Ok this is awkward.

[RobMcC]

Sooooo I kind of got my heart broken today..... :( And I'm so confused.... We'd been together for just over 6 months and I loved her like crazy. We hit it off immediately and I knew straight away I really like this girl. We have so much in common and have had similar stuff happen to us in past relationships aka cheating. I've never cheated on anyone or treat anyone badly in my life and neither has she and we both wanted the same thing. Then today we got talking and I could see there was something wrong, and then it all came out.. she's been in love with the same guy since she was 10.. so 13 years.. I know the guy he's a nice enough guy haven't got a bad word to say about him and he's also her best friend... I asked her if she loved me she said yes. I asked her if she wanted to be with me she said yes. The she said but if she doesn't act on her feelings towards her bff now she may regret it forever.. Obviously I'm not gonna feel any sympathy towards her situation but I didn't get angry or nasty she said I'm the only person who she has ever come close to loving like she does him but obviously not close enough :( I love the girl more than anything in the world.. I'm absolutely devastated by this If she still loves me and wants to be with me why does it feel like I've been punished for something it's a recurring theme in my life bad luck just follows me.. I wish she'd of said something before I fell so hopelessly in love with her.. We'd just begun to talk about Marriage.. and I already gave her a ring not an engagement ring just a ring to show I love her so much and I want to marry her. She's been apologizing non stop saying she loves me so much and she hates that she's making me feel like this. I don't know what to do.. It's pretty obvious I have no chance getting her back.. And I don't want to lose her completely I've been there for her from the start when no-one else was I've stayed with her when she's been sick making myself ill in the process. IM DEVASTATED and probably not even making sense.. Does she really love me? WTF SHUD I DOOOOOOOOOOOO k im done.. leave advice or whatever if you can.. I'm not really a sharing kind of guy when it comes to stuff like this.

[tbird4u]

So she want's to be with her bff that's shes been friends with for forever...yet she tells you that she still loves you. I think you should try and stay friends with her, but there is someone out there for you. I think she probably loves you, but if she want's to be with her bff how much does that tell you that she does? I'm really not trying to sound harsh or anything just honest. I think you should move on :( I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And your right she should of told you up front about this friend. And what did he do hit on her? He knew she was in a relationship right? So how did that come about?

[bonoferox]

Agreed that you should move on. I'm really sorry to hear that, but it sounds like she has a lot to work through and you don't deserve to be strung along like that. It'll hurt a lot more in the long run or if you do end up with her, there could always be that feeling in the back of your mind of her sentiments for her friend that will keep coming back to haunt you. I've been there.

[RobMcC]

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact she's had 3 past relationships all of them cheated on her.. And the last guy she was with actually used violence against her.. And here comes me I would never do either and she knows it.. And she's breaking up with me. I've never hurt anyone in my life except maybe a bully but they don't count so why does bad $h!t always happen to me where the hell is karma.

[j03superbat]

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact she's had 3 past relationships all of them cheated on her.. And the last guy she was with actually used violence against her.. And here comes me I would never do either and she knows it.. And she's breaking up with me. I've never hurt anyone in my life except maybe a bully but they don't count so why does bad $h!t always happen to me where the hell is karma.
I understand and I sympathize but I think you're making a mistake in thinking that she's breaking up with you because of you. You said she's leaving you for her bff, so it's an issue between the two of them.

Now I don't think it's fair, and I definitely think she should have said something, oh, six months ago. Or maybe acted on something with this guy sometime in the past thirteen years between ANY of those three relationships. You're getting the short end of the stick, my friend, but I don't think you're being punished for anything you've done. It's just bad timing, and maybe some lack of consideration on her part.

[Wicked Lois]

First of all, Rob... I think you should really try to not feel sorry for yourself. It's not karma, it's just a hard path to wisdom. Every happening, bad or good, it's a way of life teaching you something. And soon you will figure this out.

I could say I've been there, and I've done that, but it's not really about me, it's about how you will deal with it.

People act different in all kinds of situation, and you should try not to justify her actions by her knowing past, what she did was selfish, and why she did it was for her own will, she was nor forced or anything.

Maybe she stayed with you because he loved you, or she was just waiting for something better to come around, we'll never know. But I wouldnt really try to know the how and whys, because it doesn't really matter. Like the other says: what is done is done. That's why I would think that the problem is you, it's her, she is the one who

1. lied to you
2. left you
3. hurt you

Not saying that she is a bad person, but sometimes we do not get what we want.

So, if I could give you a peace of advice, it would be this: Please, dont craw around her begging her to come back or force a friendship that would only satisfy you will to be near her but you'd really hurt you, please do not be angry, we are not really the boss of our heart and sometimes the beating ***** just gives us a prank, and if you really like her you won't justify your heartbeak calling her names or anything like this, and please please focus on moving on. There are 6 billion people out there... considering the half are men, you will have a high chance of find someone amazing. Life is about all kinds of love, family, friends, job... act with passion that love you just get around.

And yes, it will take time, but then it will come a day that it finally happens and you will move on and look back to say: Ive learned something from that.


*hugs* (dont get me wrong, it's only a virtual hug anyway)

[LittleMonster]

I've read all that you said, and i think i understand the situation. But i think you are assuming one major thing. You're assuming that her bff is going to want to be with her. If they have been bff then why has he not acted before. She could go tell him how she feels about him and he could turn around and say 'i just want to be really good friends with you nothing more', or something along those lines. So i wouldn't go giving up on her just yet. Let her go try it out with her bff, if she stays away then tough luck, but there may be a chance she comes back.

[Night_Hawk90]

Maybe you scared her off with the marriage talk being as you guys are in your early 20s I presume? (still way too early settle down). I dont buy the bs that your girl is trying to sell to you sorry, just be a man dont sulk over this chick its better if you move on they're plenty of better girls out there.

[megamdk]

First off, I´m truly sorry for your situation! In my opinion I really think you should try to move on, even from being just friends, just for a while anyway, until you can distance you feeling for her.
Being friends with her will probably just make the pain that much bigger, like seeing her with her bff in a relationship. She can seem like the one and only and there are no one else out there, but rest a sure, they are there!!
Love is what happens when two people share a special mutual bond, and here the keyword is mutual, love can only happen when both parties fell the same, and seems to me that is not the case here. Coz´why would she be needing/loving him? Shouldn´t you be enough for her if she truly loved you with all of her heart?
Maybe you think you love her that much, because deep inside your heart you know she will always be unobtainable? Don´t we always feel the need is stronger for things we can´t have?
Maybe I´m just rambling here, but I really hope you´ll get trough this, and all my good thoughts go with you!!

[ClubXerxes]

Letting her go takes strength, keeping her at arms length takes even more strength, and keeping your distance and your emotions in check takes a greater amount of strength.

She might rethink her choice or she might not, but as long as she knows you are openly desperate for her, she probably won't feel any sense of urgency when it comes to you.

In the end though, you will be stronger. When one wallows in their own misery, they tend to isolate themselves, and may take longer to heal.

You've been hurt - take time for yourself, but don't isolate yourself, and don't dwell on the pain. Heal yourself - pining away for her will do you no good.

Just My opinion, of course...

[RobMcC]

Thanks for the advice people. Really helps. I'm gonna try be there for her.. I can't hate her I've been there for her through cancer.. heartache..and so much more. I'm not gonna hate her for following her heart.. sure she could of done it differently a long time ago but she didn't and these are the cards that where dealt I gotta deal with it and try get my life together again.

[Wicked Lois]

Glad you think like that, Rob.

Just listen to that song from Semisonic called Closing Time. "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end".

And when your heat is all together and you are feeling better, just listen to Secret Smile, if it doesnt help, at least it will make you smile.

ps: Acoustic version is better

=]

[RobMcC]

"The most beautiful people we have known are those
who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beaut...iful people do not just happen."
--- Elisabeth Kubler-Ros

I got that from her mother of all people lol.. I think she's taking it harder than me lol

[e-µ-i]

I don't plan to read what everyone just posted about this, but I will say this: if the dude says he doesn't want to be with her but remain friends (if even that), and if she comes running back to you, have some pride and show her the door. Because after 6 months (half of a ****ing year, for ****s sake), she tells you that she loves another man? So she got into a relationship with you even though she always wanted to be with him (making you a consolidation of some sort)? NOT how you treat someone you love or truly care about. And dear Rob, if you care about Yourself, you'll do the right thing and forget about her because she (painfully) obviously doesn't deserve you. That I can guarantee.