! (removes wig and dress)
Clark: Oh, so thats why I was attracted to you!

[xrayvision]

[In the distant future...we have Joe Kent, Clark's son, having a conversation]

Joe: But I gotta go. Don't worry, you'll always my mom & dad.

[Joe goes to New York to see Virginia Schwann]

Virginia: Joe, I got this message from your parents.

Joe: You got it from the stars?

Virginia: No, don't be silly, they left it for you.

Joe (reading): We're bored & sick of your nagging. So it's time to leave you on someone's doorstep, son. P.S., Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Virginia: I'm sorry.

Joe: What does this mean? What were my parents' names?

Virginia: The note is signed.

Joe: Clark Kent & Lois Lane. Can you look them up for me? I wanna find them.

Virginia: They're dead son. Your father ate himself into pie oblivion after someone named Lana, who he never got over, left him & your mother was subsequently killed when she broke her neck reaching for Ding Dongs.

Joe: I'm an orphan. Noooooo!!!!!!!!

Virginia: At least you have your adoptive parents. Your real parents didn't give a crap about you anyway. Think of all the freedom you could have.

Joe: You're right. There's this girl named Lisa that I'm attracted to. I was gonna put things on hold until I took care of this thing with my parents, but now, the heck with it.

Virginia: Does Lisa know the truth about you?

Joe: No. I can never tell her. Though she does complain every now & then about secrets & lies and I have to save her every other day from someone who wants her or wants to kill her.

Virginia: Oh brother...

Joe: Thanks Dr. Schwann. Take care!

[2 months later]

Joe: Oh boy, I can't wait until tomorrow Dad, I'm finally gonna ask Lisa out.

James Dent: Good son. But don't tell her your secret. I'm going to bed, so don't stay up too late.

Joe: 'nite Dad.

[Suddenly Joe hears something]

Joe: What was that?

[He hears it again]

Joe: Sounds like it's coming from the refrigerator.

[Joe opens the refrigerator & finds a pie rumbling & shaking; he takes the pie & sets it on the kitchen table]

Joe: What the hell is going on?

[All of a sudden a beam of light shoots out of the pie and a voice is heard as the pie emits it]

Clark: You will obey me, Jor-El Jr.

Joe: Who the hell are you?!!?!

Clark: I am your father Jor-El Jr. I am Clark Kent.

Joe: What do you want from me?

Clark: Total obedience. You shall leave this farm and begin your mission tomorrow.

Joe: I will never leave. I will never join you. I'm staying with my parents & Lisa. You can go to hell.

Clark: By the setting of the pies at the marketplace tables tomorrow, I will have complete control of you.

Joe: NO!!!! I won't join you.

[The pie emits a beam that lifts Joe up and pins him to the wall; all of a sudden his chest is branded with an 8]

Joe: What is this symbol? What did you do to me? Is this some sort of alien language?

Clark: Don't be silly Jor-El Jr. It means do not pick up a pie that is less than 8 inches!!!

Joe: I'm gonna cut that pie you're coming from with a kryptonite fork & knife set and you'll be dead after that!!!

Clark: Foolish Jor-El Jr., did you think I would not plan for that? You have no choice but to obey me as your complete leader. You...are...my...b*tch!!!!!!!

Joe (leaving & crying): No, how am I gonna stop this? I want my Lisa Lang!!!!

[The pie is still on the table after Joe has left]

Clark: Hahaha, I always wanted to do that. Finally, the shoe is on the other foot. It's finally my turn to take the traditional role of ruthless, domineering, power hungry father that every son of every generation of the House of El must face.

[justice league]

clark after finding out he can fly
clark : i can fly i can fly i can..... oh o zod is chasing me

[Clana Kent]

Clark: No Chloe, I don't wanna fly. I'm afraid of heights!!

[xrayvision]

Chloe: So how are you are Clark doing?

Lois: Smallville? Why would I have anything to do with him?

Chloe: Oh c'mon Lois. You're talking to your cousin here. You can't hide your plaid fantasies from me.

Lois: Plaid fantasies? Yeah right!

Chloe: Well, that's good because I hooked him up with one of my Isis clients.

Lois: I'll kill you & that skank. Hands off my farmboy.

Chloe: Yeah? I knew it!!!

Lois: (embarassed)

Chloe: I bet you $200 you can't get him to make out with you.

Lois: I bet you $2000 that not only can have him make out with me, but have him do it tonight.

Chloe: You're on cuz. This'll be the easiest bet I ever won.

[Later on that night]

Lois: You go hide in the bathroom. He'll be here in 5 minutes.

Chloe: OK. By the way, what do you have in that bag?

Lois: Something that'll make me irresistable to him.

Chloe: Perfume?

Lois: Nah, that's for amateurs. You'll see.

[Clark knocks on the door]

Lois: Hey Smallville.

Clark: Chloe called me. She said she had something important to show me.

Lois: Chloe couldn't make it. But I have what she wanted to show you.

Clark: Well where is it?

Lois: Sit down & take a load off your feet.

[Lois goes behind Clark, who's sitting down on the couch & opens a box in the bag Chloe referred to. She takes out & hides what was in the box behind her back.]

Clark: Something smells awefully good Lois.

Lois: I'm sure it does.

Clark: Damn, what is that?

Lois: Does Clarky want some?

[All of a sudden Lois no longer hides what she was hiding behind her back.]

Clark: Oh....my...G.....is that what I think it is? I'm certainly gonna take a load off now.

Lois: Does Clarky want some warm, crusty pie?

Clark: Gimme!!

Lois: Has Clarky been a good farmboy?

[All of a sudden Lois dips her fingers in the pie & smears it all over her face]

Lois: Come & get it!!

[Clark is all over Lois while Chloe watches from the bathroom shocked at how she just lost $2000.]

Lois: Oops, I think I'm chewing on some pie...

Clark: Clark mad!!! Pie only for Clark!!!!!

[Clark makes out with Lois & is able to get every crumb of pie from her mouth]

Clark: Clark eat!!!

Lois: Damn Smallville, you sure are passionate about your pie. I'll be back.

[Lois meets Chloe in the bathroom]

Chloe: Why the hell didn't I think of that?

Lois: Because you spent too much time idolizing him.

Chloe: Well here's your $2000. I doubt it will last you long. If you're gonna want to have all your plaid fantasies come true, you're gonna have to buy him a lot of pie.

[Lazy Boy]

Clark singing R Kelly song - "I believe I can fly"

[bizzaro93]

Clark: "I want to fly!"

[justice league]

in the episode power i think
tess:lex didnt stick a micro chip in your brain
lana:he was going to

[Welling_is_pretty]

Clark, to Jor-El: "Hey Dad? Do you think you could send me back in time so I could make it so that Lex and I stay friends? I miss him."
Jor-El: "Ask the Legion for another ring, son."
Clark, to Legion: "Can I have another Legion ring so I can go back in time and make it so Lex and I stay friends?"
Garth: "No! You and Lex have to be mortal enemies! He's your arch nemesis, Superman!"
Rokk: *facepalms* "Garth, you're an idiot!"
Clark, confused: "I just wanna be friends with Lex again!"

[Supermania]

Clark: "I absolutely hate Lana!"

[ox007]

[The scene takes place in the Kent farm on a field]

Clark: Shelby fetch!!

[suddenly]

Lana: Clark! I'm back! I found a way to get rid of the suit and I'm free!! So I'm not a Kryptonite walkin girl anymore! We can be together Clark! You can come and find out...
Clark: Good boy Shelby! Now here's a cookie reward!
Lana: Clark hello! I'm standing here!
Clark: Hello! I'm playing with my dog, don't you see? Haven't seen him for months.
Lana: It's me Lana Lang!!
Clark (ironicly): How joyful.
Lex: Hey Clark! I'm also back!! And guess what? I'm a good guy now! Being dead for a while can really change a man! We have a problem! Pete Ross runs Luthor Corp and Lex Corp! He's gone bad and wants to control every aspect of life in Metropolis and destroy Smallville, cause he's jelous of you and your powers! We gotta stop him!
Clark: No Shelby! I said fetch a stick! This is Kryptonite! Get it away boy!
Lois (from Kent barn): Clark honey, Charly finally learned how to milk cows!!
Lex and Lana: Honey??!!Charlie??!!
Clark: Yeah, Charlie Kent, Lois' and mine son. (screams) That's wonderful muffin!! It is his destiny you know.
Lex: Does he have any powers?
Clark: Well, yes he shots fireballs.
Lex: Really? From his eyes like you?
Clark: Well, no. From his... From his urine instrument...
Lex: Wooow!! How, ehh, does he activate his power?
Clark: Well this is no problem. When he sees hot girls... Just like I did with my eyes, but...We're working to control this power.
Lex: Double woooow.
Clark: You don't imagine how many new pants we have to buy him! Oh no! Lana he can't see you! Charly get back to the barn!!
Charlie: Wow dad who's this?
Clark: Noooo! Duck!
[BLAST]
Lex: Okaaaaay, I'm gonna hit the road now...

[llk6165]

Clark: Lois who?
******************

Lois to Lana: Love the suit.

********************

Shelby: Meow

******************

Lois to Clark: Love the suit

[justice league]

Clark, to Jor-El: "Hey Dad? Do you think you could send me back in time so I could make it so that Lex and I stay friends? I miss him."
Jor-El: "Ask the Legion for another ring, son."
Clark, to Legion: "Can I have another Legion ring so I can go back in time and make it so Lex and I stay friends?"
Garth: "No! You and Lex have to be mortal enemies! He's your arch nemesis, Superman!"
Rokk: *facepalms* "Garth, you're an idiot!"
Clark, confused: "I just wanna be friends with Lex again!"
this is so funny

----- Added 38 Seconds later -----


[The scene takes place in the Kent farm on a field]

Clark: Shelby fetch!!

[suddenly]

Lana: Clark! I'm back! I found a way to get rid of the suit and I'm free!! So I'm not a Kryptonite walkin girl anymore! We can be together Clark! You can come and find out...
Clark: Good boy Shelby! Now here's a cookie reward!
Lana: Clark hello! I'm standing here!
Clark: Hello! I'm playing with my dog, don't you see? Haven't seen him for months.
Lana: It's me Lana Lang!!
Clark (ironicly): How joyful.
Lex: Hey Clark! I'm also back!! And guess what? I'm a good guy now! Being dead for a while can really change a man! We have a problem! Pete Ross runs Luthor Corp and Lex Corp! He's gone bad and wants to control every aspect of life in Metropolis and destroy Smallville, cause he's jelous of you and your powers! We gotta stop him!
Clark: No Shelby! I said fetch a stick! This is Kryptonite! Get it away boy!
Lois (from Kent barn): Clark honey, Charly finally learned how to milk cows!!
Lex and Lana: Honey??!!Charlie??!!
Clark: Yeah, Charlie Kent, Lois' and mine son. (screams) That's wonderful muffin!! It is his destiny you know.
Lex: Does he have any powers?
Clark: Well, yes he shots fireballs.
Lex: Really? From his eyes like you?
Clark: Well, no. From his... From his urine instrument...
Lex: Wooow!! How, ehh, does he activate his power?
Clark: Well this is no problem. When he sees hot girls... Just like I did with my eyes, but...We're working to control this power.
Lex: Double woooow.
Clark: You don't imagine how many new pants we have to buy him! Oh no! Lana he can't see you! Charly get back to the barn!!
Charlie: Wow dad who's this?
Clark: Noooo! Duck!
[BLAST]
Lex: Okaaaaay, I'm gonna hit the road now...
so is this

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

clark:(going public) everyone im an alien im also the red blue blur if anyone comes near me i will KILL THEM im going home see you all later

[jon-el87]

Chloe (to Clark, when she finally has got enough of him); Clark.. When will you get a life?!! You run after Lana for years and whine about her.. Then you come to me every time you need help, expecting me to just drop everything in my own life, just because you're too much of a BDA to know how to use a search engine!! And get it, not everyone is interested in who you are or your little secret! And is it so difficult to pull on a pair of blue tights and a cape?!! Bart, Oliver, A.C, Andrea (Rojas), Victor and Dinah has all got around to it.. Heck, the entire Justice Society got around to it, 70 years ago!! But no, you keep running around on you're little farm, feeling sorry for yourself, because you're not normal.. Wake up, Clark!! the world is crowded with metahumans, get it.. You're in no way diffrent!! And thank you so much Clark.. thank you for protecting me for all these years, from ever meeting anyone new or having new experiances!!

[ColdPlay3r]

clark: so.....u watch spiderman last night

[Clark/Lois-fan]

Clark: Chloe, we belong together.

[t.ko]

Clark: I'm so happy
General Zod: hmm this place, earth, is nice. Maybe i've been going at this at the wrong angle.
Dean: Where the hell are we?
Sam: Dude, that guy just zoomed across the cornfields...
Castiel: You are here for a reason *takes a dramatic pause as always*...to stop the abomination of the world.
Dean: Are you freaking serious? That guy (Clark) just threw a truck at another guy (Zod) and the other guy caught it...

[Canary]

Martha: i Like big strong farmers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lois: Isen't it odd when i see/ talk to the red blue blurr clark isent around?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Lex: you know, it woulden't kill me to grow a mustache

[xrayvision]

Philosophy Professor: Can anyone tell me what the 2 dimensions of the instrumental existence are?

Lana: Secrets & lies?

[Kneel before Zod]

Chloe: "I'm the real Lois Lane";)

Clark: "I am the Hope of the Universe...I am the Answer to all Living Things that cry out for Peace...I am Protector of the Innocent...I am the Light in the Darkness...I am Truth. I AM A SUPERMAN!!!!!":D:D

[xrayvision]

Interviewer: So why do you want a job at the Daily Planet?

Clark: Boobies!

Interviewer (opening her shirt): Like these?...

[Clark sets fire to the Daily Planet with his heatvision]

[Later that day]

Detective Sawyer: That's it Mr. Kent. We're taking you in. That's 3 fires during 3 interviews in 3 days. More than a coincidence, don't you think?

Clark: Boobies!

Detective Sawyer (unleashing a sample): A pair for y...

Lois (stopping her): Yeah, back off there Reno 911.

Detective Sawyer: What'd you call me?

Clark: Easy there chief, she names everyone after a town.

Lois: That's right Smallville.

Clark: See...

Detective Sawyer: Don't call me chief Mr. Kent. And as for you...

Lois: What are you doing?

Detective Sawyer: Spread 'em!

[Detective Sawyer starts frisking Lois & gets too aggressive]

Clark: Oh my G.......

Lois: Hey, turn around you perv!

Clark: Get down!

Detective Sawyer: Why?

Clark (like Porky Pig): B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-boobies!!!!!!

[The police car is fried & explodes]

Detective Sawyer: Hey, you're that son of a b---h masked criminal who terrorized the city 6 years ago!

Clark: Uh-oh. Busted.

Detective Sawyer (to the police force): Get him!

[Benny Hill music plays as the police & Lois have a superspeed Benny Hill style chase with Clark]

[adromidon]

lol

Here is one

Chloe: Clark the world needs a hero your that hero!

Clark: But i do not want to save the world i want to Sing!

Clark breaks out into a version of another one bytes the dust

Chloe: Clark get serious

Clark: Oh another one gone another one down another bytes the dust

Clark is seen dancing as Chloe throws up her hands and grabs the super man outfit and walks toward the door

Chloe: I may not have super powers but pretending to be super-man and getting killed doing so will be better then listening to his off key tone

[xrayvision]

It would be really funny if she sings that "I Believe I Can Fly" song.

[Canary]

It would be really funny if she sings that "I Believe I Can Fly" song.

omg hahaha, i could just see that:lol:

[ox007]

Clark: Hey Henry!

[Silance]

Clark: Henry I’m speaking to you!

Jimmy: Henry who? CK are you talking to somebody? There’s no Henry in here.

Clark: [singing] I know your little secret tralalala.

Jimmy: Have you forgotten I know yours as well? So if anyone asks, I’m Jimmy!

Clark: But you’re too old for Jimmy, that’s what it says in my script!

Jimmy: Oh yeah? And you’re too old to embrace your destiny. It’s too late. What, you are like 23 or 24 and you haven’t even learned to fly, you’re not wearing the suit even though everyone is waiting for that to happen, you’re still obsessed with Lana Lang, you haven’t created a separate identity - glasses anyone?? You dropped off college education, who do you think YOU are? You know what, you’re lame man, I’m leaving this soap opera excuse of a TV show! Davis, where are you! [Runs away]

[Clark runs away crying]

[RaniaLovesClois]

Clark: Hey Henry!

[Silance]

Clark: Henry I’m speaking to you!

Jimmy: Henry who? CK are you talking to somebody? There’s no Henry in here.

Clark: [singing] I know your little secret tralalala.

Jimmy: Have you forgotten I know yours as well? So if anyone asks, I’m Jimmy!

Clark: But you’re too old for Jimmy, that’s what it says in my script!

Jimmy: Oh yeah? And you’re too old to embrace your destiny. It’s too late. What, you are like 23 or 24 and you haven’t even learned to fly, you’re not wearing the suit even though everyone is waiting for that to happen, you’re still obsessed with Lana Lang, you haven’t created a separate identity - glasses anyone?? You dropped off college education, who do you think YOU are? You know what, you’re lame man, I’m leaving this soap opera excuse of a TV show! Davis, where are you! [Runs away]

[Clark runs away crying]

:lol::rotfl::lol::rotfl:

[FlashInSV]

Jimmy: Oh yeah? And you’re too old to embrace your destiny. It’s too late. What, you are like 23 or 24 and you haven’t even learned to fly, you’re not wearing the suit even though everyone is waiting for that to happen, you’re still obsessed with Lana Lang, you haven’t created a separate identity - glasses anyone?? You dropped off college education, who do you think YOU are? You know what, you’re lame man, I’m leaving this soap opera excuse of a TV show! Davis, where are you! [Runs away]

[Clark runs away crying]

This is so true, I don't know if I should laugh or cry! ;)

[Tispower]

Clark: Hey Henry!

[Silance]

Clark: Henry I’m speaking to you!

Jimmy: Henry who? CK are you talking to somebody? There’s no Henry in here.

Clark: [singing] I know your little secret tralalala.

Jimmy: Have you forgotten I know yours as well? So if anyone asks, I’m Jimmy!

Clark: But you’re too old for Jimmy, that’s what it says in my script!

Jimmy: Oh yeah? And you’re too old to embrace your destiny. It’s too late. What, you are like 23 or 24 and you haven’t even learned to fly, you’re not wearing the suit even though everyone is waiting for that to happen, you’re still obsessed with Lana Lang, you haven’t created a separate identity - glasses anyone?? You dropped off college education, who do you think YOU are? You know what, you’re lame man, I’m leaving this soap opera excuse of a TV show! Davis, where are you! [Runs away]

[Clark runs away crying]

Awesome haha :lol::D

[adromidon]

Clark listening to the radio and "Sarah" comes on by Jefferson Starship (I think they sing it) and he gets to thinking about Lana and starts singing

Clark: Lana oh Lana the kryptonite is shining in your eyes. Oh Lana, Lana Your love is like crack I can not go on living with out you!"

Chloe walks in and hears him on the cours of Lana and pulls out a gun and loads it with kryptonite bullets and shoots Clark

Chloe: Finaly if i heard another verse of "Lana" I would have killed myself

[xrayvision]

Chloe: What are you saying?

Clark: Clark? Clark Kent is dead my friend.

[Clark reveals his face & it's all white]

Chloe: Bizarro with green hair?

Clark: Bizarro is also dead my friend. You can call me Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier and don't mope around Lana or the likes of you.

[Clark shoots her and everything around the room]

Clark: Now I need to find a hobby or a job. Maybe pest control...like...bat exterminator.

Clark (turning to the camera): And you thought this was the story of Superman. How insanely foolish. Come now Harley dear.

Lois: Yes Mista K.

Clark (throwing a pie at her): That's Mr. J!!!!!

[ox007]

Clark: Hey Henry!

[Silance]

Clark: Henry I’m speaking to you!

Jimmy: Henry who? CK are you talking to somebody? There’s no Henry in here.

Clark: [singing] I know your little secret tralalala.

Jimmy: Have you forgotten I know yours as well? So if anyone asks, I’m Jimmy!

Clark: But you’re too old for Jimmy, that’s what it says in my script!

Jimmy: Oh yeah? And you’re too old to embrace your destiny. It’s too late. What, you are like 23 or 24 and you haven’t even learned to fly, you’re not wearing the suit even though everyone is waiting for that to happen, you’re still obsessed with Lana Lang, you haven’t created a separate identity - glasses anyone?? You dropped off college education, who do you think YOU are? You know what, you’re lame man, I’m leaving this soap opera excuse of a TV show! Davis, where are you! [Runs away]

[Clark runs away crying]

And here is the second part:

Chloe: Henry, I mean Jimmy, Clark told me everything! Do you really want to leave us forever?

Jimmy: I have no reason for staying.

Chloe: Am I not the reason for you to stay…?

Jimmy: Here we go again. Chloe this, Chloe that! Is it Chloeville for crying out loud?! You actually are the second reason I ‘m leaving. I fell in love with you, believed in you, married you and what do you give me in exchange? First, you didn’t visit me in the hospital after the wedding massacre, not even ONE time! You told CK you baked me some cookies and that you were gonna visit me, but it was a lie! You baked them for Davis and you started cooking for him since then! That is probably your new profession after dropping journalism! Second, you turned me into a drug-addicted psycho in everyone’s opinion, that sees monsters everywhere and is delusional, but it turned out I was right all along about Davis!

Chloe: Yes Jimmy but…

Jimmy: I’m not finished here yet young lady! Then you escape with this bloodthirsty psycho killing monster leaving me behind alone! You didn’t mind he was killing people all over the places you went, you still told everyone you could ‘calm the beast’! That’s a good one! I believe you need a shrink more badly than I do! You wanted to spend the rest of your life babysitting him or what, baking cookies for him?

Chloe: But, but…

Jimmy: Don’t interrupt! And of course you stopped CK from putting the beast in the Phantom Zone – can you believe it?! For the first time in his life the guy actually comes up with a good idea and you ruin it! I’m done, Davis could you stab me already??

[Chloe faints]

[Social Butterfly]

Clark- I wanna learn how to fly!
Clark to lois- i love you
Clark to Lex- i have been inlove with you my whole life marry me!

[xrayvision]

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: Hey, what's this? We're getting sucked into that portal!!

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: Where are we?

Slim: You're in the Wild West my friends.

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: What's your name cowboy?

Slim: Slim Cooder.

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: Who's that?

Slim: That there's the roughest, toughest, most dangerous rootin' tootin' killer of the west...Jesse James.

Jesse: Who're these 2 galoots?

Slim: I don't know Mr. James.

Jesse: What're yar names?

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: I'm Kelly. And I'm Brian. It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. James. Oops, I'm sorry. Mr. Henry James.

Jesse: The name's Jesse James. Get it right b'fore I shoot it out of ya.

Kelly Souders & Brian Peterson: Jesse Henry James...got it.

Jesse: That's it. I ain't even waitin' till high noon ta pump ya with lead.

[Jesse James shoots them dead]

[ox007]

Clark: Kneel before Zod !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lois: WTF?

[Glove]

"Quick Robin, to the Batcave!"

[skylar]

Clark: Kneel before Zod !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lois: WTF?

lol

['doomsday']

Clark daily planet interview.

Interviewer:So clark is it? why do you want to join the Daily Planet?

Clark: So i can here about people that i need to save

Interviewer: Riiiight???? Anyhow what are your schooling education like

Clark: Great i played football

Interviewer: So what has that got to do with the Daily planet

Clark:everything!!!! i also worked at smallville high school newspaper the torch

Interviewer:Speaking of Smallville, what where your high school grades like?

Clark: I don't need high school grades i have super powers.

Interviewer: Yes that again.... did you go to college as it is really an essential part to getting a job here?

Clark:I went but the had to leave

Interviewer: Why??

Clark: My dad died

Interviewer: well i am sorry about that bout you do need a college degree

Clark:Why i have heat vision

Interviewer: I think this interview is over

Clark: why?? I can bench press a tractor

Interviewer: What good could come from that

Clark: Incase Lex Luthor has some sort of anti tractor benching device to destroy the world with i can overcome it

Interviewer: You need help

Clark: Help, did some one say help!! i am coming citizen.. Clark Kent awaaaay...i mean red blue blur away

[RaniaLovesClois]

Clark: Kneel before Zod !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lois: WTF?

:lol: LOL!!!! :rotfl:

----- Added 51 Seconds later -----


Clark daily planet interview.

Interviewer:So clark is it? why do you want to join the Daily Planet?

Clark: So i can here about people that i need to save

Interviewer: Riiiight???? Anyhow what are your schooling education like

Clark: Great i played football

Interviewer: So what has that got to do with the Daily planet

Clark:everything!!!! i also worked at smallville high school newspaper the torch

Interviewer:Speaking of Smallville, what where your high school grades like?

Clark: I don't need high school grades i have super powers.

Interviewer: Yes that again.... did you go to college as it is really an essential part to getting a job here?

Clark:I went but the had to leave

Interviewer: Why??

Clark: My dad died

Interviewer: well i am sorry about that bout you do need a college degree

Clark:Why i have heat vision

Interviewer: I think this interview is over

Clark: why?? I can bench press a tractor

Interviewer: What good could come from that

Clark: Incase Lex Luthor has some sort of anti tractor benching device to destroy the world with i can overcome it

Interviewer: You need help

Clark: Help, did some one say help!! i am coming citizen.. Clark Kent awaaaay...i mean red blue blur away

:rotfl:

[almighty15]

Clark- I wanna learn how to fly!
Clark to lois- i love you
Clark to Lex- i have been inlove with you my whole life marry me!

Maybe near end of the show

[xrayvision]

Clark: So when do I get my British accent?

Jor-El: What the El are you talking about Kal-El?

Clark: Your voice used to sound like mine, but now it's British-sounding.

Jor-El: That's because Kryptonian Voice Interaction Enterprises accidentally sent me the British voice box & I didn't have time to order the right one. Didn't you ever see that Jackovasaurus South Park episode where Ned loses his voice box & gets a Scottish one Kal-El?

----- Added 1 Minutes later -----


Clark daily planet interview.

Interviewer:So clark is it? why do you want to join the Daily Planet?

Clark: So i can here about people that i need to save

Interviewer: Riiiight???? Anyhow what are your schooling education like

Clark: Great i played football

Interviewer: So what has that got to do with the Daily planet

Clark:everything!!!! i also worked at smallville high school newspaper the torch

Interviewer:Speaking of Smallville, what where your high school grades like?

Clark: I don't need high school grades i have super powers.

Interviewer: Yes that again.... did you go to college as it is really an essential part to getting a job here?

Clark:I went but the had to leave

Interviewer: Why??

Clark: My dad died

Interviewer: well i am sorry about that bout you do need a college degree

Clark:Why i have heat vision

Interviewer: I think this interview is over

Clark: why?? I can bench press a tractor

Interviewer: What good could come from that

Clark: Incase Lex Luthor has some sort of anti tractor benching device to destroy the world with i can overcome it

Interviewer: You need help

Clark: Help, did some one say help!! i am coming citizen.. Clark Kent awaaaay...i mean red blue blur away

LOL, I like this. :)

[smallvilleaddict15]

Clark daily planet interview.

Interviewer:So clark is it? why do you want to join the Daily Planet?

Clark: So i can here about people that i need to save

Interviewer: Riiiight???? Anyhow what are your schooling education like

Clark: Great i played football

Interviewer: So what has that got to do with the Daily planet

Clark:everything!!!! i also worked at smallville high school newspaper the torch

Interviewer:Speaking of Smallville, what where your high school grades like?

Clark: I don't need high school grades i have super powers.

Interviewer: Yes that again.... did you go to college as it is really an essential part to getting a job here?

Clark:I went but the had to leave

Interviewer: Why??

Clark: My dad died

Interviewer: well i am sorry about that bout you do need a college degree

Clark:Why i have heat vision

Interviewer: I think this interview is over

Clark: why?? I can bench press a tractor

Interviewer: What good could come from that

Clark: Incase Lex Luthor has some sort of anti tractor benching device to destroy the world with i can overcome it

Interviewer: You need help

Clark: Help, did some one say help!! i am coming citizen.. Clark Kent awaaaay...i mean red blue blur away

:rotfl::rotfl:Dude, that is hilarious!!

[adromidon]

Ashton Kutcher makes a guest appearance on Smallville

Ashton: Your Clark Kent right?

Clark: Yes, why yes I am.

Ashton: Dude, Wheres your Cape?

[bonoferox]

Lois: No I can't go out tonight. I have church in the morning.

[adromidon]

Lois looks down at Clark in tights

Lois: So that is why they call you Smallville
Clark: it is not the size that matters its the super powers that come with it

[Nanda Lane]

Lois looks down at Clark in tights

Lois: So that is why they call you Smallville
Clark: it is not the size that matters its the super powers that come with it

Blasfemy!

Don't kill my fantasies, please ;)

[davidbrenton]

Lois, I'm a stupid stupid man.

[LBDII]

Clark: Let me lick that bald head lex.

Lex: Okay you Kryptonian beast.

[apetchel]

Clark (singing in his boxers): You get the best of both worlds... chillin out take it slow, then you rock out the show. You get the best of both worlds...

*Lois walks on him*: What the hell is in those pies that Martha Kent keeps feeding you?

[pizzahead2490]

Lois after waking up from a head trauma

Lois:So...your the Blur

Clark:What! that's not part of the script.

[4815162342LOST]

Clark-Chloe i love you

[cousteau]

Ollie: "Dude we need a new drinking game"
Clark: "Oh! Oh! I've got it! How about this? five shots to a round, whoever loses the round pays for the next AND gets a punch in the junk?"
Ollie: "Dude...That's awesome! Let's do it!"
Clark: "Hah! Stand up! Legs apart, here it comes!"

the next day

Ollie: "ok, number one, that hurt like hell. Number two, we need to rethink the rules. Number three, NO POWERS DUDE! THAT FREAKIN HURT! I wanna have kids someday!"

[Canary]

Lois:*talking to herself* I would love to see clark in a sailor suit..
Chloe: *standing behind lois*... WTF lois.
Lois: HEYYYY CHLOE! *lois pretending to be drunk but really embarresed*
Chloe: lois. its 11am. you're not drunk, or hungover... good try thoe.
Chloe: *walks away*
Lois: *mumbleing to herself* Smooth one lois.

[lexrulz]

Clark: "I'm going to quit blaming myself for all of the things that go wrong in Smallville and start blaming other people"

[cara410]

Chloe: "I'm the real Lois Lane";)

Clark: "I am the Hope of the Universe...I am the Answer to all Living Things that cry out for Peace...I am Protector of the Innocent...I am the Light in the Darkness...I am Truth. I AM A SUPERMAN!!!!!":D:D

LOL! I love the second one. Though it'd be too DBZ-ish lol

[KryptonLex]

Lionel to Lex - ''Your the best thing that ever happend to me''.

----- Added 5 Minutes later -----

:p

[adromidon]

Lionel to Lex: Aren't I supposed to go on and on about real-estate?
Lex to Lionel: I am not sure but you know what my father allways used to say? The more land you have the more power you have
Lionel to Lex: Your an Idiot

[pizzahead2490]

Lois looks down at Clark in tights

Lois: So that is why they call you Smallville
Clark: it is not the size that matters its the super powers that come with it

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[jsm]

Clark in the fortress to Jor-El: "I need your help! Zod is about to destroy the world, and I can't stop him alone."

Jor-El: "Oh, here we go, again. 'Help me stop the Zoners,' 'help me destroy BrainIAC,' 'help me defeat Doomsday,' 'Why can't I fly yet?'"

"Why do you always have to complain?"

"Can't you ever stop in just to say 'hi'?"

[Welling_is_pretty]

If I may continue that convo...?

Jor-El: "We never just hang out, do father/son stuff. We never toss around a ball, we never watch sporting events together, we never eat cookies and milk together."

Clark: "Um, yeah, we don't do that because you're a computer program of my dead father."

Jor-El: "Does that mean we can't have a Hallmark moment, son? Does it?"

[xrayvision]

Clark: Can I pop a few wheelies in your wheelchair Lex?

Lex: Why on Earth would I have a wheelchair Clark?

Clark: Because the day I thought I had superpowers & pranced like a moron on Loeb Bridge & you swerved to miss me, your Porsche got caught on the Loeb bridge and flipped end over end, making you a parapalegic.

Lex: So...you...really don't have powers?

Clark: What the hell have I been telling you for years?

Lex: But I can walk & have legs. See?

Clark: Not anymore.

[Clark laservisions Lex's legs off below his knees]

Lex: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, you son of a b**ch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Clark: So now can you pop a few wheelies as I sit on your lap?

Lex: Go to hell Clark!!!

Clark: We call it H-El where I'm from. It's the Valhalla of Kryptonians.

[adromidon]

Jor-El: Clark I have something to tell you

Clark: Yes Father

Jor-El: you know when you were obsessed with Lana Lang?

Clark: Yes

Jor-El: that was merely a test to see if you were as f**ed up as every other male member of the -El family. Congradulations your more messed up then the rest

[Infamous]

Clark: That totally wasn't my fault

----- Added 3 Minutes later -----

Chloe: Your a hero Clark! The world needs you!

Clark: (Singing Eminem's Superman) Superman ain't saving ****, girl you can jump on clark's d**k.

[ox007]

Zod [adressing to an unknown figure]: Kneel !!!!

[nothing]

Zod: Kneel before Zod!!!!!!!!!!

[nothing]

Zod: I said kneel before Zod!!!!!

[nothing]

Zod: You unfaithful pathetic Earth creature, you will die a horrible death!!!

Shelby: Bark bark!!

Zod: You fool, are you calling me names??!! Are you??!! Answer me!!!!

[Shelby bites Zod's a$$]

[olivermask]

Jonathan: Son... we will allways have hard test's ahead in the road of life... but you have to be strong and undertand that those tests are the ones that make us stronger, what I'm trying to say is that........ I'm your mother.

___________________________________________

Lex: Ok Ok, If I divorce Lana... would you tell me your secret?

Clark: Deal!

___________________________________________

Clark: Oh My God!!! I forgot about Shelby... she must be starving!!!

___________________________________________

Clark: Money and power wont make you succesfull Lex.

Lex: Come on Clark, haven't you seen Donald Trump?

Clark: Well... at least he has a good toupée

Lex: Uhh, (whispering) is not that good.

[clarkkent123]

Clark To Lana: I hope you die

Clark to Stranger:Who are you
Tobey Maguire:Whoops wrong studio

Clark to Chloe:Chloe Why are you still i mean come on you have been here for 9 seasons no viewers want you to be alive anymore you know what i might kill you right now

Chloe to Clark:What are you watching
A voice from the tv:Somebody save me

[Athena]

Clark to Chloe:

It's always been you, I love you Chloe.

I can dream can't I lol

[Komsomolets]

"Its a bird!"
"No, its a plane"
"Wait a minute, is that Clark Kent up there?!"
[SPLAT!...wiping face]
"Nope. Its a bird!"

[clarkkent123]

Clark:Is that a mirror oh wait its bizzaro

200th post :D

----- Added 19 Minutes later -----

Enemy to Clark:BOOO

[Skaterpen357]

Clark: That totally wasn't my fault
:rotfl:

[AllSmallville]

Lex: Kneel Before Lex!
______________________________________

Lex : Hunny, i'm going out to kill your ex-boyfriend!!
Lana: Okay, have fun, pumpkin... and don't forget to wash your hand afterwards!

[clarkkent123]

Clark to Lois: I hope you die tomorrow

[kristintaps]

Clark to Lana: How are you enjoying your new outfit lately?
Lana: It's okay, but I shoulda gone with unitard from Macy's.

[e-µ-i]

Clark : You suck.
Lois : Bite me.
Clark : No thank you.

[clarkkent123]

Lex: do you like my hair

[Degobunny]

Clark: ewwwww! I hate pie.

[clarkkent123]

Oliver: I KILLED LEX LUTHOR

[Jephael]

Oliver: I KILLED LEX LUTHOR

I thought he did say that, or atleast implied it.

[clarkkent123]

Clark: I believe i can't fly

[clarkkent123]

Clark: MAAMMMY

[SUPERMAN NORTH]

kinda racist clarkkent123 and the language yikes

[xrayvision]

Lex: Surprise!!!

Oliver: You can't be alive!! I killed you!!!

Lex: Don't you wish Oliver, or should I say Green Arrow!

Oliver: Yeah, well I'll kill you now.

Lex: I don't think so. You see Oliver, while I was away, I did some identity tampering with you.

Oliver: What do you mean?

Lex: It appears your name had been changed to Henry Oliver Queen.

Oliver: Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! But I don't have a younger brother.

Lex (pointing a gun at Oliver): Not to worry, that midget over there will be the new Oliver Queen & Green Arrow. Tell the man with the red suit to keep the flames burning high!

Oliver: Please...noooo!!!!!!!!

[Lex blasts him with his gun & turns Oliver into Swiss cheese]

Lex: Keep the change ya filthy animal!!!

[Welling_is_pretty]

ok, that was amusing until that last line. Then I actually LOLed!

[xrayvision]

ok, that was amusing until that last line. Then I actually LOLed!

Haha, that was from that movie in Home Alone.

[Welling_is_pretty]

I know, that's part of the reason I LOL'd!

Lex quoting the movie from Home Alone is just...priceless.