Smallville Toys - Christmas Recall List (GAME)

[HeroesUnlimited]

These Smallville-themed toys sounded like a good idea when they were released, but after further consideration, have been removed from store shelves given the danger they pose. Like for instance...

"The Maddie Van Horn Playing with Glass is Fun Doll" - Comes with real broken glass and a box of bandages

"The Kryptonite Snow Cone Machine" - Comes with unidentified (toxic) green liquid. Mix with ice and Enjoy! Comes with a bottle of ipecac

"Skin and bones Shelby" - After much protest by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), this toy was removed from shelves after only a single day. Don't forget to feed your pets pet owners. Even if your job is 3 hours away.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

"Prescription drug-addicted Jimmy doll" - comes with a bottle of Vicodin and Zanex

[xrayvision]

Junkie Syringe Lana: Comes with real syringes and flatlining serum to take trips to the other side with. Also comes with a "How to Hotwire Expensive German Sportscars" guidebook so you could sell your friend's cars for more serum once you run out since there is no refills.

Gorge Jumping Perry: Comes with faulty bungee cord so Perry needs saving when you throw him into a gorge. Also comes with non-safety approved camping gear rope so you can dive in after him to save him.

Witness Protection Program Chloe & Gabe: These figures have been relocated to a safehouse. Safehouse included & rigged with real explosives and 10 second timer for you to get them in the secret underground timer. A very popular item for the 4th of July.

[HeroesUnlimited]

junkie syringe lana: comes with real syringes and flatlining serum to take trips to the other side with. Also comes with a "how to hotwire expensive german sportscars" guidebook so you could sell your friend's cars for more serum once you run out since there is no refills.

gorge jumping perry: comes with faulty bungee cord so perry needs saving when you throw him into a gorge. Also comes with non-safety approved camping gear rope so you can dive in after him to save him.

witness protection program chloe & gabe: these figures have been relocated to a safehouse. Safehouse included & rigged with real explosives and 10 second timer for you to get them in the secret underground timer. A very popular item for the 4th of july.


lolololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Suicidal Chloe doll" - comes with real razor blades and wrists which pump red corn syrup when slashed

"Bring me back from the dead Chloe" - comes with electrically charged paddles which shock Chloe back to life after she "dies" saving a friend with her healing power

"Battering ram Lois toy car" - drive around the neighborhood hitting stray dogs and cats and half naked teens who may happen to be in your path.

[xrayvision]

Haha, Suicidal Chloe. I also like bring me back from the dead Chloe (aka Lazarus Chloe). Every home should have one.

"Punish Me, I've Been Very Very Bad" Lex Playset: Comes with a standard Lex Luthor figure with all sorts of things to punish him with, such as a butane-filled grill lighter, a loaded gun, extremely sharp chest-carving tools, a knight's mace, kidnapping rope & chains, a metallic fireplace poker that can be heated up, a taser & electrified cattleprod, a chair with flammable Scotch bottle, and best of all, memory erasing radical electroshock therapy equipment.

ID Theft Jimmy Olsen: Comes with a real life registered social security number, driver's license, and identity along with a CD full of spyware & viruses to give his identity to his brother or anyone else who wants it.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Haha, Suicidal Chloe. I also like bring me back from the dead Chloe (aka Lazarus Chloe). Every home should have one.

"Punish Me, I've Been Very Very Bad" Lex Playset: Comes with a standard Lex Luthor figure with all sorts of things to punish him with, such as a butane-filled grill lighter, a loaded gun, extremely sharp chest-carving tools, a knight's mace, kidnapping rope & chains, a metallic fireplace poker that can be heated up, a taser & electrified cattleprod, a chair with flammable Scotch bottle, and best of all, memory erasing radical electroshock therapy equipment.

ID Theft Jimmy Olsen: Comes with a real life registered social security number, driver's license, and identity along with a CD full of spyware & viruses to give his identity to his brother or anyone else who wants it.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

"Exploding baby, exploding preteen, exploding teenager" Playset: Comes with three different Evans, each with a grenade in it's belly. Just pull the pin and enjoy!

[super_j_man]

Hypnotic Computer Game: Can be used to brainwash others into attacking someone you don't like. Great for getting rid of bullies.

Pyrotechnic Water Gun: A water gun that at times will shoot out fire instead. Also used to scare bullies, espicially those football player types.

[jsm]

Tomb of a Dead Witch

Rub the tomb of this dead 16th century witch, and a tattoo will appear on your lower back!

May cause you to randomly be possessed by said witch numerous times, without warning. If this occurs, you will have no control over your actions, and you may insult, attack, injure, or murder friends, family, or random people. You will come out of it without a memory. Not responsible for legal fees.

[xrayvision]

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

"Exploding baby, exploding preteen, exploding teenager" Playset: Comes with three different Evans, each with a grenade in it's belly. Just pull the pin and enjoy!

:rotfl::rotfl:

----- Added 1 Minutes later -----


Tomb of a Dead Witch

Rub the tomb of this dead 16th century witch, and a tattoo will appear on your lower back!

May cause you to randomly be possessed by said witch numerous times, without warning. If this occurs, you will have no control over your actions, and you may insult, attack, injure, or murder friends, family, or random people. You will come out of it without a memory. Not responsible for legal fees.

LOL, I like the fine print.

[ClubXerxes]

<TABLE border=0 width="100%"><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD align=left>FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
November 19, 2008
Release #01-0023


</TD><TD align=right>Firm's Recall Hotline: (800) 555-1234
SPSC Recall Hotline: (800) 555-5678





</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>
Smallville Toys Recalls Quiz Wiz Brainiac Edition Trivia Robot Due to Impalement and Brain Takeover Hazard


Smallville, Kansas. - The Smallville Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced an involuntary and immediate recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.
Name of Product: Quiz Wiz Brainiac Edition Robot Trivia
Units: About 36, though there are reports they are self replicating at an alarming rate, and now number in the millions
Importer: Smallville Toys of Smallville Kansas
Hazard: The recalled units have in some instances formed spikes which protrude from the robot's hands, enter the cerebral cortex of its victims, rewires their central nervous systems, and takes over their brains. It has exhibited all characteristics of artifical intelligence that is pure evil
Incidents/Injuries: Loss of one's personality, white eyes, inability to express pain upon burning one's hands, and in some cases, death
Description: The recalled robots were sold in a bundle of three in multiple colors: light blue, aqua green, fluorescent yellow, royal blue, and red. If the words “Made in Krypton” are printed in the lower right hand corner, they are fakes. The real units will only display odd symbols. In some instances, the units transformed into kitchen tables, crows, pets, and family members in order to fool consumers, who were then attacked, probed, and taken over.
Sold exclusively at: Smallville Toys stores statewide from April 2008 through August 2008 for about $1000.
Manufactured in: long dead planet called Krypton
Remedy: Consumers should take the recalled robots away from young children and sidekicks immediately and return them to the Kent farm (for some inexplicable reason).
Consumer Contact: For additional information, contact JOe R. ELlsworth at Krypton56-6064

[HeroesUnlimited]

"Smallville Wax Museum Starter Kit" - Comes with 5 gallon drum of hot, liquid wax. Just heat, and pour on your friends! Who says you have to leave childhood behind?

Mattel "Bury me alive coffin" - Experience what's it like to be buried in the ground. Get a sneak peek at your own death! Take turns burying your friends alive! Or, bury the coffin empty and scare the heck out of your parents!

"Meteor Shower 2.0" - Comes with 50 pounds of painted green rocks. Throw them at your friends and experience what it's like to live in Smallville!

[xrayvision]

Town-exterminating ICBM: A working, replica nuke for the life-size Gabriel Duncan figure to use to destroy whatever town you live in. Also comes with launcher for you or your friends to super jump with so you can get the thrill of being Clark. Also comes with red jacket that is not non-flammable so you can get the same thrill Clark did when you get roasted by atmospheric re-entry.

Hidden Resurrection Kit: Comes with real life replacement body parts so that you & your friends can kill each other & come back to life. Comes with Surgery For Dummies so that ones of your friends could act as Dr. Scanlan and perform resurrecting surgery. Also comes with bizarre soul-retrieving ritual to prevent zombie-ism.

[HeroesUnlimited]

"Smallville Rabid Zombie Elixir" (8 ounce bottle) - Take a teaspoon of this elixir and infect yourself with the rabies virus! Foam at the mouth! Scare your friends. Infect others! Great fun!

[xrayvision]

Mr. Stompy Rabid Horse: A real life horse that comes sedated for you to tie into a stall. Then once the sedative wears away, bring your best friend's girlfriend and pretend she's Lana and push her into the stall. Also comes with head-shaving razor & drugs so you can become a realistic insane Lex.

----- Added 4 Minutes later -----

Roadkill Devouring Kit: Comes with tools that allow anyone to eat roadkill on the spot. This will save you a lot of money on your grocery bill.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Mr. Stompy Rabid Horse: A real life horse that comes sedated for you to tie into a stall. Then once the sedative wears away, bring your best friend's girlfriend and pretend she's Lana and push her into the stall. Also comes with head-shaving razor & drugs so you can become a realistic insane Lex.

:rotfl:


"Chloe Sullivan Spy on your Friends kit" - Comes with:
-100 "bugs" to plant in various places in your friends' home
-Pinhole video camera and mini drill (ideal for ceilings and walls)
-(2) video monitors and recording devices

[xrayvision]

Retcon Kit: The perfect playset for re-writing history. Take credit for building the pyramids, for authoring the Constitution, for winning any Superbowl, World Series, NBA Championship, World Cup, or Stanley Cup, for discovering electricity & the lightbulb, and for coming up with the winning strategy of any war. Also allows you to create 10,000 reasons for the fall of the Roman empire. Missed out on an opportunity? Did the person you want marry someone else? Just use the retcon kit and have them marry you.

[HeroesUnlimited]

Retcon Kit: The perfect playset for re-writing history. Take credit for building the pyramids, for authoring the Constitution, for winning any Superbowl, World Series, NBA Championship, World Cup, or Stanley Cup, for discovering electricity & the lightbulb, and for coming up with the winning strategy of any war. Also allows you to create 10,000 reasons for the fall of the Roman empire. Missed out on an opportunity? Did the person you want marry someone else? Just use the retcon kit and have them marry you.

:rotfl: